


Roses

by Coltsbro



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Drama, F/F, Intrigue, Slow Burn, Tragedy, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2018-05-24 16:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 100,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6160072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coltsbro/pseuds/Coltsbro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mountain has tumbled and storms of conflict are brewing in the distance. Clarke has abandoned her people and now must face the realities of what she's done. Will the world allow her to disappear, or will the whispers of war bring her back to the spotlight? Sides will be chosen and promises will be made, but one thing is for certain: there are no good guys anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all,
> 
> So this is my first story on here, though I have posted this over on fanfiction. This is my take on what happens post season 2, and for the most part ignoring the show. This fic will mostly follow Clarke, but you may get some other POVs in the future. I am really enjoying writing this fic and I hope you all get as much enjoyment from it as I do. 
> 
> With that being said: The story I am weaving is not a happy one. The story does not exist in happy world and the characters have problems, motivations, wants/needs and we get to see that. If I've done my job right, you won't really think anyone is one of the "good guys." As Abby said to Clarke, perhaps there are no good guys, and that is a very intriguing concept to work with. Now that my note is out of the way, enjoy the story!

_May we meet again._

Four words that used to hold so much hope and companionship, now only held uncertainty and despair for Clarke. She had gone through so much to ensure the safety and survival of their group, sacrificed bits and pieces of herself to ensure they saw the rise of the sun again, and yet she now found herself forcing words that once came naturally. Looking at all of her friends' faces once made her happy that she was able to keep them safe, but now it only reminded her of the ghost she had become. She couldn't face them, not after the horrors she went through. In order to heal her shattered soul, she needed to leave behind the friends she fought so fiercely for.

Clarke let her feet take her where they would, losing herself in thought. _I never asked to be this, to be their leader._ The truth was, she never wanted it either. She just tried to do her part and keep all of the one hundred safe, and stop the descent into madness. She didn't even remember when she became the defacto leader, she just woke up one day and everyone looked to her for answers. Even Bellamy, the one who took on leadership from the minute they exited the dropship, started to defer to her. Everything she had done since then had been to protect them, as she had come to care for all of them. The power struggle with her mother and Kane and disagreements with Bellamy, Anya, and others all done because it had to be done. She was needed by her people.

She made difficult decisions at the time, but with the support of her friends they always managed to make it work. Through much personal sacrifice she had even managed a peace with the Grounders, something that would  stop the killing and ensure that stolen friends would be returned. Everything had been going right, until that night. _Until the Commander betrayed me_. Clarke's brow furrowed at the thought and she sent a nearby twig soaring through the air with a frustrated sweep of her leg. _I had given her everything, helped bring them all to the precipice of accomplishing their goals, and then she spit it all in my face_.

There would be consequences for the Commander's actions that night, she knew. The peace she tried so hard to negotiate wouldn't last, her own people would be furious at the betrayal. Tensions between the groups had been uneasy to begin with when the alliance and many of the Arkers had family in the forty-seven left to die in Mount Weather. That wouldn't easily be forgotten. Heat coursed through her at the thought of her last words with the Commander.

_"I do care, Clarke, but I made this decision with my head, not my heart. The duty to protect my people comes first."_

_"Please, don't do this,"_ she remembered, imploring the Commander to change her mind.

_"I'm sorry, Clarke."_

She let out a low growl of frustration. _How could I be so stupid?_ She should have seen that the Commander would do what was in the best interest of her people from the beginning, nothing in her behavior showed her otherwise. _Our people were just pawns to get what she wanted, nothing more._ She had fooled herself into thinking the kiss they shared meant something, but the reality that it was just another tactic to get Clarke on her side struck her like an arrow through her chest. _"Love is weakness_ ," the Commander had once told her. _I was weak for just a moment,_ she thought to herself, the words tearing through her like a knife. _Just a single moment, and all it did was cost me my soul_.

Escape was what Clarke needed now, time to mend and process everything. Perhaps one day she would return to Camp Jaha, but when she did not know.  For now, Clarke Griffin needed to disappear from the incessant eyes of the world.

_First, I need supplies_. Leaving with only the clothes on her back, the knife the Commander had gifted her, and the pistol in her hand had been rash, but allowed her the most freedom. _Nobody would have understood, not even Bellamy. I bear the pain so they don't have to_. While Bellamy would buy her some time to get some distance away from Camp Jaha, Clarke doubted it would be long. People would notice after several hours of her being gone and start asking questions. Though it would be the first place the others would think to look, she needed supplies from the dropship. Taking a deep sigh, she took off in the direction of her old home.

* * *

 

It didn't take Clarke long to find herself outside the familiar gates of the dropship. _Get in, get the supplies, and get out_ , she thought to herself. As she rounded the corner to the main entrance, the whole world came to a stop. All around her, bones and ashes from the war that Anya had started lay scattered about. _The war that I ended_ , Clarke reminded of herself. Three hundred lives, three hundred souls perished in the blink of an eye at her command. What had once been her home and a source of wonder, now only served as a graveyard.

"Get it over with," Clarke muttered with a sigh. With a deep breath, she urged herself forward towards the metallic dwelling. She took long and swift strides, trying to cross the seemingly impossible distance to the entrance ramp as quickly as possible. It took every bit of her focus to glue her eyes to the drapery covering the entrance. _Everything will be okay._ _Not too far now, just a couple more steps, Clarke._ A sickening _crunch_ stopped her dead in her tracks. As if they were possessed, her eyes immediately darted downward against her wishes to locate the source of the sound.

Below, her boot had lodged been lodged in what remained of a Grounder skull, a ring of bone now surrounding her foot. Bile instantly crept up her throat at the sight of it. She lifted her foot off the ground to free herself, only to watch in horror as the skull came with it. The bile at the back of her throat erupted onto the ground at her side as she fell backwards, frantically kicking her foot to escape the grasp of the bones. _Get off, get off, get off!_ Clarke let out a scream as the skull refused to budge, desperately kicking at her foot with her free leg. Another nauseating _crack_ ensued as the bones finally gave way, followed by another violent release of vomit.

When Clarke raised her head again, instead of the dropship all she saw was a field of bones. Rib cages, femurs, and spines all scattered across a field of death, a ring of fire. Smoke filled her nostrils and the air became thick around her. The ground beneath her shuddered before a massive soundwave exploded into the air around her, forcing her to cover her ears. _The screams, I can hear them all, they're all burning!_ Her eyes opened, and three hundred Grounders stood before her, faces replaced with burning skulls, hatred in their empty eyes. Their gaze pierced through every layer of Clarke, right into the inner most part of her soul.

_"You killed us!"_ The voices shouted at her in unison, flares dancing out of their exposed jaws.

"You left me no choice, you would have murdered us all!" Clarke cried out, cupping her ears to drown out the incessant screams surrounding her. A lone crow sat perched on a tree, _cawing_ while waiting for her destruction.

_"Murderer!"_ They cried. _"Defiler! Defamer!"_ The voices became all encompassing, enveloping every ounce of her being. _"Butcher!"_

"Stop!" Clarked pleaded, streams of tears flowing down her cheeks. "I never wanted this, I was protecting them!" The sounds in the air threatened to destroy her from the inside out. All thought was being crushed under the enormous pressure of it all.

The wraiths surrounding her held no sympathy for her plea, nor did they show any signs of acknowledgement. Slowly they advanced towards her, weapons drawn. Clarke's could feel the pounding in her chest, imploring her to do something, anything to stop the pain. Her vision blurred as her head swiveled in all directions, looking for a way out. Only a few feet away stood the ramp to the dropship, all she had to do was will her body to move. The Grounders were closing in fast, as she desperately tried and failed to get to her feet. Panic forced her to crawl, every limb sluggish and unresponsive, yet willing every ounce of strength to keep herself moving forward in the name of survival.

_"Jus drein, jus daun!"_ The Grounders finally reached her, inches short of her ramp to safety. Drawing nearer and nearer to her, until they were right in front of her face, and four words encompassed her entire being. _"Jus drein, jus daun!"_

A bone chilling scream filled the air as the phantoms finally reached her. It filled her very existence, seeming to fill the air around her. She finally realized then that the scream was coming from her, before a wave of nasuea overcame her and all went black.

* * *

 

Clarke woke sometime later to a splitting headache, and the sun was noticeably lower in the sky. She noticed small cuts littered her hands as she lifted them to soothe the storm inside her skull. There was a revolting taste in her mouth from her puking. She let out a small groan as she rose to her feet, feeling the hard steel of the dropship underneath. Confusion flooded her as she tried to remember how she passed out, then her eyes reminded her where she was. _The dropship... the Grounders!_ Her eyes darted back and forth as she raised her gun, searching for the inevitable attack that lurked around every corner. Several tense moments passed without so much as a sound, and Clarke eased her tense muscles. The ring of fire had returned to ash, and the Grounders now once again were reduced to bones.

_It felt so real_ , she thought to herself as she tucked her pistol back into her pants. _Their voices, the smells, the flames... and their faces._ Clarke shook her head, shoving the memory deep within her. "It wasn't real," she told herself. "Get it together, Clarke. You came here for supplies, let's get them and get out." Wiping off some of the dust covering herself, she turned and entered the ship. Inside, she felt relief at the sight of the scattered supplies still strewn across the floor.

Most of it she would not need, but she spotted a sizable backpack and one of the blankets that got left behind hidden behind some crates. A couple of old shirts stashed in a corner she ripped to shreds to serve as bandages, and later for torches should she need them. Scanning the main floor one last time, she gripped the cold metal ladder to go to the upper level. She hoped the canteen they used to nurse Lincoln back to health was still there, because she would need it to bring water with her.

Hoisting herself up onto the second level, her eyes landed on her prize. _Yes!_ she exclaimed to herself. She rushed over and gave it a quick shake, a smile forming when some water still remained inside. Greedily she opened the cap and washed the disgusting taste out of her mouth, then downed the remaining contents in seconds, wiping her mouth clean when finished. It wasn't as much as she hoped, but it was enough to clear her mind and renew some of her energy. Throwing the canteen in the backpack, she hooked it around her shoulder and made for the ladder, she didn't want to linger here too long. This room had been where Clarke allowed Lincoln to be tortured, where she fought to bring him back to sanity, watched him and any hope of peace with the Grounders die right before her eyes, and then her mother bringing both back to life. So many memories existed here, yet she didn't want any of them. She just wanted to forget.

Leaving the dropship, she looked off in the direction of the graveyard and knew there was one last thing she needed to take care of before leaving. Walking past the graves of her friends weighed heavy on her heart, casualties of the chaos that came with living on Earth. Though none of them were marked, she knew exactly whom each mound belonged to. Reaching the end of the row, she sank to her knees, laying a hand across the smooth dirt.

"Hi, Wells," Clarke softly whispered. "I'm sorry I haven't come by more often, but I hope you understand. So much has happened, and some of it I'm glad you didn't have to witness." Tears formed at the edges of her eyes, and Clarke made no attempt to restrict them. Small droplets fell from her cheeks and darkening the soil that covered her best friend. "Raven came down from the Ark, we repelled an attack from the Grounders, myself and others were captured by people living inside of Mount Weather."

She absent mindedly ran her fingers through the soil, finding calm in the way it flowed across her hand. "We were being held like lab rats, but we got them out. I made peace with the Grounders and got all but one out of that hell hole." A small sob erupted deep within her,tears flowing faster than before. Leaning forward, she rested her head atop her hands and closed her eyes, trying to pull up images of Wells. "I just wish you were here, Wells. I'm so scared, hurt, confused, and I think I might be going insane. If only you were here to tell me it will be okay one more time." She thought back to all the time she had spent hating him, and how stupid it had been to waste it. Now, this was the closest she could ever get to him again.

She stayed resting her head on her hands for several minutes before gaining the courage to open her eyes again. _I need to get moving_ , she thought. Wiping off her wet cheeks and taking a deep breath, Clarke rose to her feet. "Goodbye, Wells." Turning and walking away, she took  a few steps before pausing. "May we meet again."

* * *

 

After an hour of wandering, Clarke felt her throat running dry again. She would need water soon, and wherever she decided to go needed to have a close supply of water. The sky shone a calming blend of orange and red in the twilight of the day. It would be dark soon, and she needed to find water and shelter before that happened. _There has to be a creek around here somewhere, anywhere_ , she thought. She considered going to the dam Anya and herself had jumped out of, what now seemed to have happened a lifetime ago, but it would put her too close to Mount Weather. _They will look for me there, and I don't want to go even if they wouldn't._ The image still haunted her, pulling the lever that extinguished so many souls.

Clarke shook her head, clamping down her eyes and breathing slowly. _Focus, Clarke. You need water and shelter. Food can wait until tomorrow._ Her grumbling stomach roared in disapproval, but she had to prioritize for now. She knew she could survive longer without food, but without water or shelter she didn't stand a chance. She'd never had to care for herself in this way, but she was determined to make this work. She _needed_ it to work.

Dimming rays of sun breached through the treeline to bring life to the forest one last time until sunset. The way the light reflected off of the leaves on the trees above in contrast with the foliage below took her breath away. A soft breeze caressed her face, and ran its fingers through her hair. The scene itself could not have been more perfect, and for a fleeting moment all Clarke wanted in life was to sketch this beautiful portrait nature had provided her. The moment passed as reality caught up to her. _It will be night soon, and the view will be gone._

Letting out a sad sigh, Clarke continued carefully down the slope she had been traversing. She stopped briefly to catch her footing when she heard something off in the distance. Standing completely still, she focused on making out the sounds. A few moments of silence had her ready to give up when she heard it again. Shouting, off in the distance behind her. Several agonizing seconds later it became clear what was being yelled. _My name, the search party caught up to me_.

Clarke cursed herself for leaving such an easy trail and resumed her descent down the hill. Her heart thudded as she wildly searched for a place to hide. Despair began to sink in as all she saw were trees and leaves on the ground, nowhere for her to hide. Suddenly, Clarke lost her footing and reached out for the nearest tree, putting all of her strength into gripping a low hanging branch. The limb held, but the bark bit into her skin with the force she stopped herself with. She knew there would be blood, but her pain would have to wait. _I need somewhere to hide,_ Clarke thought. _All of these trees and not a single place to hide?_ Just then, Clarke spotted what would most likely be her best option. Off to her right, an ancient tree's roots jutted out from the hillside, providing just enough room for someone to squeeze into. It wasn't much, but she needed to make it work.

Throwing her backpack in first, Clarke paused for a moment to listen. From the sounds of shuffling leaves and voices, they were almost at the hill. Twisting her body to fit through the roots, she crawled into her haven and waited. Part of her felt ridiculous for going to these lengths, but getting caught meant having to face her friends, her memories. Footsteps surrounded her and she sucked in a quiet breath, eyes closing in anticipation and prayer.

"Any sign of her?" a voice called out. She recognized the smooth and confident tone of Marcus. The man sounded tired and very winded. _They must have pushed themselves hard trying to find me._ Pangs of guilt battered against her heart, but she reassured herself this is what needed to be done for her own sake.

"Nothing over here," someone rang out, somewhere far off to her right. Several others echoed the same.

"Keep looking! My daughter is out there, god knows where. After what she just went through, she doesn't need to be alone right now." _Mom_ , Clarke mouthed to herself. Her mother, the one person she didn't want to see. Just the sound of her voice made her want to cry out for comfort, to take all her pain away. She knew it wouldn't work, though, not with the torment going on inside of her. Abigail Griffin was a healer at heart and would do her best to help, but Clarke knew her mother would only make it worse. Her mother would sit her down and tell her she did what was necessary, what she had to do to save their people. She would call it sacrifice, instead of cold blooded murder. Clarke wouldn't let herself be coddled like that.

Footsteps kept shuffling around her, and Clarke heard some commotion above and behind her. "Abby, wait," Marcus' voice pleaded. "It'll be dark soon. Clarke has needs, just like we do. She couldn't have gotten far. In the dark, we could walk right by her and never know it. She is a smart girl, she'll find shelter. She won't risk traveling at night, and neither should you. You're barely walking now." _You're wrong,_ Clarke thought to herself. _I need to get farther_. A pang of guilt coursed through her that her mother was enduring so much pain to be searching for her, but knew staying put would be for the best.

"That is my daughter, Marcus! My baby girl out there," Abby's voice was seething and Clarke could feel the pain and desperation flowing from her tongue. "We _have_ to keep looking. Can you even imagine what she's going through right now?"

Clarke heard a long sigh from Marcus, followed by a short pause. It seemed like an eternity before he spoke again. "Some idea, Abby, we both do."

"That was different, Marcus," her mother fired back. "They volunteered, and we had no other information to dissuade that decision. It is a choice that will haunt us all for the rest of our lives, but it is not the same." There was a momentary pause before her mother spoke again. "Radio them back, Marcus. We'll search again at first light," Abby sighed.

"All teams, we're heading back to camp. Search will continue at first light," Marcus said, letting Clarke breathe easier.

"I don't like this, Marcus," her mother stated with concern lacing her every word. "We need to find her. Tensions are already running high back at camp from the betrayal. I'm hearing whispers of a desire to fight the Grounders again. I don't like it, but they listen to Clarke. We _need_ her to come back."

"I know, Abby. We will find her, I promise you. Leave the whispers to me. We might have had our backs stabbed, we still have peace, and I won't let that go to waste."

Footsteps began retreating around her, and Clarke started to relax, her shelter having protected her. However, she still heard her mothers voice as they walked away. "Radio back to the camp as well, get Lincoln and Octavia ready to go. They're going to set out and find the Commander, and I don't give a damn about any protest they will have. That bitch put us in this situation, she's sure as hell going to help get my daughter back."

Clarke's heart sank as the last of the footsteps faded into the distance. _Not only will I have my mother looking for me, but now I have Grounders to worry about._ Her options were limited as it was, with Grounders looking it became even more of an issue. She didn't know how long Lincoln would take to find the Commander, or if he would even succeed, but she needed to plan for it. She figured she had another day until the Grounders joined the search. After that, traveling by day would be out of the question.

Painful throbbing in her hand reminded her of the price she paid to find temporary safety, and slid off the glove on her hand. She winced as the fabric brushed against the raw skin, and she saw small streams of blood trickling out of the wounds. _Could have been worse, but I need to be careful with this_. Opening her bag, she took one of the ripped pieces of cloth and wrapped it into a makeshift bandage around her hand. _It'll have to do,_ she thought, wishing she had some water to rinse the wound out with. Sliding her glove back on, she exfiltrated her cover and surveyed her surroundings. The beautiful rays of light had dimmed, and night was encroaching fast. "Looks like I'll be running through the night," Clarke said to herself aloud. Slinging the backpack across her shoulders, she chose a random direction and ran further into the vast wilderness, and away from her problems.


	2. Chapter 2

The cool night air washed over Clarke's face, willing her back to alertness. She had lost track of how long she ran, but the position of the moon in the sky told her it had been far more than she was used to. Fighting off sleep had been hard enough, but now her legs threatened to cramp with every step she took, the lack of water taking its toll on her body. She had to keep moving; stopping now would mean not getting up again until morning. The serene forest had transformed into a turbulent storm of noise, the sources ever shifting. _Perhaps I should have stayed in the roots_ , Clarke thought. For all she knew, she had been traveling in circles since the sun had set.

Another step sent excruciating pain through her thigh, feeling like a drill were being pressed straight through it. Cries of pain leaked out as she fell to the ground, clutching her rebel leg, desperately trying to stretch it out to relieve the sensation. She focused on breathing deep while she pulled her leg back towards her as far as she dared, sighing at the immediate relief she felt. Once she was confident the cramp would not resurface, she released her grip and let her sore leg fall to the ground. Exhaustion started to rear its ugly head once again, and this time her body betrayed her willpower and remained where it lay.

Relaxing her heavy head, Clarke shifted her focus to the stars glittering the night sky. For so long, her only focus had been the mysterious blue and green marble that was ever present on the Ark, desperately wanting to experience life on the ground. Now, she enjoyed the true beauty of the stars above, something that had always been there, yet she chose to ignore. _They're so beautiful and peaceful,_ she thought, marveling at the vast elegance of space. In that moment, Clarke felt at peace, and her fatigued eyes slowly started to close, only to be interrupted by a crow flying dangerously close to her face.

With a groan, she forced herself into a sitting position, her peace now disturbed. Behind her, a sharp _snap_ of a twig being broken caused Clarke's blood to chill in her veins. _Something is here,_ she thought, and this time she cursed herself for traveling at night. Head on a swivel, she looked for any sign of movement, not daring to rise any higher for fear of being detected. The forest stood dead still everywhere she looked, save for the gentle sway of the trees. Her ears told a different story, with branches and leaves being smashed all around her. A thud started to quicken in her chest, and beads of sweat formed on her forehead. _Where is it coming from?!_

Clarke opened her mouth to shout at whatever waited out there, but snapped it shut immediately. _It's dark... maybe they can't see me_. Wishful thinking on her part, but calling out would only hurt her situation at this point. Lowering herself to the ground as silent as she could, Clarke closed her eyes, hoping whatever was out there wouldn't find her. She doubted she could move much right now if she wanted to, her legs extremely heavy from fatigue. Sound slowly faded away until nothing but silence remained, the air in the sky seemed to just halt in place.

Clarke knew she shouldn't open her eyes, yet she did anyways. The forest around her stood eerily still, save for the rise and fall of her own chest. The silence disturbed her more than the noise ever had, and she prayed for anything to make a sound. Her heart dropped when her wish was granted and laughter began to ring out through the air. Such a joyous tone brought a smile to Clarke's face. _There's something familiar about that laugh,_ she thought, but couldn't for the life of her place it.

Just as suddenly as the smooth and jolly tone emerged, it morphed into something much more rugged and saddening. _It's not laughter anymore, it's crying,_ Clarke realized. "Hello?" she dared to call out. She couldn't let someone in pain suffer alone, even if it meant her own safety. The sobs drifted slowly away, replaced only by an occasional _sniff_. "Hello? If you need help, please speak up!"

The sniffles died out completely, replaced by an agonizing scream of pain. Coarseness laced the cries of agony, and Clarke's heart broke for whoever was making them. "Please, let me help! I can save you if you just tell me where you are!" All regard for her safety dissolved at this point, standing up and looking for the person in distress. Her search was fruitless, as the yelling stopped as soon as she spoke.

"Clarke."

Her heart stopped for a second, the voice piercing through her. _Finn,_ she thought. She would never forget his voice, not after what they had been through together. She thought Finn's ghost had stopped haunting her, yet now he resurfaced to torture her again.

"Clarke."

Finn's voice drew nearer to her, yet no matter where she looked, she couldn't see him. Her chest pounded as she felt Finn's presence all around her. "Love is weakness!" Clarke shouted out. "I told you that, why are you back?!" Dizziness overcame her and she fell to the ground, holding her head. The world spun around her and it felt as if her brain were tumbling within her head. Footsteps drew near her, and her gaze shifted up to see Finn standing before her, the same depressed expression he always wore when she pushed him out of thought. His hand reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair from her face. The realness of his touch frightened her, and she recoiled back from him. "You're not here! I am not weak," she said, slamming her eyes shut, willing with all her being to banish the ghost before her.

When she dared to open her eyes, Finn was gone with no trace of him having been there. Clarke let out a sigh of relief, thankful that she could bury the dead once again. Suddenly, a chill ran up her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She felt something behind her, but was too terrified to satiate her curiosity. _Love is weakness_ , she repeated to herself over and over, clinging onto the phrase as if her very life depended on her believing it.

She felt a cold embrace her from behind, wrapping it's arms around her and taking the very heat from her. Clarke tried to escape, but her efforts proved futile. She felt something slowly leaning in on her left side, almost to the side of her head. She screamed when Finn's voice returned, much more malevolent than before. "Clarke."

* * *

Clarke took in a sharp breath as she shot up to a sitting position, her heart feeling like it was going to explode. Her cheeks were damp with tears, and she had a splitting headache. _It was all a dream,_ she thought. It had felt real to her, feeling every touch as if it were actually happening. Blinking out the weariness in her eyes, she looked up at the noticeably lighter sky. While not quite dawn, she slept far longer than she liked. "On your feet, Clarke," she muttered to herself. Standing, she winced at the soreness in her thighs. A few quick stretches allowed her enough comfort to begin walking.

The dryness in her mouth and the grumbling in her stomach reminded Clarke of her basic needs, begging her to satiate herself. A river or creek would be her best bet, as the water would be drinkable and could contain fish as well. The way to the mountain had a giant river from what she remembered, though that held dangers as well. The giant monster that almost killed Octavia could still be lurking there, and the area was completely wide open. The only other major body of fresh water she knew of was at the dam she and Anya used to escape Mount Weather. _I don't like it, but it might be the only option I have_. Looking around the forest, she supposed she could wander and hope to stumble upon a creek she didn't know about, but the odds of that happening were slim. She would need to find water by the end of the day, and if she wandered too far from the water sources she knew of, she might not be able to make it back to them.

Clarke sank to one knee, already feeling drained from walking for what must have been an hour or two. _I hate it, but that dam seems like the best option._ She had no guarantees that fish would be in the shallow creek, but it had plenty of water and no monsters to guard it. Every fibre of her being told her to stay away from the area, but her survival was more important. Going back there also meant abandoning her plan to not get caught, but she didn't have much of a plan to begin wtih. Gathering her strength again, she rose to her feet and made off in the direction of the dam and towards her shame.

The grim reality of her situation started to kick in for Clarke, realizing how little thought she put into everything. Every moment since she left Camp Jaha has been spent trying to stave off the all consuming despair clawing away at her insides. Her hallucinations and dreams only helped to unsettle her more. She already had limited supplies and weapons. The last thing she needed was to be questioning her sanity. _Leaving was the right choice,_ she told herself. _I'm in no position to tell anyone what to do._

Her hand shifted to the back of her jagged pants, feeling on the smooth, cold surface of the pistol holstered there. Just the touch of it brought a wave of unease on her, but it was all the protection she had at the moment. When she found fish she would need to make herself a spear, but a spear wouldn't do her any good in combat. The bullets in the pistol would only last her so long, and after they were out Clarke only had the Commander's knife to defend herself. The fact she needed a weapon saddened her, and she wondered if she even had it in her to kill anything again. The thought of it made her stomach turn. Killing for food would be one thing, killing in a fight would be a whole different matter. The fear and despair began creeping up on her, and she released her grip on the pistol. _Just focus, Clarke. One thing at a time, that's how you get through this._ A few deep breaths brought her back to being as close to calm she could get, and she turned her attention back to the biggest task she had; getting to water.

* * *

Another day had passed since Clarke decided to head in the direction of the dam. The lack of food and water had begun to take a toll on her body. Her head throbbed from the lack of nutrients and her fatigued legs were almost at the end of their strength, but she kept pressing on. The gentle roar of crashing water in the distance let Clarke know she was close to her destination. The morning sun had begun to peak through the clouds, and the forest around her came alive again. When she really took time out to appreciate her surroundings instead of just running around doing tasks, she found the colors beautiful. She felt oddly in balance in nature, having so much life surround her while so much death swirled within her.

The closer she got to the dam, the better Clarke felt. Her legs had more of a spring to their step, promises of nourishment just moments away. As the noise from the falling water intensified, she found herself able to relax more. The sounds of the water pushed all unwanted thoughts out of her, leaving only a peaceful silence in wake of her stormy thoughts. Ascending a hill, the irony of her situation dawned upon her. The last time she was here, she was running from the mountain and to her people. Now, she fled from her people and sought refuge at the mountain.

Her thoughts drifted to Anya, who once had the Commander as a second. The two of them had escaped here together, and subsequently betrayed each other as well. Perhaps Clarke had been foolish to think the Grounders and Sky People could co-exist. Their entire, blood history screamed in opposition of the sentiment. Shaking her head, Clarke let out a smooth sigh. _No, there's always a chance for peace._ The Commander may have spit in the face of that peace, but Clarke refused to believe it to be knew war would only continue to tear everyone apart, and by the time it was done she shuddered to think of the destruction.

Unease still swept through her at her proximity to where she had committed genocide, yet she pushed that aside in the name of survival. Images still flashed across her vision occasionally, but for a few hours she could allow herself to be undisturbed by them. _Perhaps there are no good guys_ , her mother had told her once. She didn't know if she believed that statement or not, but she honestly couldn't place any label on herself. She had always tried to do what was best to keep her friends, her family alive. She always tried to be the voice of reason and someone to lean on in times of need. The realities of the world had also made her into a murderer and she had to face that fact. The complicated thoughts started to make her head hurt and she pushed them aside for another time.

Excitement replaced those feelings as she reached the crux of the hill and laid eyes upon the water she had been so desperately trying to reach. Running down the hill, Clarke began loosening the straps of her backpack, letting it drop when she reached the rocky shore. Her jacket and pistol dropped beside the discarded bag and she ran into the stream, the icy cold water soaking her in the process. She let out a yell of relief and let herself submerge completely in the stream, the wave of coolness refreshing her mind.

She let herself remain floating underneath the water for a moment before emerging with a joyous cry. For these few moments, all of her worries and pain were washed away. She knew the noise could attract those searching for her, but in the moment all of that concern was ignored. Her entire body dripping, she cupped her hands and drank greedily as the water nourished her parched mouth. All her previous fatigue and weariness drained from her, and Clarke let herself be free. With a laugh, she splashed back down into the water. Rising to the surface once again, she waded to the shore and grabbed her canteen and filled it to the brim before returning it to her pack.

Satisfied, she sat next to her pack and moved her hands backwards to rest on them. Her soaking wet cloathing and a gentle breeze made her slightly chilly. The view of the area minimized the effect. Once again, she was blown away by the beauty the forest kept revealing to her. Clarke could paint a thousand pictures with the visuals surrounding her, and for the first time in three days she felt like the girl who fell from the sky in what seemed like a lifetime ago. _Perhaps coming here wasn't a bad idea after all,_ she mused to herself. Apprehension still clung to her, but it stayed quiet enough to allow her to enjoy the moment.

Movement in the water had Clarke leaping to her feet, running to the shore to see the source. Careful not to disturb the water, she let out a small gasp when she saw schools of fish swimming at the bottom of the water. She would need to craft a spear to fish with -and knew she would struggle - but at least she knew there would be food for the taking.

Glancing at her surroundings, there was plenty of tree cover to keep her safe and it looked like beneath the water flowing from the dam was just enough room for a person to hide behind. She had access to plenty of wood and loose leaves to create a fire with, which she knew she would struggle with as well. She wished she had payed more attention to the lessons on survival while still on the Ark; she could have used those skills now. She would just have to improvise and hope at this point. _Finn would know how to do these things_. The thought of her former lover threatened to bring tears to her eyes, and she fought them back desperately. Thinking of him had been a mistake, and Clarke listened to the flow of the water to clear her head once more.

Her need for water out of the way, the pain in Clarke's hand returned to the forefront of her attention. Removing the sweat covered bandage on her hand, she examined the wound. Though there was no obvious sign of infection at the moment, she still needed to take precautions. Dipping her exposed hand into the water, she hissed a bit when she scrubbed the dirt off the scrapes that covered her palm. Once satisfied with her cleaning, she wrapped a new bandage around her hand and gathered her supplies. Spotting a long, sturdy looking branch on the ground nearby, she grabbed that as well and headed towards the man-made waterfall. _For now, this will have to be home._ Smiling, she took off, ready to explore the secrets her new dwelling held.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The sun shone bright and hot as Clarke walked down the stream towards the base of the dam. The closer she got to it, the less the noise allowed her to think. Only the most basic thoughts flowed through her mind, and it was a huge comfort to Clarke. The only thing that mattered at the base of the artificial waterfall was survival. To her that was the best feeling in the world. The dull pain building at the back of her skull and the grumbling in her stomach reminded her of the lack of food over the past three days. Her next meal was within sight, all she had to do was make a spear and start fishing.

A large, fallen tree trunk lay sprawled out not too far from the waterfront and Clarke figured that to be as good a place to rest as any. Shedding her backpack, Clarke eased down onto the log and pulled out the Commander's knife. If she didn't so desperately need it, she would have chucked the thing into the water and forgotten about it. Having any reminder of the Commander around her made the blood in her veins boil, but this was survival. Clarke would do what was necessary to live.

Taking the branch she picked up earlier, she laid it across her lap. Not the thickest limb she had seen since she came to the ground, but it looked sturdy enough for her to wield. Stray stems remained and Clarke broke them off easily enough with her hands. Looking the ends over, one had a slightly more jagged and rough appearance to it than the other, and Clarke decided that would be the tip of her spear. Placing the edge of her knife on the wood, she slowly began to whittle away at its exterior.

At first, the going was steady with the outer layers quickly falling to the ground. After several minutes of carving, however, her arm felt almost dead. Without any food for three days, the physical task she took on became extremely laborious. The dull throb at the back of her head had erupted to a full blown headache and she winced every time she took another chunk off the end of her spear. Her carving was rugged and uneven and the surface of the point was anything but smooth.

After a few more cuts, her arm finally gave out. With a small cry, Clarke threw the knife to the ground beside her pack and shook her arm out. The skin on her palm was slightly raw from the knife handle and using it so much, and she barely had the energy to lift her arm. Grabbing the canteen out of her pack to take a few sips of water, she inspected her handiwork. "Terrible," Clarke muttered to herself. The tip of the spear looked sharp enough, but that was about as good as it got. The edges surrounding the spear were extremely uneven and the point wasn't completely rounded. She had carved off way too much on one side, and not enough on others. _At least it looks usable,_ Clarke thought, trying to find any positives from her endeavor.

Clarke attempted to stand back up, but dizziness caused her to collapse immediately. Sprawled out on all four limbs, she rested her head against the cool rocky ground beneath her. Heavy breaths went in and out of her, though they did nothing to subside the feeling. She attempted to get up and her right arm gave out on her, half rolling onto her shoulder and landing on her back. Her left arm reached out and found the canteen, pulling it to her side feebly as her fingers worked on unscrewing the cap. She sloppily gulped down the remaining contents, water spilling down her cheeks and chin. After taking the last drop, the canteen slipped from her fingers and rolled onto the ground beside her.

 _You really overdid it this time, Clarke_ , she thought to herself, too tired to speak the words to herself. Her gaze took in the warm green of the leaves that surrounded her, gently swaying in the breeze. Above, in a clear patch of sky, a flock of black birds flew by. For an instant, Clarke wished she could be one of those birds. Alive and free, soaring wherever they pleased above the mess of the world below. Water streamed down the side of her cheeks and she started to sob. Her body had finally become a physical representation of the current state her mind was truly in, pained and utterly exhausted.

She had been a fool to think her pain was gone, it had only been hiding. At this point, she was too tired to even fight it anymore. If she were to look in the water, she was afraid to see what would look back. A part of her wasn't even sure if she would recognize herself. She wondered if her father would recognize the daughter he had once loved so fiercely. She knew he wouldn't like what he saw.

"You're pathetic."

Clarke's heart dropped at the voice behind her. Rolling to her side, she raised her gaze to see a tall, powerful warrior standing before her. Dark blonde hair flew freely in the wind, and hazel eyes gazed straight into her soul. Recognition dawned on her, and Clarke found herself dumbfounded. She would never forget those eyes, and the dead person they belonged to. "Anya!" Clarke exclaimed, pushing herself to her knees. _Now I know I'm going crazy_. "You're not real. I saw you die," she panted, her head spinning.

Anya surged forward and took hold of her head in a vice like grip. "Real enough for you, sky girl?" she asked, venom dripping from every word.

Clarke's heart quickened as she desperately tried to pry away from Anya's death grip. _It's not real, it's not real!_ she repeated to herself. The pain in her cheeks and the fierce eyes staring her down defied that statement. That gaze held all the fury that Anya showed her shortly after their escape from the Mountain and had her desperate to vanish into nothingness at that instant. "What do you want?! Why are you here?" Clarke demanded.

"What Lexa ever saw in you, I'll never know," Anya said with disdain.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Clarke asked. Hearing the Commander's name caused a dagger to tear through her heart. "She only saw me as a means to an end, nothing more. I doubt that bitch sees anyone as anything other than an opportunity to get what she wants." The statement came out more venomous that she intended, but believed the words nonetheless. She would never forgive the Commander for what she did.

Anya simply laughed at her. "You aren't fit to be a leader, you're not even strong enough to take care of yourself." Anya huffed and grabbed a fistful of Clarke's hair. "Look at you, you're worse than a child. Even children know when to ask for help. You are weak, Clarke of the Sky People."

Clarke whimpered as the strands of her hair felt like they were being ripped from her skull. She kept telling herself that this wasn't real, but the pain from her head and the furious woman before her kept tearing that thought apart. "Go away!" Clarke screamed, trying to will the spirit in front of her to vanish.

The expression on Anya's face turned to more of a snarl, and she leaned in to be just inches from Clarke's face. "Do you just run away from all of your problems, Princess?" Anya taunted. "Lexa didn't. She faces her problems head on."

"Stop it!" Tears flew down Clarke's eyes as she desperately tried to pry Anya's hands off her hair.

"You came down in your metal home from the sky," Anya's voice boomed. "You trespassed on _our land_." Anya began to stand as she pulled Clarke's hair with her, forcing the younger girl to stand as well. "You tried to broker a false truce. You came under the guise of peace and declared war. You tried to kill me and only succeeded in killing Tris, a child."

Clarke dug her fingers into Anya's hands violently at the last statement. "No! I did everything I could to save her! She shouldn't have been there! She wasn't supposed to be there! It wasn't supposed to happen like that!" All the memories of things she had done on the ground slipped out of their prison and jumped to the forefront of her mind.

"Three hundred of my soldiers died at your hand and not a single one of them got to raise a sword against you." The veins on Anya's neck bulged as she continued on her tirade, eyes fierce and cold as they stared into Clarke's soul. "You escaped the mountain and roped the _Heda_ into _your_ war for _your_ people. You were willing to let so many die to try and save your precious few. My people were _nothing_ to you!"

"That's not true!" Clarke choked, pressing her hands over her ears. "Your people were in there!. I wanted to get them all out!"

"Perhaps." Anya started slowly dragging Clarke to the water, despite her cries of pain. "For one moment, you were the leader Lexa thought you could be. You destroyed the Mountain Men to save your people." For a moment, Anya's voice almost sounded pleased, but that guise dropped quickly. "Yet here you are, being a coward."

Clarke's grip tightened around Anya's hands at the accusation. "I am not a coward! I need to pay for what I did to those people in the Mountain."

"You abandoned your people, Princess!" Anya's voice surrounded Clarke now, thundering at her from every direction. "You left them when they needed you the most! You are no true leader, you aren't even worthy of a clan. Perhaps I should let you die, it would be a fitting death. Alone, afraid, and too pathetic to even provide for yourself." Anya spit as she released Clarke. "You disgust me."

Clarke sank to her knees and clutched her head in her hands, rocking herself gently. Sobs escaped her as her grief consumed her. "I... I..." she couldn't even finish the sentence, her mind too scrambled to think.

"You're not done yet, Clarke of the Sky People. Your fight is not over yet. No, you will keep living." Anya grabbed Clarke by the shoulders and hoisted her to her feet. "You are living Clarke, and you are hungry. See another day, that is your payment to the dead. Endure your grief, suffer through it." A quick shove sent Clarke to the ground hard, some of the air in her lungs escaping from the impact. "And now, Princess, you need to wake up. You have work to do." Clarke didn't have a chance to open her mouth before a swift kick to the cheek had her seeing black.

* * *

Clarke woke to her head throbbing and a growling in her stomach. The clear night sky gleamed overhead, and a cool breeze blowing across her face. _That felt so real,_ Clarke thought to herself. _She was there, right in my face. Her hands, my hair, everything. It was all so real._ Clarke shook her head. _I'm going crazy,_ she realized. The lack of food contributed to the condition, she knew, but she also knew grief was overwhelming her. She began questioning the most simple things, not sure if they were hallucinations or not. _I made the right choice. Anya's right. I am no leader._

With a sigh, Clarke tried to get up onto her feet. Her shoulder protested as she lifted herself up off the rocky ground and she let herself sink back down. Reaching out with her hand she found the crude spear she had crafted and used the round end to assist in standing and slowly made her way to the stream, knleeing down to take several sips of water. While getting rid of the dryness in her mouth, it did nothing to soothe her ravenous hunger.

Still slightly groggy, Clarke splashed her face with some water with a groan. Her limbs felt heavy and every motion was extremely laborious. Looking down in the water below, Clarke barely recognized the woman staring back in the reflection. Exhaustion was painted across her face and it looked noticeably thinner as well.

_Look at you, you're worse than a child._

Anya's words still rang through Clarke's head, constantly repeating and taunting her. It was her fourth night without any food, and medically Clarke knew it would only get harder for her the longer she went without nourishment. Peeling off her shoes and socks, Clarke waded out into the stream in her bare feet. Tightening her grip on her poorly crafted spear, Clarke raised the spear to a striking position. _I am eating tonight_. The darkness made the fish near invisible, but her patience had dried up at this point. "You aren't a child, Clarke. You can catch a fish."

Lashing out, the spear struck through the water and a satisfying _thud_ vibrated through the shaft. Eagerly raising her weapon out of the water, Clarke's shoulders dropped at the tip not holding a fish. Undeterred, she once again readied herself into a striking position. Once again, she shifted her weight downwards and thrust the spear in the direction of the dark silhouettes the fish gave off. Retracting the spear brought disappointment for the second time, and the rumble in her stomach added to the frustration. After the third attempt failed as well, her blood was boiling.

"Fuck!" Clarke screamed. Each failure piled onto the mounting frustration within and eroded at her composure at the same time. Anya's voice still played at the back of her mind, only now laughter was added into the mix. Her sixth failure removed the words all together, just Anya's incessant laughing remained. A lone black bird perched in a tree not far from the shore watched on at her struggles, silently judging her failure to feed herself. Angrily, Clarke put all of her weight into the next strike with a cry of frustration. The additional force caught her off guard and her footing slipped bringing her crashing into the water and her spear lazily bounced off a rock below.

Soaking wet and screaming, Clarke repeatedly jabbed her spear into the now murky water, no longer caring where she aimed. She ignored the pained cries her sore muscles gave and focused only on the water. Faces began to appear in the cloudy ripples on the surface. People that she had killed, betrayed, been betrayed by all stood there in judgment of her. None said a single word, but their haunting gazes tore right through her. Their stares told all that needed to be said.

Striking into the middle of one of a Grounder's head made it disappear into the depths of the water, but another replaced it. _They won't stop!_ Clarke thought, panic beginning to take hold. She struck again and again, removing faces only for them to have another take its place. Tears flew from her eyes as she fought her losing battle. Each successive strike wore at the remaining strength she had, each one becoming more and more clumsy. The silent faces circled around her, closing in on her position. Finn's face appeared and a gasp escaped her and she threw out a wild strike that sent her off balance again. This time all her weight landed on top of her spear and she heard the shaft snap as it gave way to the weight.

Plunging into the water, Clarke remained submerged for a while, too tired to surface. The slow flow of the stream and calming ambiance of being underwater brought a calm to her racing thoughts. _You're hallucinating, Clarke. None of this is real._ The burning in her lungs forced her to resurface and she drew in a deep breath as she did, brushing her soaked hair out of her face. Looking down, the water was once again clear. Spinning around, none of the faces were visible and she let out a sigh of relief. She could see the shaft of her spear with the tip broken off of it floating behind her and let it drift off. With the tip snapping off it would most likely be extremely splintered and would require more effort to carve again than just making a new one.

Not bothering to move, Clarke cupped her hands and took a few drinks of water. The feeling of water rushing into her empty stomach was not comforting, but it was all she had at the moment. Resting her hands on her knees, she focused on the sound of rushing water around her. _I don't know if I can do this_ , she thought. The idea had seemed so simple; just plunge the spear in and a fish would magically come out. Her present exhaustion was her rude awakening to the harsh truth. Opening her eyes, a smile burst onto her face. At the bottom of the stream, caught against a pile of rocks was a fish with the tip of her spear buried into it.

Elated, she snatched the remnant of her spear and ran to the shoreline. Every inch of her body willed her to eat it right then and there, but Clarke knew better. The risk of infection would be too high, and getting sick out here alone could spell her death. She had to live on, this was her punishment.

Gathering some loose wood and leaves nearby, Clarke made a small pile just outside the edge of the forest. While in general her survival skills sucked, she had at least learned how to start a fire. All of the one hundred had learned at one point or another while on the ground. Within a few minutes, Clarke had a respectable fire going and her prized fish cooking. While waiting for catch to finish, she nuzzled up next to the fire, trying to dry herself and her soaked clothes.

The gentle _crackle_ and heat from the fire eased some of the tension from Clarke's body. Just the thought of having fresh food available to her made her mouth salivate. She stared at her meal, trying to will it to cook faster. She allowed it to cook for a few more minutes before pulling it off. She was a little dismayed that a few parts were black where she overcooked it, but her stomach held no such reservations. The first bite she took was followed swiftly by a groan of relief. Nothing had ever tasted so good, and the meat seemed to just melt in her mouth. Several times she found herself overzealous and bit into a bone, temporarily interrupting her bliss. Before she even knew it, her meal was finished and her stomach demanded more. She dreaded the thought of fishing again, but knew she would need to eventually.

Shifting her gaze up as she wiped off her hands on her pants, her heart froze in an instant. Off in the distance, she could make out seven torches in the darkness heading in her direction. _My fire!_ Clarke grabbed fistfuls of nearby dirt and flung it onto the flames, begging it to die down. She could hear shouting off in the distance and the torches began to move towards her at a much faster pace. _Shit, shit, shit!_ Putting her socks and boots back on, Clarke grabbed her pack and made for the waterfall. She could tell from the shouting that they were not Arkers, but Grounders. Simply hiding by the trees would not work. Her only hope would be the waterfall.

Reaching the base of the dam, she noticed a small alcove mostly obscured by the water crashing down from above. The Grounders in the woods were almost to the shoreline and Clarke threw her pack into the alcove while hauling herself up as well. Replacing her bag on her back, Clarke retreated into the darkness of her cover, though she kept an eye on the torches approaching. Once they emerged from the tree line, Clarke's suspicions were confirmed.

She counted seven Grounders wearing garbs she had not seen before. She couldn't make out much above the roar of the water, but she did hear the name 'Nia' said several times. The group spotted her extinguished fire and she cursed herself that she didn't have time to dispose of the wood. What Clarke supposed was their leader began pointing in several directions and barking out orders. Thankfully, the dam was not one of the ways the leader pointed, but Clarke still inched backwards a tiny bit more to remain hidden. She noticed that one of the Grounders held a flag, and she could barely see what looked to be a blue hand with a spiral in the center of it. _Nothing I've ever seen before. Definitely not Woods Clan._

She figured if Grounders were out looking for her, Lincoln must have made it to the Commander. She prayed that they would not find her. Finding the alcove she resided in sufficiently dry, Clarke removed her pack and laid down to rest. She wouldn't risk leaving just yet, that would have to wait until she felt confident the Grounders had moved on. Closing her eyes, she let the crashing water drown out all other thoughts as she drifted off to sleep, praying when she woke it wouldn't be to the sharp end of a sword.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke woke to the roaring water next to her ceaselessly fall from the dam above. Some slight pinching in her shoulder and neck let her know that sleeping had been rough the previous night, though she was grateful for the lack of dreams that went with it. Rolling her head around to loosen the muscles, Clarke rose up into a crouch and scanned the area. The morning sun shone brightly through the forest, and a slight chill filled the air around her. The shore that she could see from her vantage point showed no signs of the Grounders from the previous night, though that did not mean they weren't close. Clarke just hoped they had decided to give up on the area and continue pressing forward. That she hadn't been found was a miracle, but also threw them off of her trail.

Slightly more energized from the proper rest and the food from the previous night, Clarke waded out into the water to reach the shore. The constantly soaked clothes were starting to become an annoyance, but lack of other clothing options forced her to deal with it. Once on solid ground, Clarke unwrapped the bandage from her hand and examined the wound. The skin was still irritated from the looks of it, but thankfully not infected. She figured it would still take another day or so to fully heal as she dipped her hand in the cold water to rinse it off. Taking another spare cloth from her back, she wrapped up the injured hand in a fresh bandage and slung her pack over her shoulder. _Right, time to make another spear_. She felt the knots of anxiety coil in her stomach, but pushed the feeling away, determined to do better this time.

Heading into the forest, Clarke kept her eyes peeled to mostly the ground and low hanging branches. She needed a stronger limb this time. Another broken spear might take her spirit with it. Rotted logs and twigs were all Clarke saw as she wove through the various trees and plants scattered about. The trees also lacked a sufficient amount of branches low enough for her to grasp. Seeing no candidates in the immediate area, Clarke pressed further on. She kept her stance low and footsteps as light as she could; for all she knew her pursuers were still nearby.

Birds sang and the sound of shifting leaves were all the sounds Clarke could hear besides her own footsteps. Thicker branches started to appear on the ground the farther in Clarke got. Slowing her pace, she knelt down to look at a fallen limb. The edges were fairly smooth and the wood looked fresh. Pulling out her knife, Clarke cut bits of the bark in the middle section. She smile when the wood looked as good as the ends. _This will do,_ she thought to herself.

_Snap!_

Clarke froze instantly. Instinct made her press her back into the nearest tree and lower into a crouch. _The Grounders found me_ , was her first thought. Heart racing, she poked her head out around the trunk of the tree. The whole forest seemed still, yet she knew something was out there. Something had broken a branch nearby. She prayed this wasn't another hallucination.

Once the initial panic passed, reason started to come back to her. _Grounders don't make that much noise,_ she said to herself. After fighting and spending so much time with them she learned Grounders blended into the surroundings well and rarely let you know they were near. She also knew from the lack of shouting that whoever it was wasn't from Camp Jaha. Even though she hadn't been found by those she wanted to see the least, it wasn't a comfort. Not knowing what was out there unnerved her.

Grabbing the pistol out of her pack, she felt the cold surface of the grip. The chill slowly made it up her arm and small bumps formed on her forearm. Holding a gun used to make Clarke feel safe and powerful, now it just served to distress her further. Rustling in the leaves to her left caught her attention and she peeked out from the other side of the tree. A sigh of relief escaped as she saw a meaty boar walking not too far away from her. She licked her lips at the sight, thoughts of its meat not far off. _The fish was good, but that boar would feed me for a while._ Gently dropping her pack to the ground and tucking the pistol inside, she unsheathed the Commander's knife. _I have to do this quietly_.

Emerging from her cover, Clarke crept slowly towards the unsuspecting boar. With each step she gripped the hilt of the knife tighter. She noticed the tusks on the animal looked to be about twice as long as her feet and made a mental note not to get killed by them. Clarke oriented herself to be directly behind her target to keep the element of surprise. _Just a few more feet. A quick stab to the neck and this will all be over. I hope_.

_Crack._

Her next step put a bullet through all her plans. The boar spun around and squealed in surprise, turning and bolting straight at her. Clarke, unprepared for a charge, barely dove out of the way of the tusks as the boar tried to impale her. She hit the ground hard as she rolled to the right. Wasting no time she hopped back onto her feet and readied herself. The boar charged again and this time she prepared and jumped off to the side and took a slash at the beast's side. Her blow connected and heard a cry of pain from the animal.

Her strike must not have had any effect on the boar; it spun around and once again charged at her. Steadying herself, Clarke once again jumped to the side when the boar reached her and took another stab at her opponent. Her timing was off this time and she felt a sharp pain in her left leg where a tusk connected with her leg. Clarke yelled in pain as she collapsed to the ground. A squeal from the beast let her know she connected this time too. Judging from the blood on her knife the cut went pretty deep.

Clarke clutched her leg as she watched the boar run off, leaving a trail of blood behind it. She hissed as she brought her hand away from her leg and saw it drenched in blood. Part of her didn't want to know how bad the wound was. She crawled back to her bag and pulled out another strip of cloth. Sitting up she ripped the fabric of her jeans to get further access to the wound and wrapped her leg tightly. Whimpers of pain escaped as she tightened the knot.

 _Great job, Clarke_ , she thought to herself. She mentally kicked herself for being so dumb. Her hunger had gotten the best of her and clouded her judgment. Any fool could have seen that taking on that animal would be a huge mistake without using her gun. Grounders would have been able to kill it with only a knife, but Clarke was no Grounder. _I bet the Commander and Indra would be laughing their heads off right now,_ she thought. Exhaling, Clarke gently got to her feet. Her leg protested but at least she could put weight on it. She dreaded the walk back.

Gingerly walking back to her safe haven at the dam, leaning on the branch she picked up earlier for support, Clarke moved for the artificial waterfall. She had learned her lesson from the last time and would be sleeping in the hidden alcove from now on. Stopping at the edge of the shore, Clarke dropped the branch and her backpack. She gently pulled down her pants to just below her knee to assess the damage. The cloth she had wrapped around it already had been drenched with blood, so she removed it and let it fall to the ground. Thankfully the cut wasn't too deep, but it was wide enough that it would not stop bleeding and needed stitches. Clarke cursed to herself at the lack of stitching supplies. Her only other option was to cauterize the wound.

Clarke struggled to gather nearby loose branches to build a fire. With each step the pain in her leg grew worse and she knew she needed to stop the bleeding. Satisfied that she had enough for a small fire, she filled up her canteen before she waded out into the water. The coolness of the rushing water against her wound resulted in a hiss from her, but she pushed on. That pain would be nothing to what she was about to experience. She boosted herself up with her good leg once at the alcove and began setting up the fire.

It wasn't long before the first embers emerged and Clarke fed more sticks to the flame. She took care not to feed it too much. She wanted to keep the flames somewhat small and hoped the waterfall would hide whatever smoke was produced. Once the fire was fully blazing, Clarke stripped down naked and tossed her wet clothes near the flames. _Might as well get them dry while I do this._ She took her filled canteen and also placed it close to the flames. Lacking alcohol, heated water would be her next best thing to clean the wound.

While she waited for her water to heat up, Clarke assessed her injury further. The cut was longer than she initially thought and she let out a small groan. The length of the wound meant she would need to cauterize it in two parts. She couldn't afford to mess this up. If she didn't do it right, the wound would get infected and that would cause her major problems. Let the knife get too hot and she would give herself severe burns that would likely get infected as well. _No pressure_.

Figuring the water was hot enough, Clarke scooted the canteen close to her and put the Commander's knife in the flames. Unscrewing the container's top, she picked up a spare stick and put it by her side. Steadying herself, she slowly poured the steamy water into her wound. She instantly regretted the decision as her leg screamed in pain as she let out a whimper. The pain died down quickly but the wound still throbbed annoyingly.

A couple moments later, the knife was burning orange and ready for her first go. She bit down on the stick as she grabbed the hilt of the blade and took a few deep breaths. _Fuck this is going to suck._ Steadying herself, she pinched the cut together gently and lowered the knife to her flesh. Instant pain consumed her. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she threw her head back. A cry erupted out as she let the knife drop from her grip and she rolled on the ground in agony. Urgency forced her back up as she knew she needed to get this done quickly. She looked at her wound after putting the blade back in the fire. Breathing heavily, she winced at the sight of the mangled flesh around the cut. Half of the wound was sealed and she could tell the bleeding had stopped immensely. _Come on, just one more quick burst and it's all over._

Clarke took rapid breaths as she removed the knife from the flames. She clamped down on her stick as she pinched the remaining section of the wound closed. The pain was worse this time and she bit down harder on the stick. Knowing the anticipation would only make it worse, she thrust down the smoking metal to seal the wound. White flashed before her eyes and the stick in her mouth snapped in half. A larger cry erupted this time and she threw her knife to the corner of the small alcove. Her hands shook as they instinctively hovered over her ailing leg. Tears flew from her eyes. Heart rate soaring, she collapsed to the ground.

Clarke stared at the flowing water for what felt like an eternity before the pain in her leg began to subside. She knew the worst was over and all she had to worry about now was an infection. Sitting up, Clarke assessed the damage she had done to herself. The bleeding had stopped but she would have a nasty scar. Part of her felt relieved. It didn't compare to all the pain and suffering she had caused, but it was a start. She grabbed a fresh cloth from her bag and gently covered her wound. She didn't have very many strips left. She hoped it would be enough to help her avoid infection.

Clarke threw on her now slightly damp clothes, feeling exposed in the nude. She contemplated carving out her spear to attempt fishing tomorrow but decided against it. Exhaustion was starting to consume her and she needed to stay off her leg for the time being. She used the remaining water from the canteen to douse the fire. She prayed the smoke and her screaming hadn't alerted anyone again. If people came here a second time she doubted she would go undiscovered again.

Her eyes drooped as she pulled out the blanket from her pack. Sleeping here the previous night had proved advantageous and she enjoyed the dreamless sleep the waterfall enabled. Using her pack as a pillow she lowered herself into a sleeping position and tried to make her injured leg as comfortable as possible. The dull throb proved annoying but soon Clarke's eyes fell heavily and she drifted off into another dreamless sleep.

* * *

Clarke woke to stiffness in her injured leg. A groan escaped her lips as she forced herself into a sitting position. She threw off the warm blanket and pulled down her pants to inspect the wound. The area of the gash looked raw and mangled but showed no sign of infection. She whispered a silent prayer in thanks. She grabbed the last piece of cloth from her pack and applied a fresh bandage to the area. Standing proved to be easier than she thought. There was some pain, but a quick hop let her know the leg would hold up to everything she would need it for.

The fresh crispness in the air eroded the last remainders of sleep and Clarke gathered her supplies. The cool water felt refreshing as she eased herself down from her alcove. She drank a few scoops of water once she cleared the waterfall and filled her canteen to the brim. Glancing back to the shore, Clarke squinted as she tried to make out her sleeping spot. She nodded to herself when she could not see it from her position. Part of her wanted to return and never leave again, forgotten by the world. It would serve as both her prison cell and her private refuge. Her own private hell.

The past few days had been extremely trying on Clarke's psyche and she felt extremely on edge. The constant visions had her questioning her sanity. Even the most simplest of things she began to wonder about. One of the only things she could count on as being true was the hunger in her belly. Clarke moved to a nearby log and once again began carving herself a spear. She had more energy than last time and at first the carving went easily. That did not last and she soon found her arms burning from the constant motion.

Overwhelming exhaustion in her arm forced Clarke to take a small break. She scanned the trees on the opposite bank as she shook the tension out of her tired muscles. After a moments rest she was good to go and tightened her grip on her knife. She didn't get past a single stroke before she froze. Her gaze slowly shifted upwards to see the group of Grounders she had seen earlier further down the opposite bank. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth. _Why are they back here!_ Her heart pounded against her chest as Clarke slowly gathered her belongings and backed into the trees. From what she could tell the Grounders hadn't spotted her yet. She hoped to keep it that way.

Every step sent a hint of pain to her leg wound. Clarke knew it would not open up if she ran; it would just be a matter of how much pain she could endure. She nearly managed to escape into the cover of trees when she heard shouting coming from behind her. When Clarke turned her head the Grounders were running straight toward her, with a woman in the back barking out orders. Clarke spun around and took off as fast as her injured leg would take her.

Her steps were clumsy and noisy. Cracked branches and heavy footprints let them know exactly where she was going, but Clarke did not have a choice. Hiding would not be an option this time. The shouting got nearer and her heart sank when she heard exactly what was being yelled. _My name_. If these Grounders were real, they were after her. For once, she prayed that her pursuers were yet another hallucination.

Tossing a quick look over her shoulder showed that she was losing ground quickly. She desperately willed her legs to move faster. Her breathing had turned to panting at this point. She was in no shape to be running. Every breath made her lungs feel like fire, but she kept on running. Up ahead she noticed a tunnel entrance and for a half second she contemplated running the opposite direction. She knew exactly where that tunnel would lead her. Half a second after that she dashed into the darkness.

The twists and turns allowed Clarke to ease her pace a bit. The darkness would provide decent cover from the Grounders. Shouts of her name urged Clarke to keep moving deeper into the tunnels. Lancing pain around her cut forced Clarke to slow her pace to a brisk walk. Slower pacing doused the fire in her lungs, but the beating in her chest only quickened with each step. The dark tunnels were much cooler than the outside air and Clarke's wet clothes only made it worse.

The near pitch blackness of the tunnels brought back frightening memories of the times she had spent hiding from Reapers. She could still hear the screams of the victims and laughs of the Reapers if she truly listened. The feeling made her skin crawl. Ghosts of thousands of murdered Grounders and those turned into monsters lingered here. She understood why the Grounders had never sent a small army into the tunnels to defeat the Reapers. Clarke knew there were no enemies here except for the ones chasing her, yet the place still gave her the creeps.

Shivering and in pain, Clarke pushed her way through the long and dark corridors. From the echoes in the tunnels, it sounded like her pursuers had gotten lost. Sound had its own way of playing tricks and Clarke couldn't count on them not finding her. Rounding a corner brought her face to face with the still open door to the mountain. _No. No! I won't go in_ , she thought to herself. She slammed her eyes shut as she backed away slowly. Cries from her mystery pursuers forced Clarke to move towards the door.

 _I can't... I can't..._ Clarke repeated to herself. _All those people... all of them dead. Because of me._ Tears flew down Clarke's cheeks as she debated her options. Stay and get captured or worse, or go into the mountain and face the genocide she had committed. The Grounders' voices were no longer echoes and Clarke knew they were close. Clarke let out a quiet whimper in resignation and slid through the open door and into Mount Weather.

The very air of the Mountain smelled rotten and dead. Clarke forced herself to walk through the cold steel corridors. So much pain and death had happened at this place and she helped contribute to that in a brutal way. A few bodies of guards Clarke and her crew had killed lay strewn about the corridor. She did her best not to puke and kept her eyes away from the floor as much as possible. Gone were the bright lights that lit up every passageway in the complex; replaced by a dim glow that indicated the backup power was almost depleted.

" _Clarke kom Skaikru,"_ a woman's voice called out.

Clarke spun around and saw the seven Grounders that had been chasing her since the waterfall. _No! They caught up too fast._ Her plan had been to have enough time searching the complex to find another place to hide. Plan foiled, she took off and heard more shouting and the pounding of footsteps behind her. The throbbing in her leg slowed her greatly and Clarke knew she didn't have much time until they caught her.

Her next turn offered her only chance at respite. What appeared to be an open trash chute stood before her. With not much choice in the matter, Clarke hoisted herself over the edge and let herself fall. She yelled as gravity took hold of her and slid her down the shaft. It seemed she traveled for almost an eternity before she finally hit the bottom hard, cursing as she landed and rolled to a stop. Groans of pain followed shortly and Clarke grabbed her leg in a futile effort to soothe it. For several moments she watched and waited for any signs of the Grounders following her down, but none came. Relieved, Clarke put out a hand to push her back up. A scream erupted as she felt the cold skin of a human leg.

Heart dropping she raised her gaze to see that she landed in the mess hall and the place she had condemned an entire race to die. Sobs erupted as she backed away from the room before her. _No, why here? I shouldn't be here... all of this is my fault!_ A strewn out foot caught her foot and threw Clarke onto her backside. Staring straight at her was an older gentlemen, eyes wide open and piercing right through her with his deadly gaze.

She screamed as she scrambled backwards and felt another bump. This time she ran into a middle aged woman and Clarke vomited when the body fell over at the contact. Her eyes drifted to the small figure that lay next to the woman and her world stopped. "No," she whispered. Sitting beside the dead woman was a child that couldn't have been more than five years old. Clarke broke into a full on sob when she saw this. _I killed him!_ The realization crushed her heart. She had killed innocent children to save the lives of forty seven people.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no," Clarke repeated over and over again. Her head spun as she crawled away from the dead child. There was no escaping the dead faces and all seemed to be staring straight at her. Accusing her, hating her with cold fury. Clarke made it to the middle of the room before she could go no further. Surrounded by the dead of an entire race she had exterminated with the single pull of a lever, Clarke broke. A chilling scream surged out of her and lasted until her lungs gave out and her throat was raspy.

Clarke cupped her head into her hands and pulled at her hair. Curing up into a ball, Clarke determined right there that she would wait to die there. She no longer felt the will to live. She was a monster and monsters had no places in the world of the living. Laying there motionless, it wasn't long before the last of Clarke's energy had been depleted and she gave way to exhaustion. She felt sleep coming and did nothing to fight it; only praying that she would never wake from it again.


	5. Chapter 5

Warmth filled the air as Clarke came to her senses. She reached out and felt soft and warm material surrounding her. She shook off some of the sleep and took a look at her surroundings with half-closed eyelids. Her eyes shot open when she realized she was no longer in the mountain. _Where am I?_ Heart racing, she looked down and threw off the fur blankets and stood up. Nothing adorned the wooden walls around her. She tried to control her breathing as she scanned the area for any clues to where she might be. Several boxes littered the area, some with candles burning in lanterns on top of them. _What is this?_

Fear started to creep in as she had flashbacks to when she woke up in the quarantine room at Mount Weather. Tossing over the area found that her bag had also gone missing. Clarke cursed having lost it. No bag meant no gun, and no gun meant less protection. Her hand moved to the sheath on the side of her hip and Clarke's heart stopped beating for a moment. _My knife is gone too!_ From the looks of the room, not much would function as a weapon. Opening a few crates nearby only yielded emptiness and she threw the lids in frustration.

Desperate, Clarke started to look for a way out. She could see a door, but highly doubted that it would be open. Her weapons and belongings had been taken for a reason, and decided against using the door for now. She didn't know what stood waiting outside. Sooner or later, someone would have to come through and she would assess her situation then. The fact that she hadn't been bound at least gave her cause to breathe easier.

Sitting down, she wracked through her brain to figure out how she had gotten to this place. The last thing she remembered before passing out was being chased into the Mountain by Grounders and stumbling into the results of her most atrocious act. _All those people, murdered by my hands,_ she thought. The smell and feel of all those dead bodies came rushing back to her and vomit spewed onto the floor as she hunched over. Sobs escaped before she could catch them and soon she felt overwhelmed with grief again. "What have I done?" she choked. In the several days since she left Camp Jaha she hadn't been able to fully face the real face of her crimes. Stumbling into that dining hall had been a full slap in the face.

For what seemed like hours Clarke sat in the far corner of the shack, consumed with her grief. The events of the mountain played over constantly in her head. Sending Bellamy in alone to a very likely death. The Commander leaving the Skaikru and Clarke for dead to the Mountain Men. Storming Mount Weather with Octavia and Lincoln as they went room to room searching for their friends. Kidnapping and murdering Dante. Standing and watching helplessly as her mother and Raven were tortured for their bone marrow. The hesitation she felt when she pulled the lever. She needed to save her people. _It was murder,_ she corrected herself.

The door suddenly burst open and in walked a slender female carrying a metal tipped spear. Clarke recoiled as she looked the woman over while pressing her back against the rough wooden walls. She paused for a moment when she saw the woman had green eyes and brown hair. For one instant she thought it was the Commander coming to pile onto her misery. Upon closer inspection the woman in front of her was not the Grounder leader. The woman's face was much rougher in comparison to the Commander, and she was much too tall. The furs she wore also were a lighter grey compared to the brown the Trikru usually wore.

"I asked you a question," the woman stated, still pointing her spear at Clarke.

A small part of Clarke wished that the Grounder would stab her with the end of the spear and end her suffering. _Blood must have blood_ , she told herself. The Commander had decided against exacting revenge on her for destroying the three hundred warriors sent to kill Clarke's friends. She wondered if this woman would be so merciful if she found out. Pain erupted on her cheek as she heard a loud _smack._

"Speak! What is your name?" The woman demanded.

Clarke looked into the eyes of the woman questioning her and saw no emotion. If anything, annoyance seemed to lightly coat her expression. Her captor's grip on the spear was strong and the tip stood mere feet away from her face, ready to strike at any moment. "I..." she tried to speak, but stopped herself. _If I tell her who I am, who knows what will happen. She probably knows anyways._ Clarke figured that her mother and the Commander were still looking for her. She would be hauled off straight to them if she revealed her name. "I am no one," Clarke settled on. She thought it fitting; she could hardly recognize herself anymore.

The woman scoffed in disgust and smacked Clarke across the face with the back of her palm this time. She knelt down to be eye level with Clarke. She gripped Clarke's jaw with her free hand and forced their eyes to meet. "Who are you?"

"I am no one," Clarke repeated apathetically. She would not allow herself to be taken back to Camp Jaha. _Monsters aren't allowed there._ Clarke fully expected to be hit again, but the young woman's face softened instead. She turned and called out in a dialect Clarke hadn't heard before and soon a man came into the room with food and water in both hands. He set both items down on a nearby crate and left as quick as he entered.

The woman stood and moved to the door. She pointed to the food on the crate as she looked straight at Clarke. "You will eat. When I return, you will tell me your name." She turned and left, door closing behind her leaving Clarke alone once again.

Clarke stared at the two bowls on the other side of the room for the longest time. She knew she ought to be hungry and thirsty, but she had no desire to satisfy those needs. The thought of eating repulsed her. She had gone long periods of time without food or water before, and that was when she was on the run. If they wouldn't kill her, perhaps making herself suffer would alleviate some of the pain on her soul. Clarke let her eyes drop to the floorboards in front of her as she stared off into nothingness awaiting the woman's inevitable return.

* * *

Clarke was on the verge of falling asleep when the woman returned again. She held no spear this time, but that didn't mean she was unarmed. The young woman looked to the untouched food and Clarke swore she saw a sadness in her captor's face for just a moment. When their eyes met again it was gone. More words that Clarke didn't understand were spoken and the Grounder who brought her food last time appeared to take both bowls away. Once the door was closed behind him, the woman approached Clarke.

"You did not eat," she said, disappointment in her tone. She stopped a few feet short of Clarke and crossed her arms.

"Not hungry," Clarke lied. Her stomach begged for food but she still couldn't bring herself to eat. Judging from the way the woman pursed her lips together she didn't believe Clarke's lie. Clarke thought the woman would walk out again. Instead the woman walked a couple of steps closer to her.

"Who are you?" The woman knelt down, this time resting on her knees to sit in front of Clarke. She looked much less menacing than the last time she entered the room.

Clarke tried to read the woman's expression, but still could not find much of anything in the eyes staring back at her. She broke eye contact and stared at the ground instead. "I am no one," Clarke replied. Part of Clarke wanted to know why she was here and what the woman's plans with her were, but the rest of Clarke decided she didn't have the energy to care.

The brunette Grounder closed her eyes and then shouted."Janos!" Seconds later, the mystery man Clarke assumed was Janos appeared with a fresh bowl of food and water. The woman turned back to Clarke one last time and leaned closer. "You will eat this time." The look Clarke was given let her know that there was no fooling around; the next time would have consequences. With that, she rose to her feet and walked to the door.

When the woman's hand touched the exit, Clarke's curiosity briefly urged her to talk. "You haven't told me your name," Clarke stated.

She watched as the woman paused, hand still resting on the door. "Niylah," the woman said, barely turning her head so that just the edge of her cheek became visible. Seconds later Niylah exited and the door shut behind her.

Clarke sighed as she wondered how long this would keep up. The look Niylah had given her left no room for interpretation; eat or we will hurt you. If she were more energetic, Clarke would try to understand the motive behind all this. As it stood, she felt simply exhausted. She had no idea how long she had been in this shack, or if was even day or night. Time seemed to crawl in within the confines of the building. She was out of the elements, hadn't had a hallucination yet, and no longer had to run. Part of her would have rather been out there. The varying sounds of wilderness that had started to become a comfort to her were barely audible through the walls, like a bag had been pulled over her head.

Her body fought a constant war against itself. On one hand, she needed to eat and drink. She could tell she was much lighter than before she left, with barely any food for at least a week. Perhaps at one point she would reach a point where holding out on eating would no longer be possible. For now, she felt no desire to eat. Sighing, Clarke laid down and covered herself with the fur blankets nearby. Sleep came to her easier than anticipated and within a few minutes she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Clarke's eyes shot open as her blankets were thrown off and she curled up at the loss of warmth. Looking up, Niylah and Janos stood over her with looks of disapproval on their faces. Looking down, more bowls of fresh food and water sat in front of her. Clarke wished they would just leave her alone and let her die. No matter how many times they left food in the room she would not eat it. Her body felt so weak and she could already feel a headache forming, but still she couldn't bring herself to eat it.

"Who are you?" Clarke hated that question. Every time Niylah came to her she asked that question. Every time, Clarke's answer never changed.

"You already know the answer," Clarke replied. Her headache began to worsen and she had to constantly lick her dried lips to keep them from bothering her. "And I am not hungry, so you don't have to ask." Clarke prayed Niylah would turn around and leave like the previous times. She felt dismayed when the woman did not move from her spot in front of her.

After a long moment of pause Niylah unsheathed a sword at her hip and Clarke slammed her eyes shut. Any second now the blade would come down on some part of her body. _If I'm lucky, she'll kill me instead._ "Go ahead, kill me," she said with the slightest sense of begging in her tone. She waited for Niylah to strike her, but it never happened. Opening her eyes, she saw the edge of the sword pressed to the neck of Janos. "What are you doing?!"

"You will eat, or I will kill him," Niylah replied. Her face was stone and she showed no signs of bluffing. Clarke truly believed every word she said.

"You would kill your own man?" Clarke questioned. Clarke's head swirled in confusion. Janos had committed no crime Clarke knew of and from the look of things the two of them were together. _What the hell is this?_ She stared at the bowls in front of her then back to Niylah. "Why are you doing this?"

Niylah's resolve did not break. "You are weak. You will eat or he will suffer from your actions."

Clarke froze and a few tear droplets escaped from her eyes. The exact thing she wanted to avoid was being forced upon her now. Another life in her hands that she was responsible for. She looked into the eyes of the man before her and she saw fear in his eyes. She didn't want this responsibility. This was everything she tried to leave behind when she left. Her mind felt so exhausted from protecting everyone, yet every fiber of her being knew she couldn't let Janos be harmed by her lack of action. Blood started trickling down Janos' neck and Clarke threw out her hand. "Stop!" She reached for the bowls and brought them closer. "I'll do it, just please don't hurt him."

"Eat," was all that Niylah had to offer in reply. The sword remained at Janos' neck, yet Clarke could tell Niylah eased the pressure off the blade.

She grabbed the bowl of food and the spoon inside it. It looked to be a soup of some kind. She could make out some type of meat and several vegetables as well. Taking one last look at Janos' pleading face, she ate her first spoonful. The taste was delicious and she couldn't help but let a small moan escape. Part of her felt guilty for it, feeling like she needed to suffer more to make up for her actions. In her heart she knew she couldn't let her self-loathing harm anyone else.

Clarke made short work of the soup and downed the water just as quickly. She set the bowls down and looked back up to Niylah. "I did what you asked. Please don't hurt him." Niylah sheathed her sword and motioned for Janos to leave. Once the door was closed Clarke let out a sigh of relief.

"You will keep eating," Niylah said. The woman walked up to Clarke and collected the bowls in front of her. "You will still not tell me who you are?" Niylah asked softly.

The change in tone caught Clarke off guard. Something about Niylah intrigued Clarke, but she still needed to keep her guard up. For all she knew, she was being kept prisoner here. Being a nobody also still had its perks, and Clarke wasn't ready to be herself again just yet. "No," Clarke replied, shaking her head. Part of her figured that Niylah already knew who she was. Clarke just couldn't figure out why Niylah wanted her to say it.

"If you will not give me your name, I'll give you one," Niylah stated. The woman stared at Clarke for a while before a warm smile came to her face. "Until you wish to stop being no one, your name will be Helen."

 _Helen,_ Clarke thought. She liked the name, though she wondered how Niylah settled on that. "Why that name? I like it, but what made you choose it?" Clarke asked. The warm faced woman before her looked almost exactly the opposite of the stone faced expression she had just showed earlier. It reminded Clarke of the Commander, though she preferred not to think of the woman.

"Your hair is blonde," Niylah said as she took a few strands of Clarke's hair into her hands. "I saw a girl named Helen in a book once," she explained. "Her hair was blonde like yours and you share her good looks."

Clarke was taken aback slightly by the comment. Her cheeks blushed at the compliment, but confusion built up further within her. "You've read books?" Clarke asked. She immediately cursed herself for sounding so ignorant. "I mean, the only books I know of were in Mount Weather. Where did you find them?"

"Many of the clans have their own collection of books. It's how we learned English," Niylah laughed. "Perhaps when you are ready, I will show you."

The sweet tones of her laughter caught Clarke by surprise. This whole situation confused her. "I thought I was a prisoner here," Clarke stated coldly.

Niylah merely shook her head. "You are not a prisoner here, but I would much prefer you stay for your safety."

 _My safety?_ "Am I in danger?" Clarke asked. _How would she know if I'm in danger if she doesn't know who I am?_

"There are people looking for the leader of the Sky People," Niylah explained. "The Skaikru have their own searches going, and the Heda has warriors looking for her too. Wait here." The woman left the tent briefly before returning with a few small pots. "I do not trust Skaikru and the ones Heda sent out to search for her would not tell my why they wanted _Klark com Skaikru_." She opened a few of the pots and Clarke saw different colors within. "For now, we need to change your hair color. Blonde is a rare color amongst us and you will stick out."

"Why are you helping me?" Clarke still didn't know if Niylah knew her true identity or not, but the question remained valid.

"I am a healer," Niylah offered. "I was scavenging inside the Mountain when I saw you curled up on the floor." A look of discomfort washed over Niylah's face. "I was a prisoner there for a long time. I was not picked many times, perhaps I looked too weak. Most of us who were held in that foul place never wished to step foot in it again. I knew supplies existed in there that would help my people, so I went." The woman took a steadying breath and calmness returned to her face. "I saw you suffering and I wanted to help."

"Thank you," Clarke said. She wanted to say more, but was unsure how to form the words. Instead, she looked over the colors before her and settled on a red. "This one," Clarke said as she pushed it towards the young Grounder. She ignored the puzzled look Niylah gave her and focused on the symbol on the woman's vest, a hand with a swirl in the palm. She had seen the symbol with the Grounders who were chasing her in the forest. While the woman was slowly gaining her trust, Clarke didn't want to reveal too much and kept quiet about that.

Niylah must have noticed her staring and smiled at her. "It is the symbol of my people. Ice Nation. I wear it proudly."

Clarke had heard of the Ice Nation from the Commander when she talked about Costia. "Is that where I am?" Clarke asked, not trying to give away her lack of knowledge. The shack felt too warm to be in cold weather, but she really had nothing to go off of.

"No," Niylah replied as she shook her head. "We are at a refugee camp for the survivors of the Mountain Men. I am staying here to help those who are not well enough to travel still. This is where I stay, but I am far too busy and I hardly rest here." She returned the other pots to their original location and left the red one where it stood. "I must leave, but I will return and we can change your hair. If you need anything, Janos will be outside the door. Please do not try to leave, Helen."

Clarke nodded her head in thanks and watched the brunette leave. Once the door closed, Clarke felt her sadness return. She had forgotten how comforting other people could be. She still had so many questions; about Niylah, the Ice Nation, the Skaikru, the Commander and others. For whatever reason, this woman had pushed away her grief enough to function as a human and Clarke was thankful for that. With nothing else to do, Clarke gathered up the blanket and propped herself up against a nearby crate to begin thinking of all the questions she needed answers to.


	6. Chapter 6

Cool wind drifted through the cabin. Outside, the birds cawed as they sang to each other about the events of the day. Clarke huddled up against the edge of a crate and wrapped herself in her blanket to keep warm. By the drop in temperature she thought it must be night. Sleep had become a sanctuary for her recently with many dreamless rests. The overabundance of it had made her wide awake and she did her best to keep entertained. The countless trinkets and pots had all been counted and looked through and Clarke's boredom quickly rose. Niylah had been gone for a long time, and Clarke began to wonder if the woman would ever return.

The lighting inside her dwelling had grown much dimmer. The candles in the room had lasted for quite some time, but now found themselves at the end of their life. Shadows were cast in almost every corner of the room and soon Clarke would be left alone in the darkness. The wood creaked and groaned with the blowing wind. She shivered and cuddled up into her blanket even more.

Noise outside the door made Clarke perk up a bit. _Niylah must be back_ , she thought. Clarke hoped that she wouldn't be forced to eat again like the last time. The door slowly opened and to her surprise a man walked through the entry way. He was not Janos. "Hello?" she called out, curling up defensively as the man stepped inside.

"You're the girl Niylah pulled out of the Mountain," the man replied, a slight devilish accent in his voice. He stood tall and from the sound of his voice he must have been older. He wore a cape that drifted down to his ankles and had a hood pulled up, obscuring her view of his face. The door closed behind him but he made no move to advance further within the darkening room.

"Yes," Clarke stammered out. "Were you pulled from the Mountain as well?" She figured if he was here that he came from the refugee camp. Clarke doubted Niylah would let random Grounders wander into the hut without permission. _She hoped._

The man chuckled. "No, girl. I am from no mountain." The air grew colder still and Clarke's teeth were chattering at this point. The man showed no such signs of duress. Instead, he removed his hooded garment. It fell to the floor and Clarke could see his face clearly. Poised would be the word she would describe his features. He stood tall and proud, white hair faintly reflected in the dim candlelight and she could barely make out some tattoos on his face. If she had to make a comparison, he would be the Grounder version of Dante. "You don't know who I am, do you?"

Clarke shook her head. "If you're not one of the refugees from the Mountain, why are you here?" Unease took hold of her and the hairs on the back of her neck stood tall.

A shrewd smile crept onto the man's face. "I should ask you the same," he stated, the words rolling off of his tongue. Shivers went down Clarke's spine. "Origins have this funny way of leaving their mark on people. Take, for instance, the Trikru. Peaceful in the trees and a warrior's stance are dead giveaways for their tribe." The man walked slowly towards the center of the room. "The Azgeda have a hardness and coarse beauty about them, the cold shaping them inside and out." He picked up some odd trinkets left laying around the room, feigning interest. "Even those born inside a mountain, never having seen the light of day, have their mark. A paleness comparable to no other and a lack of connection to the life around them."

He put down a small handmade doll and leaned in close to Clarke. "Last I checked, Skaikru don't come from mountains... _Clarke_ ," his voice growled.

Clarke jumped backwards and crawled to the side of a nearby barrel. A small gasp escaped her lips. "What?!" she stammered out. _How does he know my name?_ Thoughts raced inside of Clarke's head as her heart began to quicken, thinking of ways she could fight back or escape. Panic set in as she realized she couldn't call for help, as it would likely end with her dead.

"Oh, don't act all surprised," he remarked, the words flowing off his tongue. "The legend of Clarke Griffin from the Skaikru has been growing amongst the people. You're _very_ easy to recognize." He shifted and that's when Clarke saw the metallic glint at the side of his hip. The man paid it no mind and continued staring at Clarke. "You've become a very efficient killer in such a short amount of time. What's the body count at now?"

Clarke nearly hurled when the last statement came out. She couldn't deny the truth in it; she _had_ become a proficient killer. _Is that really how the Grounders see me? A murderer?_ She shook her head. "It was necessary!" she screamed at him, hands reaching up to cradle her head.

"Tsk, tsk tsk," the man retorted. "We both know not _all_ of it was necessary, Clarke. You killed Dante in cold blood. You stabbed your lover at the risk of continuing a war his rightful death would have prevented." Clarke's heart dropped at the last statement and tears dropped from her eyes. The man unsheathed the knife at his side and examined it with amusement. "Such a funny thing how close all things in life are, separated only by the edge of a blade." He spun the blade slowly in his grasp, much like the Commander had the first time they met. "You call what happened at the Mountain necessity. You acted to save the lives of all your friends."

Clarke felt extremely uneasy, her palms sweating slightly. Her eyes never left the faint glimmer of the blade in his hands. _Raven on the table, screaming in pain as they drilled into her leg._ _Her mother being dragged to the table to take her place._ The images flashed across her mind and she slammed her eyes shut, desperately trying to forget. "They would have died," she burst out. "Every single one of them. I couldn't sit there and watch that happen to them!"

The man let out a satisfied _hum._ "A very valid point, Clarke," he observed, pointing his knife in Clarke's direction. "Yet was it not _you_ who decided to kill Dante to ruin any chance of peace?" He didn't wait for Clarke to respond and resumed spinning his knife. "You justify what you did as necessary. I call it genocide!"

The man's snarl made Clarke crash into the barrel behind her as she scrambled away from his wrath. "I had to save them!" she screamed as she crawled away between two crates. The man followed her movements, still twirling the knife in his hands.

"No!" he bellowed. "You were too weak to sacrifice _any_ of your precious people. You could have fought and killed Cage's soldiers." He stopped spinning the blade and wrapped his long, gnarled fingers around the hilt. "A few of your precious friends would have died in the process, yes, but you would have won. Instead, you murdered innocent people. _Children_ _!_ " He smacked the crates that were protecting Clarke out of the way and stood over her, finally having her cornered.

Clarke barely had any time to react when the man surged forward and sent a vicious stab towards her side. Instinct guided her and knocked the man's hand to the side and the knife flew out of his hands. He recovered quickly and dug his fingers into Clarke's arm. She screamed in pain as he scratched his way down her arm leaving trails of blood in their wake. She sunk her fingers into the man's wrist in retaliation and forced him to release his grip in pain. Blood dripped from her fingers when the man ripped his hand free with a howl.

She sent a desperate kick to his stomach and it connected strongly, doubling the man over and allowing Clarke to put some distance between them. She could hear commotion outside and the man cursed as he ran to the door. "This isn't over, Clarke!" he taunted as he slammed the door behind him. Her hands shook and her legs felt like jelly and collapsed to the ground. Her heart beat erratically and breathing came short and rapidly. Sobs escaped her as she examined the wounds on her left forearm. _I am a murderer,_ she confessed, content to wallow in her sorrow and ignore the world around her.

* * *

Clarke barely noticed Niylah storming in through her despair, unaware of how long she had been sitting there. She felt herself being dragged into the center of the room and the heat of freshly lit candles washed over her. Casting her glance to the door she saw Janos standing solemnly, watching over the situation with a passive face. Warm hands gently grasped her jaw and Clarke snapped her attention back to Niylah.

"What happened, Helen?" Niylah asked in a firm tone.

Clarke tried to avert her eyes but Niylah wouldn't let her look away, forcing her to stare in the woman's deep green eyes. "I was attacked," Clarke admitted. "An older man walked straight through the door and attacked me with a knife. I barely was able to fight him off," she explained, emotion overwhelming her as the trauma she just experienced began to set in. She kept the whole story to herself, she still didn't trust Niylah with everything. The man knew who she was, she couldn't risk Niylah figuring it out as well.

Niylah simply raised an eyebrow and looked back at Janos. "Janos must have been off assisting with hunting. That was my mistake," she explained. Clarke felt a wetness on her arm and looked down to see Niylah spreading some ointments onto her battle wounds. "Janos will not leave the door again while I am away."

Clarke waited until her arm had been bandaged and retreated away from Niylah's grasp. She could feel the remnants of adrenaline leaving her system and her hands shook slightly. Everything had happened so fast, Clarke could barely process it. Worry that it would happen again entered the forefront of her mind and she immediately looked to Niylah and Janos. _Would they attack me too if they knew who I am?_ She longed to be back underneath the waterfall, hidden away from the world and those who inhabited it.

Niylah motioned to Janos and she stepped out briefly and returned with a handful of clothes in his hands. "It's time to change your appearance, Helen." Niylah pulled out the pot of red dye and placed it in front of her. "Your looks have already drawn too much attention as it is." She grabbed the clothes from Janos and placed them on the ground next to her. "We will start with your hair. Turn around," she demanded.

Clarke did as she was bid and faced the opposite way. Her spirits lifted up a bit at the thought of truly leaving her old identity behind. _Perhaps some time spent as Helen will let me heal_. Silence existed between the two as Niylah worked through Clarke's hair, applying the dye meticulously to each strand of hair. Niylah's touch was decisive, yet oddly soft. So much confused her about the woman, from the way she acted to the way she talked. Every ounce of Clarke wanted to not trust her, but every time she entered the shack her will to maintain that suspicion eroded little by little.

Niylah shifted so she was now seated directly in front of Clarke and began working on the rest of her hair. At first, Clarke watched her hair slowly turn crimson. The process was long and tedious, but she could see the results clearly. She had always been fond of her blonde hair, but seeing red locks dangling past her shoulders made her forget about that for the moment.

Bored of watching the slow progress on her hair, she shifted her focus to Niylah's face. She couldn't help but notice the resemblance to the Commander again. It wasn't perfect, but it was there; the green eyes, long brown hair, and a youth about her masked by a tough outer shell. Niylah paid her stares no mind, as she diligently worked on her task at hand. She had a focus to her that Clarke envied, wishing she could apply that to block out all the hurt built up within herself.

Clarke tried to appreciate what the woman was trying to do for her, but part of her wondered if the effort wasn't being wasted. She had committed monstrous acts since being sent to Earth. She doubted Niylah knew of her hallucinations and just how bad off her state of mind was. _She said she was a healer, but I don't know if I'm fixable._ The way Niylah's hands glided through her hair allowed Clarke some measure of relaxation as she eased into the woman's touch. It seemed like ages since the last time she felt a loving touch from someone else. Memories of the Commander bubbled up and any sense of ease now fled her, her muscles tensing in response.

"You will stop," Niylah commanded, finally breaking the silence between them as she removed her hands from Clarke's hair. She dried her hands off on a nearby towel and placed them on Clarke's shoulders.

"Stop what?" she asked, barely even lifting her head to acknowledge the woman.

"Dwelling on the things that pain you," Niylah spoke softly. "The agony inside only holds power while we allow it. To heal is to learn." When she pulled her hands away, Clarke thought for an instant they were covered in blood, but then remembered the hair dye and calmed down.

Clarke shook her head. "I don't think this will heal." She doubted the amount of pain and resentment towards herself she kept inside would ever go away. Niylah's words sounded wise enough, but Clarke just couldn't let herself believe them. Hope was a dangerous emotion and she dared not reach for any.

A warm smile spread across Niylah's face as she packed up the pot of dye. "Time will tell, Helen." She called for Janos again and he brought in a fresh bowl of food and water for her. "Eat and change into these clothes," she said, motioning to the garments next to her. "When you are ready, join me outside. I wish to show you the camp." Before Clarke could reply, Niylah rose to her feet and strode out of the shack, closing the door behind her.

Clarke hesitated, her heart beating slightly faster. The prospect of leaving the confined space intrigued her, yet reality existed on the other side of that door. Millions of thoughts raced through her brain, going over every scenario she could think of. _What if I'm attacked again? What if someone recognizes me? The others will ask me about the Mountain._ As much as she feared the world outside the walls that surrounded her, she yearned for the fresh air and songs of the forest. She couldn't stay hidden forever.

Stripping out of her old, warn clothes she examined the outfit laid out before her. At first sight they looked much bulkier than Clarke's build, but after pulling on the pants they fit well enough, albeit a tad bit loose for her tastes. Next was a slightly worn undershirt that fell just beneath her waist, which she tucked it in to help the pants fit better. Then was the fur coat that fit almost perfectly for her, sporting the symbol of the Azgeda that adorned Niylah's. Wool socks were next and those slipped on easily enough, though Clarke kept her own boots instead of the ones provided. Finally, an icy blue bandana sat alone on the floor. She tied it loosely around her neck and let it hang from there.

Still feeling shaken up from her fight earlier, she found that she didn't have much of an appetite. She forced down a couple of bites and finished off the water, hoping that would satisfy Niylah. With nothing left for her in the cabin, Clarke turned towards the door to face her first challenge of the day; leaving her sanctuary.

* * *

Clarke exited the shelter to the clear night sky. The moon shone brightly over the refugee camp, illuminating much that the various torches didn't reach. Looking around, there weren't very many huts like the one she just exited from, but plenty of tents were pitched across a large area. There were many more people here than she anticipated. Anxiety began to take hold and she took a few steps back towards the door behind her when a hand reached out to stop her.

"Most of them are asleep, Helen," Niylah's voice said soothingly. Clarke relaxed slightly, though still felt extremely on edge. It was the first time being around a large group of people in what felt like an eternity. She had lost count of how long she had been away from Camp Jaha at this point.

"There's so many," Clarke remarked. "They all can't travel?" She found it hard to believe that survivors of the Mountain couldn't journey home to their clans after more than a week.

"Not all wounds are physical," Niylah commented with a frown. "You must have seen the horrors of the Mountain while you were down there. One does not forget that easily, though some better than others." Niylah began walking between tents and Clarke followed reluctantly. "They are allowed to stay here as long as they need, until they are ready to go back to their clans. To go back too early and to show suffering would be considered weakness, and they risk being cast out."

Clarke was dismayed at the thought. "Weakness? How is that weakness?" Much of the Grounder culture baffled Clarke. They had a way of over-complicating things.

"Heda ordered this camp to be made so those who were suffering from the Mountain could stay and fight off their demons," Niylah explained. She waved a hand across the open plain full of tents. "All of them are here because their Heda challenged them to get better. To leave is to disrespect the Heda's wishes and to bring weakness into the clan."

 _They probably praise her for this. She stabs me in the back to get them all free, sets them up a place to live and they probably love her for it._ She had a hard time controlling the vitriol that coursed through her veins. "What about their families? Don't they want to see their loved ones?"

Niylah shook her head. "There is much you do not understand, Helen. In time, I will teach you."

Clarke smelled smoke and as they rounded a row of tents she gazed upon a giant bonfire blazing in the middle of the camp. Flashes of the dropship massacre came to her, though she was able to quiet them down for the time being. The last thing she needed was a hallucination in front of the entire encampment. Niylah stopped at a group of fallen logs and took up residence on one of them. Clarke decided on one opposite her and also sat down. "I had someone try to teach me once. It didn't go very well," she said with more venom than she intended, thinking of the woman who had cut her so deeply.

"I hope to be a better teacher then," Niylah smiled. Clarke let out a huff but was immediately silenced by a blaring horn. Blood drained from her face and her heart sank as she jumped up from her log and moved behind Niylah.

"What is that?" Clarke demanded to know. The horn sounded again and Clarke watched the expression on Niylah's grow solemn.

"The Heda," she said coldly. "Helen, the Heda is here to check on my patients. She is early," the woman said. "Be quiet and do not speak," Niylah said in a hushed voice.

Clarke barely registered what was being said to her. Her heart hammered in her chest, head spinning slightly from the anger building up inside of her. _Why the fuck is she here?_ Clarke desperately wished she had her knife still, she wanted to present a gift to the Commander. Breathing heavy, Clarke scanned the horizon until her eyes landed on a group of horses traveling straight towards her, and at the front and center was the reason for Clarke's problems.

 


	7. Chapter 7

She heard the shouting the second the refugee camp came into view. Several pointed and waved, cheering her name with a frivolous passion. Others were content to wait on her. The journey from Polis had been a tiring one, but Lexa nevertheless summoned a smile at the sight of her people. The looks on their faces and the sheer amount of tents reassured her that taking the Mountain Men's deal was the correct thing for her people. As much as she cared for Clarke, Skaikru were not Grounders. The duty to her people always came first.

In the center of camp, Lexa dismounted her horse and gave the reins to one of her traveling companions to be groomed and fed. _So many faces,_ she thought. Most had looked half dead when she they emerged from the giant metal door in the mountain, and now most of them look like they have found life again. Her eyes scanned them all, seeking the woman she came here for. Disappointment came when no spec of blonde was to be found on her first look.

Lincoln had brought news of Clarke's departure to her personally. The revelation had upset her in many ways. She had opened up to the sky girl, only for circumstance to force her to cast that aside for her duty. She knew that the betrayal was part of Clarke running away, but she felt there was more to it than that. Rumors swirled about the downfall of the Mountain Men, but she paid them no mind. She knew Clarke's pain well. It was the kind only someone responsible for the lives of others could feel. She detested the way the blonde handled it. It made her blood boil at the mere thought of it. Lexa would never abandon her people like that.

All around her several faces drifted to and from view, but the one staring back was never the one she wanted. Plenty of them had black, brown, and even red hair, but not the light blonde hair Clarke sported. _She's not here_ , she thought. _And why would she be? Clarke had abandoned her own people, why would she want to be around others?_ A woman walked forward and Lexa recognized her as one of the healers in charge of the camp. "Niylah," Lexa said, stopping before the woman.

"Heda," Niylah answered back. Annoyance grew as Lexa watched the woman lazily bow in respect. "What brings you here early? We did not expect you for another two weeks."

"The sky girl, Clarke, has ran away," Lexa answered. Over a week had passed since Clarke left according to Lincoln. She admired the girl's strength, but knew that she wouldn't survive alone for long. Clarke's foolishness infuriated her. _Was I wrong to think so highly of her?_ "Her mother asked for our help in the search." She left out the anger the message held. The Skaikru had proven to be very vocal and let their emotions get the better of them. She would give them time to adjust to their ways, so long as the violence stopped. Her patience did have limits, and the Skaikru seemed to know how to test that.

"And how has the search gone?" Niylah asked. Lexa noted a slight unease about the woman, but it was very well hidden. It made Lexa curious.

"She was spotted near the Mountain Men's waterfall by some of your people," Lexa replied. She had visited the place herself and saw all the signs that a Skaikru had been there. Fires, broken twigs and tracks that were easy to follow. She had been less than pleased when it was the Azgeda who found her. When they explained that they lost her trail in the Reaper caves she was livid. "They lost her in the caves."

Niylah frowned. "I hope for her safety. Those tunnels are evil." Lexa could not help but agree. For so long the Reapers had tormented her people, but no longer. Even without the threat of them, the tunnels still gripped many in fear.

"I hoped to find her here," Lexa stated, more talking to herself than to Niylah. A small weight tugged at her chest and she did her best to ignore it. _You did what was right for your people. You did your duty._ Skaikru hiding out in a refugee camp would stick out sorely like a child on the battlefield. If Clarke was here, others would have told her by now.

The Azgeda shook her head. "We have not seen her, Heda. If she comes, we will send word."

Lexa nodded as she scanned the faces around her. All of them stood off in the distance, admiring her for who she was to them. Their love was a gift and a curse to her. She began to turn away when a lone woman with red hair sat by the fire, turned away from the commotion. Something seemed off about her, but she could not place it. "Who is she?" Lexa demanded to know. It was not often one of her people ignored her in such a fashion.

"A survivor of the Mountain, Heda," Niylah replied in a concerned tone. "The horrors still weigh heavy on her heart. I have only just got her to leave her tent. Forgive her rudeness, she is just not ready to return to her previous life."

Lexa nodded. She could see the pain in the tightness in which the red-haired woman sat. Cases like her was the reason she ordered this place to be made. "You have done well here, Niylah." _Clarke is not here. I should not linger. I am needed elsewhere._ "I wish I could stay, but I am needed in Polis." She still felt unsure about Niylah, but her attention was needed elsewhere. As much as she cared for all of her people, she could not spend the time with them she desired. Tensions were building with the Skaikru and some of the clans were not happy about the events of Ton DC. She would set them straight. She would just need time to do so.

"We still have much work to do," Niylah said, giving a much more respectable bow as Lexa called for her horse. "I wish you safe travels." Lexa gave the signal and her horse was brought to her immediately.

Lexa did not utter another word as she mounted her horse and took off in the direction of Polis. Her companions were not far behind her and it was not long before the fires of the refugee camp were nothing more than flickers in the distance. Thoughts of Clarke filled her mind and she cursed herself for such weakness. She did not realize how much she wanted to find Clarke in that camp. She hated herself for allowing the blonde girl to have so much control over her emotions.

The cool night wind blew into her face as she thought back to the deal she had made with the Mountain Men.

_"Leave now and we will release all your people. No harm will come to them." the man dressed in a suit of white had told her._

_"Why should I trust a Mountain Man? You have terrorized my people for years!" She still remembered the fury she held towards the weak man before her. "What is to stop me from taking my revenge here and now?" She had held the end of her sword to the edge of the man's alien looking suit, begging him to give her any excuse to push it a couple inches further._

_"Because none of your people have to die here," the man had pleaded. "We don't need them anymore."_

The deal had been too good to pass up. The idea of fighting to save Skaikru had already been unpopular with some of the ranks. She could not pass the opportunity to get all of her people out safely, even if it meant sacrificing Clarke's and her friends. Her only regret was the pain she caused Clarke. Lexa shook her head, pushing the painful thoughts out of her head. She tightened the grip on her reins as she slipped back into the comfortable role of the Commander and rode on into the night.

* * *

Clarke sank to the ground next to the tent she had been hiding behind. Her hands shook as she tried to control her breathing. Niylah had told her to stay out of sight and keep quiet, but that proved to be a harder task than she thought. Initially, she could only hear the roar of the crowd when the Commander arrived. The masses had obscured her view and she was able to keep a bottle on her emotions. When they moved to the campfire, however, she had a clear view of the Commander and could hear everything she was saying. Every word that came out of the Commander's mouth had eroded at her resolve.

 _If I had my knife, I would have gladly shown myself_ , Clarke thought. The temptation had grown the longer the Commander stood there, completely off-guard. She had left before Clarke could gather the courage, or insanity, to attack the Heda. Never in her life had she felt such rage before. She wasn't sure whether to be more frightened of the feeling, or for the fact that a small part of her was excited by it.

Her head swam as she felt the remnants of adrenaline leaving her system, and her limbs turned to jelly. Niylah found her not too long after and the woman swiftly helped Clarke to her feet. A grumbling in her stomach urged her to get food. Niylah must have heard it because the woman lead Clarke back to her shack. She plopped down on the ground and nodded her head in thanks. Niylah disappeared for a moment, returning with two bowls of food.

Clarke grabbed her bowl and was surprised when Niylah sat down opposite of her. "Thanks," Clarke said, her voice still a bit shaky.

"Does the Heda upset you?" Niylah asked, looking straight at her.

Clarke took a couple spoonfuls of the beef stew before answering. _I have to be careful here_. Any slipups and she could reveal her identity. "She... is intimidating," Clarke settled on, trying her best to make a convincing lie. "Even though she saved us from the Mountain, she reminds me of what happened there." There was truth to that statement, allowing Clarke to let the lie flow from her tongue. _She doesn't need to know the Commander actually left me for dead._

"Quite understandable," Niylah replied after a few bites of her food. "The Heda does that to some, even in her own clan. I am sorry her presence stirred up unpleasant memories, Helen. She was not due here for a couple of weeks."

Clarke tightened the grip on her bowl. "What did she want with... Clarke?" She had almost slipped and gave her identity away, but she was able to catch herself before making a sound.

"I do not know," Niylah replied. Clarke could see confusion in the woman's face. "She said the Skaikru asked her to help search for Clarke. Perhaps she agreed to ease tensions with the Skaikru. I am not sure what her motives are."

 _Neither do I,_ Clarke thought. The admission caught her a little by surprise. She didn't expect a Grounder to so openly question the Commander. Clarke could sense Niylah's unease about the situation, which made her concerned. _Why does the Commander want me so badly? Is she disappointed the Mountain Men didn't finish us off?_ Clarke's brows furrowed as she scooted her finished bowl to the side. "How bad are things with the Skaikru?" Clarke hoped they didn't do anything stupid.

Niylah shook her head. "I truly do not know. I have heard rumors of angry words and glaring looks, but nothing confirmed." Clarke was relieved to hear they were at least not getting violent, from what Niylah was saying. The woman shook her head and grabbed both bowls as she stood up. "It is late, and you need sleep. At dawn you will help me around the camp. From now on, you earn your food."

"What about my backpack? My knife?" Clarke already knew the answer, but she figured asking couldn't hurt.

"You will get those back when you are healed," Niylah offered. She placed the bowls down by the door and pulled out a fresh bandage, moving back to Clarke.

Clarke looked back down at her arm and had completely forgotten about the injury. She offered out her arm and Niylah gingerly removed the wrap from her arm. Clarke assessed the damage to her arm and thankfully it didn't look like it would scar. Still, that didn't stop her from wincing once she saw the damage without blood covering her arm. She didn't say a word as Niylah gently wrapped her arm in a fresh bandage. The woman never once raised her gaze from Clarke's wounded arm. Once the bandage was fastened Clarke flexed her forearm and felt satisfied with the feel of it all. "Thank you," she said.

"You are welcome, Helen." Niylah smiled and gathered her dirty bandage and the bowls. The brunette exited shortly after without a word, leaving Clarke alone again.

Clarke grabbed her blanket and drew it close to her, enjoying the warmth it brought her. Seeing the Commander had shaken her, she was not ready for that encounter. She knew the next time she saw the Commander she would be much less reserved. _I'm coming for you, bitch_. With nothing left to do, Clarke settled in on the floor and closed her eyes, drifting off into the easiest sleep she had since she left.

* * *

Clarke shot up from underneath her blanket, heart hammering and breaths coming short and fast. Disoriented, she looked around to make sense of where she was. Several moments passed before she could make out the features of the shack in the dark. She exhaled slowly to try and control her breathing and rested her head on her hands. _Another dream,_ she thought. She had been in Mount Weather again, back in the control room. Instead of herself, Monty, and Bellamy being in there, the entirety of the Arkers had stood there and watched her exterminate the Mountain Men again.

The constant nightmares were beginning to take their toll on her. The only place she had gotten decent sleep had been at the dam and she had been half starved while there. Constant exhaustion plagued her, never being able to get more than a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. _This is miserable._

A chill filled the air as Clarke noticed the candles were no longer lit. She shivered as she drew her blanket closer to her chest. Sleep temporarily robbed from her, Clarke propped herself up against one of the walls. Even though the Commander was long gone, seeing her still shook Clarke.

"You really hate the Heda, don't you Clarke?" A familiar voice called out.

Clarke screamed as she focused in the direction the voice was coming from. Near the entrance stood the man that had attacked her. He stood garbed in a cloak, colored black like a crow's feather, twirling the knife he had once attacked her with. Her heart pounded as the door to the shack burst open, Janos stepping through the entrance.

"Helen?" Janos asked, just inside the door.

Clarke's eyes drifted to the man hidden by the door. He now had his knife raised and shook his head. "I'm fine..." Clarke replied, her voice shaky at best. "It was just a nightmare." She tried to sound as reassuring as possible. Janos and Niylah had been kind to her. She didn't want their blood on her hands. For a second, Clarke thought he didn't believe her. _Please, just leave!_

Janos nodded and placed his hand over his heart. "May you find peace, Helen." Janos turned heel and exited the shack, closing the door behind her.

Clarke didn't allow herself to relax. The man who attacked her previously still was in the room with her and very much armed. "Here to finish the job?" she asked in a hushed tone, not wanting to bring Janos back into any danger.

The man sheathed his knife and moved closer to Clarke with a lighthearted laugh. "Quite the opposite," the man said. "I fear I was rather harsh the last time we spoke. It's clear to me that you are suffering much more than I could ever make you. I have no reason to harm you now." The man stopped a couple feet from where she laid on the ground, staring at her with a piercing gaze.

Clarke sat, frozen in place. If she had the courage she could have attacked him and have Janos running in to capture him. _He attacked me,_ she thought. _All those horrible things he said to me and now he says it's a mistake?_ She didn't trust him one bit. "Why don't I believe you?"

The man smiled and clapped his hands together. "A valid point, Clarke!" He reached down and pulled out his knife. Her eyes fixated on the blade's every movement and flinched when the man flicked his wrist. She waited for the pain to come, but it never did. "Come Clarke, I said I have no reason to harm you."

Clarke shifted her gaze back to the man before her and saw the hilt of his knife facing her. Confusion washed over her as she looked at the leather grip. "Why are you giving me this?" _This is some trick, it has to be_.

"It is no trick, Clarke. I assure you," the man replied, almost as if he read her thoughts. "Whoever holds the knife has the power. So long as you have it, I cannot harm you."

 _We're about to find out_. She snatched the knife and pressed it against the man's throat. Her free hand clenched onto a fistful of his hair. "Who are you?!" she angrily whispered through heavy breaths. The man didn't move a muscle at all, even with the pressure of a blade against his neck.

"You may call me Samael," the man replied calmly. Raising his hands, he gently placed them near the knife where it pressed into his neck. "I would rather not have my neck cut, if that is okay with you." She had never seen such calm in a person before. He seemed confident nothing would happen to him.

Clarke slowly inched the knife away from his throat, the weapon trembling in her hands as they shook. Her sweaty hands gripped the hilt even harder and pointed the blade at the man's face. "Why are you here, Samael? What do you want?"

"I want the same as you do, dear," he explained, a devilish grin adorning his face. "The Commander is not innocent in all this. She has caused pain, much like you. She needs to suffer as well."

"What do you want from me?!" Clarke hissed. She shook the blade in his face to let him know she wanted answers. This man had tried to kill her, and now it sounded like he wanted her help. There was no way in hell she was going to trust Samael.

"I want you to live, Clarke," Samael offered. "The Commander herself is looking for you. Does that not seem odd? You must mean something to her." Samael's grin grew larger after a pause. "Stay hidden. Make her worry, make her suffer. Then, when the time is right, you will finally show yourself and break her."

Clarke's jaw slacked as seh found herself dumbstruck at what she was hearing. None of it made any sense to her. _Does he know how the Commander kis... no,_ used _me? What the hell is he getting at?_ She brought her hands to her head at the confusion of it all. "What are you even talking about?" Clarke asked, frustration setting in. She was thrown off by the whole conversation. None of it made any sense to her.

"Not now," Samael said, raising to his feet and ignoring Clarke moving the knife closer to him. "I just wanted to see how you were doing and check in with you. When you are ready, I will return to discuss what needs to be done. For now, I must apologize for lying."

Clarke didn't even have time to ask what the lie was before a swift punch from Samael connected with her right cheek, sending her sprawling to the ground. She barely heard the door open as the last remnants of her consciousness faded, giving way to complete blackness.


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke woke some time later to the smell of cooked meat in the air and a throbbing in her head. A hand laid itself gently on her shoulder and the grogginess started to dissipate. She groaned as she reluctantly sat up, removing her blanket and rubbing the weariness out of her eyes. Once her vision returned to normal she saw Niylah sitting across from her with food sat out for both of them. Glancing down at the bowl, Clarke's mouth watered. Rice and what she assumed were potatoes all topped a juicy looking strip of meat. It looked like the best food Clarke had eaten since the Ark. "Thank you," Clarke said, breaking the silence.

Niylah nodded as she began to eat her meal. "I trust you slept well?" Niylah questioned between bites of her food.

_No_. "Yes," Clarke lied. The memory of Samael was still fresh in her mind. Her hand lifted up to feel the spot where she had been kicked. It was less painful than she thought it would be, barely even noticeable. _What the hell did he want?_ "Where is Janos?" She wondered how Samael could have gotten into the hut again. _He must have snuck in when I was out with Niylah_. The thought that she didn't notice him at first disturbed her. She would have been dead if he wanted to kill her.

"We must all sleep at some point," Niylah replied with a slight smile on her face. "He has gone to rest for the day. You will be with me for today."

Clarke nodded as she took her first taste of her meal. Her taste buds roared their approval and Clarke let out a slightly embarrassing moan of satisfaction. She had never tasted something so good in her life. "This is so good," Clarke complimented. "Who made it?"

"I did," Niylah stated. "It's a common recipe among Azgeda. I'm glad you like it." She set her bowl to the side and clasped her hands together as she talked to Clarke. "I have duties to attend to, but I would like you to see the camp yourself. Last night you got interrupted. Hopefully this time goes better." Niylah turned around and picked up a parcel that she had been sitting in front of and placed it at Clarke's lap. "After you are satisfied with your tour, you will deliver this to Janos. We all have our parts to play, this will be yours for today. Take it with you while you explore."

Clarke looked over the package placed in front of her. Picking it up, it had some weight to it. "What is it?" _And why do I have to deliver it?_ Niylah perplexed Clarke, but so long as she could be Helen she didn't care. No harm had come to her yet, except for Samael. Clarke felt the trust in Niylah begin to add up, though she still remained cautious.

Niylah shook her head, gently placing a hand on the parcel and urging Clarke to put it down. "You will find out when you deliver it to Janos. For now, leave it unopened." She pulled out a couple sets of bandages from her satchel along with a canteen and set them on the ground. "I would like to change your bandages before I go, if that is alright with you, Helen?"

Clarke nodded and held out her injured arm first. She watched as Niylah gently unwrapped the bandage and looked at her damaged skin. The wounds were healing much nicer than Clarke thought they would. Niylah was good at her craft. Looking closer, she saw some type of ointment on the inside of the bandages Niylah had pulled out. "Niylah, what's on those bandages?"

"A salve to help calm the skin and help with healing," Niylah explained, unscrewing the cap on the canteen. "I'm going to use some alcohol to keep the wound clean and then apply the dressing."

Clarke nodded and braced herself when Niylah poured the liquid over her arm. Her arm stung immediately but the pain faded quickly. She felt at ease as Niylah gently held her arm and firmly wrapped the bandage around her forearm. Once the bandage was secure, Clarke gave her arm a quick squeeze and made sure she had enough range of motion on her wrist. "That's perfect, thank you," Clarke complimented. She remembered her leg and the fact that it hadn't been changed in a while. She hoped everything looked alright. "I also have a wound on my leg that needs changing."

"You're welcome, Helen," Niylah smiled, grabbing another bandage next to her. "I'll change your leg dressing and then you will be good to go."

Clarke, not wanting to look at the aftermath of her cauterization again, rolled to her side and pulled down her pants enough to expose the old wrap. She heard a gasp of breath from Niylah and immediately became worried. "What's wrong? Did the wound reopen? Is it infected?" _I don't feel any pain, and I would have felt an infection by now_.

Niylah remained paused for a few moments before spurring into action again. "N-no..." she replied. "The wound looks good... I was just... caught off guard by the sight."

Clarke felt an odd sense of satisfaction that her cut looked ugly. It was an outward representation of how she felt inside about who she had become. Niylah's hands lacked their usual grace and Clarke almost gave in to temptation to look at the mark on her leg. _It must really be bad._

It didn't take long before the wound was cleaned and covered with a fresh bandage. After the finishing touches were done Niylah quickly gathered her supplies and hurried out of the door. "Remember your duties, Helen," she said as she exited.

Clarke rolled back onto her butt and looked down at the fresh bandage. She approved of Niylah's work and reached down to her pants when she paused. Embarrassment flooded her as she saw that she left herself completely exposed the entire time she had her pants down. _Niylah's behavior... oh god._ So many questions poured into Clarke's head at once. _Did she look? Of course she looked, your ass was in her face and you had no underwear. Perhaps she looked in a different direction the moment she saw what I did._ Her cheeks burned when she pulled up her pants back to her waist. She hoped Niylah would forget all about it and never bring it up again.

Clarke downed the rest of her meal and picked up the parcel Niylah gave her. "Well, time to explore," Clarke said aloud. _Hopefully with my ass in my pants this time_. Clarke waited for the wave of embarrassment to subside before opening the door to a fresh morning sun. Her orders were to explore the camp and she intended to do just that. Picking a random direction, she took off to see what sites were there for her to see.

* * *

What felt like hours passed while Clarke explored the refugee camp. She expected to see miserable people barely interacting with the world around them and keeping to themselves. Instead, she found groups of Grounders laughing, telling stories, meditating, and merely _living_. It was a refreshing sight to her eyes.

The sound of metal clashing together filled the air as she reached her last stop in the camp. A large clearing was before her. Several Grounders were gathered in the clearing, attacking each other with swords. The sight reminded her of the training at Camp Jaha before they marched to the Mountain. She thought back to Octavia and the way she refused to give up, even with the beating she took while doing so. Thinking of her friend brought a smile back to Clarke's face. _I wish I had half the strength she does,_ Clarke lamented.

As she drew closer, Clarke became mesmerized by their movements. Attacks, counters, blocks, and punches were all delivered with precision and force, though never lethal. Anytime one was beaten the other would help them up again and continue the fight. To her, they all looked powerful. Every single one of them in control of their mind and body.

Some fought in pairs while others trained in groups, taking turns practicing different scenarios. She watched one particular group that looked to be practicing prisoner rescue. The scenario started and it seemed to be going good at first for the rescuers, getting the prisoner out with relative ease. However, more fighters joined in and soon the rescuers were severely outnumbered. One of the two running with the prisoner stopped and turned to face the attackers. He was clearly over-matched and would die, but it looked like a stalling tactic. He lasted surprisingly long, 'taking' many of his foes with him before finally being 'struck down' by several Grounders. The sacrifice must have worked as Clarke saw the prisoner and remaining rescuer celebrating their victory. The sight brought a smile to her face.

"You like what you see?"

Clarke jumped as Janos appeared at her side. She tried to hide her reaction the best she could but knew Janos had seen it. Once calmed down, she nodded. "They train to get stronger," Clarke observed. Truthfully it was a guess, but she didn't want to let on to her ignorance of Grounder ways if she could help it.

"They train to heal," Janos replied. "It gives them goals. Focus, strength, resolve. That is what they work on." Janos waved his hand across the clearing. "All stolen by Mountain Men. They came weak and broken. They are now strong and whole."

Clarke found herself imagining being out there on the field, sword in hand and practicing with the Grounders. She knew that her skill would never match them, though she still hoped to get the same focus and control. _If I practice enough I might even be able to catch that bitch of a Commander off-guard._ The thought started to bubble up a rage inside of her, though she was able to clamp down on it before it became all-consuming. Clarke had seen what rage had done to Finn, how it tore him apart. She couldn't let that happen to herself.

"You are not ready," Janos said, catching Clarke by surprise. Janos turned and walked away from the clearing back in the direction of Clarke's shack. "Yu ste kwelen."

Clarke recognized the phrase and instantly became defensive. "I am _not_ weak," Clarke retorted. Someone who was weak could not have caused so much death, made so many hard choices. Clarke may be many things, but she knew that weak wasn't among them.

Janos gave no indication that he heard her as he kept walking. His silence was maddening to Clarke and she found herself wishing for Niylah to be there. Niylah at least attempted to have conversations; she had barely even spoken to Janos.

Clarke shifted the package she had been carrying since she left the shack. Her arms were tired but she didn't dare show it. She wasn't going to give Janos the satisfaction of showing any weakness. _I'm supposed to give this to him, but he showed no interest in it when he saw it._ Clarke wondered if Niylah gave her the wrong package by mistake, but she figured there must be some reason for their actions so let it slide for now. _I'll just give it to him when we reach the shack._

It wasn't long before they arrived back at the shack. Clarke's arms were dying and she desperately wanted to give Janos the package. Relief washed over her when Janos spun around and looked at her expectantly. "Niylah said to give this to you after I was done walking around the camp," Clarke explained, holding out the package.

Janos nodded and took the package from her hands and opened it. Clarke eagerly watched as he pulled out a long strip of folded cloth. Anticipation built as she wondered what would come after the cloth. Instead, confusion took its place when Janos set the box down. "This is for you," Janos said, extending the cloth towards her. "All who stay here are given one."

Clarke slowly took the cloth from Janos' hands and felt that there was something inside it as soon as her hands wrapped around it. Unfolding the layers, Clarke saw a sword inside a scabbard with straps to carry it with. She looked up to Janos to confirm this was real and he nodded. Clarke unsheathed the blade and looked it over. The handle was well made, wrapped in black leather and shaped well enough to allow her hand to feel comfortable gripping it. The rest left much to be desired. The blade appeared dull and the metal looked faded. She doubted the sword could cut a banana. Still, she appreciated the gesture. "Thank you," Clarke said, sheathing the sword.

"You will fix and sharpen the blade," Janos commanded. "When you are done, you will bring it to me. I will send you back to do it again." Clarke felt insulted that he didn't think she could do it, though she knew he was probably right. He pulled out a stone and placed it in her hand. "You will use this stone. I will know if you don't. Niylah is busy, work the metal until she returns."

Clarke nodded and entered the shack with determination. She would prove Janos wrong. Inside she sat down and unsheathed the sword, laying it across her lap. She inspected the metal and found a place to start working. Her fingers wrapped around the stone and began rubbing the stone against the blade. _This will be over in no time,_ Clarke thought. _Besides, sharpening and polishing a sword is hardly the most difficult thing I've done._ All of her focus was directed at the steel in front of her, losing herself in the sounds of rock against metal. She would have this done in no time.

* * *

Clarke threw the sharpening stone in a fit of rage and slammed her sword to the ground. _This is ridiculous!_ She had been working on polishing the blade for what felt like hours and she couldn't even tell any changes to it. The muscles in her right arm screamed from the effort she put in and her hand was cramping from the excessive use. Embarrassment filled her when she thought back to how confident she had been in her abilities.

Clarke stood up as she rubbed at her sore arm. Niylah had not returned yet, and Clarke figured it would be any time before the woman arrived. As time went on she had began to look forward to their conversations and spending time with the woman. Being around other people reminded her of how much she missed talking to someone.

She thought back to the conversation she had with Samael about the Commander. The anger still resided within her from seeing the Heda again for the first time. Her desire to see the Commander suffer had not waned at all. _I need this training if I'm going to be able to hurt her._ While Clarke knew she would never be a match for the Commander, she would do her best to learn enough to gain the element of surprise. Strike when least expected to and then exact her revenge.

_"I made this decision with my head, not my heart."_

"That's because you never had one, you cold bitch," Clarke hissed to herself, clenching her hands into fists. The fury in her voice caught her by surprise, but she couldn't deny it felt good to give in to it. She wanted the Commander to see the turmoil she was going through and to know that she caused all of it. Whether or not the Commander ever really cared about Clarke didn't matter to her. _Just another way to twist the knife_ , Clarke thought.

With a sigh she walked around the shack to find the polishing stone she had tossed earlier. She tried to suppress any thoughts of the Commander. Giving in to the thoughts of vengeance and rage completely was dangerous, Clarke knew. Finn had done so and went insane, ultimately leading to his death. She would get her revenge, she just had to not be stupid about it.

After a minute or two of searching she finally found the stone. She picked it up and slowly walked back to the sword she left on the ground. Just as she placed the stone next to the sword the door opened up and in walked Niylah. Clarke smiled, the negative emotions from before slowly evaporating.

"I see you opened your package," Niylah commented, sitting down and offering Clarke food once again.

Clarke took the bowl and set it on the ground before her. "Yes," she replied with a hint of frustration. She would not let Niylah know about the frustration she just felt. "I started to work on it some, but decided to stop for the night."

"We do not expect you to finish right away, Helen," Niylah replied with a smile. "Most great things are accomplished with time and dedication. Yours will come."

Clarke suddenly remembered her last interaction with Niylah and became embarrassed. _She doesn't seem like she knows, but still I should apologize._ "About earlier..."

Niylah held up a hand to interrupt Clarke. "There is no need for apology. I was surprised and acted poorly. It won't happen again."

Clarke shook her head, refusing to let Niylah dismiss her apology. "I should have remembered I wasn't entirely clothed," Clarke said, grasping Niylah's hand. "I put you in an awkward position. I'm sorry."

"If you must insist, I accept your apology, Helen," Niylah replied. Clarke saw the woman's eyes drift to the sword on the ground and Clarke's heart started beating faster, hoping that her failures wouldn't be noticed. "Has your stone already dried?," she asked as she pointed to the polishing stone.

Clarke did an internal face palm when she realized that the stone had to be wet for it to work. _So much time wasted because of that stupid mistake._ "Yes," Clarke lied. She didn't want to admit that she had tried so hard and failed miserably. "I look forward to finishing it." Truth be told she was scared of the training she would receive after the sword was polished and cleaned.

Niylah's smile showed approval in Clarke's actions and they both began to eat their food. The rest of the time was spent in a comfortable silence, content to just enjoy the meal and each other's company. They would have plenty of time to talk while Clarke was in training with this new sword, or at least she hoped they would. Excitement filled Clarke and she couldn't wait to see what was in store next, a refreshing change from the damaged person she was after the Mountain. Perhaps she would be able to heal after all.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you to all of you who review/follow/favorite the story. It means a lot to me that you're enjoying the story as much as I am writing it. Action starting to pick up with this chapter, hope you enjoy!

Steel clashed together, creating a deadly song that rang through the air. Advances and retreats, flurries and counters set the rhythm and grunts became the beat they danced to. Her opponent moved graciously, flowing between attacks like water through rocks. Clarke, however, was an entirely different element. She was always aggressive, constantly throwing attack after attack. Pure rage compensated for the lack of experience whenever she fought. Outside of the training field Clarke was weak, feeble, and depressed. Here, however, she could truly let herself go and give into every emotion she felt and channel it into her hands.

A wild overhead swing from Clarke was easily countered by Janos. Less than a second later a punch to her gut had her doubled over, gasping for air. She felt the harsh cold of the metal pressing against her neck and knew she had lost. She slammed her sword to the ground in frustration as she watched Janos walk away to go work with another trainee. Every match against Janos had the same result; she hadn't even come close to beating him yet.

In the first week of her training Clarke had been beaten to a pulp by Janos every time they sparred. Every one of her attacks had been met by an effortless counter and a swift smack to the cheek by his strong hands. She had been bruised, bloodied, and worn down to her last shred of willpower. The end of the first week saw her at a breaking point. She had been at the edge of the camp, ready to leave with nothing but the clothes that she wore and the sword strapped to her back. Were it not for Niylah, Clarke would have left then and there, never looking back. Niylah had called out her cowardice and got in Clarke's face about how dumb she was being. The fire in Niylah's voice when she spoke had struck a chord in Clarke. _The survivors of Mount Weather were lucky to have her,_ Clarke had thought. In that moment Clarke had seen how much Niylah cared about all of the people she looked after. She returned to camp with Niylah and the next day she trained harder than she had done before.

Clarke sheathed her sword and looked in the direction of Janos and his new sparring partner. It had been several weeks since that night and her swordsmanship had improved greatly. She still wished that her abilities matched up against the others, but her lack of experience still was apparent. Many thought she used to be part of Luna's clan, and Clarke went with it. It was a convenient excuse for her poor skill with a sword and protected her true identity. Some days her fighting went better than others. Occasionally she would hear Samael's voice whispering in the background, guiding her hand and pushing her to give into the anger she bottled up inside. The power from her emotions always felt amazing, but during those times she got beat the hardest. 'Fighting with your heart and not your head' is what Janos called it. _I know another Grounder who thinks like that_ , Clarke thought bitterly.

While many had left the camp in the time since Clarke arrived, a few still remained behind, still damaged from their experiences. Most of the healers were gone because not as many were needed with less people around,, though Niylah and one other had stayed. People had come and gone bringing whispers of news with them from their travels. It never amounted to much but Clarke had managed to pick up that tensions between the Sky People and Grounders were heating up again, though no reason was ever given. She tried to pay it no mind. Her only focus was eating and training. Everything else fell to the side.

The sound of crows cawing filled the air, combining their call with the sounds of combat. Clarke felt a familiar presence and didn't even need to turn to see who it was. "What do you want, Samael?" she asked in a low, hushed voice. While his help during training was appreciated, even welcomed, Clarke was still cautious about the man. Every time he was around she felt uneasy, and she always walked away from the conversation feeling worse than before.

"You've come a long way, Clarke," Samael commented. He sat down beside her and she subconsciously scooted a couple inches away from him. "Still much more work to be done, though. If you intend to go through with your plan, you'll need to do much better. I can only help so much."

Clarke furrowed her brows as she took out her sword and sharpening stone. "You mean _your_ plan. I'm just going along with it," Clarke spat out. She poured some water from her canteen onto the stone and began scraping it across the blade.

"There, there," Samael said. "There's no need to engage in hostilities. We both want the same thing." He sat down next to her and waved his hand across the training field. "Watch all of them. Study their movements. When you're not using your sword, use your mind. You can always learn something new, even by watching."

"It's been weeks, I'm doing the best I can," Clarke defended herself. "I come out here everyday and get my ass handed to me each time. They've all been training for years. I'm not going to make all that up in a matter of months."

Samael nodded in agreement. "This is true, but it does not matter. Even a master can be defeated by someone who's never wielded a sword before. It's all a matter of surprise." He reached out and grabbed Clarke's hand, forcing her attention to him. "You don't need to be the best, Clarke. You just needt o be good enough to have the element of surprise." Clarke yaned her hand away and resumed her task, causing Samael to stand up. "Just think about it, Clarke."

Clarke didn't lift her eyes as she felt him leave. Once some time had passed she put her sharpening stone away and put the sword in its sheath, adjusting the fit of her belt across her shoulder. Her eyes once again went to the training yard and she let out a long sigh. _I'll never be as good as them_. If she were being honest with herself, training and accomplishing her mission were the only things that she had. After all that was done, she didn't have a firm plan for what came next. _I've learned a lot from the Grounders,_ Clarke thought. _Maybe I'll go back to the woods, and this time I won't almost kill myself doing it._ Camp Jaha would also be an option, but a heavy weight took hold of her heart each time she thought about everyone still there. She wasn't sure she would ever be ready to return.

Returning her focus to the action at hand, she watched Janos take on two attackers at once and tried to make note of his movements. _When you're not using your sword, use your mind_ , Samael's words echoed. Instead of watching the movements of the blade, Clarke lowered her gaze downwards to their feet. His feet moved confidently, with a grace about them as well. Every movement, every strike was set up by subtly shifting his feet. Clarke knew before the final outcome that he would win. She sipped on her water as she watched the rest of the duels take place, taking in all that she could as she let the day slip away.

* * *

It was in the waning hours of the day before Clarke left the training area and headed for the center of camp. She felt like she learned a lot today from studying the others and couldn't wait to use it the next day. For now, he stomach growled and she couldn't wait for dinner. Normally she ate alone in her shack, though occasionally Niylah would join her. She enjoyed the company every now and again, but often she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Others heading to get their food began to head in the same direction and Clarke lowered her head and kept walking, always preferring not to have too much interaction with the others.

Murmurs around her caught her interest and Clarke began listening to what they were saying. Her knowledge of the Grounder dialect had grown in her time at camp and she could generally follow what was being said.

"The hunters are late," a man said, grumbling and clenching his fists.

The woman next to him grabbed his arm and tugged at it. "Calm down. The hunters are always on time. I'm sure they have their reasons for being late. They will just hand out the non-meats while we wait for their return."

The man merely grumbled and Clarke slowed her pace. _If I'm going to be waiting for the full meal, no sense in walking faster_ , she thought. _It's not like the hunters to be late._ She couldn't shake this feeling of unease, but the others around her only seemed annoyed so she pushed it to the side for now.

As she made her way through the varoius tents to where the food was being handed out, Clarke noticed much of the remainder of camp were standing around the area. She saw Niylah from afar, passing out food to the various refugees, and made her way over. "Everything okay?" she asked.

Niylah shrugged and passed her a bowl of rice and diced potatoes. "We're not sure where the hunters are. Hopefully they get here soon, the others are starting to get restless."

Clarke took a quick glance around her and saw many of the refugees looking anxious. "I'll be in my shack when they come. No sense in adding to the masses," Clarke said, taking the bowl. Niylah gave her a nod and she turned and walked towards her shack. _Perhaps they_ _had to go farther than they thought for game._ She shook her head and decided to forget about the possibilities and wait until they returned to get answers.

Rounding the corner to her shack, Clarke paused as she heard some shouting nearby. Passing by her dwelling, she spotted several Grounders making their way into camp. Her first reaction was that they were more travelers and that they were just being loud. After looking again she saw that most of them were heavily injured and were calling for help. Others must have heard the shouting too, as more people were crowding around. Once the newcomers understood what was going on, most of them rushed out to help and Clarke found herself racing after them.

Closer inspection showed that some of the hunters were amongst those injured, along with some Grounders who weren't from the camp. "What happened?" she asked one of the healthier hunters.

"Pauna," the man replied. "We were out hunting for food when it came and attacked us." He shifted his gaze to some of the others being carried and had a sad expression on his face. "Trikru found us. It attacked them too. A little girl was with them."

_Pauna... the giant gorilla?!_ Clarke wondered if it was the same one. She vividly remembered when she and the Commander had encountered the beast. _I saved her life, even when she told me to leave_ , she thought bitterly. _Why was it so easy for her to leave me?_ She thought of the moment when she had grabbed the Commander's sword and locked them in the cage together, temporarily keeping the Pauna out. _The sword..._ she remembered. _It's probably still there. How poetic would it be to kill her with her own sword?_ Clarke knew she would have to go back there at one point to get it, but now was not the time.

Thte chaos all around snapped her out of her thoughts. .She spun in every direction, looking at all the Grounders that had been brought to the camp. So many people hurt, so much screaming. It was starting to overwhelm Clarke. "H-How did they escape? Where is the girl?" she asked, trying to avert her eyes from the suffering Grounders.

"We were lucky," the hunter replied. "It took some of the injured and ran off." The man pointed to a smaller group alongside him. "The girl is over there. She's bad."

Clarke nodded and hurried her way over to the small group. She instantly saw the girl and her heart dropped. The girl was covered with blood and looked extremely weak and those with her didn't look much better. Everyone around her started to help with what they could and Clarke spotted Niylah and the other healer sprinting towards them. "Niylah, over here!" she called out. "There's a girl, she's bad!"

"Niylah, get the girl! I've got these over here," Clarke heard the other healer shouted from across the way.

Niylah cursed and ran towards Clarke. She tried to tune out the suffering around her, focusing only on Niylah. "What happene... never mind. Tell me later." Niylah looked over the girl's injuries and looked towards the other healer. "I need your help on this one!"

"I can't, this one is bad too!" the other healer called out, frantically working over his patient.

Niylah cursed and looked up at Clarke. "Helen, I need you to help me on this," she said, her hands working to stop bleeding in several areas on the young girl.

"I... I can't..." Clarke muttered. _So much suffering... all the blood._ She looked down at the child's face and all that she could think about were the children she killed at Mount Weather. Once again she was being asked to put another person's life in her hands. She couldn't risk failure, not again. _I couldn't even save Tris_.

Niylah muttered something in Trigedasleng that Clarke didn't recognize and her gaze shifted back to Clarke. "This child is going to die if you don't help me," Niylah pleaded. Clarke didn't budge and she could see the frustration and desperation building in Niylah's face. "Damnit!" Niylah exclaimed, looking down and letting out a deep sigh. "Clarke, I _need_ you!"

Clarke froze in place and the blood drained from her face. _She knows who I am_ , Clarke realized. "What?" she asked, still in shock.

"I will explain later. This child is _dying_ , Clarke. Your people helped cure the Reapers and your mother knows how to heal. I'm hope you picked up on some of it," Niylah explained, her blood covered hands working quickly to help out the dying child. "I know how you must feel right now but _please_ help me save her."

Clarke forced herself to look down at the child and she saw the pain painted across the little girl's face. Something in her broke, or perhaps snapped back into place, and she surged into action. She knelt down next to the girl and looked over the extent of the injuries. Her side had a couple of deep lacerations that would need stitches and it looked like she had a dislocated shoulder as well. Several more cuts and bruises were evident and Clarke knew that without her help this girl would die. "Niylah, give her something to knock her out. She needs stitches and her shoulder popped back into the socket."

Niylah nodded and tossed Clarke some supplies from her bag while she worked on creating a mixture. She pulled out some cloth and used it to soak up some of the blood and to stop her from losing more. Niylah made quick work of the sedative and soon the little girl was passed out. She and Niylah wasted no time in getting to work on fixing up the poor girl. _I'm not going to let another girl die on my watch,_ she thought defiantly. Determined, Clarke narrowed in her focus and began the process of saving a life for a change.

* * *

After an intense few hours of being touch and go with the little girl, Clarke had finally succeeded in keeping her alive. Niylah had been extremely helpful and together they were able to just barely keep the girl in this world. She would need a good while to recover, but she would never heal just right. Clarke felt extremely thankful that the girl was alive. _Her fight is not over_.

As she washed her hands in a basin of water, Clarke reflected on the last few hours. Niylah had revealed that she knew about Clarke from the very beginning. Some anger still flowed through her at the revelation. With everything that had happened in the last several weeks, however, she was willing to give Niylah a chance to explain. _She has some apologizing to do_ , Clarke thought to herself.

Even though her help had been tremendous with the little girl, there had been a point where she was about to give into despair. Things had taken a turn for the worse and Clarke had feared that it would be a repeat of Tris. Oddly, Raven had popped into her mind at that point. She rememered the strength the woman held and tried to channel it and managed to pull through in the end. Part of her missed the fiery mechanic whom she considered one of her closest friends, even though their relationship started out rocky.

Images of Raven laying on that table deep within Mount Weather still haunted her mind. Watching her lay there, completely helpless and in pain had made Clarke furious. She felt her heart beating faster, breathing becoming more laborous and Clarke began to clamp down on her feelings before she had a full blown panic attack. _I'm not anywhere near ready to see them again,_ she realized.

A familiar hand placed itself upon her shoulder and Clarke turned to see Niylah standing before her. Little embers of anger flared up inside of her, though she managed to keep her cool. "Niylah," she said cooly. _There had better be a good reason for what she did._ "I don't like being lied to."

Niylah lowered her head as she talked. "I didn't want you to find out like this," she explained. "I was going to tell you eventually."

"But why did you do it?" Clarke had to know the answers to all the questions that had been floating inside her head since Niylah's admission. "Why help me? Why pretend you didn't know who I was?"

"You were not ready," Niylah answered. Clarke noticed Niylah shift slightly as she spoke. _Is she nervous?_ "When I found you in the Mountain you were curled up on the ground and your face covered in tears. I knew right away who you were and I couldn't leave you there." She lifted her head to meet Clarke's eyes. Clarke could see the honesty coming from Niylah. "I have never done anything with the intent to hurt you."

Clarke thought back to when she first saw Niylah and remembered the way she initially acted. "You smacked me," Clarke replied.

"Your body was present but your mind was elsewhere," Niylah explained. "I was trying to join them back together." Clarke watched as the woman in front of her began to pace back and forth in front of her. "I have seen the burden you place upon yourself, how you carry the pain of what you did at the Mountain. I wanted to help."

"Why?" Clarke pressed, wanting to know the woman's motivations. "Your Commander ordered you to retreat and Grounders want nothing to do with the Mountain."

"I told you before I was looking for supplies for my patients," Niylah retorted. "My brother was taken by the Mountain Men when I was younger. I swore that I would get revenge someday, but as I grew I knew that dream would not become reality." Niylah stopped her pacing and she faced toward Clarke. "I helped you because you avenged my brother, and because Ice Nation was against retreating that night."

_Now that's interesting,_ Clarke thought to herself. "I'm so sorry about your brother, Niylah," she said. "I thought Grounders never questioned their precious Heda." Clarke knew she shouldn't be so spiteful of the Commander in front of other Grounders, but her anger towards the woman had only grown over the weeks.

"We obey her word," Niylah explained. "That is what the Coalition is. We may disagree behind her back, but her commands must be followed." Clarke detected some spite in Niylah's tone and became curious about it. "Our Queen was not pleased at the decision to retreat. Hunting parties in the past had to go much further than usual when preparing for harsh winters, much closer to the Mountain that we normally like. Several had been captured by Mountain Men and turned into Reapers or used for their blood."

_Queen Nia,_ Clarke thought to Commander had briefly mentioned her and held her responsible for Costia's death. Still, it felt good to know there were others out there that were angered by the Commander's decision. "What can you tell me about your Queen?" Commotion didn't allow her an immediate answer as there were rallying cries from across the camp. "What's going on?"

"I will have to tell you about my Queen later," Niylah said, making her way towards the voices. "Let's find out what is going on."

The two of them walked up to the group and listened in to the conversation that was taking place.

"This beast has plagued the land for too long!" one of the Grounders shouted, his voice booming over the others. "We've all seen what it can do. A child is now broken because of it. It's time to end this. _Jus drein, jus daun!_ "

Roars erupted from those gathered around and another man stepped forward. "We will slay this beast and I can return home, strong and well. _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim."_ Several others nodded in agreement and stepped forward.

"I want in," Clarke said with no hesitation to Niylah. _Now's my chance to get that sword._ It wasn't her only motivation, though. She needed revenge for the harm that beast had caused the little girl. "I want my gun and knife back, though. I'm going to need them."

Niylah paused and studied Clarke. "Are you sure?" When Clarke nodded yes Niylah pulled out the items out of the bag she carried with her and handed them over. "You don't have to go," Niylah explained.

Clarke picked up on a slight nervousness in Niylah's voice. "I will be fine, I've faced this Pauna before," Clarke said. "The stakes were much higher last time as well." Memories of her being trapped in the cage with the Commander flooded to the front of her mind. She did her best to shut the woman out, but could only do so much with her mind not obeying her commands. "Besides, I left something there last time. I'd love to give it back to its owner someday."

"Then you will join us," Niylah said, running after the now departing hunting party.

The two of them fell into rank and steadied themselves for the fight to come. Clarke felt in control for the first time in a while, and now had an outlet to vent her anger and frustration. She tucked her pistol into the waistband of her pants and attached her knife to an edge loop of her pants. _This Pauna isn't going to hurt anyone else._ Clarke fell into rhythm and sped off with the group to find their giant foe and put a stop to it, once and for all.

* * *

It wasn't until the whole group stopped just outside of the Pauna's layer that Clarke realized just how many Grounders had gone out on the hunt. From looking at their numbers, it looked like the rest of the refugees came with them. "There are so many," she commented to Niylah, who stood by her side.

"They view it as their final test," Niylah explained. "The Pauna is one of the most fearsome opponents. None are going to miss the chance for revenge, and the chance to prove they are strong."

"What will you do, once this is over?" With most of the refugees potentially leaving, she didn't know what Niylah would do with so few patients. She didn't even know herself where to go if Niylah and the rest of the refugees had left. The camp had become her safe haven to escape who she was, and she knew that she wasn't ready to fully assume her role amongst her people quite yet.

"I will return to my Queen," Niylah said, a hint of hope in her voice. "I have been away for far too long." The look on Niylah's face made her think there was more to it than that, but she decided to let it slide for the moment. They had bigger things to worry about right in front of them. "You are welcome to join me, Clarke."

Clarke was caught off guard by the offer, but it did have some appeals. Going to the Ice Nation would put her far away from the Commander, Skaikru, and all of her problems. Still, Clarke knew she didn't have to make a decision at that particular moment. "I'll think about it," Clarke stated. Before Niylah could respond, a giant roar let them know the Pauna was aware of their presence. The pure terror that Clarke had felt the first time she had heard that scream with the Commander returned, only heightened. Instead of running from it, they would be _fighting_ it.

"Stick to the plan, you all know what to do," the Grounder who had rallied everyone at the camp said. He had been reluctant to let Clarke come along. He knew from the training yard she wasn't an experienced fighter, but she wanted revenge for the girl all the same so he relented. "Try not to get yourself killed," he said, looking directly at Clarke.

"Stay close, Clarke," Niylah said, moving behind the cover of trees while the others climbed their branches.

The roars of the gorilla were matched by the Grounders once the animal showed itself. The hulking beast pounded its chest as it emerged from its dwelling. Those who were on the ground threw their spears at the beast to draw its attention. Most missed their mark, and the few that did land seemed to have minimal impact on their foe. _This isn't going to be easy,_ Clarke thought to herself. _The Commander and I barely escaped last time, and that cage won't be useful this time._

The Pauna began its charge when one of the spears grazed its face. With a roar it leaped from its perched spot and barreled straight ahead towards the group on the ground. "Wait until its close enough!" Clarke heard the leader shouting. Several intense moments passed, waiting while the Pauna approached the treeline. The second it passed the first tree the leader let out a yell. "Now!"

The Grounders in the trees jumped downwards, stabbing into the Pauna as they fell. The beast howled in pain as many of their blows connected. Furious, the animal swung its giant arms around, knocking into several of those attacking it. Those that did get hit were sent flying, most not moving once they hit the ground again.

Clarke felt Niylah surge forward as the rest of the Grounders joined in on the fight, encircling the monster and striking when opportunities presented themselves. Fear started to take grip of her when she went to go follow Niylah and found herself planted in place. The chaos of the fight and the roars from the Pauna sent a massive spike of adrenaline to her. While the Grounders were doing their share of damage, the Pauna showed no signs of slowing down.

_Too many people are getting hurt,_ Clarke thought. _They didn't get rescued from the Mountain to die like this._ She knew she ahd to do something and once again thought of Raven's fire as she prepared for her next move. _If I can distract it, the rest of them might have a chance to finally put it down._ A spear struck the leg of the beast and it faltered for just a moment and that was all that she needed. Clarke sprung from her cover and pulled her gun out. She brought weapon to eye level and fired off a single shot. The bullet hit the gorilla in the shoulder and an infuriating yell erupted from her foe. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins at the power of the gun. It had been a while since she had shot one.

The Pauna turned heel and ran directly for Clarke. She pulled the trigger and the gun erupted. _Hit_.It wasn't enough as the beast kept charging. The distance between them was rapidly closin, and another squeeze of the trigger sent her next attack out. _Miss_. Her hands were shaking and Clarke was pissed that her aim was off and pulled the trigger again. _Another miss_. Panic started to overcome Clarke as she unloaded the rest of the clip at the charging beast. Several of her shots missed in her frenzied state, but a few had managed to find their mark. _I'm going to die,_ Clarke thought as she realized that she had nothing to stop the incoming hulk.

Clarke dove to the side just as the beast reached her and felt a searing pain erupting from her left shoulder. She heard the roaring of the Pauna and the yells of Grounders surrounding her and for a moment she wondered whether she was alive or not. When she opened her eyes she saw the rest of the Grounders surrounding the beast, slicing and stabbing when they could. The wounded cries from the animal let Clarke know it was dying, and she felt a sense of relief. _I did it,_ she thought, happy that her distraction had worked. The Pauna let out one last cry before collapsing to the ground with a hulking _thud_. They had won.

Harsh pain in her shoulder let her know that she was indeed alive. She felt some hands grabbing her and she rolled over and saw Niylah kneeling over her. Her heart still beat rapidly as she moved to push herself into a sitting position. "Are you hurt?" Clarke asked. From the pain in her shoulder Clarke figured the gorilla had managed to catch her as she fell to the ground. She hoped that Niylah had not been hurt as well.

Niylah shook her head. "I am fine, though you are not," she said in a severely disapproving tone, moving to inspect Clarke's shoulder. "There is some bleeding, but I think you will be okay. You're lucky that you are alive. You almost got yourself killed. You had no business trying to fight the Pauna on your own."

"They were going to get killed and I couldn't stand there and do nothing," she replied hotly. Clarke looked around to see all the Grounders staring at her. She looked down to the gun in her hands and realized what they were staring at. _Shit_ , she thought. "Niylah, they know who I am."

"They will not do anything to you," Niylah explained as she rose to her feet. "You saved most of them from the Mountain and killed their captors." Niylah stuck out her hand and Clarke grabbed it with her good arm and pulled herself up. "You are a legend to them, and you have been living with them this whole time. I would stare too, if I hadn't already known."

Clarke's stomach twisted. Her skin crawled knowing that her most heinous act made her a legend to some people, but let it go for now. Anything she did at the moment wasn''t going to change the opinions of the Grounders in front of her. "I trust you," Clarke explained. " I need to get something from in there," she stated, pointing towards the Pauna's lair.

"Of course," Niylah said. She turned to the Grounders who were gathered around them and rose her voice. "Return to camp and tell those still there the beast is dead." She looked around to the Grounders who had died in the assault with a sadness. "We will come back for the dead later. Help the wounded back to the camp and offer whatever assistance you can to care for them. I will return later," she said. She was met with some cheers and hollers. Those still relatively healthy carried the injured and in a few moments later the group had gathered up what they needed and began heading back towards camp.

Once most had left, Clarke began walking towards the cage that she and the Commander and had used to escape. She could feel the pain growing in her shoulder but chose to ignore it. She would get it taken care of later, for now her focus was on what laid inside the cage. A short walk placed her right in front of the doors to the large metallic structure. Stepping inside, she laid eyes upon the item she wanted.

"That is the Heda's sword," Niylah gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

Clarke nodded as she picked up the sword and sheath from the ground. The blade was severely bent, but it didn't matter to her. "Yes, it is," she said, looking at the ornate, wavy carvings on the hilt of the sword. "I used it to save our lives the last time we were here," Clarke said, mostly to herself. "I'm sure she misses it and I'd _love_ to give it back to her." Clarke shoved the memories out of the forefront of her mind and turned to exit the cage. "I got what we came for, we can leave."

Niylah paused and gave Clarke a worried look, but to Clarke's relief she didn't question anything and simply nodded. "I will look at your shoulder when we are back in camp," Niylah said. Clarke stepped past the woman on the way out, Commander's sword in hand and nodded. Clarke tried her best to keep her emotions bottled up as they walked, though she found that to be difficult. The whole rest of the way was spent in silence, the two women walking in tandem away from the carnage they had just been in and towards their peaceful camp.

* * *

Clarke entered her shack and went to sit on the floor while Niylah lit candles and soaked a cloth in water. As the candles lit up the room, Clarke stared at the glow reflecting off of the Commander's sword. The blade was in rough shape, yet still shone brightly in the candlelight. The workmanship on this sword greatly overshadowed her own. _Why did you have to betray me,_ Clarke thought. _I saved you when I didn't have to. Why leave me for dead?_

Niylah came and sat behind Clarke and wrung out the cloth in a bowl of steaming water. Clarke shrugged her shoulder out of her shirt to expose the wound. Niylah placed the cloth up against her skin and he warmth of it relaxed Clarke, though she winced as it scraped against her wound. "How bad is it?" she asked, hoping for the best.

"It will heal," Niylah replied, gingerly cleaning off the area. "I think the Pauna got the worst of it."

Clarke would have smiled if she hadn't been so wrapped up in her emotions. The anger and pain from the Commander's betrayal replayed fresh in her mind as she thought of everything she had done to help the Grounder leader. _I saved her life, twice,_ Clarke thought, also remembering the bombing of Ton DC. _Our people helped her cure the Reapers and bring down the Mountain's defenses from the inside. We even freed her people from the Mountain and she turns around and leaves us for dead._ She gripped the sword's hilt tightly in her hands and tensed up.

"You are still troubled by the Mountain," Niylah murmured as she brushed the cloth gently over Clarke's wound. "Would you like to discuss it?"

"No!" Clarke shot back, much more forcefully than she intended. She felt Niylah pull her hand back and Clarke reached out to grab her hand. "I'm sorry," she said. Clarke turned to face Niylah, still holding her hand, and looked her straight in the eyes. "Can we not talk... please? I just want to forget everything. Just for a while."

Niylah remained frozen for several moments and Clarke began to wonder if she had overstepped her bounds when Niylah surged forward and captured her lips. The feeling was so soothing and Clarke drew in a deep breath. She found herself reciprocating with a great need and pushed into Niylah. Each kiss melted away more and more of Clarke's thoughts and worries, and soon she became focused on only the present. Clothes started coming off and Clarke allowed herself to be guided down on top of some nearby blankets. She shuddered at the sight of Niylah and drew her closer, letting go of everything in her mind. As more skin was bared to her touch Clarke felt more and more at ease, and just for a while allowed herself to get lost in something other than her own despair.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment on what you think about the story so far! I'd love to see what you all think about what you like/dislike about what I'm writing and I'd love to discuss how to make it better. Thanks again for all of your support!

Warmth again filled the air as Clarke woke from her sleep. Breathing in deeply, she swept her arm across the floor, expecting to find Niylah laying there. Her hand found nothing but the wooden floors. Clarke forced her eyes open. With heavy eyelids, she scanned the room and found no sign of the woman she searched for, only a bowl of food and clothes to change into. A groan escaped her lips as Clarke sat up, rubbing the weariness from her eyes. She let the blanket slip down her bare body, shifting to grab her breakfast. _I can't believe I did that,_ Clarke thought, remembering the events of the previous night.

A sigh escaped her lips and Clarke began to eat her meal. Regret replaced the sleepiness the longer she was awake, wishing the previous night hadn't happened. Niylah had earned her trust over the weeks she spent in the refugee camp, and now she couldn't stop thinking about how unfair she had been to Niylah. _I was lonely and hurting, and I used her. She deserves better._

Clarke finished the remnants of her meal and inspected the clothes set out for her. The pants looked thick and warming, as did the socks on top of them. A modest, plain shirt that had some cuts and stitches in it laid next to a wrap and a fur coat. Clarke moved to throw on the cloths, but had to stop when she tried to raise her arms to get into the shirt. Pain in her shoulder reminded her of the blow she had received from the Pauna the previous night. She hissed and looked at her wounded shoulder, seeing a carefully placed bandage over the affected area. _Niylah must have done this while I was asleep_ , Clarke thought.

Forcing herself to put the shirt and coat on with minimal movement from her shoulder proved to be a tougher task than she thought. By the time she was fully dressed her wound throbbed and felt a persistent pulsing around her shoulder blade, rebelling against her activities. _Damnit, this hurts._ Clarke grabbed her own sword along with the Commander's, strapping the latter to her back. She flexed her hand around the grip of the Commander's sword to take the focus off the pain. Deeming herself presentable, Clarke opened the door with her good hand and stepped out to the camp.

From the looks of things most of the remaining survivors had taken off already, leaving the camp to look like a ghost town. Pointing the tip of the sword to the ground, Clarke scanned the area for Janos or Niylah. She spotted them not too far off from her shack packing up belongings onto horses and talking to some other Grounders. Niylah's face was anything but kind and she guessed their conversation was not going so hot. Clarke made her way over despite pangs of awkwardness and regret that came with seeing Niylah, but she suppressed those feelings as she neared the pair.

Niylah saw her before Clarke could say anything and she had a look on her face that Clarke couldn't quite place. She quietly sent the Grounder that had been talking to them away as Clarke approached. _Does she feel the same? Was last night a mistake for her too?_ She sighed as she finally reached Niylah and put a smile on. "Leaving already?" she asked, trying her best to ignore the awkwardness she felt towards Niylah.

"Yes," Niylah replied in a brisk tone. "And so should you." Clarke noticed something was deeply troubling Niylah and couldn't quite place it. "You are still free to join me, but whatever you decide it needs to be quick."

_That's not good_. "Niylah, what's going on?" Clarke asked, her heart starting to beat faster. Niylah was definitely worrying Clarke. She had never seen the woman this unsettled before. _Is she this upset about last night?_ she thought, confusion swirling around inside her head. _Better to just rip off the bandage than to slowly drag it out._ "Is this about last night? Do you regret what we did?"

"No," Niylah said, shaking her head. "There's been word from Polis. Skaikru has moved into the Mountain against the wishes of the Heda." Niylah fastened the rest of the supplies laying around to her horse as she talked. "They also have a new leader. Someone named Pike."

_Pike? He was on Farm Station_ , she remembered. "He survived?" Clarke muttered to herself. "I didn't think any of the other stations made it. How did they survive? Where did they land?" Clarke felt relieved that more people from the Ark had survived. Enough of her people had died already, hearing that some were still alive was a good change.

"From what I heard they landed in our territory. Beyond that, I do not know. I have been away for some time now." Niylah grabbed the reins and stood in front of Clarke, a concerned expression on her face. "Heda is not pleased with his actions. Pressure is mounting from the other Clans for her to act, and that is why you need to leave now. Someone told the Commander that you were here. She's placed a bounty on you, with the order to bring you alive to Polis."

"She did what?!" Clarke screeched. Heat coursed through her veins and she clenched her fist around the hilt of the Commander's knife at her waist. _Leaving me for dead wasn't enough. Now she wants me brought to her like a criminal. Someone to be hunted down,_ Clarke thought in her rage. _I'll be damned if she gets her hands on me. I'd let them take me if I could kill her, but I still need more time._ She looked at Niylah with questioning eyes. "How do I know you or your Queen won't just turn me over to the Commander?"

"Because my Queen is no friend of the Heda," Niylah replied hotly, her hands tightening around the reins of her horse. "For too long our people have suffered under her rule. She showed that she was becoming weak at the Mountain. We will do her no favors." Clarke could see the veins in Niylah's neck bulging slightly and she could feel the anger radiating off the woman. She knew that Niylah meant every word she spoke. "If you're coming, we must go now. It won't be long before bounty hunters show up here." Niylah hopped up onto her horse and offered out a hand to Clarke.

Clarke looked around the camp and was grateful that most of the people had cleared out. The idea briefly popped into her mind to stay at the camp for as long as she could, but could only seeing that end in people dying. She didn't want people being collateral damage in the search. Considering the alternatives, the decision came easy for Clarke. "I'll go with you. Just know that if you betray me, I'll kill you." Taking Niylah's hand, she swung herself up onto the horse behind the woman. She settled the Commander's sword across her lap and grabbed around Niylah's waist.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Niylah replied. She gave the reins a swift whip and they were speeding off in the next moment. Clarke didn't know what to expect from the next part in her journey, but the farther away she could get from the Commander was a sound plan to her. Janos formed up behind them, and the small group raced away into the wilderness, hoping to not encounter any trouble on their way to the Azgeda.

* * *

Clarke shivered and pressed up against Niylah's back. The journey north to Azgeda territory hadn't been too difficult, save for the ever dropping temperatures. She quickly figured out halfway into the journey that she was not properly clothed for the cold, though Niylah had packed a spare coat for her to wear. This kind of cold was something she had never experienced before and for the last several hours she hadn't been able to stop shaking.

"It will get better," Niylah said, glancing over her shoulder. Her face seemed relaxed and her body didn't shake violently like Clarke's, almost as if the cold didn't bother her at all. Janos rode to their left and he looked even more comfortable than Niylah. Clarke glared at them both petulantly, pouting behind Niylah's back.

"D-d-doesn't f-feel like it," Clarke chattered, squeezing Niylah even tighter than before, trying to grasp at every bit of warmth she could. _I could never live here, I would freeze to death. How do they do it?_ The cold made her shoulder sting slightly and Clarke shifted uncomfortably in a futile effort to ease the discomfort.

"We are almost there," Niylah placated, pointing to a large hilltop far out in front of them. "Just over that ridge is the edge of our city. You will be warm soon enough."

"I'd r-rather be w-w-warm now." The promise of warmth did nothing to calm Clarke's current situation and the misery she felt. _Perhaps coming here was a bad idea,_ she thought. The woods, the dropship, and even Camp Jaha sounded much better than her current predicament. Her hatred for the Commander grew with every step the horse took and each time her body shook from the cold. _She forced me into this. Why? Why did she have to place a bounty on me? Hasn't she caused me enough pain?_ For some reason, Clarke thought the answer to the last question was no, and it infuriated her further.

As if to further inflame her mood, the world decided to make the horse carrying her and Niylah stop. Clarke nearly groaned when trying to figure out why until she raised her gaze from behind Niylah's back. Giant bonfires and huts littered the area with people walking all about, going through their day. She had never seen such pure snow and ice in her lifetime, it all looked as if it were glowing in the daylight. Looking farther ahead Clarke's jaw dropped and she felt breathless. A giant waterfall completely frozen over dominated the view. The white and blue of the ice to create an entrancing color that she couldn't bring herself to look away from. She could barely make out small amounts of water still flowing over the ice and it provided a shine to the whole structure that it seemed to light up the whole area. It was truly beautiful.

"Welcome to Azgeda," Niylah said, smiling back at her. She raised her hand and pointed to a spot just above the frozen falls. "That is our destination." Their horse spurred back into action as Clarke looked on in awe.

A large structure, almost like a castle in its look, stood tall over the area. Clarke could only imagine that is where the Ice Queen dwelled. Glows from the fires burning within gave the castle a sort of life to it that Clarke couldn't quite describe. Sculptures carved out of ice adorned the top of the structure and looked down over all those below. The place looked eerily beautiful. "It's... I don't have words for this. I wish I had a sketch pad to draw it," she thought, her hand twitching almost subconsciously. It had been so long since she last created art. _This would be a beautiful way to jump back in_.

"Perhaps we can find you one when we get to the castle," Niylah replied.

They descended into the masses as they made their way to the castle. Clarke couldn't stop herself from looking in every direction, filled with wonder. Closer inspection of the faces around her showed they all sported a rugged, hardened look about them. Without knowing any of those who passed her by, she could tell they were also a proud people by the way they carried themselves. She saw a group of elderly men and women with spears gathering up near the edge of the city and they looked to be heading out. _I guess everyone has to contribute if they are going to survive in this environment._ The more she saw, the more questions she had bubbling at the tip of her tongue.

"I told you it would get better," Niylah teased as they began to climb up the path to the castle.

Clarke felt her face flush a little, but she couldn't contain the wonder she felt. All of this was so new and different to her. _I wish Wells was here, he would have loved this_. Memories of her childhood best friend tugged at her heart yet she didn't shut down the feelings. _I spent too long shoving him away, I can allow memories of him to share this experience._ The beauty of it all was breathtaking. "I've just... never seen anything like this. All I've heard about the Ice Nation was they were brutal. None of them talked about _this."_

"We are a brutal people, and we make no apologies for it," Niylah replied bluntly. "You must be strong to survive the cold. You contribute or you die. That is our way." Clarke didn't have time to reply as Niylah dismounted from the horse and motioned for her to do the same. Clarke noticed the nearby stable as she dismounted and saw they were now very close to the castle. Niylah passed the reins to a Grounder who emerged from the wooden building. The two exchanged words that she didn't catch, but from what Clarke could tell the discussion was not pleasant at all. Niylah sounded particularly irate and stormed off after Janos handed over the reins to his horse.

Clarke chased after Niylah and managed to catch up to her, despite the stiffness in her legs. "Is everything alright?" Clarke asked. In the time that she had known Niylah, Clarke had never seen her like this.

"He was upset I left our people," Niylah replied. "He thinks I no longer belong after all the time I spent away. That was his way of letting me know that." She didn't break her pace and Clarke decided to just let it be for now. Asking more questions wouldn't help the situation.

The three of them reached the castle's entrance and Niylah paused at the door, laying a hand on the hard wooden door. "You may have heard things about my Queen from the Heda and others." Niylah lowered her head for a moment and then turned to face Clarke. "I ask that you leave those behind and see with your own eyes who she is. Even the kindest of people can be painted as a monster."

Clarke had only heard negative and horrible things about the Ice Nation every time they had been brought up. How brutal they were, how they were only interested in war, that the Ice Queen had killed Costia after torturing her for the Commander's secrets. Despite all that, everything around her gave no hint of that. There might certainly be truth in what was told to her, but Clarke refused to believe every bit of it. _I'm capable of forming my own opinions. Let's see who this Ice Queen is_. "This place has already proven them wrong to me. I'm sure your Queen will as well."

Niylah opened the door and the three of them stepped inside. Immediately Clarke felt the warmth and her body relaxed. A long corridor stretched out in front of them, several doors leading off to various parts of the castle. At the end of the hall was a giant wooden door with several ornate carvings, twisting and winding their way around the door. It almost looked like the patterns on cracked ice if she looked at it enough.

"This way," Niylah said, pointing to the door Clarke had been inspecting. "I sent word the night before we left that I would be coming. While she is not expecting you, she will be most pleased to meet you."

Clarke nodded and fell in behind Niylah as the giant door was opened before them. Stepping inside, Clarke saw a vibrant great hall before her. Statues carved out of stone guarded the walls on either side of the room, facing inwards towards the large table at the center of the room. Tapestries hung above the statues, each differing in shades of blue and white. At the far end of the room sat whom Clarke assumed was the Ice Queen. Her throne was carved out of wood much like the one that had been in the Commander's tent the first timer Clarke met her.

"Niylah, it is good to see you," the Queen called out, rising from her throne and walking towards them. The woman was older than Clarke thought, but still had a powerful beauty about her. Scars adorned the Queen's face, though it only worked to heighten the powerful vibe the woman gave off. Clarke could tell she was a very proud woman and wasn't afraid to stand tall and show it.

Niylah knelt to the ground and Clarke mirrored the motion. "It is good to be back in your presence again, my Queen." Once the Queen was in front of them, Niylah rose back up, Clarke following once again. " _Dison laik Klark kom Skaikru._ "

Clarke watched as the Queen looked her over. She felt miniscule and small beneath the gaze of the Queen. Not knowing what else to do, she stuck out her hand. "Nice to meet you," she said awkwardly, hoping she wasn't breaking some grave cultural norm that would result in losing her hand. Instead, the Queen smiled and grasped her hand with a firm grip.

"Likewise, Clarke. I have heard much about yourself and the Skaikru." The Queen motioned for two nearby Grounders to come to her. "You look like death, so I won't keep you for another moment. The road here can be hard for those who have never taken it before. These two will have you taken to a room and prepare it for you. Rest, and we will talk again when you've regained your color."

Clarke was caught off-guard by the care and gentleness in the woman's voice. For all her strong looks and intimidating demeanor, the Queen was almost comforting when she talked. Clarke looked over to Niylah for confirmation and the woman nodded in approval.

"You do look pretty bad, Clarke. Get some rest and we'll see each other early tomorrow," Niylah reassured her. She walked up and gave Clarke a hug. "Sleep well."

"What about you?" Clarke asked. While she regretted the intimacy the two had shared before they left camp, Clarke still didn't like being separated from Niylah. She had come to trust the woman.

"I have much catching up to do with the Queen," Niylah said, looking over her shoulder.

Clarke had a moment of pause, but seeing the reassurance from Niylah allowed her to accept it. She turned and began following the guards. Just as her back faced the Queen, the woman called out.

"Is that... the Heda's sword?" The Queen asked, curiosity drenched in her tone. "How did you come by it?"

Clarke paused and her hand twitched with the urge to touch the handle. It had become a habit ever since she picked up the sword. "Yes, it is. I saved her life with it." _And I plan to kill her with it too._ She had enough sense to leave that part out of it, not knowing how forgiving the Queen would be of her bluntness. "I grabbed it after the Pauna had been killed."

"I see," the Queen replied. She bowed her head slightly and the guards resumed walking towards the exit. "Sleep well, Clarke. I look forward to talking to you in the morning."

Clarke nodded in return and followed the Grounders out of the great hall. Exhaustion began to take hold the second she walked out the door. It wasn't long until the men she was following stopped outside of a door in the main hallway and opened it for her. Inside was a simple bed with a few shelves for storage space. Clarke didn't pay them any attention and slung hers and the Commander's sword off her back. The door closed behind her and Clarke dropped the weapons to the ground and shed her boots.

She crawled in under the multitude of blankets on the bed and shivered slightly, realizing how cold she had been. Curling up into a small ball managed to bring some manner of comfort, and Clarke began to feel herself fading fast. The beauty of all the scenery she had seen around came to her mind as she closed her eyes. Soon she drifted off to sleep, dreams of beautiful snow and ice painting beautiful pictures for her to marvel at.

* * *

The jeep pulled in and parked near the garage, engine winding down as they killed the engine. Arkadia was a full of life and people were stopping to chat amongst themselves about recent news and happenings as they went about their day. A resounding metal _clang_ signified the gates had been sealed and the guards were back at their posts.

Bellamy watched as Raven, Miller, Monty, Octavia, and Jasper exited the jeep and walked away to do whatever they were tasked to do next. He couldn't bring himself to leave the car, however. His hands shook whenever he loosed his grip on the wheel.

They had just came back from another scouting trip, surveying the land and looking for any scattered supplies from the Ark. For him, the trips had only been about finding Clarke. For the past couple of months he had taken every single mission he could, hoping he would run into her. This time they had gone a bit too far and found themselves on the border to Ice Nation territory.

Raven had warned him not to go any further, but he ignored it. His friend was out there, alone, and he knew how much she was suffering. He felt the same way. Bellamy slammed his hand onto the steering wheel of the car, shaking the vehicle slightly. _I had been so stupid_ , he thought. _If only I listened to Raven._

The door to the jeep swung open and familiar curly brown hair came into view. "Gina what are you doing here?" Bellamy snapped. He knew that she would come looking for him, he only wished he had time to compose himself.

"I should ask you the same," Gina replied, a smirk on her face and eyebrows raised. "Did you find her?"

Bellamy shook his head. "No. Nothing, like always," he sighed. Stepping out of the jeep he closed the door and gave Gina a hug, planting a gentle kiss on her head. "I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever see her again."

Gina grabbed his face and forced him to look in her eyes. "Don't give up hope. She's out there and you'll find her." She returned the kiss with a slight peck on his lips. Gina looked down and saw blood on his shirt and gasped. "Are you hurt?!" she exclaimed.

Bellamy looked down and shook his head, buttoning up his guard's uniform to cover the stains. "It's not mine," he said. "We ran into some trouble with the Ice Nation. Things got out of hand... we did what we had to do." Truthfully he had made a bad call to bring a drunk Jasper with him on the run, figuring it would do him some good. _Instead he gets out, pisses at the Ice Nation warriors and nearly gets himself killed in the process._

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Gina asked.

_She's too good for me._ Bellamy shook his head. "Not right now. Later? I want to walk around and clear my head."

Gina nodded and planted another kiss on his lips. "Okay. I'm here if you need me," Gina replied. He could hear the concern in her voice. "Just don't do anything stupid while you're walking. Oh, and get a new shirt. You stink," she joked as she slid a hand across his face when she passed him on her way to leave.

Bellamy couldn't help but laugh as he watched her walk away. He still didn't know what he did to get so lucky with her. All she wanted was to know how to help him. _Some things are better off done alone_. Sighing, he walked out into the main yard of Arkadia, looking all around him.

There was a much stricter code of action ever since Pike had been elected Chancellor. Grounders were no longer freely welcome inside the walls. If allowed in, they always had to have an escort with them, watching over every move. Against Abby's wishes, Arkadia was no longer providing medical assistance to Grounders too sick for their own healers to deal with. Lincoln stood the only exception to that rule, as he had been living with them before Pike had been elected.

Bellamy headed for the outer walls as he usually did when he wanted to clear his head. _How am I going to explain this to Pike? Oh, who am I kidding. He'll probably applaud me for it._ Tensions with the Grounders had already been on thin ice after the betrayal at Mount Weather. The two sides had been passively nipping at each other's throats for several weeks. The tipping point had been discovering Pike and the rest of Farm Station. They had survived brutal and savage attacks to their people by the Azgeda.

Hearing the stories of how the children had been killed infuriated many of the citizens. A few had even tried to attack Lincoln to take out their anger on him, though they had been subdued quickly and sustained more damage than his sister's lover. When word got out that Abby no longer wanted to be Chancellor the idea started to take root for Pike to be elected. He had been anti-Grounder from the start, taking a hard stance against them. He cleaned out and burned the bodies of the Mountain Men and started to get the Mountain up and running again.

Bellamy had been against that from the start. He had nightmares about the decision he, Clarke, and Monty made that day. It was an evil place better left to be opened again, though Pike disagreed. He knew that some form of retaliation was going to come from moving into Mount Weather, he just didn't know when.

Shouting filled the air and Bellamy ran towards it to see what the cause of it was.

"Grounder outside the gate!" One of the guards called out.

Bellamy climbed up a nearby ladder to get a vantage point. At first he couldn't believe it, but standing right outside was Echo. _What's she doing here?_

One of the guards near Bellamy raised his gun and Bellamy's hand shot out to grip the barrel and forced it to lower. "Lower your weapons!" Bellamy called out. "I know her." He saw nobody making a move to holster their guns and let out a groan. "Open the gate, I'm going out!"

"No way, man. They'll kill you," one of the guards said, gun still raised towards Echo.

"If they try to kill me, shoot them. She's unarmed," he said, annoyance in his voice. "Now open the damn gate." He slid down the ladder and made his way over to the gate. It took another glare in the direction of the guards for the gate to finally start to crack open. _Scared of an unarmed Grounder that's surrounded by people with guns; Pike's definitely got them worked up._

Stepping out, Bellamy walked up to Echo. "Glad to see you're doing well," he said. "What are you doing here Echo?" The girl looked winded, like she had been running for a while, but otherwise looked much healthier than the last time he had seen her.

"I bring news," Echo replied, trying to catch her breath. "The Azgeda, my people. They have her."

"Have who?" Bellamy asked. "Who do they have?"

"Clarke," Echo panted. "They have Clarke."


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke startled awake, her chest rising and falling as she tried to regain control of her breathing. _It all felt so real. All their hands..._ She cast aside the fading details of her dream and slowly sat up. A shiver passed through her when the blanket dropped slightly. She pulled the covers back up over her shoulder and brought her knees to her chest. _Will these nightmares always haunt me? Is this my punishment?_

Clarke reached out for the Commander's sword from where she discarded it before sleeping. She ran her fingers across the bent steel, feeling the grooves and coarseness in the metal. What had once been a fine, strong weapon was now only an ornament, a shadow of what it once was. Clarke laughed sardonically to herself. _I never thought I'd be comparing myself to a sword_.

Voices outside of her room caught Clarke's attention and she set the sword down next to her. Gathering her blankets around her, she stepped off the bed and crept towards her door. The voices were getting stronger, and she could distinctly make out the voices of Niylah and the Ice Queen. _How long was I out?_ She felt as though she slept for a good while, but if Niylah and Queen Nia were still talking it couldn't have been that long.

"Here we are, a room close to Clarke like you asked for. It really is good to have you back, Niylah," Clarke could hear the Ice Queen state. While the voices weren't the loudest, pressing herself up against the door allowed her to hear well enough. "I have missed you greatly." _Is Nia like this with everyone?_

"And I as well, though I don't understand why you enjoy this language so much. Clarke is sleeping, we can talk in our own tongue," Niylah answered. Clarke could hear them stop down the hall from her door, though they sounded like they were on the other side of the hallway. "What you have told me... it is concerning. I don't know if I like it."

The Queen laughed and Clarke loved the sweetness to it. "You never were one to appreciate the power of language, but if you insist, we will talk in our tongue," the Queen replied. " _As to the plan, it is ... and it will work, dear. What don't you like about it?_ " Clarke understood for the most part what was being said, but there were some things she missed and at that moment she wished her Trigedasleng was more fluent. _What will work?_ Questions upon questions poured through Clarke's mind as she listened, pressing against the door to hear every word she could.

" _What you are planning is... quite ambitious,_ " Niylah answered after a short pause. " _Even for you, this is quite an undertaking._ "

Clarke could almost feel the energy change without a word being uttered. There was almost an electricity in the air, drowning out the light-heartedness that existed just moments ago. " _When your mother... killed fighting against Lexa and her coalition... tore me apart. I loved her, truly,_ " Nia said. _How close are they?_ Clarke thought, pressing against the door trying to pick up all she hadn't told her any of this." _To this day, ... of your brother's warm smile, running around all over the place. Then the Mountain Men came... destroyed that._ " Clarke cursed at her inability to catch everything they were saying.

" _I do not like to think of him._ " Niylah's voice was thick with pain and Clarke could tell the subject was sensitive for the woman. She appreciated that Niylah trusted her enough to share her brother's story.

" _I remember everything that's happened to my people, my family because of Lexa,_ " Nia hissed. Gone was the sweet tones that Clarke remembered from their first meeting, replaced instead with words coated in venom. " _She hurt my family by... your mother, my sister. Blood must have blood, that is our way. Finally I was... vengeance at the Mountain, and Lexa insulted us all. Their blood was ours to have, and she bowed to them._ " Clarke's world spun slightly as her eyes widened. _Niylah is the Queen's niece? What the hell is going on here?_ She heard the Queen sigh and let out a low hum. " _Forgive me, I lost my temper. You know my motivations, more than anyone._ "

There was a long pause and she heard Niylah sigh as well. "What if things don't go according to plan?" Clarke was thankful for the return to her own tongue, though she wished she had caught all of the information the two were saying.

"We have _Wanheda._ One way or another, I _will_ accomplish my goals," Nia stated.

Clarke heard some footsteps walk past her door and Niylah's voice down the hall was drowned out. Seconds later more footsteps sounded outside and a door closed across the way from her own. _They must have said their goodbyes,_ she realized. Easing away from the door, she retreated to the safety and warmth of the bed. _The Queen is Niylah's aunt. Why didn't she tell me? Nia seemed to have had a hatred for the Commander and seemed to have a plan in place to do something about it._ She wasn't sure what to make of what she had heard. She didn't know what _Wanheda_ was, but the Queen seemed very confident that it would help her.

A long, drawn out yawn escaped from Clarke and she eased herself back down to the bed. _Something isn't right here. I need to know what is going on,_ she thought as she rested her head down on her pillow. She stared over at the Commander's sword laying on the ground. Even through her worry, Clarke couldn't help but crack a smile at the sight. _Looks like I'm not the only one who wants you dead._ Unable to put off sleep any longer, she closed her eyes and waited for the morning to come, and hopefully with it some answers.

* * *

Clarke woke some time much later as she felt more refreshed than when she woke earlier. She stretched out her arms and let out a small yawn. The words spoken between Nia and Niylah still echoed in the back of her mind. _I still can't believe they're related._ That whole conversation felt off to her, though she couldn't place it. _I can trust Niylah... or at least I think I can. I'm not sure about Nia._ She had too many questions and wasn't sure how to get them answered. That conversation was not meant for her ears and she didn't know if bringing it up would be the best move.

Clarke's thought trailed off as she picked up the scent of freshly cooked food in the air. Smells of cinnamon and something sweet made her mouth water and her stomach grumbled. Grabbing her boots she headed for the door. She stopped when her hand gripped the handle. Looking back into the room, she located hers and the Commander's sword laying on the ground. Some spare cloth lay on a nearby table so she grabbed it and moved over to her swords. Unfolding the maroon fabric, she gently placed the bent steel of the Commander's sword onto the surface. She traced her finger along the center of the blade all the way to the tip, feeling the roughness and jaggedness of the steel.

_The rapid beating of her heart, standing there next to the Commander. Their chests both rose and fell in rhythm, terrified they would be dead in the next moment. The groan of metal filled the air as the beast on the outside tried to batter its way in. The sword keeping them both alive began to groan and break. The metal material wouldn't last much longer and she knew what needed to be done. She dared to take one last look at the Commander by her side, still strong and beautiful despite the pain she was in. Fear gave way to desperation and every part of her wanted to reach out and express herself to the woman who had come to mean so much to her, though she didn't know why. Another vicious strike to the door stole that moment and she tore the sword from its place, letting the beast in and saving them both._

A grumble in Clarke's stomach shook her out of her memories. _I hate you._ Tears in her eyes she hastily wrapped the cloth around the sword and fastened it to the sling that held her own weapon. _Time for some food,_ she thought, drying her eyes as she slung her holster over her shoulder and heading out the door.

Immediately Clarke was met by the laughter of children and the sounds of their little feet running about the place. Two young boys darted down the hallway, one nearly bumping into her as they chased each other. She couldn't help but smile at the sight. It felt good to watch two people so young and without a care in the world having fun. It gave her hope.

The sound of birds filled the air and Clarke felt a sense of dread about her. "You killed some just like them at the Mountain."

Clarke spun around and saw Samael standing right in front of her. She nearly had a heart attack from the surprise, but the feeling quickly turned to anger. _Why did he have to remind me?_ "Go away," she whispered to herself as she walked. The hallway was empty, though she prayed nobody would come and see them together. She felt the coldness of his hands touching her shoulder and she shuddered. _Please make him go away_.

"Very well," Samael replied. "Stay safe, Clarke. We mustn't endanger our mission."

Clarke opened her mouth to scold him again but when she turned around he had disappeared. _I hate him,_ she thought. He always seemed to be ruining her good moods. Sighing to herself, she resumed walking towards the smell of food at the end of the hall. When she reached the double doors at the end, she pulled them open. She was unsurprised to see Niylah and Nia already at the table in the center of the room.

Queen Nia was the first to raise her head. "Clarke! You look much better than when you arrived. Please, have a seat!" The Queen rose from her own chair and pulled out one for Clarke to sit next to her.

"Thanks," Clarke said as she reluctantly took the offered seat. Just as she sat down the two young boys she saw playing earlier burst into the room and ran up to the Queen and started giggling. Clarke looked around the room to see if any of the guards were moving, but they stayed in place.

"Plana, Plana!" They shouted as they reached her and wrapped their small arms around Nia's waist.

Clarke watched Nia reach down and scoop the two small boys up into her arms. "And what are you two young ones doing here?" Nia asked lightheartedly, a huge smile on her face. _A far cry from the harshness in her tone last night,_ Clarke thought to herself. "Did you come to pay our guest a visit?"

The two boys looked to her then pointed to her. "She _Wanheda!_ " they exclaimed with wide eyes and slack jaws. _There's that Wanheda again. What does it mean? Why am I Wanheda?_ Clarke was tired of not knowing things.

"That she is," Nia cooed to the boys. "You must tell me about the adventures you two have been on today." Nia turned to Clarke and mouthed that she would be right back and then walked off with the two children.

"You seem confused," Niylah said, gaining Clarke's attention. The woman was garbed in much more relaxed clothing and wore her hair down instead of her usual braids. Clarke thought she looked beautiful.

"Are they... hers?" Clarke wondered. She had heard multiple children when she exited her room earlier. _Are they all hers? Why else would they be in here?_

Niylah laughed and shook her head. "No, they are not. Children of the village are moved here until they are strong enough to survive the elements. Those two are her favorites." Niylah finished the rest of the food on her plate and then pushed it away. "She does have a son, Roan, though he has not been around for a while."

 _Time to get some info._ "Your cousin?" Clarke ventured. The drop inNiylah's face the second the words left her mouth was all the confirmation she needed. "Why didn't you tell me she was your aunt?"

"You were awake last night..." Niylah realized. She got up from her spot at the table and walked around to sit next to Clarke. "I am sorry for not telling you. I was afraid of what you might think of me if you knew. The reputation of our people outside of our borders is... harsh, the Queen especially." Niylah placed her hands over one of Clarke's. "I wanted you to know that I was someone who wanted to help, someone to trust, not the niece of the Ice Queen."

Clarke wrestled with the information. She so desperately wanted to lash out at Niylah for hiding this info, for doubting her ability to form her own opinions. Too many times she had been betrayed by people she trusted. _I'm just so tired of it_. Deep inside she knew that Niylah was right. If she had known about all of it from the beginning she wouldn't have trusted the woman one bit. "Okay," she reluctantly replied. At this point, Niylah had done enough to let it go for now. "Just tell me one thing. What does Wanheda mean?"

Niylah paused for a good moment, and Clarke thought her question wasn't going to be answered. She was about to get up and walk away when Niylah finally answered. "It means The Commander of Death."

Clarke felt sick to her stomach, the blood draining a bit from her face. " _The Commander of Death?_ " she balked, placing a steadying hand on the table. "Why did that child call _me_ that?"

"After you took down the Mountain, many were impressed by your actions," Niylah replied. "Word spread of what you have done since you fell from the sky, and they started to hail you as _Wanheda_."

 _Now I understand whatNia meant last night_. "Last night, your talk with the Queen. She wants to kill Lexa. She wants _my_ help doing it." Her hand twitched slightly, the memories from earlier clawing back to the surface.

Niylah stared at her for a long time, a frown on her face and a sadness in her eyes. "Yes," she finally said, nodding her head. "If her plan does not work, she will need your help. But it will not come to that, her plan is solid. It's what we discussed last night."

Clarke stared at the wood on the table, trying to contain the rage and pain within. _I hate feeling like this. Children think I control death because of the Commander._ Everything she had thought that she was had now been destroyed. Fists clenched, she turned to Niylah with fire in her eyes. "And if I want to help anyways?" she spoke, her voice low and marred by pain.

"Then I would welcome you with open arms, Klark kom Skaikru." Clarke turned to see Nia standing behind her, the children absent from her arms. Gone was the loving, motherly smile that she had just seen. Instead she stood before Clarke, a figure of terrifying grace and reverence. "I had hoped to talk to you about it only when necessary, but it seems like you now know everything."

Clarke felt small and weak before the Queen, though the fire inside of her refused to show it. "I only know what you talked about outside my door last night," she said.

The Queen made her way over and sat next to Clarke. "Niylah has told me a great deal about you. You intrigue me. It is good to know you are willing to help us. When the time comes, I will fill you in on your role. Right now, I want you to enjoy your time here. The Heda has made you suffer enough." The Queen grabbed several items of food on the table and piled them on a plate she grabbed near her, setting it in front of Clarke. "Please, eat. When you are done, I would like to personally tour the city with you and teach you about my people."

The chance to walk around and see the beauty of the city and forget about the past sounded like a good deal to Clarke, though she was still weary of the Queen. Niylah had earned her trust, Nia had not reached that just yet. "I would like that as well," Clarke said, grabbing the plate.

Nia smiled. "Then I will meet with you shortly." The Queen gently placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder before standing up and leaving, a few guards following her.

Once alone, Clarke looked over to Niylah. "Anything else I should know? Any other secrets you've been keeping from me or wanting to tell me?"

"I had a lover once," Niylah replied quietly. "Orion. He left, overcome with grief when the Mountain Men took and killed his family. He was an amazing fighter, and an even better man." Niylah paused and Clarke thought she saw tears in the woman's eyes. "I haven't talked about him in a long time, though that is all I wish to share. I just want you to know that you can trust me, and I trust you. Whatever happened between us at the camp, just know I did not mean to do any harm. We were both lonely and needed someone."

Clarke felt honored that Niylah shared something that clearly pained her to talk about, and also relieved that she felt the same about their hookup. "Would you come with me?" she asked. She did not want to be alone with the Queen just yet. More time was needed to build up trust, and she felt calmer around Niylah.

"Of course," Niylah replied. "I know a place where we can get that fixed, should you want to," she said, pointing to the Commander's sword. "A bent sword is of no use to anyone."

Clarke nodded and turned to the food in front of her. _No_ , she thought. _I suppose it isn't._

* * *

Clarke walked out of the Ice Queen's dwelling several minutes later with a full stomach and Niylah at her side. Nia stood waiting patiently for them at the stables. Looking out to the view below, Clarke could still see the bonfires burning brightly. She was still taken aback by the beauty of it all, how the ice and snow, combined with the fires just made the place feel _alive_.

"Where would you like to go first, Clarke?" Nia asked once Clarke and Niylah reached her. "Or perhaps you have some questions about my people?"

Clarke paused and thought back to the group of elderly men and women she saw when she first entered. _It's as good a start as any_. "When I first came here, there was a large group of older men and women with spears. They appeared to be heading out, does everyone contribute like that?"

"In a sense, yes, though what you saw was quite different," Nia explained. "You have come to us in a much more fortunate time. The weather is not as cold and food is available enough for our needs. It is not always like this." The Queen grew silent for a moment, staring out over her kingdom. Clarke saw a sadness in the woman's eyes as she looked everywhere. "My people suffer, Clarke. We are a rough people, this is true. We must be, or we will not survive. Contribute or die, that is our way."

Nia looked back to her home, lips pressed tightly and eyes staring off into the distance. "The children, _our_ children, suffer the most. I do what I can... but it is never enough. Every winter is the same: too few of them survive."

Clarke brought her hands to her mouth. She could feel the pain radiating off of the Queen. _Every year? I couldn't imagine going through that._ "Surely if the Commander knew about your situation she w-..."

"The terms of the Coalition are clear, Clarke," Nia cut her off. Clarke detected a bit of heat behind the words, but Nia quickly caught herself and took a deep breath. "Forgive me, I forget you do not know all the terms. Each clan was given lands that are theirs and they cannot expand them without war. The only way we get more land is getting colder up north or dying in the Dead Zone."

"That's why you want to kill her," Clarke realized. It made sense, if they couldn't move to warmer climates and were suffering because of it, she couldn't blame the Queen. She looked to Niylah and saw the same sadness plastered on her face.

"For the most part," Nia answered. "But to answer your original question, what you saw was something different. Born of necessity. When the dark of winter comes, sacrifices must be made. Food becomes scarce, and not every mouth can be fed. The Children of Winter, we call them." Nia started walking down into the city and motioned for Clarke and Niylah to follow. "Contribute or die, I told you this is our way. To them, it is their code when winter comes. They go to farther and more dangerous places than our own hunters, looking for food. They bring back food, or they never return and their shares are given to others. Contribute or die."

"That's... horrible!" Clarke couldn't fathom the thought. _All those people I saw leaving..._ "You send them out to die?"

Nia stopped and bowed her head low. "I do not force them into service, if that is what you are asking. They volunteer. Every single one. Men and women, children and the elderly. They feel a need to provide for their clan, their family. I cannot deny them that honor."

Clarke's heart fell heavy. _These people suffer so much. All the awful things said about them, how many actually know how they live? What they go through?_ "I'm sorry that you and your people have to suffer like this. It isn't right."

"I appreciate that, Clarke. But life is seldom fair." The Queen took several quick, short breaths before exhaling deeply. Nia clapped her hands and turned around. "I'm sorry, I didn't bring you here to be sad. We are here to view the beauty of our city. Let us go explore it."

Clarke respected the Queen's change of topic and fell in line. Niylah spoke up behind her. "I promised Clarke that I would take her to see Emmet. Perhaps that can be our last stop?"

Nia raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Fair enough. Now come, Klark kom Skaikru. We have much of the Azgeda to show you."

* * *

Clarke exited the blacksmith's tent with Niylah, feeling a slight anxiety at being separated from the Commander's sword again. The Queen had left to go back to her home, Niylah promising to walk Clarke back when she was ready. The blacksmith had been surprised, but very eager, to be working on the Commander's sword. Niylah had made it very clear to him to make it his best work, though Clarke hardly thought it necessary. She just needed it to be sharp.

"What do you think of our people, now that you have seen us through your own eyes?" Niylah asked as they walked through the pathways between tents.

"I think you are a greatly misunderstood and are beautiful people. I see why everyone thinks the Azgeda are ruthless; you have to be to survive," Clarke replied. She felt all around her the hardship these people had been through, but also saw an unbreakable community that had formed because of it. It was amazing for her to see.

"Listen, Clarke..." Niylah said. "I know you have a hatred for the Commander for the events at the Mountain, but you do not need to help in this. My aunt is very resourceful and cunning, she has a great plan in place." She paused to pace back and forth and Clarke watched her the entire time. "You have come a long way since I pulled you out of that Mountain, but you do not need to jump into war because of your hatred for the Heda."

 _I won't let her talk me out of this._ "I've made my choice, Niylah. She needs to pay for what she did. Jus drein, jus daun." Thinking of the Commander's betrayal again brought up her anger that so far had been dormant.

"Clarke, I-"

"WAN OP, WANHEDA!"

Clarke heard the scream and before she could react a sharp pain erupted in her back. She staggered forward from a force behind her and fell to her knees. Chaos erupted around her and she heard the clashing of swords and someone calling out her name. Reaching her shaking hand to the spot where she felt the pain, she felt an object protruding out of her skin. Pulling at it wrenched it free from her body and sent another wave of pain through her. Bringing the object into view, she saw a bloody knife in her hands. _I've been stabbed_ , she thought in shock. She heard Niylah screaming her name as she fell down, her body going into shock. The last image she remembered before all went black was Niylah's face in front of hers, tears flowing down like raindrops from the sky.


	12. Chapter 12

Raven stepped down from her stool, hissing as she did so. "Okay Sinclair, give her a whirl," she called out, ducking her head to hide the grimace on her face. She rested a hand on her injured hip absentmindedly to try and provide some futile comfort for her pain. Ever since she began working with her leg brace on, Raven had noticed pain beginning to build up in her hip. Pride and fear of being kept from what she loved to do had kept her away from Abby. _And I've paid the price,_ she thought bitterly.

The all too familiar _hum_ of machines coming online brought a smile to her face. "Looks like it worked, Raven," Sinclair called out. "Signal strength looks good. Not bad for a ZERO-G mechanic."

"Of course it's good. I fixed it," Raven threw back, putting on a fake smile. While working on machines and tech still took her mind off of the pain, her desire for camaraderie had greatly dwindled. She looked up at the communications tower she just got running and felt a sense of accomplishment. _I'm still useful to someone,_ she thought. _I'm not letting some pain stop me._

"I'll be impressed when you can fix it down the road with a paper clip and a stick of gum," Sinclair fired back, a huge grin on his face. "But seriously, good work, Raven." She watched her mentor pack up his things and let out a small sigh. "I have to go check on the others. Hopefully they haven't destroyed everything while I was gone." He tossed her a towel and she reached out and grabbed it with her dirt stained hands. "We have no more work orders so you have the rest of the day to yourself. Enjoy it, Raven."

Raven groaned as she wiped her hands off with the towel. She hated not having something to do, something to fix. _Being active is being useful._ With her stomach grumbling, she braced herself for the pain and stood up. _Guess I can get some chow before getting back to work._ Taking a steadying breath, she slowly made her way to the mess hall.

Walking for her was painful, though nothing outside of her tolerance. There were plenty of jobs assigned to her that she could do sitting down, though those were her least favorite, and that allowed her to get through the day. Days like today caused her the most pain, when she had to go up and down ladders or steps repeatedly. Every time it felt like someone took a knife to her side and jammed it in there, and it only got worse the more she did it. Still, she put on a mask and ground through it. She would be damned if she let them see her weak. _Nobody gets to see me quit_.

Reaching the mess hall, she took a minute to lean against a wall to lessen the pressure on her leg. A sigh escaped her lips with the relief she felt as she gently rubbed the ailing are a of her hip. Inside, several people were gathered together and eating joyfully. Ever since Pike had been elected, relations with the Grounders had plummeted, though many in camp were happy with that. Pike had a tough stance against the Grounders and had been giving push-back against them to secure more resources for Arkadia. _They all look so happy,_ she bitterly thought, pressing against her hip harder. _Pike's strategy may look great to you now, but wait until the Grounders come marching._ She shook her head and entered the mess hall.

Raven ignored all the people around her and made straight for the food line. She would rather not have to deal with the mess hall at all, but getting food and walking back to her room would only cause her more pain. Instead, she settled for her usual spot in the corner. The line went relatively smooth and in a few minutes Raven was making her way over to her table. Once she was sitting down, she removed her leg brace got herself comfortable. She had just lifted the spoon with her first bite on it when she saw Abby walking towards her. _Damnit, what now?_

"Done with the comm tower already?" Abby asked, taking a seat opposite of Raven when she reached the table.

Raven ignored the question at first to eat her food, and slightly hoping that Abby would get up and walk away. When she didn't, a deep, long sigh escaped her lips. "It was no big deal, something I can do in my sleep." Her good leg bounced up and down slightly as she reached for her next bite of food. The way Abby was looking at her made Raven anxious. _She's been trying to get me pulled off of the heavier work detail for a while now. I can't let her know how bad it is._ "Is this a visit from my friend, or from my doctor?"

"Both," Abby replied curtly. "I'm worried about you, Raven. You may put on a mask for other people but I can see how much pain you're in." She watched as the older woman scooted closer to her, sliding into the seat next to Raven. "Why do you make yourself suffer?"

"Because I don't need anyone's pity!" Raven exclaimed, much louder than she intended and slamming her fist into the table. "They already treat me like I'm broken because of my leg," she continued in a much more hushed tone. "I don't want them looking at me like I'm shattered as well." _Why can't she just leave me alone?_

"Then I have good news for you," Abby replied, a smirk on her face. "I finally got a chance to go over the medical equipment at Mount Weather. Raven, I can _fix_ your pain."

Raven's jaw slacked slightly and her hand fell to her hip. "Gone?" she gasped, no other words coming to her. Ever since she had been shot in the dropship all she had known was pain. The chance for it to be gone was one she couldn't pass up. _It almost sounds too good to be true_.

"For the most part," Abby said, placing her hands over Raven's. "It won't bring feeling back to your whole leg, but I think I can heal some of it. You'll still have discomfort, but it won't be nearly as bad as it is now, and you'll be less reliant on that brace."

Raven felt tears forming in her eyes but she bit down on her cheek to pass the feeling. _I am not crying. Not now._ "I.. I don't know what to say, Abby. Thank you." It all sounded so pathetic compared to what her friend was offering to do. She couldn't thank her enough. "When do we leave? Is Pike okay with this?"

"Pike wants Mount Weather for our own use," Abby explained. "I may not like the man, but this is something we can agree on. It has the potential to do so much good and I think we can start with you." Abby tapped her hands on the table and smiled at Raven. "If you're in then pack a bag to get ready. We'll head out as soon as you say so."

Raven watched Abby get up and leave, contemplating what this all meant to her. Her hand still rested at her hip. _She's really going to fix me,_ Raven thought. She would never be able to thank the doctor enough for this. Standing up, she felt a twinge of pain in her hip and grimaced slightly. She stood still for a couple of moments until the pain subsided. Once she was confident enough, she began walking out of the mess hall. When she stepped out into the grounds of Arkadia and felt the sun shining on her face, for the first time in a while Raven had a genuine smile on her face, and it felt wonderful. She finally felt free.

* * *

Clarke slowly opened her eyes, groaning as she did. Not quite understanding where she was, she hoisted herself up and felt a surge of pain in her around her shoulder blade. At first she questioned why it hurt and then it all came crashing back to her. _I was walking with Niylah... there was a scream and then... I was stabbed._ She reached her hand to her back and yelped when someone grabbed her wrist.

"I wouldn't do that," a soft voice called out beside her.

Clarke immediately recognized who was speaking. "Niylah," she called out as she lay back down. Even though she knew the general sense of what happened, she still didn't know anything or how she was still alive. "What happened? I remember was you... screaming my name." Clarke's vision hadn't fully came to focus yet and when she didn't hear a response from Niylah immediately, she rubbed her eyes and looked over to the woman. Instead of calm and collected like Clarke had come to known, Niylah was fretting, fingers pressed to her lips, and staring off into a random corner in the room. "Niylah, what's wrong?"

"This is all my fault," Niylah replied faintly, her voice raw and shaking.

Clarke cocked her head and raised an eyebrow. "What's your fault? Me getting attacked? You couldn't have known," Clarke offered, reaching out with her right hand to Niylah, wincing as she felt her wound pull. Her eyes widened when Niylah snatched her hand away and jolted up from her chair.

"No, Clarke, you don't get it!" Niylah exclaimed, shaking her head. "I brought you here because I thought you would be safe. I thought my Queen would keep you safe. Instead, I lead you right into danger." Clarke wanted to speak, but she felt that Niylah had more to say and kept quiet. Whatever was going on had been eating at the woman for a while judging by the tight lines on her face and her clenched fists. "I was naive to think that you'd be safe with my people, or any of the clans. No, you're only safe with Skaikru."

Clarke cocked her head and eased herself into a sitting position, ignoring the tug from her wound. "Niylah, what aren't you telling me? Where is this all coming from?" _She's never like this. I've never seen her so distraught._

Clarke found herself further confused when Niylah started laughing. "Do you even know what Wanheda _really_ means, Clarke?" the woman asked, ice in her voice. The woman didn't give her a chance to respond. "The Commander of Death. It's not just a title, Clarke. Each of the twelve clans believe that you take the power from the ones you kill. You kill the Commander of Death..."

"You rule death," Clarke uttered breathlessly. The words the Grounder spoke when he attacked her came storming back and she finally understood. _He wanted to kill me for power._ The conversation between Nia and Niylah also came back to her. "The Queen talked about Wanheda. Said that she would accomplish her goals one way or another. She's going to kill me!" Clarke tossed off the blanket covering her and swept her leg over the side. Niylah's firm hands reaching out and grabbing her was the only thing keeping Clarke from escaping.

"Yes, she will," Niylah admitted, dropping to her knees before Clarke. "I hoped that she would not. That she would see you as an ally and keep you safe from those who would take your life without a second thought." Niylah dropped her arms and looked straight up at Clarke. "If her primary plan fails she _will_ kill you. I was never going to let it come to that and began planning an escape for you." Niylah shook her head and rose to her feet. "You being attacked and another development has pushed up that timeline."

"You're helping me escape?" Clarke asked. _This is all so much to hear. Nia seemed so... genuine, caring. How could someone like that be so cold?_ "Was any of this real? What the Queen showed me? Was it all some ploy to get me to stay?"

Niylah shook her head. "What she showed you and talked about was real. Make no mistake, Clarke. We are a proud people. Nia most of all. Sometimes you go to extreme lengths to protect those you care about." A sigh escaped Niylah's lips and her shoulders sagged slightly. "I care about you, Clarke. What we... shared... I understand that it was a onetime thing, but I consider you my friend and I won't let Nia bring you any harm. By nightfall you will be well on your way back to your people."

Clarke reached her hand out for Niylah and stepped off the bed, wrapping her arms around her. "Thank you," Clarke uttered, overwhelmed with everything that was going on. _This is all so much,_ Clarke thought. _Trusting Niylah was the right thing, despite how hard it was. Niylah has been a good friend to me, multiple times. I'd have ended up dead without her, multiple times._ "I wouldn't be where I am without you."

"You don't have to thank me," Niylah replied. "You were strong enough on your own." Niylah turned around and grabbed an object from the corner of the room. "A gift. I got it while you were asleep," she said, handing the gift to Clarke.

Taking it into her hands, Clarke's eyes lilt up when she realized that it was the Commander's sword, though with a sheath as well. Gingerly pulling the blade out, she was amazed to find it completely straight and extremely polished, almost gleaming in the low light of the room. "I almost forgot about it," Clarke uttered. "It looks better than I remember."

"I let my friend know how important it was to do a good job on it," Niylah replied, her face lifting up slightly.

"I appreciate it," Clarke said, sheathing the sword and putting it aside on the bed. "So, what's the plan for escape?"

Instead of opening up like Clarke expected, Niylah instead shut down about it. "The less you know, the better at this point. You will just have to trust me." Clarke didn't like it one bit, but Niylah's stern face showed no signs of relenting. "If you're ready, the Queen has called a gathering to address what happened."

Clarke froze for a moment and her eyebrows furrowed. "Why would I do that? She wants to kill me!" Facing the Queen after what she had llearned terrified Clarke. _Just when I was feeling sympathy for her, I find out she was using me._ Regardless if they wanted to kill the same person, Clarke wanted as much distance from the Azgeda as she could get.

"Like I said," Niylah replied, tossing Clarke a coat. "You'll have to trust me. Grab your things, it should be starting soon."

* * *

Raven woke up to bright lights and stone walls around her. A lightweight silken sheet covered her body and slipped down as she stirred from her sleep. Her head spun slightly, she felt a little nauseous and her leg felt stiff. _Mount Weather_... she remembered. _Abby... surgery._ Her eyes widened and threw swept the blanket off of her, looking down at her hip. Through the fabric hospital gown she was wearing Raven saw some heavy bandages covering her hip and saw a faint amount of blood showing through them.

"You did good, Raven," Abby's voice called out from beside her, causing Raven to jump slightly.

"Shit, Abby. You scared me." Nausea beginning to overwhelm her, Raven laid her head back down onto the bed. "Did it work?" Raven asked tentatively, fingers digging into the bed as she looked off into a corner of the room.

"Well the surgery took longer than I anticipated, but yes; I think it did," Abby replied, walking around the bed to talk to Raven face to face. "Once the pain from the surgery and recovery wears off you should only have minimal discomfort from your hip." She gave Raven's leg a slight rub then moved to the end of the bed and pulled out a small needle. "Let's see how your leg is doing. Let's start with where we know you felt before."

Raven felt a small prick and curled her toes slightly. A gasp escaped her mouth and tears formed in her eyes as she nodded yes. _She did it!_

Abby shifted the needle lower and prodded again. "Here?"

Raven nodded again. _I can't believe it,_ she thought and she let out a relieved laugh through her tears. She watched Abby move lower again and prod her with the needle. This time she barely felt anything and began to panic. "Abby. Abby I didn't feel that like the others," she said, heart rate beginning to increase. _I'm still broken._

"But you felt it?" Abby asked calmly. When Raven nodded, Abby smiled back. "That's to be expected. You don't have full control, but you will have some feeling. What about here?" Abby poked around her ankle and once again she felt the faint twinge from the needle.

"Barely," Raven said. _I moved my toes, though_. Focusing, Raven tried wiggling her toes and saw them just barely move. Seeing the motion brought the hugest smile to her face, but also put pit in her soul. _I'll never be the same,_ she lamented. _Enough depression, Reyes. You've suffered enough. Be happy just this once._ She was extremely grateful for what Abby had done for her, and seeing the restored control she had lifted her spirits.

"Well, you won't be a ballerina but you should be able to do your job as if you never had the injury in the first place," Abby said, drawing the blanket back over Raven. "We'll keep you here for a couple of days to heal and light duty for a few weeks then you'll be good to go. I'm serious about that as well. We do this right or you'll damage it again and we don't have unlimited supplies to keep doing surgeries."

_As if I never had the injury_ , Raven replayed in her mind. "Thank you, Abby," Raven's voice broke, unable to control her emotions anymore. _I won't be worthless anymore._

"No, thank _you_ Raven, for letting me help you," Abby said. A crashing sound from outside caught their attention and Abby walked over to the door to medical to look through the window. Raven watched as the older woman immediately brought her hand to her mouth and staggered.

"Abby, what's happening?" Raven called out, propping herself up on her elbow to try and see through the window.

Abby slammed the door's lock shut, ran to the other door, and locked it too. Raven's heart began beating faster as she heard the raggedness in Abby's breath. "We're being attacked," Abby dazedly said.

_What?!_ Raven's heart dropped. She knew there had been tensions over Mount Weather, but she thought the Grounders had been letting them use the facility for supplies and a hospital. "Abby, who is attacking? Is it Ice Nation?" Pike had told them all about the ruthlessness of the northern clan. He warned them something like this could happen but they had ignored it.

Raven's heart sunk deeper when Abby's head shook. "Trikru," she muttered. "The Trikru are attacking."

* * *

The sun began to set as Clarke sat next to Niylah on the hill leading up to the Queen's castle, looking down at Nia addressing the rest of the Azgeda. Her skin crawled just being there, listening to the woman talk about Clarke being a guest and how she should be treated as such. Had it not been for Niylah's presence, Clarke would have tried to run off right at that moment.

_"We must make an example of this man, to let him know that he cannot attack a guest of mine and go unpunished,"_ Nia's voice boomed in Trigedasleng. Clarke was able to pick up most of it, though she filled in some gaps on her own. The Queen turned and faced Clarke, pointing towards her. "Wanheda!" she called out in English. "This man attempted to take your life. What is your judgment?"

Clarke froze, completely caught off guard. Her first reaction was to look at Niylah, who gave her a quick squeeze on the arm and nodded her head. Clarke shakily stood up, bringing her hands together at her stomach. She knew what needed to be done, what was expected of her. _Jus drein, jus daun_. That was the Grounder way, but she was so _tired_ of all the death surrounding her. She only wanted to take one more life, and it wasn't this man's. _I can't look weak to the Queen. She'll walk all over me if I don't and then I'll never leave_ , she thought. "Jus drein, jus daun," Clarke called out, trying to mask the shudder in her voice as she spoke the words.

Nia smiled and turned around to face the crowd. _"Wanheda has chosen death to this man who would attack a guest. We shall honor the way of the Heda and death will be by one hundred cuts."_ The crowd below roared in approval and a large cleared, revealing a pole that someone had erected.

Memories of Finn and Raven tied up on similar structures flashed before Clarke's eyes and she averted her gaze, easing herself back down to the ground. "I don't want to see this," Clarke whispered to Niylah.

"I'll be right back," Niylah said, patting Clarke on the arm and getting up to walk down to the Queen. She watched every movement and the two discussed for a whort while before the Queen looked directly at her and nodded. A few moments later Niylah was back in front of her with her hand held out. "I told her you still need to rest and she agreed. I'm to escort you back to your room in the castle."

Clarke nodded and took Niylah's hand to stand up. She looked down once more to the crowd and paused. Off in the distance, at the very edge of the group stood Samael, staring directly at her. His face was mostly obscured by shadows and he appeared to be slightly hunched over. An arm was raised and directly pointing in a direction, the limb unwavering as he stood motionless. She followed the direction and locked eyes with a middle-aged man staring directly at her. For some reason, the man's gaze weirded her out even more than Samael's and sweat began to form on her brow. Turning to Niylah, she tugged on her shirt. "There is a man staring directly at me," Clarke whispered.

Niylah turned and looked back at the crowd. "I'm sure they are all staring at you, Clarke. You are Wanheda."

Clarke shook her head. "This is... different. I don't know. Just please, look. He's right over..." Clarke pointed to where she saw the man previously but both he and Samael were now gone. "There," she trailed off, dumbfounded. She felt Niylah wrap her arm around her shoulders and lead her towards the castle.

"It looks like you scared him off," Niylah said. "Come, I have a surprise for you in your room."

Clarke raised an eyebrow at Niylah, wondering what it could be. She looked at the position of the sun and knew nightfall would be there soon. _Just make it until then and you're free_. One last glance over her shoulder confirmed the man was gone and Clarke let it slip from her mind as they entered the castle. Niylah guided her through the main corridor and stopped in front of Clarke's door.

"I figured you could use some guards once you leave," Niylah whispered as low as she could. "I've set up all the arrangements, so you four should have horses waiting for you outside of camp."

"You're not coming with us?" Clarke asked. Her heart sank a little at the thought of leaving Niylah behind after being around the woman so much for so long.

"My place is here," Niylah replied. "Nia will be angry that you're gone. I need to be here to calm her down. Now, time to meet your guards," Niylah said turning the knob and opening the door.

Clarke entered the room first and saw two familiar faces and immediately ran to them. "Lincoln, Harper!" she exclaimed embracing them gingerly with a hug. Several months ago, she would have felt dread and sadness at seeing their faces. Now, her heart felt some measure of happiness. She released her grip and turned to Niylah, a bit confused. "You said there would be four of us," she stated. A man behind her cleared his throat and Clarke whirled around to see the one person she least expected to be here. "Bellamy?!"


	13. Chapter 13

Monty sat next to his mother in the middle of the mess hall, bored out of his mind. Pike had insisted on calling a town meeting to discuss recent findings and happenings. Most of it had to do with things the Grounders had done to antagonize them, though Monty saw through it all. _He's controlling them with fear_ , he thought. Looking around, most of the others were hanging on his every word, buying up every syllable he spoke. His mother was the worst offender, becoming something of a right-hand man to Pike. He also spotted Kane sitting nearby, quietly observing everything happening. _He's not very happy right now._

"Now listen up. Jasper, this one's for you," Pike bellowed out, pacing about. "You managed to piss off the Ice Nation with that stunt you pulled. I don't like the Grounders just the same as all of you. They've caused us all suffering. However, there is a right and a wrong way to go about it. If we're wronged we fight, otherwise we keep to our own. Going out and pissing on them, literally, is the wrong way." Laughter erupted around him, though Monty did not partake. He had seen what Jasper did, the look in his eyes. The friend he had known for so long hadn't been there that day, replaced only by a ghost. If it hadn't been for Bellamy acting so quickly, his friend would be dead instead of the punch line of a joke.

"It won't happen again, boss sir man, sir!" Jasper's voice bellowed, slurred and lethargic. _He's drunk again,_ Monty thought, clenching his fists. Monty stared at the floor and tried to calm the wave of anger wanting to burst out of him. _I wish he'd stop acting like a damn child and grow up. We've all suffered, yet he decides to act like a dick because of it._

"No, it won't," Pike said, his voice dropping the playful notes from before. A hush came over the room as people realized things were getting serious. "Per the Exodus Charter, I could have you put to death, here and now." Monty's heart dropped a bit and his eyes shot over to Jasper. The crowd began to murmur amongst themselves and Pike held up a silencing hand. "What you did could start a war if those bodies are found, all because you got drunk and went out on a patrol. This has to end, right here, right now."

Pike motioned for two guards in the back of the room to step forward and the rest of the crowd shifted their focus to them. Monty looked to his mom and she was staring directly at Pike, not even concerned about the commotion. _She used to consider Jasper a second son to her. What happened to them while they were in Azgeda territory?_ Jasper's yelling snapped Monty back into focus and he saw the guards lifting Jasper up out of his seat. "Jasper, I hereby sentence you to three months as a prisoner, and forbid you from ever drinking alcohol in the camp indefinitely," Pike boomed, walking towards Jasper. "If you break that order, you will go back to prison for another year. A second time, you'll get lashings with that year. The third will be your last drink ever. Am I clear?"

"Whatever you say, boss," Jasper said, hanging his head in defeat. _Look what you've done to yourself, Jasper,_ Monty thought to himself. With his shaved head, Jasper hardly even looked like the best friend he had known for years. _Maybe this is for the best. I may not like Pike, but this may be Jasper's chance for some real help._

"Take him outta here," Pike muttered, turning his back and walking away as Jasper was escorted out of the meeting room. The crowd slowly turned their attention back to their Chancellor and he gave them a minute to calm down. "Now, back to business. Where did I..."

_"Abby Griffin calling Arkadia. Arkadia, please come in!"_

"What the...?" Monty said aloud, along with most of the others in the room. _Her voice... something is off._

The room went completely silent when Pike went to the radio and grabbed it. "This is Pike. Abby, what's the matter?" Pike asked, all his focus directed at the walkie, as if he could physically see who was on the other side of it.

_"Trikru,"_ Abby's voice rang out through the speakers, crackling in the air slightly. _"Trikru is attacking Mount Weather. I'm shut in medical with Raven, but... Oh my god! No!"_ Monty looked around and saw everyone else was doing the same, eyes wide and whispering frantically. Looking up at Pike, Monty saw a clear flash of anger on the man's face. It was only there a second, but he knew what he saw. In the next instant, the man's face was collected again.

"Abby, repeat your last. The Trikru are attacking Mount Weather?" Pike spoke into the walkie, eyes looking out over the crowd.

_"Yes! They are here. They have weapons and... oh no!"_ A quick scream sent chills through Monty's spine. _"They... they killed them. Charles, they killed them! Why would they do this?"_

Pike lowered his head and rubbed his hand over his forehead. When his hand lowered, there was a calm in Pike's eyes that confused Monty. He saw Pike's lips move, but the only word he could definitively make out was 'begins' and that didn't help much. Pike raised his head a moment later and engaged the walkie. "Are you secure in medical? Can they get to you?"

_"No, they can't get to us,"_ Abby's voice came in through a little static. _"I can't move Raven, she's still recovering from her surgery. Charles, please send help."_

"Don't worry," Pike said, his voice steady and calm. "We're going to get you out. Make sure you keep those doors closed and we'll have you out in no time. Pike out." Pike tossed the radio and stood up on a table. "I was afraid this day would come," Pike began, raising his voice to just short of yelling. "We have tried to make peace with the Grounders. They returned that by abandoning you at the battle of Mount Weather. They fought us when we tried to use the Mountain for its resources and make life better for everyone. Now, they crossed the line by actually killing some of our own."

Monty's mom let out a cry that was soon followed by others. "They like to say blood must have blood. Our people have bled, now it's their turn!" Monty tried to grab his mom and pull her down, but it was too late. Most of the room was on their feet now, chanting a mixture of Pike's name and various insults about Grounders. _He got what he wanted. They all seem bloodthirsty to kill the Grounders._

Pike held up his hands and the crowd quieted down once again. "Our best doctor and mechanic are trapped inside that Mountain, waiting for us to bring them help. We offered to use the Mountain as a hospital for all to use and to help heal what they could not," Pike pulled out his pistol and the man's once calm demeanor was replaced by a rage-filled man. "And _this_ is our thanks?! No more! Trikru wanted a fight? They've got one. Report to the main gate in fifteen minutes if you want to kick some Grounder ass."

The crowd erupted into a war cry and Monty sunk down as low as he could. Part of himself felt that Pike was right. The Grounders had yet again betrayed them, this time murdering people. _How many more times can we trust them?_ He was against an all out war, but it was looking like that would be the inevitable option. Pike stormed out of the meeting hall, pistol still in hand, and all but a few followed him. His mother had been the first to jump up, and Kane had been right behind her. Knowing his mother would be expecting him, Monty got out of his chair with a sigh and headed for the exit, wondering how bad things were about to get.

* * *

"Bellamy?!" Clarke couldn't believe her eyes. He stepped forward and she embraced her friend. After a few seconds, she broke the hug and stepped back. "What are you guys doing here? How did you get in?" _How did they even know I was here? Someone at the camp?_ It felt good to finally be around familiar faces, and she didn't feel the same pain that she felt before.

"Echo let us know where you were, and Niylah helped us get here," Bellamy replied. He jerked his thumb over to Lincoln and Harper and smiled. "These two refused to let me go on my own to come get you."

"Couldn't let you have all the fun, and we get to get away from that asshole Pike," Harper spat out. "It's miserable being in that camp. Everyone constantly on edge about the Grounders and all the people from Farm Station walking around with their heads up Pike's ass."

"It's... been a trying time," Lincoln admitted. She studied the man's face and he looked exhausted, like he had been fighting a war. _Perhaps he has,_ Clarke thought. "Octavia hasn't been pleased either."

_If what they're saying is true, I feel terrible for Lincoln_. _All the work he's done to show the Grounders in a different light, and then Pike?_ This was all a lot for Clarke, and she didn't understand half of it. She wanted answers, but knew now was not the time. Dusk was setting in and it would be time for her to leave soon. "I have so many questions for all of you, and I'm happy you came, but we need to leave. The sooner I'm away from here, the better," Clarke said, tapping her thigh and pacing about.

"Then you should be on your way," Niylah said. She walked over to the bed and grabbed a black cloak that was laying there, handing it to Clarke. "This should keep you warm, and hide your face from anyone curious enough to look. Just... don't let them stare too long."

"I can't convince you to come?" Clarke asked, turning to face the woman whom she had placed so much trust in over the past few months. She wanted with every ounce of her being for Niylah to agree to come. "What if Nia finds out you helped me?"

Niylah laughed and placed her hands over Clarke's shoulders. "She will not," Niylah replied confidently. "And if she does, she won't harm me. If there is one thing she cares about, it is family. Now, take the cloak and go. You have a long night of riding ahead of you."

Clarke didn't like Niylah's decision one bit, it formed a pit in her stomach thinking about the consequences. By staying, Niylah was putting herself in harm's way because of Clarke. Looking at the woman's face, though, she knew there would be no debating it. Clarke gingerly put on the cloak, wincing as her wound protested to the movement. She reached up and gave Niylah one last hug. "Thank you, for everything," Clarke said, clutching onto Niylah's clothes tightly with her hands. "May we meet again."

"May we meet again," Niylah repeated, releasing from the hug and stepping back. "The guards in the castle should be at Nia's side for the execution, so you shouldn't have any problems leaving. Keep to the shadows and don't stop until you're out of Azgeda territory."

"Clarke, take this," Bellamy said, handing a bandana to her. She grabbed it out of his hands and looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Use it to cover your face. It'll make you less noticeable."

Clarke did as she was told and tied the cloth behind her head and raised it up over her nose. She felt a bit ridiculous and restricted, but if it helped their chances of escaping she was all for it. Lincoln and Harper were waiting by the door and she gave them a nod. "Okay, let's do this," she said, and the group walked out the door, leaving Niylah behind. Clarke had a feeling she wouldn't be sleeping for a while after this.

The main corridor was empty, as expected. The four of them walked down towards the exit without interruption and exited out to the cold. Night was taking over fast, though the fires in the town below burned brightly. Clarke could hear screaming off in the distance and assumed it was the man who tried to kill her. Part of her felt sympathy for the man, having seen firsthand what he was going through when the Commander tried to kill Raven. _He did try to kill me. He's not innocent. At least he will be a distraction for my escape_.

"This way," Bellamy said, motioning towards the tree line off to their left. "We left the horses over there. We take it slow until we get to them, then ride like hell. Lincoln will take point from then on."

"Niylah told us you were injured," Lincoln chimed in. "If you need to rest, you will ride with me and we'll do our best to be gentle." Lincoln clenched and released his hands multiple times, shuddering a bit as the group made their way to the trees. "We will need to cover as much ground as we can. We'll only have so long before they realize you're gone. We want to be clear of Azgeda territory by then." He glanced over at her and took notice of the sword on her back. "It's good you have those. If we run into trouble we can't use guns. Too much noise."

"It's a good thing we brought you, then," Harper chimed in. "I feel sorry for the guy that gets in your way." Harper moved to Clarke's side and wrapped her arm around Clarke's shoulder. "It's good to have you back."

Clarke nodded and returned the gesture. Her heart raced with every step they took, and it took quite a bit of focus to stop herself from breaking into a run for the horses. _I was so blind, the whole time_ , she thought. _I'll only be safe at Camp Jaha. Any Grounder I run into could try to kill me because I'm Wanheda, even the Commander_. Clarke clenched her fist and pressed on, counting the seconds until they reached the trees.

The horses came into view after a few more minutes of walking and the group jogged the rest of the way. Lincoln helped Clarke up onto hers while Bellamy and Harper mounted the others. Once she was secure, Lincoln leapt onto his own and yanked the reins. "Easy part is over," he said, his voice deep and gravely serious. "Stay close and ride fast. It's going to be a long night."

Clarke nodded and then Lincoln rode off, and she spurred her horse into action. Bellamy and Harper flanked her on either side and her heart was thudding in her chest. She had experienced fear multiple times since being sent down to the Earth, but somehow nothing compared to what she was going through right now. Perhaps it was the cold, or the darkening sky, or the fact that she was in a hostile environment where any person could kill her on sight. Nevertheless, adrenaline was coursing through Clarke's veins and she gripped them with all of her strength. She was finally going home.

* * *

They all had ridden for what felt like hours, and all of them save Lincoln looked exhausted. Bellamy took a look over at Clarke and saw that she was drooping a bit and seemed to be falling behind everyone else. "Lincoln!" Bellamy called out, trying to keep his voice low while still being heard. "We need to stop."

Lincoln reared up his horse and turned around. He took one look at Clarke and nodded to Bellamy. "We're at the edge of Azgeda territory. We can afford a small rest," Lincoln said, dismounting from his horse. "Clarke will ride with me the rest of the way."

Bellamy nodded and jumped down from his horse and made his way over to Clarke. "Here, let me help you," he said, holding out his arms for Clarke to support herself with. Her squinted eyes and the frown on her face let him know that Clarke was in pain, lots of it. Once Clarke was off the horse, Bellamy eased her down to the ground and pulled out his water canteen. "Drink," he said, offering the container to his friend.

"Thanks," she said as she unscrewed the cap and brought the canteen to her mouth. She took a couple of deep gulps before handing it back to him. He noticed her wince when she did and wondered how long Clarke had been suffering.

"I'm going to check if you're bleeding, is that okay?" Bellamy asked. It was too cold and they were wearing too many layers for him to check the wound itself. He would have to feel for it to be sure. When Clarke nodded he took off his glove and moved behind her. Reaching down from the neck of her clothes, he felt for the bandage that currently covered her wound. Niylah had told him she was taken care of the best that they could, but the riding could have undone some of that. He felt the soft material of the bandage and it felt a little damp.

"Well, what's the verdict," Clarke said as she shivered slightly.

"You're bleeding a little, but not too much." Bellamy removed his hand and wiped his fingers off on his pants before putting his glove back on. "Mount Weather is closer than Arkadia. I say we go there. We've opened it as a hospital and we'd be safe there until your mom arrives." Bellamy could see the pain in Clarke's eyes when the words left his mouth. _I know, Clarke_.

"Okay," Clarke replied blandly. Bellamy was surprised when she didn't offer any resistance, but perhaps she agreed it was the best plan. "Not named Camp Jaha anymore?" she asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yea, we de-"

"Hush!" Lincoln hissed, lowering into a crouch. "We're not alone."

Bellamy's heart sunk as he mirrored Lincoln's movements, moving in front of Clarke. _They couldn't have followed us that quickly. We made sure we weren't being followed!_ His heart rate started to increase as he looked in every direction, trying to identify where whatever noise Lincoln heard was coming from.

"Do you see anything?" Harper whispered, moving to Lincoln's side and drawing out her machete. Her voice sounded shaky and Bellamy couldn't blame her. The hair on the back of his neck was perfectly straight as he listened for any signs of movement.

His fears became reality in the next moment. Footsteps sounded behind him and he barely was able to dive out of the way from a flash of silver that slashed into the ground where he was moments before. "Lincoln!" he called out, drawing out his own machete while moving between himself and Clarke.

Their attacker swirled around and lunged at Bellamy. He heard the blade slicing through the air and barely got his own machete up in time to deflect the hit. Heat covered his cheek and soon he felt wetness pouring down it. _God damn, he's fast,_ Bellamy thought. Harper and Lincoln joined in the fight seconds later to gang up on him.

Lincoln was the first to attack, lunging with his sword. The man parried easily, but Harper was right on him with another attack to prevent any counters. Her attack looked like it was going to land, but a quick flick of the man's wrist blocked it and a kick to the chest sent her sprawling onto the ground. Bellamy jumped onto him next, striking out but being countered yet again. _Who the hell is this guy?_

Back and forth they went, every attack they sent at him was easily blocked and countered. Lincoln managed to hold his own, but Bellamy could tell it was a losing battle. He lunged a clumsy attack at the mystery man and was met with a swift punch to the face. Sprawling back down to the ground, Bellamy began to panic. _We can only keep this up so long,_ he thought. He looked to Clarke and saw that she was reaching for the swords on her back. "Stay down, Clarke!" he called out. _She's in no condition to fight._

That caught the man's attention and he made his way over to Clarke. _No!_ Bellamy sprang to his feet and charged, swinging his machete violently. Their attacker tried to step out of the way but was a hair too slow and he managed to clip the man's leg with the end of the blade. The thrust sent Bellamy too off balance and he face planted into the ground. Rolling over, the man was standing over him raising the sword to attack. _Shit,_ was the only thing that came to Bellamy's mind.

"Roan!"

The man halted and turned his head at the call, and all action stopped. Bellamy's heart was pounding against his chest and he scooted out from under the man while he was distracted. He heard their attacker respond in Trigedasleng, though he didn't understand what was being said. _What is going on here?_

"Come now, Roan," the voice from before said. Bellamy looked behind him and walking towards them was a middle-aged man dressed in all black. While the momentary relief from battle was a good one, as he was exhausted, Bellamy didn't know whether or not to be scared of this newcomer as well. "You know their tongue. Let us speak so they can hear."

"Orion," the man who Bellamy figured was Roan spat out. "I thought you were dead."

Orion laughed and drew his own sword and stepped closer to the group. "No, no. Not dead. Not me. It has tried, though. Death. That it has." _Great, we have someone trying to kill us and now an insane person trying to stop him._ "Surprised to see you, that I am. What do you want with these Skaikru?" he asked, waving his sword in their direction.

"None of your business, coward," Roan spat. Bellamy watched him circle around the newcomer. _At least it looks like they're enemies. Has to count for something._

"The traitor calls out the coward, how fitting," Orion laughed. "Poor little Roan, left out in the cold. Prey on the weak to find some heat, how far the prince has fallen."

Roan growled and tightened his grip on his sword. "Why are we even talking? It's clear you've gone insane. Do you even remember who you are?"

"Do you?" Orion fired right back, a fit of laughter coming from the man. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let me compose myself." Orion took a deep breath and waved his hand over his face. "There, better," he said, then he waved his sword in Roan's direction. "Leave the Skaikru and you will live."

Roan shook his head and lunged for Clarke, grabbing her up and pressing the sword to her throat. "No!" Bellamy called out rising to his feet only to be met with Roan pressing the blade hard enough against Clarke's throat to cause it to bleed. _Damnit_ , he thought as he backed off. _I can't risk hurting Clarke._

"Here's how this is gonna work," Roan said, keeping his sword at Clarke's throat. "I'm taking her with me, and you're not going to follow. Do anything else and she dies, understood?"

Harper moved closer to Roan and held her sword out. "There's four of us and only one of you. What makes you think we won't just kill you here and now?"

Bellamy watched in horror as in one swift motion Roan flashed his sword out and cut off Harper's extended hand. She dropped to the ground, screaming, and soon Clarke and himself were joining in. Roan backed away and slashed one of the horse's throat and tossed Clarke up onto another one, jumping up behind her shortly afterward. "That was your warning. Next time you die," Roan said coldly, staring straight at Orion as he yanked the reins and took off on his horse.

Once he took off, Bellamy rushed over to Harper who was rolling around in agony. He tore off his jacket and wrapped it around her wound the best he could. "We've got to get you back to Mount Weather," he said. Lincoln joined him and helped apply some pressure to Harper's wound. Bellamy let him take over and he stood up to face Orion. "Who the hell are you? Who is he? Why didn't you do anything?"

"Apologies, Skaikru," Orion replied, sheathing his sword. "Your friend is safe, so long as we follow what he says. Roan wants something, that he does."

"And what is that?" Bellamy asked harshly, stepping forward as he put away his machete. "That's easy for you to say, you don't know her. We risked our lives coming here to get her, searched for months to find her, and now she's gone."

"Redemption," Orion said, laughing. "Mommy banished him and now he wants to fix it."

Bellamy went cold as he thought of what that meant. "If he's taking her back to the Ice Queen we need to head back. She'll kill Clarke."

"Noooo, no, no, no, my Skaikru friend," Orion replied. "Your friend here is missing a hand, terrible injury that is. You can stop it, for a while. Not too long, though." Bellamy hated the way the man talked, but knew he was right. If Harper didn't get help soon, she was going to die.

"We need to get her to Mount Weather," Bellamy replied. "We can get her help there." He was caught off guard when Orion suddenly started freaking out.

"No, not the Mountain. Can't go to the Mountain," Orion said. "Mountain of death, Mountain of lies. They all go in, just to die." Orion went quiet a moment and Bellamy thought he had lost the man, but he composed himself right after that. "I'll escort you close enough to the Mountain, no further."

"Thank you," Bellamy said, taking what he could get. It was dark and they'd have hell trying to navigate on their own while having to deal with an injured Harper. "What about Clarke?" He wasn't just going to come this close only to lose her again.

"We will let Roan believe he won," Orion said. "Roan was always easy to understand. Why follow something when you know where it will be?"

"You know where he is taking her?" Bellamy asked, hope filling his voice. _If he's not taking her to the Ice Queen, where then?_

"The traitor runs from Mommy to Heda," Orion laughed. "In Polis you will find your friend. We must ride now, before your other friend dies. When we part I will head for Polis."

Bellamy looked over and Lincoln was helping Harper to her feet, keeping pressure on her open wound and hoisting her up onto his horse. Bellamy walked over to Harper's severed hand and picked it up, wrapping it in a spare piece of his now ripped shirt. _This is my fault,_ he thought. _She came here because of me_. Blood beginning to boil, he grabbed the reins of his horse and jumped on. Orion slid on behind him and Bellamy tore off with Lincoln, racing to save Harper's life. _Save Harper, then find Clarke._ The four raced off in the direction of the Mountain, fighting against time and praying Harper would last until they made it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading. For all of you who have been patiently waiting, payoff is about to come. Next chapter will finally have the reunion between Clarke and Lexa. They almost ran into each other a couple of chapters ago, but this time there will be no avoiding it for Clarke. I know it's been a long journey and you've stuck through it thus far, so I'm happy to tell you what you want is coming in the next update! Thanks again for all the follows/favorites/views/reviews. I'm glad so many people are enjoying this story, it's really motivating.


	14. Chapter 14

Raven waited, laying out on her hospital bed. Her heart raced as she looked up at the cold, hard stone and harsh, white lighting. The incessant banging that began shortly after the attack refused to relent. Raven clenched her jaw as she tapped her fingers on the side of her bed. _Help better get here soon,_ Raven thought. She was grateful Abby helped move her bed away from the window panels on the door. Seeing the faces of their attackers along with them trying in vain to break through the door would have been too much for her.

"Help should be here soon," Abby said, her voice slightly shaking.

"Pike said he's coming. We'll be out of here in no time," Raven replied. She knew there was no way the Grounders were getting through that door, but a part of her feared that they would find a way. _If it were me I would've blown the door to hell by now._ The thought of a Grounder being smart enough to gather some explosive materials to open the door only helped to further increase her heart rate. _Great job, Raven. Way to calm yourself down._

"I just don't understand why Trikru would do this," Abby exhaled, sounding flabbergasted. The older woman sat up in her chair and ran her hands through her hair. "Tensions between us had been high since we took out the Mountain Men, but never enough to attack us. What did we do to provoke them?"

"The same thing we did when they attacked us before you all came down," Raven replied coldly. "We existed." She did little to hide the bitterness in her voice. Ever since she went rogue on the Ark to get to the Earth, it felt like she had been fighting for her life. Attack after attack by the Grounders, the threat of annihilation just around the corner. _All for simply landing on a planet we thought uninhabited and potentially not viable for life._

"You've been listening to Pike a lot," Abby noted, her left eyebrow raising. "I didn't know you felt that way about the Grounders."

Raven shook her head, shifting to face Abby. "I'm not like Pike. I don't hate them, I'm just not surprised by it." She still remembered the first anti-Grounder speech she heard from Pike. The ridiculousness and the amount of fear mongering in it soured her on the man. She may have her grudges against them, but it wasn't hatred. Another loud bang caused Raven to sigh in anger. "If they keep banging on that damn door, I'll find a way to blow them straight to hell!" Her yell had been much louder than she intended, but it helped calm her nerves some.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Abby replied, laying a hand on Raven's shoulder. Her gaze shifted downwards and Raven saw the Doctor Abby face come out. _I hate the Doctor Abby face_. "How are you doing? Might as well check on you while we have nothing to do."

Raven shifted her leg and felt a slight twinge of pain from where her stitches were, but other than that everything felt great. "Hurts around the incisions, but other than that still the same." _I still can't believe she fixed me. I didn't think it was going to be possible._

Abby stood up and walked away from the bed to look around in the cabinets. The banging on the door intensified when Abby stepped in view of the window and Raven curled up slightly on her bed. "It seems like the pain meds are starting to wear off. I'd give you some more now, but I may need you coherent to help me defend us if it comes to that." Abby grabbed a bottle of pills and stuffed them into her jacket pocket and Raven looked at her with a confused expression. "In case we have to bust out of here."

The banging on the door suddenly stopped and they heard faint shouting. Raven whispered a silent thanks for the respite, but soon after more loud bangs filled the air, only much faster. _Almost like..._ "Gunshots! Pike is here!" The gunfire lasted for several moments before it all went quiet. Raven saw Abby slowly walk to the door to look out of the window.

Something knocked on the door, hard, three times and nearly caused Abby to fall straight on her ass. "Jesus," Abby whispered, taking a moment to collect herself. Once she was calm, Raven watched her open the door. For a moment, she thought that Abby was about to get them both killed and Grounders were going to come pouring through the door. Instead, Pike and two others from Farm Station strolled into the room with their rifles in hand. "Charles, thank god," Abby exclaimed.

"Are you two okay?" Charles asked, looking at the both of them. "You sounded pretty shaken up on the radio."

"Yea, that's putting it lightly," Raven sarcastically replied. "We just had a group of Trikru come in and start murdering everyone... how many died?" She thought of all the people that had come to either get treatment or scavenge for supplies. _I hope at least some of them were able to hide._

"My men are still searching, but it doesn't look hopeful," Pike replied somberly. "I'm just glad you two are okay. Losing our chief doctor and one of our smartest mechanics on top of everyone else would have been crippling." Raven studied the man and if it weren't for the long expression on his face, she would swear the man felt completely relaxed. _I guess it's why we voted him to be the leader, he doesn't shy away from the Grounders._ Pike shook his head and looked to Abby. "How soon can we get her out of here?"

"She's going to need at least a day before she's able to be transported," Abby said, shaking her head. "If we move her too soon her stitches could rupture or she could re-injure herself."

Pike sighed and looked down to the ground for a moment before pulling out his radio. "All teams, hunker down. We can't move until tomorrow. Set up a defensive perimeter and start rotating watches. I don't want any surprise attacks." _He's not very happy,_ Raven could tell.

_"Sir, I've got two horses approaching the main gate,"_ a voice on the radio called in. _"Looks like... holy shit! We've got wounded incoming!"_

The whole room cocked their heads as Pike raised the radio. "Who? All of our men are inside this mountain or guarding the entrances."

_"Sir... it's Bellamy, Harper, and the Grounder. They're all bloody, and... Oh Jesus. Harper's hand is gone!"_

"Get her down here now!" Abby called out the second she heard the news, not wasting any time rushing around the medical room gathering blood and gauze. She threw the supplies down onto a nearby bed and stared straight at Pike. "I hope none of you are squeamish. This is about to get messy."

A couple moments later she heard heavy footsteps in the hall and Bellamy and Lincoln burst into the room carrying a barely conscious Harper. "Set her down over here!" Abby cried out, rushing to Harper's side and immediately checking on the wound, carefully unwrapping the makeshift bandage. Raven peeked over and Harper looked pretty pale and was barely moving. "She's lost a lot of blood. Charles, do you know how to run an IV?"

"Enough," Pike replied, handing his rifle to one of his men and rushing to the bedside. Abby handed him a blood bag and the tubes and needles to set it up.

"Get that in her, now! She's lost a lot of blood." Abby was pure focus and Raven appreciated how dedicated and skilled Abby could be when she needed it. "What happened?" Abby frantically asked as she grabbed a bottle of alcohol nearby and poured it onto the open wound, causing Harper to scream out in pain. "Hold her down!"

Raven watched Bellamy move to the back of the bed to hold down Harper's shoulders. "I got info on where Clarke was," Bellamy explained. _Clarke? He found her?_ Raven thought. They had all been searching for so long, she wondered how he figured it out. Abby paused for only an instant, but Raven could tell that the woman was trying to push away her hope for the moment. "She was in Ice Nation territory. We helped her escape but we were attacked by someone named Roan. Someone else, Orion, came and stopped him from killing us all. Roan took off with Clarke and cut off Harper's hand."

"Did this 'Orion' say where they were going?" Pike asked, holding the now flowing IV and slightly squeezing it to help speed up the flow.

"The Grounder capital," Bellamy replied. "Polis. He said that he would track Clarke to there. He thought that Roan was taking her to the Commander."

Raven looked at Pike and he seemed a little shocked at the news, but not as much as the others. _Nothing shakes this guy,_ Raven thought. _Still, we know where Clarke is._ Part of her missed the blonde, even though she was responsible for Finn's death. _I just hope she's okay._

"We'll get all the details later, for now we need to help Harper," Abby replied, her voice steady despite the frantic pace she was working at. She grabbed a syringe that was full of what Raven guessed to be anesthetic and tossed it over to Pike. "Give that to her. Things are about to get very unpleasant for her."

Pike inserted it and Raven watched Harper slowly relax, before finally being knocked out. She watched Bellamy release his grip from Harper's shoulders and reach for something he had wrapped up by his side.

"I brought her hand," Bellamy said, extending the bundle in his hands towards Abby. "Can you re-attach it?"

Abby shook her head and waved off the package. "Judging by the blood loss it took you guys a while to get here. That cloth is also probably crawling with infections now. It would've been hard to do it even with the hand perfectly stored. Trying to put it back on would only kill her at this point." Raven looked towards Bellamy and saw him deflate slightly. Abby must have noticed it too, because she took her attention away from Harper for just an instant. "It was a good thought. I could still use your help, though. It's going to be a long process."

Raven watched Bellamy hesitate for a second before nodding, moving back to his place behind Harper's head. _He looks so defeated_ , Raven thought. Her own sympathies went out to Harper. She knew what it felt like to feel crippled. _Only for Harper there wouldn't be any replacement hand._ She watched the others furiously work, silently offering her support to her injured friend. Harper would need it, if Abby was right. Raven closed her eyes and put her faith in Abby, hoping once again she could perform a miracle.

* * *

Clarke's head bobbed up and down to the beat of their horse's shoes. If it weren't for Roan holding her up, she would have fallen off long ago. The furious pace at which Roan had been riding prevented her from getting any sleep at all. She didn't know exactly where Polis was, but it certainly felt like they had been traveling for a long time and still hadn't reached their destination. Her back was a mix of dried and fresh blood from the wound she re-opened in their fight. _Poor Harper,_ Clarke thought. _Yet another person hurt because of me_.

"We stop here," Roan told her, tugging on the reins to bring their horse to a halt. Clarke looked at her surroundings and there was a small cave just off to their right. _Are we stopping for rest?_ Clarke thought. "You're bleeding and I need to fix your wound."

"Why are you doing this?" Clarke cried out as Roan hauled her off of the horse. _What does he want? Why is he taking me to Polis?_ She thought back to what the Commander had told her about Polis. _"It'll change your view of my people."_ Clarke clenched her fist to try and calm down. She would have reached for her knife, but Roan had been smart enough to take them from her.

"There's a bounty on your head, _Wanheda_ ," Roan spat out. "I take you to Lexa I figure I can get a pretty hefty reward." The man sat her down near the entrance to the cave and turned to look around on the ground. Clarke looked around in all directions and the second she did cold, hard metal was pressed up against her throat. _I didn't even hear him draw the blade!_ "Don't try to escape. I don't want to have to hurt you."

Clarke scowled and she let her bound hands drop to her lap, helpless and at Roan's mercy. _I wonder if the Commander will kill me for my power like Nia was going to._ Clarke took a breath and tried to let herself relax. Getting angry over the Commander wasn't going to do her much good in the situation. She looked up for Roan and saw him walking back to her with a pile of wood in his arms. "Why the secrecy?" Clarke asked, looking around. "Nobody is out here. Why hide in a cave?"

"It would be unfortunate if anything happened to you before I'm able to get my reward from Lexa," Roan said, no hint of amusement in his face. "I'm patching you up and then we're on the move again. Polis shouldn't be far." Roan grabbed Clarke and forced her onto her feet, nudging her further into the cave. There was a natural bend in the cave and that's where Roan stopped, dropped the logs he was carrying.

Clarke sat down, back against the cave wall as Roan went about creating a fire. While he was distracted setting up the fire, she felt tempted to get up and make an escape. _It wouldn't work,_ Clarke thought, feeling deflated at that truth. _I saw him move when he attacked us. I wouldn't get to the end of the cave before he caught me._ Clarke sighed and waited until the fire sparked to life.

With some work from Roan to feed the flames, they soon had a nice sized fire going. The heat felt nice to Clarke, but she wished she were anywhere but here. She saw Roan pull out a knife and she pressed up against the cave wall. "What, are you going to cauterize my wound?" While she had done it before, Clarke did not want to go through that pain ever again. One of her hands reached out to her leg to rub it just at the thought of how much it hurt.

"That would be faster, but no," Roan replied. "The Commander wants you alive and well. I don't think she'd be happy if I returned you with a mangled scar on your back when I could have attempted something else." Roan pulled out a small kit from his side and a bottle of what she assumed to be alcohol, laying them out on the ground.

Clarke's eyes widened when she saw him pull out a needle and some thread. "You know how to do stitches?" _He doesn't look like a healer, though one thing I've learned about the Grounders is appearances can be deceiving._

"When you're an exile, you learn how to take care of yourself or you die quickly," Roan replied, holding the needle just outside of the flames. "Having a cousin that is a healer also helps." Roan turned to her and twirled his finger. "You're going to need to take your coat and shirt off for me to do this. Let me know when you're ready."

Clarke watched Roan turn around and begin sorting everything out he would need. The decency of the man who had basically kidnapped her gave Clarke some surprise. Turning to face the cave wall, she gingerly removed her outer layers, laying them on the ground next to her. _Thank god my wound isn't any lower, or I'd have to take my wrap off too._ "I didn't know Niylah taught you all of this," Clarke ventured, trying to pass the time and learn more about the man she was dealing with.

Roan didn't respond for a moment, and Clarke feared she had gone too far. Instead, he scooted over to her and handed the bottle of alcohol to her. "Drink this for the pain," Roan said. Clarke took the bottle and removed the cap, taking a small gulp from the bottle. The taste wasn't as bad as she thought and she took another drink while Roan talked to her. "Niylah taught me some things before I was exiled. I built on them while I was on my own."

"You two were close?" Clarke said, turning her head slightly to look at Roan.

"We used to be. Not so much anymore," Roan replied, ice in his voice. "Enough talk, let's get this over with."

Clarke turned her head and downed a larger gulp of her drink, bracing herself for the pain she was about to feel. _There's something he's not telling me._ She felt Roan's hand press against her back and she knew what was coming next. Lowering her head, Clarke closed her eyes and tried to think of anything other than the severe pain she was about to go through. _This is going to suck_.

* * *

Clarke woke up to a world of darkness and strong arms carrying her. _I must have passed out,_ she thought. She blinked her eyes several times, trying to clear the darkness, but her vision never brightened. Fear of being blind raced through her mind for a moment before she noticed the darkness was actually cloth. _I have a hood on!_ "What's happening? Where am I?" Clarke felt herself being lowered to the ground and when her feet touched she tried to run away.

"Stop," Roan's whispered. "The hood is for your protection. We're in Polis, but you won't be safe until you're with the Commander. Remember, you're _Wanheda_."

_The Commander. Polis._ Clarke's heart started racing. She tried resisting from going forward, but Roan's hands pressed into her back, urging her on. "Please, you don't have to do this," Clarke pleaded. "You can just let me go. I'll slip away and nobody has to know anything."

"Shut up and keep moving," Roan commanded, giving her a slight shove.

Heart pounding, Clarke did as she was told and begrudgingly kept moving. _I'm not ready to see her. I'm not._ She remembered how the Commander looked, the details of her face and her anger began bubbling up from within. Finally facing her after all this time would be hard for her, though cathartic. _What will I say? What will she say? What will her explanation be for leaving me at the Mountain?_

Roan grabbed her shoulder and brought her to a stop. Clarke was confused for a moment before she felt the ground below her being lifted up. "Are we on an elevator?!" she asked, spinning around, trying to gather some glimpse in vain.

"Yes, now be quiet," Roan ordered. "You do not speak again until we are at the Heda's throne."

Clarke sat in silence as they ascended for what felt like ages. _How big is this place? What is this place?_ She had so many questions about Polis and what it looked like, but the thoughts that really took over her mind were the woman she was about to face. She had almost confronted her at the camp, but she wasn't anywhere near ready then. The first thing she would have tried to do was kill the Commander, though part of her wondered if that were any different now. _I was going to be part of a plan to kill her with the Azgeda. Has that really changed?_ She didn't know the answer to that and wish she had her knife or sword for comfort.

The movement finally stopped and she heard doors in front of her open. Roan placed a hand at her back and Clarke walked forward, being guided by Roan so she wouldn't run head first into a wall. Everything was quiet, but she heard someone open a set of doors in front of them. She was walked a bit further before Roan forced her to her knees.

"Prince Roan of the Azgeda. To what do I owe this pleasure?" _The Commander,_ Clarke thought. Her heart now pounded in her chest and her breathing picked up. _She has no idea that it's me_.

"A gift, Heda," Roan said. "I've come to claim a bounty."

"Very well. Which bounty are you here to claim?" The Commander sounded every bit the same as Clarke remembered, though her tone was a bit different. _Something is off with her. She seems... agitated?_ Clarke couldn't place it, but something was definitely affecting the woman.

She felt Roan shift and suddenly the hood was lifted off of her head and the bright lights of the day temporarily blinded Clarke. She lifted her hands to cover her eyes to adjust, though it didn't do much to help. "I bring you Wanheda," Roan stated confidently. Clarke took a couple of seconds to let her eyes adjust and then looked forward. Standing before her was the Commander herself, donning her signature armor and looking anything but poised.

"Clarke?" Lexa gasped out.

The moment the words left her mouth, all of the pain and hatred came rushing back to Clarke. Everything she had been through since the Commander walked away at the Mountain flashed before her. Blood boiling, Clarke let out a yell and lunged forward, though Roan caught her and forced her back to where she was kneeling. "You bitch!" Clarke snarled out, not trying to hide her anger. "Leaving at the Mountain wasn't enough?! You had to put a fucking bounty on my head too?" Clarke tried to wrestle free of Roan but winced as she moved her back the wrong way and inflamed her stab wound.

"What is the meaning of this?" Lexa demanded to know. "I instructed that she be brought here _unharmed_. Why is she in pain?"

Roan answered for Clarke. "I didn't do it, though I did my best to keep her from making it worse. Someone must have found out she's Wanheda and wanted to power for themselves." She looked over to Roan and he pulled out the Commander's sword and knife that Clarke had been carrying around. "She was also carrying these around with her. Thought you might want to have them back."

Clarke looked up to the Commander and saw a speck of worry and distraught on her face. _Good,_ Clarke thought. _Maybe she'll realize she fucked up by leaving._ She also sent a death glare to Roan for taking her sword and knife. The knife wasn't as big of an issue as the sword. _I earned that_.

The Commander took the weapons from Roan stared at them for a moment, then back to Clarke. She saw something change in the Commander's face and the woman raised her head towards the door. "Guards!" Lexa called out. Clarke looked behind her and several guards burst through the door and surrounded the two. "Take Prince Roan and Clarke to separate cells. When I am ready, I will speak to them both individually."

The guards grabbed Roan first and he started putting up a fight. One guard landed a strong blow across his face and Roan stopped fighting. "You're making a mistake, Lexa. I fulfilled the bounty. I want my reward!"

"You will get what I deem fit!" Lexa hissed back. "You may be a prince, but remember your place. You are exiled, clanless. Do _not_ presume to demand things from _me_."

Clarke saw Roan shoot her a glance before allowing himself to be dragged out of the room. Two more guards came in and flanked Clarke on either side. _Guess it's my turn now. She hasn't changed a bit._

The Commander walked forward and knelt before her, an indescribable look on her face. "I'm sorry for this, Clarke. It is for your own good. I hope you'll see that," she said softly.

Clarke spat out onto the Commander's face and she felt the guards descend on her to begin dragging her out of the room. "My own _good_?! You've never cared about what's good for me. You're a selfish bitch!" Clarke screamed as she tried struggling against the guards. The last thing she saw before the doors closed was the Commander raising a hand to her face, a stunned expression plastered across her face. She tried struggling one more time and she felt a crack against her head, her body went limp and everything faded to black.


	15. Chapter 15

Clarke woke to a gentle breeze flowing across her face. She raised her head slightly and groaned as the back skull ached. After gingerly rubbing the area with her hand, she sat up and looked at her surroundings. The room she was in was quite spacious, much more than she anticipated. Rough, rugged furniture was placed about the room, much like she had grown used to on the Ark. Pelts of fur covered a few select areas of the floor, while the rest appeared to be stone. Strong gusts blew into the room and drew Clarke's attention to the windows behind her. The thin, peach colored curtains flew in the breeze and the sunlight danced every time they flapped. _I must still be in the tower,_ Clarke thought. _This doesn't look like much of a jail cell_. There were no complaints from her, though. She had been in solitary confinement before being sent to the Earth, this was luxurious to her.

Walking over to the open windows, Clarke pulled back the curtains to take a look outside. Her jaw dropped and she stared in awe at the vast scenery she had. For miles and miles, trees littered the landscape, a beautiful shade of green coloring the land. She saw the curvature of the various hills surrounding Polis and stared in fascination. What really caught her attention was the city below. Dozens of shacks, buildings, and people made up what looked to be a vibrant city. The whole area seemed to be _moving_ from her view, almost like it were alive.

_You should come to Polis, it will change the way you view my people_.

The Commander's words echoed in her head and Clarke couldn't deny the truth in them. For so long, herself and the rest of the one hundred sent down to Earth only thought of Grounders as warriors, enemies they had to fight in order to live. Meeting the Commander had changed some of that, but still wasn't enough to see their people in a different light. Looking over all of this, though, completely changed Clarke's mind. _They're just regular people, living their lives in their own society._ All the sounds of the people below, going about their business, it made Clarke feel at ease. It reminded her of a bit of the Ark with how the noise filled the air.

Doors behind her flew open and Clarke didn't even have to turn around to see who it was. "I'm not interested in talking, Commander," Clarke called out, keeping her gaze at the city below. _She thinks she can jail me and come waltzing in whenever? She has another thing coming_. Her left hand instinctively went for where her knife used to be, and awkwardly clenched her hand into a fist when she realized it wasn't there.

"How are you feeling, Clarke?" the Commander asked softly, ignoring Clarke's wishes. "You looked injured when Roan brought you to me."

Clarke lowered her head and couldn't help but laugh. The question she was being asked came with so much to answer that she didn't even know where to begin. "Since when do you care how I feel, Commander?" _Don't turn around, and don't give in,_ she told herself. _She used you to get what she wanted then left you and your people for dead. That's who she is._ "Based off the bounty you put on me, the answer is clearly never."

"Hating me will not bring you peace, Clarke," the Heda replied. Clarke could feel the woman moving closer towards her, but she still faced the window. "I will ask again. Do you have any injuries? Are you okay?"

The calm tones which the Commander spoke sent flames racing up Clarke's spine. _She's in Commander mode_ , Clarke thought to herself, resting her hands on the edge of the window. Her grip on the stone tightened when she though how easily the Commander was handling this, that she didn't show the slightest bit of emotion. _Not all of us can be so lucky,_ she thought bitterly. "No," Clarke growled. "I am _not_ okay." She tried to deepened her breathing to calm herself down, but it only fueled the fire within her even more.

"I will send for a healer to tend to your wounds," the Commander said. Clarke heard her turn around and send some commands to the guards she knew were right outside the door. She heard the guards walk off and knew the Commander was facing her again. "I... we looked everywhere for you," the Heda said, her voice barely audible. "Where were you?"

Clarke scoffed and tightened her grip on the stone ledge even further, the rough surface starting to cut into her hands a little. "You don't deserve to know that," Clarke spat out. "Everything that happened was because of _you_!" Her voice was much louder than she anticipated, but Clarke was barely keeping the mounting emotional pressure within her as it was.

"I did what was right for my people, Clarke!" The Commander shouted out, pain clear in her voice. _Good,_ Clarke thought. _She's not in Commander mode anymore_. "Why can't you see that?"

Clarke unleashed a frustrated scream and whirled around the face the Commander. Blind rage allowed her to ignore the Commander's beautiful face and focus on throwing her torment at the woman. "Right? In what way to do think that idiotic decision was _right?!_ " Clarke surged forwards a couple of steps but stopped herself when the Commander stepped back a few. "What did you think was giong to happen when the Mountain Men killed every last one of my friends in there? They were going to be _more_ powerful than they were before." Clarke clenched her fists and she began pacing back and forth across the room. "Your people already cowered in fear of them when they couldn't leave the Mountain without fear of dying to the air. You would have given them complete freedom to dominate you. Your coalition would have been gone, your people would now be subject to their will. And you would either be dead or kept around as a token leader. Is that what you wanted?" Thinking of the woman standing before her dead or a shell of her former self brought a huge mix of sadness and relief to her, and Clarke didn't know what to make of it. She did her best to push it down and focus on the conversation at hand.

"I had a choice to make, Clarke," The Commander threw back, though Clarke could hear a shift in her tone. She couldn't place it, but her words definitely hit home. "Risk my people's lives to attack the Mountain Men to save your people, who aren't even in my coalition, with no guarantee for success. The other option was to get all of my people out alive, at the cost of your own. That was not an easy decision to make, but I would make it over again."

_She's growing more defensive,_ Clarke noticed. "That's easy for you to say. I ended up taking care of the Mountain Men for you, and saving all of my people." _Wait,_ Clarke realize. _This is why I'm here, because I took care of the Mountain Men._ "I know why I'm here now," Clarke flaunted. "I made you look weak in front of everyone. That's why you put a bounty on my head, you wanted me close."

"Watch your tongue, Clarke," Heda said, walking forward a few steps towards Clarke. _That struck a nerve,_ Clarke thought to herself. Gone was any concern or softness on the Heda's face. The mask of the Commander was once again being worn. "I put the bounty on your head because I did not want you _dead_! Being Commander is not easy, Clarke. You have no idea how hard it is or what I go through for my people."

"Not easy?!" Clarke exploded, letting go of any personal blocks she set. "You don't even _know me_." Clarke's breathing became heavy and she stepped forward to get in the face of the Heda. "My father found out that the Ark was dying and was going to tell everyone. They killed him for it. I thought for the longest time that it was my best friend, Wells, who did it. Found out later that it was my own mother who ended up turning him in." Clarke thought back to her father and wished she still had his wristwatch, having long been lost to her. "To keep my quiet they threw me in prison, in my own private cell, where I waited for the day I turned eighteen so they could kill me. Instead, I get drugged and put into a dropship that was hurtling towards the Earth, which we thought inhospitable, to essentially die anyways. Come to find out the ground is not only hospitable, but has actual people living on it, who also tried to kill us. So you tell me if I don't know how hard life can be." Clarke was physically shaking at this point, having let out so much repressed anger and frustration at her own life. She clasped her hands together in a futile effort to control herself, refusing to show such weakness in front of the Heda.

Clarke looked up to the woman's eyes and she saw something she didn't expect. Vulnerability. For once, the Commander was speechless in front of her. She swore that she could see droplets forming in the Commander's eyes, but Clarke decided that her mind was playing tricks on her. Still, seeing the Commander almost stuck in time softened Clarke's rage inside of her, though it was not doused completely. She watched he Heda open her mouth slightly, but close it shut quickly. In that instant, Clarke wanted to move to the woman and embrace her, and she hated herself for it. _I can't let that happen, I can't be weak._ "You should go," Clarke said, turning away and walking back to the window overlooking the city.

"Clarke, I-"

"Go!" Clarke yelled. There was a momentary silence before she heard footsteps making their way to the door. The giant wood doors creaked as the Commander opened and shut the stained wood, and Clarke collapsed into sobs the second the doors closed. She shuddered as she let go of all the emotion she kept so tightly in check. _Why me?_ Clarke thought to herself. It was the first time she truly had reflected on everything that had happened to her since her father was killed, and she honestly had no great answer. The more Clarke gave in to her emotions, the harder the sobs came and more questions popped into her mind. _Why does everyone look to me to lead? Why does death seem to follow me? Why did the Commander have to leave us to die at the Mountain? Why didn't Cage allow us to donate marrow?_ Clarke paused before asking herself the most dangerous question, and one she didn't want to answer. _Why do I still care for Lexa?_

* * *

Lexa paused outside of Clarke's room, listening to the woman she cared about sob in pain. There had been so much more she wanted to say to her, but Clarke's outburst had left her uncharacteristically at a loss for words. She felt guilty for listening in on Clarke's intimate feelings, and walked away to return to her chambers.

While she walked, she mulled over what Clarke had said. _Did I really make the wrong choice at the Mountain? Clarke seemed convinced that I was. Why is she always able to make myself question my own beliefs?_ Ever since she had met the sky girl, Clarke had been getting her to question the way she did things and offering different perspectives. She had been attracted to the girl from the start, though at the time they were enemies and didn't know what to expect. As they spent more time together, Lexa began to feel the trust grow with her. So many times Clarke had come to her with a better option than the one she had come up with, and it worked. After Clarke risked herself to prove Gustus' betrayal, Lexa trusted the sky girl completely. It was such a dangerous thing for her, to let someone in that close again.

So long ago she had Costia at her side and providing her joy, and it was taken away and tore Lexa apart. _Love is weakness_ , Titus' teachings repeated in her head. He had told her so many times, yet she ignored it and found the lesson out the hard way. Yet again, she let someone close to her and opened up her heart to them. The moment after their kiss where Clarke said she wanted to be with her, though she wasn't ready was the best thing Lexa had heard since Costia's death. _Then it all went wrong,_ Lexa thought, frowning.

Taking the Mountain Men's deal had been the hardest thing she had ever done. _Much harder than allowing the Azgeda to join the coalition after they murdered Costia_. Lexa knew that Clarke would be upset, but she couldn't have predicted the full consequences of her actions. It hurt, deeply, seeing the pain of betrayal on Clarke's face. She knew then and there what she was giving up, but it was a decision she felt needed to be made. _Love is Weakness. A Commander's life belongs to the people_. Titus' mantra's played through her head again, but it brought little comfort.

Lexa entered her throne room to see Titus already waiting for her there. She saw him bow his head as she made her way up to her throne. She turned and sat, focusing on a point on the far wall, readying herself for Titus' teachings.

"You look troubled, Heda," Titus commented. "I take it your conversation with the sky girl did not go well?"

Lexa looked at the Flamekeeper and nodded, not wanting to divulge too much information. She knew what he would say, and she didn't want to hear it. "Send a healer to her room to check on any injuries. Have a guard present with the healer as well." While she cared for Clarke, putting her people's lives treating her was out of the question. She didn't know what Clarke was capable of at this point.

"It will be done," Titus replied bowing his head. Lexa looked to him as he rose and saw his face slip into the teacher role and she steadied herself for a scolding. "You bringing her here is a mistake, Heda. She is Wanheda. You know what needs to be done."

"What I know is that I kept her from being killed by those who would use it to destroy everything I have worked to build!" Lexa fired back, standing up from her throne. "I am very well aware of what you think is the right thing to do Titus. You are not Heda, you are the Flamekeeper. Your job is to train the nightbloods and give me advice should I ask it."

Titus straightened and looked Lexa dead in the eyes. "Your feelings for the girl cloud your judgement. Do not repeate the same mistakes you did with Costia."

"You will not speak her name!" Lexa roared as she bounded down from her throne, grabbing Titus by the collar. "If you were anyone else I would end you right now for talking to me in such a manner. If you feel I am making a mistake, keep it to yourself. I make my own decisions, and I will deal with the consequences!"

"And what if your mistakes get you killed?"

Lexa released Titus and walked away to stare out over her city. "Then my spirit will find another and you will teach them. I am not a young nightblood you can control anymore. Clarke is not to be harmed, that is my command." Lexa was tired of Titus' presence and felt her self control eroding and wanted to avoid doing something stupid. Taking a calming breath, she turned to Titus. "I apologize for my outburst, teacher. This decision is not one I make lightly, know that. Now, please send for a healer for Clarke." She watched Titus nod and leave, then turned back to the open windows behind her. _You could have handled that better_ , she thought to herself.

While she was still angry at Clarke for disappearing and leaving her people, she was just glad to see the woman alive again. In the months since she disappeared, Lexa feared the worst. Every day she dreaded that someone would drag her limp body through the door and her heart would be forever torn apart. _She may never be mine, but I will keep her safe_. The two of them had much more talking to do to reconcile their differences, but for now Lexa was going to keep some distance. _Clarke asked me to be patient once. She does not need to ask again._ Lexa leaned onto the walls making up the window and stared out into the city, losing herself in the lives of her people. For the first time since she left the Mountain, she felt hopeful again.


	16. Chapter 16

Bellamy sat in the corner of the room, eyes locked onto the bed in front of him. Harper lay unconscious, her arm wrapped heavily in bandages where her hand used to be. _This is my fault_ , Bellamy thought. _I talked Harper into coming, and she got hurt because of it._ Abby lay slack in a chair beside Harper, asleep after a long process of saving Harper's life. _We're lucky she's here. Without her..._ Bellamy didn't want to finish the thought, instead trying to throw his focus elsewhere.

Pike had left a while ago to deal with the other Grounders. Bellamy had tried to volunteer to go with them, but Pike wouldn't let him. _We don't want to risk anyone else,_ Pike had said to him. It was hard, being told to stay put. He wanted revenge for what happened to Harper, to take out his frustration on others. _How long are we going to let the Grounders burn us before they kill us off completely?_ So many of his friends had died at the hands of the Grounders. With Clarke's encouragement, and more recently Kane and Abby, they kept trying for peace. With each attack, however, that became more and more a distant dream.

"You okay, Bellamy?"

Bellamy turned to see a waking Raven slowly sitting up in her bed, stretching her arms out. He stood up and made his way over to Raven, pulling up a nearby chair. "It's not right," he said. "I should be out there helping clear out the Grounders. They attacked our people, they cut off Harper's hand, they took..." He cut himself off as he couldn't finish the sentence, all the pain the Grounders had caused him starting to rush forward.

"And Pike was right," Raven replied. "You're too emotional right now. You should know that makes people reckless." Raven sat upright and adjusted her sheets to a more comfortable position. "The last thing we need is another name added to the body count."

Bellamy clenched his fists and stood up from his chair, making his way over to a nearby locker. He rested his head on the cool, metal surface of the locker and exhaled. _Another name to the body count._ The injustice of it all hit him like a hammer and he lashed out, striking the side of the locker with his hand. "There shouldn't even be a count!" He screamed as he slammed his fist into the locker multiple times, hissing as blood starting to leak out from multiple cuts. "I'm tired of seeing our friends dying or on the brink of it, Raven," he said, looking the woman he once slept with in the eyes, not trying to hide his pain and rage.

"I know, Bellamy," Raven whispered softly. Bellamy watched her scoot as close to him as she could without injuring herself. "We've all suffered because of the Grounders. We've done terrible things, our friends have died, some even turned... mad... with it." Bellamy knew who she was talking about and moved back to the chair beside Raven. "All the worrying about what they're going to do next, it changed us. I'm _sick_ of it too, Bell, but we can't be like them. We're better than that."

"We tried that... once," Bellamy choked, tears in his eyes. He wiped them off with a hand and suppressed a sob forming in his throat. "We tried and they left us to die. Clarke, Monty, and I killed an entire civilization because of that." Bellamy took in a swift, deep breath through his nose and dug his right hand into his knee, trying to keep any semblance of self control. "How long do we try to be better? Until we're all in body bags? Do I wait until..." He paused out of anguish, almost not wanting to voice the next part, but he forced it out. "Do I wait until my sister is dead because of them?"

He felt Raven's hand reach out, but it didn't have the desired effect. _Gina would be able to calm me down._ "It won't come to that, Bellamy. She's got Lincoln and us looking after her, and most importantly she has you," Raven said, shaking his shoulder, trying to give some form of encouragement.

Bellamy shook his head. _She's wrong on this one_. "I watched a grounder fight his way through Lincoln, Harper and I like we were _nothing_. Lincoln is the only Grounder I trust, but he is not enough to keep her safe. I'm... I'm not enough to keep her safe." His heart raced at that statement. For so long, Bellamy had been the one always looking out for her, keeping her safe. For the first time in his life, he felt completely unable to keep to his responsibility. "I can't lose her, Raven."

Raven's hand squeezed his shoulder, but it did nothing to qualm his feelings. "You won't," she replied, her voice full of confidence. "You've always been there, and you've always found a way to keep us all safe. You'll think of something, and you're not alone. We're here for you as well."

Bellamy patted Raven's hand and stood up. "I'd like to believe that, Raven. I really would." _Perhaps she's right. There's got to be some solution to end this constant fighting._ Ever fiber of his being wanted peace so he wouldn't have to bury any more of his people, but dread filled the back of his mind. He knew that the road to peace is often paved in blood, and he didn't know how much more he could take. "Thanks for the talk, Raven."

"Anytime," Raven replied, laying back down on her bed. "That's what friends are for."

Bellamy half-smiled at her and sulked off towards Harper's bed. He took up residence by her bedside and stared at her missing hand. _I'm so sorry, Harper,_ he thought to himself. _We'll make them pay, I promise._ He sat there, staring, waiting for word from Pike that it was all clear to leave. _There's a lot of questions that need answers, and I'm going to find them_.

* * *

Clarke paced back and forth inside of her prison cell. The Commander had called it a room, but it was far from it. She thought back to being on the Ark and how she ended up in the same place: locked in a cell far away from everyone she knows. It had been two days since she blew up at the Commander, and the only faces she had seen since were the guards that brought her food and changed out her waste bucket. Clarke clenched and unclenched her fists, hands itching to do something, _anything_.

She almost wished she were back on the Ark, locked inside of that cell. _At least I was able to draw. I have nothing to do here but sit._ Being left alone to her own thoughts, truly alone, was something Clarke hadn't had since she was pulled out of her cell. Samael had managed to sneak in a couple of times to talk to her, but other than that nobody had talked to her.

Clarke gave up on walking around and sat by the windows once again. The only thing she had to really pass the time was to observe the city below her. Hearing the sounds from up above only left her with wonder of what laid below. _Funny, we all used to think the same thing back on the Ark, just without knowing there was life on the ground._ She longed to roam the streets and lose herself in a crowd. What she wouldn't give to leave Clarke Griffin behind, just for a while, and live life as no one for a while.

Just as a sigh escaped her lips, the doors behind her opened suddenly. _They're early,_ Clarke thought, raising an eyebrow as she turned around. The two guards she was used to seeing were standing at the entryway, though they made no attempt to enter the room. Clarke looked at their hands and they didn't carry any food with them, either. She looked to the one on the right in total confusion. "What's going on?" she demanded to know, folding her arms as she took a few uneasy steps towards them.

"Heda is allowing you to roam the streets of Polis, if that is what you want," the guard spoke, his expression unwavering.

_She's allowing me?_ Clarke growled in frustration, throwing her hands to her side. "What she means is she's still keeping me prisoner, just letting me walk around instead." Clarke ran her fingers through her hair before letting her arms flop down and sighing in defeat. It angered her, but she still couldn't pass up the opportunity to see the streets of the city she had been looking at for so long. "Isn't the great and wonderful Commander worried someone might try to kill me?" Clarke couldn't contain the sass in her voice and even though the two Grounders before her didn't care, it made her feel somewhat better.

"No weapons are allowed in Polis," the other guard replied. "Only the Heda and her guards are allowed to carry them inside the city. We will watch you, but you will be free to walk wherever you want in the city. The Heda commanded it."

Clarke scowled as they stood there, motionless, waiting for her to follow them. _At least you get to see Polis,_ Clarke reminded herself. She had no idea what was going on with Roan, but imagined he was getting much worse treatment than herself. _Good,_ she thought. _He cut off Harper's hand and kidnapped me. He deserves it._

Clarke softened her face and wordlessly made for the door, itching for a release from the room once she realized it wasn't a trick. The guards fell in on either side of her as they walked down a corridor. She had passed this area before, but she had been raving mad and not paying attention. The decorations and style of the building wasn't anything like she had seen from the Grounders and was quite refreshing.

_Polis will change the way you think about my people_.

Clarke's scowl returned and she straightened her head and cast her gaze forward. The guards motioned for her to stop and she looked to the door on her left. A grinding noise came from behind the door and Clarke figured it must have been the lift that Roan brought her up in. The door opened to an empty carriage, railings around along all the walls the only decorations provided. Clarke followed her wardens into the lift and turned around. Moments later, one of the guards closed the opening and they were soon being lowered to the ground.

Clarke stood there, silent in the awkwardness of the situation. She wondered where the Commander was at the moment, and why she didn't come personally. _Probably for the best. I might have refused to leave if she came here herself._ Seconds felt like hours, and Clarke shifted to her side slightly. Part of her wondered how far up they were, and how much more did they have to go. _How did they make this? Did they even make it? With no power, this seems like a very impractical building._

Her questioning was cut short when the lift abruptly stopped, causing Clarke to lose her balance slightly. Neither of her guards seemed to notice as they moved to open the door. Stepping out of the opening, Clarke saw a great lobby, dark save for a few lit candles scattered across the area. A red carpet lay sprawled out in front of her, leading to an exit filled with light. A small smile formed on Clarke's face as she started forward, feeling lighter the closer she got to the exit.

Stepping out into the light, Clarke had to shield her eyes from the intensity of the sun. The air was warm, but not uncomfortably so. The sounds she had been hearing from above seemed so much louder now, amost drowning out the ability to hear yourself. Every which way she looked, Grounders were everywhere. All of them were chatting, carrying food or supplies they purchased, or were going back and forth with the multitude of vendors scattered across the streets.

"Heda said you have until sundown, then you must return," the guard to her right said, relaxing his grip on the spear he carried. She thought for a moment to try and grab it, but the thick arms on the man made her think better of it. _They both could probably cut through me before I could touch them._ "We will be behind you. Do not go far."

Deciding that suicide by guards wasn't the best course of options, Clarke walked out into the streets. Her mouth salivated at the aromas in the air, smelling all the food of the vendors she passed. Children ran around in the streets, playing games without a care in the world. _This is so different,_ Clarke thought to herself, astonished. _They're almost... normal, like us._ She reached her first intersection and spun around, trying to decide which way to go. A smile crept onto her face as she looked around, though she steeled herself. _You felt like this when you first arrived in Azgeda territory and look how that turned out._ Her grin dropped and shoulders sank a bit, but she pressed on nevertheless.

The guards that had been following her had drifted out of sight, but Clarke knew they were near and could be on her in a second if she tried anything. She could tell others were staring at her, but hoped they wouldn't do anything to harm her. Putting her brave face on, she picked a direction and walked, forgetting her struggles and just enjoying her precious few hours out of her cell. _At least it's better than the Ark._

* * *

Lexa stood out on the terrace of her throne room, staring out at her city below. Her eyes traced the various streets that lead out from her tower, smiling at the sounds of her people being safe. Life in Polis had been much easier since the defeat of the Mountain Men. Her people no longer had to fear themselves or loved ones being taken and never seen again. At the moment, she only cared about where one person was.

Clarke's verbal assault from earlier still stung her, though she did her best to show it. Titus had noticed it at their most recent lesson with the nightbloods. He pulled her aside afterwards to talk, but she brushed him off. _He cannot understand. I am only the Heda to him, that is his job. He does not acknowledge Lexa._

She thought about everything that had happened since she accepted the Mountain Men's deal that night. The look that Clarke had given her still cut deep, but she truly believed she did what was best for her people. No Grounder had died that day. That was something she could always be grateful for. _I created this Coaliton for peace, to end the constant violence and killings._ The armies of the twelve clans would have fought the Mountain Men with everything they had because she commanded it, but she also knew the terror they hid within. That place held much fear over their heads after seeing what they were capable of for so long. _Facing an enemy you have feared since birth isn't easy._

Clarke had tried to make her doubt herself, but she couldn't. _I am the Heda. The spirits of the Commanders before me chose me to succeed them. I am not allowed to doubt myself._ The only thing she wished had gone differently was the pain she had caused Clarke. She had accepted the deal knowing full well what it would mean for Clarke and her people, yet she did it anyways. _And I will live with the consequences,_ she said to herself, letting out a deep sigh. "Such is the life of the Commander."

Doors behind her opened up and Lexa turned to see Titus walking in, looking as intense and determined as ever. "Heda, forgive my intrusion, but we must talk at once," Titus said, urgency in his voice as he hurried to her side.

"They are my prisoners, Titus," she began, trying to stave off any conversation about her decision to let Roan and Clarke roam the streets freely. "I am free to do with them as I please."

Her eyebrows raised when a genuine look of confusion came over Titus' face. "You allowed them out on the streets?!" Anger now flashed over his face as he turned to face her. "You let _Wanheda_ walk around Polis?"

"Her name is Clarke!" Lexa yelled out, not backing down to her teacher's obvious rage. "And I am not ignorant to her title. They do not walk around alone. I have two of my personal guard watching Clarke, and city guards walking with Roan." Lexa brushed bast Titus and walked to the center of her throne room. _Titus continues to press his opinion even after I have made it clear I will not listen to it._

Titus moved to stand in front of her again, not allowing her to continue past. "You again let your feelings cloud your judgment. I-"

"I know your thoughts, Titus," Lexa interrupted, not wanting to hear the same speech again. "She has been in that room for two days, talking to someone who isn't there. Roan is a Prince of Azgeda. I cannot just keep them both locked away in a cell forever, and I will not kill Clarke." Lexa moved to her throne and collapsed back into it, lowering her head into one of her hands and gripping the throne's side with the other. "So unless you have any other business, you are dismissed, Flamekeeper."

Titus moved to open his mouth in rebuttal, but she saw him close his mouth and think for a second. He looked around the room for a moment before approaching her very slowly. "I have not let this go, but we have much more urgent matters," Titus said, still looking around the room. "The Azgeda army is a half-day's ride away."

Lexa's blood instantly went cold, though her chest burned hotter than fire. _Nia_ , Lexa spat out in her head. "And what are they doing? How large is this army?" _What is your game, Nia? What are you after?_ Lexa had not seen the woman in a long time, not since she formed the Coalition. She specifically implemented ambassadors just so she wouldn't have to see the face of the woman who murdered Costia.

"I do not know, Heda," Titus replied. "The one who brought me this information did not have much in the way of specifics."

Lexa gripped onto the edges of her throne until the whites of her fingers showed. _She knows better than to bring an army to Polis._ "If she means to attack Polis, she declares war on the twelve clans. Nia may be an evil bitch, but she is not dumb." Lexa rose from her seat and hurried over to her alcove overlooking the city. "Find me more information on that army, Titus. Now!"

"Flamekeeper! Flamekeeper!" A voice called out as a man came running into her throne room. Lexa looked to Titus in confusion as she reached for her sword, though Titus held out his arm to stay her. The man collapsed on the ground, gasping for breath. She watched Titus walk over slowly as guards started to come into the room. _Whatever it is must be important, if my guards let him through_.

"You intrude on the Heda unannounced," Titus began, grabbing the man by the collar and lifting him up to his feet. "Speak now. Tell us what is so urgent, and pray we agree with you."

"The... Az...geda..." the man struggled to say between breaths. "Azg...eda... here... now..." The man doubled over and rested his hands on his knees, drawing in deeper breaths to calm himself down. Titus lifted him up once again and the man hung his head in exhaustion. "Queen... Nia..."

Chills ran down Lexa's spine as she approached the man, gripping his jaw with a vice-like grip. She raised his head to meet her gaze and asked the one question she didn't want answered. "Where is Queen Nia?"

"Here..." the man grunted, still panting slightly. "Queen Nia is in Polis."


	17. Chapter 17

Clarke walked through the market, mouth watering with all the flavors dancing in the air. _This food is nothing compared to what I've been getting in the Commander's tower._ At first she had tried anything and everything, all of it looking juicy and delicious. A strange looking dish that had looked as appetizing as the others brought about an end to her tasting streak after she almost vomited the second the food hit her tongue. After that, she had been content to walk the streets and just look at everything else.

Her ever present shadows had kept their distance for the most part, allowing her the illusion of freedom. Clarke knew better than to believe in that, however. _They'll hunt me down in an instant if I try to run._ Glancing over her shoulder, she confirmed the two of them were still there, much to her disappointment. Sighing, she pressed on through the crowds, trying to ignore the various stares and hushed comments toward her.

 _Polis will change the way you think about my people_.

Clarke hated to admit it, but the Commander's words about the city really held true. From the first moment she stepped out of the tower, her view of Grounder culture was shattered. Herself and the other one hundred who came down in the dropship only viewed them as savages and warriors for the longest time. Here, they were normal people, just trying to make a living. Street merchants offering samples of their wares, trying to get customers to purchase their wares. Customers haggling prices down, bartering this and that to come to an agreement. It was all so different to her... but it all sounded like the things she had read in the books on the Ark.

Clarke pressed through the crowds, growing more bolder the longer she wandered the streets. A hand reached out and grabbed her, and before she had time to scream she was being dragged into an alleyway and a hand pressed over her mouth. _Scream, run, fight... anything!_ She let out a muffled scream as she tried to fight out of the strong grip pressing her against a mind commanded her to do something, anything to get away, but she was not strong enough to break free. Fear turned to bewilderment when she raised her eyes to the person holding their hand over her mouth. _The man who tried to stop Roan,_ she realized, eyes widening. _Orion. How did he find me?_

"Are you calm now, Wanheda?" Orion asked, still holding his hand over her mouth. "Will you scream if I remove my hand?"

Clarke paused for a second, letting her racing heart calm down. _He tried to help me before. If he wanted to kill me... he had plenty of opportunity._ She didn't like it, but Clarke eased her muscles and nodded. The next instant, Orion removed his hands from her and moved a step back. She exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding and rubbed her mouth instinctively.

"Apologies for the roughness," Orion said, wringing his hands as he started to pace. "I had to be quick. Your guards are good. I tried to get to you earlier, but I would have been spotted." Orion lowered his voice to a whisper as he moved closer to Clarke. "You are safe, this is good. It will not be so for long," he said, head swiveling around in every direction as he talked.

"Why are you here? How did you find me?" Clarke asked, whispering herself, though she didn't know why. Something seemed... off to her about Orion. _He doesn't seem like he's all... here right now._ His muscles were all tense and coiled, and distraught was plastered over his face. "And what do you mean I won't be safe for long?"

"It is not everyday that you get to see Wanheda," Orion said softly, peeking around the corner of the alley. "Your friends made it to the Mountain, curse its existence. I promised to find you, and that I have." Orion walked back to her and placed his hand on her shoulder and leaned close. "The Azgeda are here, and looking for you. Run back to the tower while you still can."

Chills ran down Clarke's spine. She hoped to never see anyone from the Ice Nation again after she found out Nia's plan. _If he's right... they won't stop until they find me. I'm her insurance policy._ She thought of being dragged back to Azgeda territory to be held prisoner until Nia succeeded in killing the Commander, or until Nia deemed it necessary to kill her for her perceived power. _Why me?_ The question poured over her mind as she stood there, leaning against the wall.

"Please, you must go," Orion pleaded, ushering Clarke back towards the streets. "I have given you a warning. Go back to your cell and stay there. My Queen's men may already be roaming the streets near here."

"Okay," Clarke said. Before she rounded the corner to walk back on the streets, she turned back to look at Orion. _Niylah never told me what happened to him. He looks... broken._ "What happened to you? Why did you run away?" She didn't expect an answer, but she wanted to know. She _needed_ to know. Deep down, she knew that if things didn't change for her, she could very well end up like him.

Orion stood there for a moment, completely silent and still. Clarke almost turned and walked away, but he finally raised his head to meet her gaze. "I couldn't save them..." he muttered, his voice choking. "Such a shame I am. My family, taken by those devils. Me, a great warrior of the Azgeda, powerless to stop it. Nobody tried to stop it." Clarke noticed the darkened tone his voice took, and he shook his head, multiple times. "Go now! A man's ramblings delay you. Be safe, Wanheda."

Clarke felt for Orion, but knew she wasn't going to get anything else out of him. She nodded and turned and ran into the streets. It didn't take long for her guards to find her once she was back out in the open. The two of them came up to her, shouting, but she didn't have time and interrupted them. "I'll tell you where I was later, but you have to get me back to the tower. Now." She tried to use as much force in her voice as she could muster, and it seemed to work, as the anger on their faces turned to confusion.

"Why? Why do you say this?" One of her guards asked while the other looked around. Commotion already started in the streets, and some shouts were heard a couple of streets over.

"The Azgeda are in Polis. They're looking for me, right now. I need to get back," she said, already pushing past them in the direction of the tower. _Orion said I was in danger. The longer I'm out here, the more at risk I am._ The voices a couple of streets over started to become clearer, and she heard Nia's name being called.

Her two guards wordlessly filed in behind her, staying much closer this time. Clarke shuffled hurriedly through the masses, making the best time she could towards the tower. As she half-jogged, she kept her head tilted as she could in a futile effort to avoid being recognized. _They all know who I am,_ she thought, chiding herself. _You don't look like a Grounder and you have a full head of blonde hair._ Nevertheless, it was an extra measure that couldn't hurt.

Her heart was pounding by the time she reached the entrance of the tower. Heart beating rapidly, she made her way up the steps. When she reached the top, she crashed into someone and felt something slide into her jacket. Strong hands kept her from falling, and she looked up to see Roan holding her up. Confused, she reached into her jacket to feel what had been put there. At first she felt a bundle of cloth, and her wonder only grew. "What is-"

"A gift, for the Commander" Roan interrupted, whispering in her ear. He steadied her back onto her feet and brushed off her jacket. He looked over her shoulder and Clarke figured he must have seen her guards approaching. "I'm hoping that you can give it to her, for me." Before Clarke could open her mouth to talk, he turned away and merged back into the crowd that was gathering in the tower.

As her guards began to catch up, Clarke started walking as well. She pressed her arms tightly against her sides, trying to keep the object Roan put there in place. Curiosity got the better of her and she reached her right hand into her jacket to feel the object again. Again, she felt the cloth, but gripped it a bit harder this time. Her blood went cold when she felt hard metal underneath. Tightening her grip even more, her heart sank. _It's my dagger_ , she realized. Blood rushing, she withdrew her hand and crossed her arms over her stomach, holding her jacket close. They made their way to the elevator, but Clarke hardly was aware of where she was going. She knew what the dagger was for, knew what Roan wanted her to do. Clarke stepped in the elevator, and sank into the corner behind her guards. The doors closed and Clarke clutched herself tightly as she contemplated what to do next. _Do I really want Lexa dead?_

* * *

Lexa sat on her throne, waiting for the inevitable. Word came that Queen Nia was coming to meet with her, and she did her best to steel herself for the occasion. The various ambassadors and representatives from the clans gathered about the room, whispering amongst themselves. Lexa herself was dead silent and still as a rock. Donning the guise of the Commander came easily to her enough, she had been doing it for years. At the moment, though, it was taking all of her experience not to break from it.

With each passing moment her heart thudded against her chest. Each second going by, she dreaded the woman walking through that door. Ever since she had created the coalition, Nia had been gracious enough to not enter Polis. _That was the hardest day of my life,_ Lexa recalled. _It took everything in me to not cut her down once I beat her._ When Titus told her during her training as a nightblood that being Heda would take everything from her, she brushed it off as exaggeration. After she spared Nia's life that day, she finally understood his teachings. _If only I had known_.

Wood creaked and groaned, the doors to Lexa's throne room opening up. A chill seemed to fill the air as she watched Queen Nia walk forward towards her. She knew the cold was just her own imagination, but it didn't make it seem any less real. The Azgeda queen walked regally towards her and Lexa gripped the edge of her throne until the whites of her knuckles showed before standing up. " _Nia_ ," Lexa said as icily as she could, doing little to hide the disdain in her words. _Titus would say that is not very Heda-like of me._ "Why have you come here? Why is there an army within marching distance of Polis?" She wanted to skip all pleasantries and get straight to business. _The sooner Nia is out of here, the better._

"Heda," Nia replied smoothly, bowing her head slightly out of respect. "It is good to see you. It has been quite some time." The Queen, flanked by her guards, walked a few steps closer to Lexa's throne. "But I see you are in no mood for pleasantries, though I suppose we never have. I will speak clearly, then" Nia stated, staring straight into Lexa's eyes. _I hate her eyes. They're so... cold,_ Lexa thought, repressing a shudder. "We both know that Wanheda is here, so let us not spend time debating that. However, someone saw fit to invade my lands and take her here."

"I had a bounty out to bring Clarke to Polis, alive," Lexa retorted. She shifted in her throne and looked Nia dead in the eyes. "You disobeyed my orders by keeping her at your castle." Lexa rose from her throne and slowly walked down to stand in front of Nia. "And now you bring an army to Polis. You are bold, Nia, I cannot deny that. However, you are _not_ stupid. You will march your army back north, or I will be forced to treat you as an enemy of the twelve clans." Every inch of her body wanted Nia to refuse. The tips of her sword hand twitched in anticipation as she waited for the woman to respond. _Please, give me the reason I need to end you, you bitch_.

"This is true," Nia responded, clasping her hands behind her back. "However, you also ordered Skaikru to invade my lands and bring her to you." Lexa opened her mouth to shoot down the ridiculous accusation, but Nia held her hand up. "You will say that you didn't, but I will not believe that. You have worked with the Skaikru before, it's not unthinkable you would do it again. Now, blood may not have been shed, but we have both been wronged." Nia unclasped her hands and moved closer to Lexa. "Something must be done."

 _I can cut off your head._ Lexa wished she could say that, but the Ice Queen gave her no cause to do so. _She never does, except the day I made her submit._ "I'm listening," she replied reluctantly, internally wincing as the words left her tongue. The last thing she wanted to hear was what Nia had to say.

"A duel," Nia stated emphatically. "I'm sure you're _very_ aware of how hard life is for us in the north." Nia spread her arms out wide, spinning around once. "Here in the capital, food is plentiful. We shall name a fighter, and you as well. I win, and we get three carts full of food. I lose... you will throw a bountiful feast for the people, and be loved for it."

 _So this is what you wanted,_ Lexa realized. She looked around the room and already Nia's words were sinking in with those in the room. If there was one thing that was loved in Polis, it was feasts. They rarely happened, but when they did it was a sight to behold. _And it all looks like her idea._ Judging from the ambassadors nodding their heads in approval, Lexa knew that she couldn't refuse at this point. _If Nia wants to play, lets play._ "Very well then. You will have your duel, _Nia_. A battle of swords, to the first blood, to be fought in two days. I name myself fighter for Polis." That drew a few cheers from those in the room, but Nia smiled instead.

"And I have no doubt you would win, Heda," Nia conceded. The Ice Queen turned her head slightly back to face the rest of the people in the room as she spoke. "However, how would it look if the Heda fights against her own people?" The smug look that adorned Nia's face made Lexa crawl with rage, wanting to tear it off with her bare hands.

 _She is clever, I will give her that,_ she begrudgingly thought. _If you want to play that way, Nia, so can I_. "Very well. I do not show favorites, thus I will recuse myself from fighting in this duel." Lexa gave pause to let Nia feel more confident, savoring it knowing that she was about to wipe the grin off of her face. "I name Roan kom Azgeda to fight in my stead."

The room grew silent and Lexa could barely contain the raging smile that she wanted to unleash as she watched Nia's face drop. _You underestimated me Nia. It was a good plan, but I knew why Roan was here the moment you brought up the duel_. She wasn't going to let the Queen have the satisfaction of having her son fight for her. Roan would have been an excellent choice, she had seen the man in action herself when she conquered the Azgeda forming the Coalition. _Lifting his banishment if he wins should be motivation enough. Plus, he hates to lose._

"I... will need some time to decide who to name," Nia said. _Surprising,_ Lexa thought. _She was really not counting on that. She's stunned_. Lexa couldn't contain her smile this time, letting it creep over her face. "You will know your opponent when we take the field in two days." The Ice Queen turned heel and stormed out of the room, her face stone and her gaze at her feet.

When the queen finally was out of sight and gone from the room, Lexa relaxed her stance. "All of you, leave. Spread the word. This duel is happening." _I want the biggest audience possible, all to watch Nia get humiliated. She thinks she can come in and undermine my rule, she will learn._ Her only regret was that she couldn't personally beat whoever Nia sent out there. It would be a small step towards revenge for the death of Costia.

The doors to the throne room closed, leaving Lexa alone to herself. She looked own and saw her hand trembling, and grasped it with the other. It was only then that she noticed how high her heart-rate really was. _Even after all this time, she still has this affect on me._ Though she knew she had other things to focus on, Lexa couldn't help but think of Clarke. She thanked the spirits of the past commanders that Nia didn't know what Clarke meant to her. If the Queen had, Clarke's head would be in a box, delivered to her just like Costia.

 _I've brought nothing but pain to Clarke since we met, but I cannot draw myself away_. For so long after Nia robbed her of love, Lexa withdrew into Titus' teachings. _Love is weakness. Your life belongs to the people. Blood must have blood._ All of that changed when Clarke came into the mix. As selfish as it was, she refused to go back into that dark place. She grew increasingly concerned for Clarke by the day. Guards had informed her that Clarke was having full conversations with people that weren't there, and she could sense the hatred from the sky girl every time their eyes met. _I will make it up to her,_ Lexa determined. _If Nia is moving against me, I want her by my side. I want no regrets._

Sighing, Lexa did her best to cast aside those thoughts. There would be time to dwell on them later. For now, she had a city to run and much preparation to do. She paused at the doors, took a deep breath in, and exited the doors, once again wearing the Commander's face. _Time to get to work_.


	18. Chapter 18

Warmth covered Clarke's face as she took a quick breath in. Morning air filled her lungs, a slight chill biting her. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she stretched out her arms. She was surprised when she felt that she had no clothes on. _I don't remember sleeping naked,_ Clarke thought. _Then again, yesterday is all a blur_. Her memory wasn't the only thing that was a blur. The room around her was blurry, like a camera out of focus. Once again, she rubbed her eyes but no relief came. Rays of sunlight filled the room, showering the place with golden light. Soft humming provided a gentleness that seemed to dance on the wind.

An arm snaked around her, soft lips pressing against the base of her neck. Clarke let out a scream as she jumped up, taking the covers with her. "What the hell?" she blurted out. Turning around, two figures lay in the bed she just occupied, their faces cloudy and obscured. _What the hell is going on here?_

"Last night was amazing, Clarke."

_No_ , Clarke thought, her heart racing. _I know that voice._ Her heart rate started jumping as she clutched her blankets closer, desperate for some protection. The face of the first person on the bed started to clear, and Clarke recognized Lexa. Her hair wasn't tied in any braids, just laying loose past her shoulders. Her eyes were brighter and more vibrant that she remembered, the green radiating in the sunlight. The Commander wore her signature face paint, though her face seemed much more relaxed and gentle. _She's beautiful,_ Clarke thought. _Almost like she's straight out of a drawing._ A giggle from the second figure snapped her out of the moment and she realized Lexa wasn't talking to her.

"You were better."

Clarke's jaw dropped at the sound of her own voice. _That isn't me_ , she thought frantically. She looked down at her hands, flipping them back and forth to see if they were real. Sure enough, they were there, but when she looked back up, she was looking at herself laying on that bed with Lexa. The two of them lay there, hugging and kissing without a care in the world. Clarke brought her fingers to her lips, almost feeling Lexa's each time the two on the bed kissed. _A phantom of a different time_ , she tried to tell herself as she did her best to ignore the feelings. _It feels so real, though_.

"You make me happy, Lexa," the Clarke on the bed spoke. Her mirror image cuddled up into Lexa, the both of them unaware Clarke was standing there, watching. _They're so carefree._ Clarke felt a pang of jealousy. She couldn't see a trace of the struggles either of them had been through in the past. "You kept your promise to me. We have our peace, and I'm ready for this. Ready for you. I love you."

Clarke stumbled backwards as she watched the two kiss again, this time with so much passion she could feel it across the room. She felt the entire kiss, flush against her own lips like she was the one on the bed. The softness, warmth, _joy_ she felt in that instant was too much. She collapsed backwards into a chair, water welling in her eyes. It was all so peaceful, so heavenly, so... perfect. _But it's not,_ she realized. _I'm dreaming_. Even knowing that she was dreaming, she couldn't bring herself to avert her eyes. Lexa was too beautiful, too _human_ in that moment to look anywhere else. It was a side of the woman that Clarke had seen glimpses of, but never fully. An insane sense of jealousy bubbled up within her, wishing she were the one on the bed. _Instead, I'm the one dreaming it._

"Anything for you, Clarke," Lexa whispered, planting another kiss on the lips of Clarke's doppelganger. She embraced the other Clarke, wrapping her arms tightly around her in a protective hug. "You will not suffer anymore. I am yours and you are mine. Your needs are my needs, and nothing will change that. I love you too."

Clarke's heart broke, then and there, into a million pieces. She collapsed further into the chair, sobbing and bringing her legs up to her chest. _How can something so perfect be fake?_ In her experience, real life couldn't be anything like this.

The radiating sunlight suddenly ceased, and a clear night sky replaced it. Gone was the warmth, replaced with a shivering cold. Clarke looked around and the walls of the room were now gone, replaced by a field of grass. Thousands of torches decorated the landscape, their keepers standing silent as they watched onwards. The smell of smoke and death filled the air, a putrid smell that threatened to cause her to vomit. Gone was the soft humming, replaced by bone chilling screams.

Clarke looked to the bed and saw her clone there, Lexa standing over her. Only now, Lexa was dressed in her battle armor, all softness gone from her face. Storm clouds began to form and pour down rain, and now Clarke knew exactly where she was. Looking up from the bed, they were outside the main door to Mount Weather. The world began to swim as Clarke tried to get up from her chair, but her legs refused to respond no matter how much she tried to run. Next, her arms and torso stopped responding, locking her in the direction of the bed. _No, no, no!_ Clarke's mind raced, trying everything she could to get away. Her heart slammed against her chest as her neck finally locked in place, now unable to move her head.

She slammed her eyes shut as her last line of defense, doing anything to escape what was before her. Slowly, though, her eyelids lifted against her will, and she was forced to look at what was in front of her. Lexa had now brandished a sword, the metal glimmering in the flashes of lightning. The rain poured down violently, drenching Clarke and everything else around her. _Time to wake up, time to wake up, time to wake up._

Lexa knelt down over the Clarke on the bed, cupping her face with her free hand. "I'm sorry for this, Clarke, but this is something that can't be avoided. My people need me, and I am theirs." Lexa placed a gentle kiss on top of the phantom's forehead and a gentle rub of the cheek.

Clarke felt sick to her stomach as her doppelganger only nodded. _Fight, yell, scream at her. Do something!_ She watched as Lexa stood up once again, readying herself. "Do something! Do anything! Don't just let her betray you like this! She used you, lied to you! You deserve better!" She yelled as loud as she could, but the thunder in the background drowned out any noise she made.

Lexa positioned the sword over the heart of the Clarke on the bed and paused for only a moment. She looked over her shoulder, right at the real Clarke. Clarke's heart dropped to her stomach, and she watched Lexa smile softly at her. In the next instant, she turned back around and plunged the sword into her clone's heart. Clarke felt an explosion of pain and everything around her swam. The world around her began to fade as she heard screams surrounding her. The last thing she heard before all faded to black was Lexa whispering to her.

"May we meet again."

* * *

Clarke jolted awake, throwing off her blankets. Her chest heaved up and down, her breathing sporadic and ragged. _It was a dream Clarke, calm down,_ she tried to tell herself. The room around her was still dark and the fresh scent in the air suggested it was early morning. Breathing in deep through her nose to calm herself, Clarke sat back onto the bed. _It all felt so real_. A small gust of wind blew through her room and she felt a chill on her cheeks. Clarke raised her hand to rub it off and in the moonlit room she saw her hand glistening with tears. _At least that part happened._

Clarke pulled the covers around her as she sat staring at the faintly lit walls. _All of my dreams have been about her lately._ Every night since she left Camp Jaha Clarke had experienced nightmares, sometimes waking ones as well, in varying degrees of terror. Once Roan brought her to Polis, though, that all changed. Instead of the nightmares, all of her dreams were about the Commander. Some days it was Finn's execution, others were the betrayal at Mount Weather. Then there were the other dreams, the ones Clarke was really terrified of. In those, all of her anger was gone, and she had glimpses of what her life could have been. _None had been that vivid though, and certainly not as long_. When those dreams came, her whole world spun and she didn't know what to do. _Do I want to kill the Commander, or do I..._ She couldn't bring herself to finish that last sentence, bits of anger bubbling up.

A murder of crows flew by her window, cawing and blending in with the dark morning sky. Clarke felt a now all too familiar chill in the air and left the bed to find its source. "Samael?" she called out, now actively seeking the man she once desperately wanted to be rid of.

"Hello, Clarke," Samael called out. Clarke spun to see him sitting nonchalantly on a chair near the corner of the room. He rose and took a couple of steps towards her. "It would appear that you've had quite the rough time. Your cheeks are all wet, and I can bet I know what made it so." Clarke watched him take a couple more steps until he suddenly stopped. Rays of moonlight were shining into the room and she could barely make out part of his form, half of him was bathed in white. "What's under the pillow, Clarke?"

"How do you-" Clarke didn't bother to finish the statement. Samael always seemed to know everything when she talked to him. _His mood and motives are always changing, though. I can never understand him_. She walked over to her bed and reached under her pillow, grasping at her knife hidden underneath it. "My knife," she said, holding it up to show Samael.

"You mean Lexa's knife?" Samael added. Clarke face scrunched up and he let out a soft laugh. "I know the name upsets you, but that doesn't make it any less her name." He ran his hand across the hilt and the blade and nodded. "Such a fine blade. You've carried it for a while, but did you ever ask yourself _why_ she gave it to you?"

"To earn my trust," Clarke fired off immediately. She tossed the knife onto the bed in disgust and turned away. "It worked. I trusted her, and she betrayed me." _I've had this conversation with him before, why are we doing it again?_ She let out an annoyed groan, leaning up against a nearby wall. This was her least favorite subject to talk about when Samael came.

"And why do you have the knife now?" He asked while looking at the knife on the bed. He moved to pick it up and walked towards her. "As I recall from a previous conversation, this was taken from you when you were brought to Polis."

_He knows why._ Samael always knew. There was only one reason for her to have that knife, anyone would know. "Because someone wants me to kill her," Clarke replied, standing up from the chair and moving to the window. She felt the cool breeze blowing across her face and she closed her eyes to try and calm herself.

"And do you?"

"I..." Clarke paused, unsure of her answer. If it had been before Polis, her answer would have been a resounding yes. She had been full of rage and bitterness pointed all at the Commander and she wanted nothing more than revenge. Since seeing her, and the dreams, she honestly didn't know what she wanted anymore. "I... really don't know. I thought I did, think I still do. I'm not as sure as when we first talked about it, back at the camp." She turned to Samael, who still appeared half illuminated in the moonlight, and looked at the knife in his hands. "You wanted her dead as much as I did. What do you think I should do?"

Samael was quiet for a good, long bit. He stood motionless, only staring down at the knife in his hands. Clarke thought he wasn't going to answer and started to turn out to look over the city when he finally spoke. "If you want my advice," he began, moving to the windows next to her. "I'd put the knife to her throat. After that, you'll know whether you want to push it in deeper or throw it away." He placed the knife gently in Clarke's hands and curled her fingers around the hilt. "Either way, it is your choice. Now, I must go, but I look forward to your decision. We'll speak again soon, I hope."

Clarke nodded and she watched him disappear into the darkness of the room. In the next instant, he was gone. _Put the knife to her throat..._ she thought, staring down at the knife. _I can't go on like this._ The constant back and forth on whether to kill the Commander wore on her. She didn't want to feel this way anymore, she wanted to stop hurting. _I'll take his advice,_ she decided, gripping her knife. _One way or another, this will be over soon._

* * *

Lexa took her seat at the center of the clan leader's dais. All around her, people were still filing in from all directions. Word had gotten around of the duel and none wanted to miss it. _Just what Nia wanted,_ Lexa thought, a scowl emerging on her face. She hated the way Nia played this so smoothly, giving her no choice but to go along with it. Her only solace had been in taking away Nia's son as her fighter. Roan had been easy enough to convince. Lexa knew the man could not stand to lose, and taking away his banishment from Polis was all it took. _Nia couldn't have found someone nearly as good in that timeframe_ , she thought confidently.

She tried to drone out the roar of the crowd when Roan walked out to the arena. Several guards surrounded him as they escorted him. Since it was a fight to the first blood, the guards were there to ensure nobody took it too far. The Azgeda prince knelt down on the ground and brought his hands together in a prayer. Lexa's mood soured, as she knew the prayer well. _It's normally a prayer before Azgeda go to war._ It technically worked here, but it was in poor taste. This was no war and there would be no killing today.

Lexa looked out over the crowd and a streak of blonde caught her eyes in the front rows. Standing there, in a black hooded outfit, was Clarke. A smile briefly crept onto her face, but was wiped away in the next instant when she saw Clarke's expression. The sky girl was staring directly at her, Clarke's eyes deader than stone. If there was ever a look of death, Clarke was giving it to her right now. _Time has not soothed her rage,_ Lexa thought sadly. It pained her to see the woman she cared about like this. That is was her doing worsened it. _What can I do, Clarke?_ She wanted to walk up to the girl who had become Wanheda and ask her, but she knew that would not go over well. _Clarke will tell me when the time comes. I can feel it._

The roars died down and the crowd began to part. Lexa took her eyes off Clarke and looked in that direction. Through the crowd she could barely make out the top of Nia's head. _So she's shown up._ Part of her desperately wanted Nia to just admit defeat and disappear back into the north like she had since the Coalition was formed. Unfortunately for her, she knew Nia too well to know that was a possibility. The Ice Queen finally reached the clan leader podium and Lexa rose from her seat. "Queen Nia," Lexa began, falling into her role as the Commander. "Name your champion so we can get this done."

Nia shot a quick, angered glance towards her son praying in the arena. The Ice Queen clenched her fist slightly, only to relax it a second later. "It look some work to find someone on such short notice," Nia said, turning back to Lexa. "Normally I would have turned to my son to represent the Azgeda. However, I do think I found someone to replace him." Nia turned to the crowd and waved her hand, and someone in a hooded robe walked forward into the arena. "I name Orion kom Azgeda my champion."

The crowd stirred as Orion removed his robe and walked to sit next to Roan. The prince looked at him with a sideways glance and Lexa knew there was bad blood between them. _The guards may be needed afterall._ It looked like the two men were already having a hushed argument between them. _Good,_ Lexa thought. _Hopefully it's more motivation for Roan._ "Very well. You have named your champion, let us continue." Nia nodded gracefully as Lexa walked to the edge of the podium, flanked by two of her guards. She held her hands up to quiet the raving crowd, and seconds later silence filled the area. "We are here today to witness a duel of good faith," Lexa said, booming her voice for all to hear. "Queen Nia believes she was wronged when Clarke kom Skaikru was taken from her lands against the Queen's will by Skaikru. She accuses me of ordering the retreival." Lexa shot a quick glance back at Nia, who was sitting smugly in her chair next to the ambassador to the Shadow Valley clan. "The Ice Queen also broke a law by giving Clarke kom Skaikru sanctuary while there was a bounty out on her. No blood has been shed, so there will be no fight to the death."

Some in the crowd groaned in disapproval, but most stayed quiet. _Blood and violence are all some of them want_ , Lexa thought. Sometimes she had to remind herself that, even though she wanted to put an end to _jus drein jus daun_. "Prince Roan of the Azgeda fights for Polis. Orion kom Azgeda fights for Queen Nia. This will be a fight until first blood is drawn. If Roan wins, there will be a large feast for all of you to enjoy!" That was met by a roar from the crowd. Feasts in Polis were always a huge deal and none of them would want to miss it. _At least I have the crowd behind me, you bitch_ , she thought, glancing at Nia. "If Orion wins, a large supply of food will be provided to Azgeda to help them through the winter." This time, only those from Azgeda cheered while the others glared them down. Lexa cast a quick glance at Clarke and the girl still had not taken her eyes off of her.

Dismayed, she looked to Orion and Roan, who were now standing at opposite sides of the arena. Orion looked calm and almost like he was bored even being there, staring blankly at his opponent. Roan was an entirely different story. The prince was pacing back and forth, his face stone cold. He already has his muscles flexed and partly coiled, like a snake preparing to strike. _Good,_ Lexa thought with a smile. _He's motivated._ She noticed the crowd growing impatient, cries of fight already starting and people waving their fists in the air. "Fighters, if you are ready, you may begin!"

Roan was the first one to attack, running forward with a roar. He opened with a few sweeping blows, aimed at various parts of Orion's body. Two of the strikes came obscenely close to ending the fight just as it began. Orion rolled to his left and sent a thrust towards Roan to get him to back off. _He misjudged those attacks,_ Lexa observed. The two Azgedan men traded attacks, and each time the resonance of their swords coming together made the crowd roar more wildly.

Roan pressed his attack, sending a flurry of attacks out. Each one got closer and closer to connecting with Orion, and Lexa was on the edge of her seat. _Just let one attack through,_ she prayed to the spirits of the Commanders before her. _Just one, and this will be over_. That part she wanted to believe, but knew better than to count Nia out over one defeat. Roan threw out an aggressive slash towards Orion, but greatly overstepped it and was thrown off balance. Orion parried instantly and nearly sliced open Roan's gut. The prince fell to the ground and rolled away, lurching back to his feet in the next moment.

The two men looked to be evenly matched as they went back and forth. She could tell, however, both were quickly tiring. Normally, these kinds of duels would play out slowly and methodical, with the winner capitalizing on a mistake. These two, however, were going at each other like they were on a battlefield. They both grunted as they took turns lunging, countering, spinning, and attacking again. The cheers from the crowds were almost drowning out the sounds of their swords clashing together. Sweat dripped heavily from both their brows and their sword hands struggled to maintain a tight grip. _This will be over soon, one way or the other_ , Lexa thought. Even the mightiest warrior could only keep up a sustained fight for so long.

The two men separated a couple of strides and circled each other, breathing heavily. They went around a few times, each seeming to gather the strength for one final attack. Tension filled the air as the rest of the crowd began to feel it and the noise died down as all watched intently. Orion finally dropped to a knee, gasping for breath and Lexa gripped the edges of her seat. Roan charged in the next moment, running like a mad dog hunting his prey. Roan sent out a vicious down-cut to his left, and his nothing but air as Orion rolled out of the way at the last moment. Off-balance, the Azgedan prince went tumbling to the ground with a cry of pain.

The crowd fell silent as Orion stood over the fallen Azgedan prince. The man looked down to his blade, and Lexa saw defeat right then and there as she collapsed back into her chair. _Roan lost. Nia won_ , she thought bitterly. Orion raised his bloodied sword into the air and all of the Azgedans roared with delight. She once more looked out into the crowd for Clarke, but this time the blonde woman was nowhere to be found. _It seems I am destined to lose everything today._

Nia stood with her smug smile and waved to Lexa. "That was a very good fight," the Queen commented. "The people seemed extremely entertained. I think this was a _fantastic_ idea. I will have men come by in two days to collect our prize." Nia gave a swift bow of the head, and in the next moment departed without another word.

The crowd began to disperse as the guards tended to Roan's wounds. Orion walked over and picked up his robe, glancing at Lexa as he did. There was a certain look on his face that she couldn't quite place, but he did not look happy about his victory. _He almost looks... sad?_ Lexa shook her head. She was projecting her own feelings onto the man. _He just won a major victory for his clan. Of course he is happy_.

Soon after, everyone but herself had dispersed. Roan had been carried off back to his cell to receive medical attention, though she planned on visiting him after. _He fought much better than I expected,_ she thought. The only disappointment for her was the actual outcome of the fight. She would find a way to award the prince, he did everything she asked. Now, sitting alone, her only question was what would come next. She knew this was far from over, and was only Nia's opening move. Whatever it was, Lexa would have to be ready. That is the duty of a Heda.


	19. Chapter 19

Octavia bit down into the apple she held, savoring the slightly sour fruit. The sun peaked out from behind some clouds and she rolled onto her back to catch a view. The midday sky hardly had any clouds in the way and shone a beautiful baby blue. _This is all so perfect_ , she thought to herself. On the Ark, a perfect day would be no guards coming to her family's room. She'd be able to stay out of her hole in the floor and be a normal girl for a while. Now, she got to lay out in the sun with the man that she loved.

"Here, have a bite. They're delicious," she said to Lincoln, turning towards him and extending her arm out. She could see the happiness in his face as well. Ever since they met, it seemed like everything tried to keep them apart. Now the two of them could do as they pleased, and not one person cared.

Lincoln took the apple and bit down, a bit of juice dripping down his chin. Octavia laughed and wiped it off, planting a soft kiss on his lips afterward. "This was a great idea," he said to her. "It feels like it's been ages since I could just enjoy life. It's good to be able to get away, even if its just for a day."

"I've been wanting to do this for a while," Octavia said, smiling at Lincoln. "But with the kill order and everything that's been going on... we couldn't risk it." She nearly collapsed the day she found out he had a kill order on his head. For a long time she had been furious at the injustice of it all. To her, Lexa had ran away like a coward. Ordering the death of someone who refused to run away from the enemy seemed so backwards to her. _I still don't understand it, if I'm being honest_.

"What's wrong?" Lincoln asked, rubbing his thumb across her cheek. She must have looked upset, because Lincoln's eyes were full of concern.

"Nothing," she replied, grabbing his hand and smiling. _I shouldn't be thinking about that. We're free and nothing can change that_. "I was just thinking of all that we went through to be here. We _earned_ this and it feels amazing." She cuddled up next to Lincoln, resting her head on his chest. The rise and fall of his breathing soothed her, and if she laid there long enough the rhythm of his heart would have put her to sleep.

Sticks breaking and leaves being shuffled around broke her peace. Lincoln's arm wrapped around her when he sat up, his eyes scanning the area. Though the culprits were most likely animals, the two of them knew better than to assume such. She had spent her whole life being ready to move on a moment's notice; now wouldn't be any different. "Do you see anything?" she whispered to her lover, not daring to take her eyes off the tree line.

Arm still draped over her, Lincoln twisted around to look behind them. "I don't see anything," he replied, his voice anything but confident. The normal sounds and rustlings of nature were the only things that they could hear for the long, tense moments they sat alert. Lincoln dropped his embrace and pulled over their pack. Two sword handles poked out of the top and he positioned them closely. "In case some animal gets too curious," he said, an uneasy smile on his face.

Octavia nodded, laying back down with Lincoln. The mood no longer had the same feel, and she couldn't keep her eyes from scanning the surroundings. She looked to Lincoln's eyes and he was doing the exact same thing. Sighing, she sat up and started to gather up their things. "Maybe we should go," she said. She wanted nothing more than to continue to enjoy the afternoon, but they had both been spooked. _Damn that kill order, damn Trikru for harassing Skaikru about using Mount Weather, damn everything!_ No matter how hard she tried, the universe always seemed to work against her. She felt relieved when Lincoln nodded too and he stood up.

No less than a second later, footsteps began thundering all around them. Two at first, then four, and finally a fifth started running at them with their swords drawn. Their attackers were far enough away to give them time to think and Lincoln shoved her behind him as he drew their swords out from the pack. She looked to see him open his mouth to shout, but apparently he thought better and he promptly closed it. He held out her sword and she took it with a firm grip. "Stay close," he said. Gone was the softness that once highlighted his voice only minutes earlier. Instead, anger with hints of despair filled his words.

"Lincoln, they look like Trikru," she said, her voice shaking as she tried to steady her trembling hands.

They weren't far now and Lincoln stepped to her side, facing the other direction. "We'll worry about that later. Stay alive and we'll figure it out after."

She nodded and lowered herself into a fighting stance, just like Lincoln had taught her. _Stay by him and he'll protect you,_ she thought, closing the gap between them even more. _And I'll protect him_. Their attackers were only a few feet away now and her heart drummed against her chest. Their time ran out and she threw out her first attack with an angered cry, hoping that it wouldn't be her last.

* * *

Lexa walked through the halls of her tower, making her way to Clarke's room. She had been surprised when she received word Clarke wanted to meet. Since their last conversation, Lexa had not heard from the sky girl. Until the disaster of the duel, she hadn't even seen her. The look Clarke gave her at the duel still worried her, but hopefully an explanation would be coming soon. She afforded Clarke many luxuries because of her affection, but that could only last so long.

She rounded a corner and paused outside the set of doors leading to Clarke. _Who does she want to see,_ she asked herself. Lexa rested her head against the door, debating on how to proceed. _She would not have asked for me alone if she wanted to see me as the Heda_ , she decided. Personally, any moment she could cast aside the guise of the Commander brought tremendous relief to Lexa. Taking a deep breath in, she nodded to the guards flanking her and thrust open the doors, striding in.

"You may leave us. I will be fine." The two guards bowed and walked off as Lexa closed the door behind her.

Clarke sat on the bed, barely turning her head when she heard the doors open. Lexa noticed her hair looked extremely unkempt and she guessed based off the dark circles under her eyes that Clarke hadn't slept in a while. Though she wanted to reach out and comfort her, Lexa kept her distance and let Clarke make the moves. "You wanted to see me?" she asked.

Silence. Not a single word from Clarke in response. The blonde simply sat, staring off into a corner of the room with her hands gripping her knees.

Lexa took a step forward and Clarke tensed up slightly, but beyond that no other reaction from the girl. "I'm glad you decided to join the crowd for the duel," she said. "I wish it had turned out differently." _I wish it hadn't happened at all. Nia played me like a fool_. Her words were only met with more silence. She moved a few steps closer and placed a hand on a nearby chair. "I understand you are angry, Clarke. If you wa-"

She didn't have time to finish her sentence before she saw a glimpse of metal flashing as Clarke surged forward. The next instant, cold steel pressed against her throat and Clarke stood inches from her face, rage swirling in her eyes. She looked down at the hilt and her eyes widened in recognition. _How did she find it? Who gave it to her?_ "Clarke..."

"Shut up," Clarke growled, pressing the knife harder against her neck.

Lexa did her best to pull away from the blade, but the steel bit into her neck regardless. She felt a warm stream trickle down her neck and she knew that Clarke had drawn blood. Clarke must have seen it too, her eyes following the trail down. She wanted to pull away from the knife, but it would be too risky. Any sudden movements and she knew that Clarke could do something they would both regret. Instead, she had to sit there and watch someone she cares for suffer. _Why does she do this to me? She makes me... different._ "Clarke..." she tried again, her voice much softer this time. For the first time around Clarke, Lexa finally let herself be completely vulnerable.

Clarke eased the knife away for just an instant, but she let out a cry again and put it right back where it was. Lexa could feel the pain Clarke had inside of her. The girl's face betrayed all of her emotions all at once. Lexa could feel Clarke's hands trembling and she wished nothing more than to raise her hand and comfort her, but knew better. Clarke controlled this situation. She would allow that if she wanted it.

"You..." Clarke finally spoke. "I..." Clarke broke out into another smaller sob, wincing through the tears. Lexa's heart was swelling at this point and threatening to burst on her. _Please, let me help you_. "I should... I want..." Every part of Clarke' body shook from adrenaline and turmoil, her lips quivering slightly with every breath. The sky girl raised her head and finally looked Lexa in the eyes, and Lexa saw something break in her. Clarke let her hand go limp and the knife fell to the ground, Clarke following in the next instant. She let out a wail that would break even the coldest man's heart, curling up on the ground and covering her head.

Lexa moved to Clarke's side immediately and tried to hold her, but the blonde pushed her away at first. She persisted, however, and Clarke stopped fighting. "I am so sorry, Clarke," she whispered to the blonde, comforting Clarke as she cried in her lap. _What have I done to you? This is not what I wanted for you... for us._ Lexa felt a few tears of her own falling down her cheeks, though she made no move to wipe them away.

For what seemed like hours Lexa sat there, Clarke's head in her lap, comforting the blonde while she calmed down. The blood on her neck had long since dried but she didn't care. The only thing that mattered to her in that moment was Clarke. After a while, she looked down to realize that Clarke had fallen asleep from the emotional exhaustion. Gingerly, she eased herself out from under Clarke. Not wanting to wake her, Lexa grabbed a pillow and blanket from nearby and made Clarke as comfortable as she could.

She took one last look at Clarke before she quietly picked up the knife and exited the room. While she walked back to her chambers, Lexa pulled her collar up slightly to cover the blood on her neck. _I was foolish,_ Lexa thought. _Anyone else, and I would never be in that position_. Clarke had an effect on her that nobody else in the world did, and she would gladly abandon all of Titus' teachings for it. She walked away from Clarke once, and she never intended to do it again. Things would still be rough between them, Lexa knew, but it was something. _A new beginning_ , she thought.

She slipped into her chambers relatively unnoticed and collapsed onto the bed. Her eyes stared at the knife that could have killed her and she twirled it in her hands. _It is a start, and I am patient,_ she told herself. Resolve washed over her and new tears formed in her eyes. _Even if she will never have me, I will not harm her again._ She knew that her thoughts were rash, but for so long she had given herself over to her people. All her wants, her dreams, her happiness were tossed aside for their good. For the first time since she became Heda, she decided to do something for herself. Lexa smiled and held the knife up to the moonlight, hopeful for the first time in a while.

* * *

Bellamy sat, tears in his eyes, as he looked down at his sister in a hospital bed. Next to him were Jasper and Monty, though his eyes never left her. Her leg had a giant gash across the front, skin still raw from the stitches. Thankfully she was asleep, because he knew she would be in tremendous pain if awake. Lincoln had informed him of what happened, though he could hardly believe what he heard. _Another Trikru attack,_ Lincoln had told him. Bellamy flexed his fist, blood pumping in fury.

"She's going to be okay, Bellamy," Monty said, placing his hand on Bellamy's shoulder. "Abby is a great doctor and she said Octavia would be alright. Trust her."

"Yeah," Jasper added. "Octavia is tough, too. She'll pull through."

"That's not the point," Bellamy said, shrugging Monty's hand off his shoulder. "They attacked _my_ sister. They attacked Mount Weather. They've been attacking us _since we landed_!" he roared, slamming his fist down on his chair. "We made peace with them after we saved all their people, and they turn around and stab us in the back!" Bellamy no longer tried to hide or control his anger at this point. "At least Lincoln and O were able to kill them all. I'd hunt them down myself if any lived."

"Bellamy, calm down," Monty said. "Lincoln wasn't even sure it was Trikru. He didn't recognize them. He said they might have been clanless." Monty leaned forward and tried to get in Bellamy's view. "Not all of the Grounders are bad. Indra has been kind to us."

"For all I know, Indra ordered them to do it!" Bellamy hollered, pushing his chair back as he stood up. He stood up and pointed to Raven, who was asleep in a cot not too far away. "They were in Mount Weather when it was attacked. Indra and her people have been giving us shit for using that place since we killed the Mountain Men. How do we know she didn't order _that_ attack?" He gripped both hands on the railing of Octavia's bed, trying to keep a hold of himself. _My sister, my responsibility. She could have died today, and there was nothing I could have done to stop it_.

"Could you be right? Maybe," Monty said, moving to Bellamy's side. "But you could be wrong as well. You're probably right, Bellamy. Chances are someone ordered those attacks." Monty looked down at Octavia, and Bellamy saw the sadness on his face. _She is his friend,_ he had to remind himself. _Other people care about her as well. Not just me._ "We _will_ find out who did this, and I'm all for getting payback on that bastard. Until then, we have to keep our heads."

Bellamy, still on the verge of crying, looked down at his sister and nodded. _Monty is right_ , he realized. "Thanks," he said, nodding in agreement. "If we act out of anger we're just like them. We're better than that."

"Pike is gonna meet with Lincoln later," Jasper added. "To go over what happened. I can tell you he's not _too_ thrilled at the moment. He's been in a foul mood all day. I can't blame him, lots of death happening lately."

Bellamy didn't miss the sideways glance from Jasper, but he let it go. _Getting angry at him doesn't help._ Gina had told him that everyone grieves in their own way, and perhaps this was Jasper's. "I just hope they figure it out before more people get hurt. I don't want to have to bury any more friends."

"Why don't you get some sleep, Bellamy," Monty said. "Jasper and I will watch her. She's through the worst of it, and I'm sure you want to be at your best when she wakes up."

Bellamy paused for a second, looking his sister over, before he nodded. _She's not a little girl who needs my protection anymore_ , he thought. He would never stop looking after her, as they were the only family each other had, but he decided she needed some space from him. Lincoln kept her alive and had proved his devotion to her. Exhausted, Bellamy said his goodbyes to Jasper and Monty and headed back to his room. _Whoever did this is going to suffer,_ he promised himself. _Someone is going to pay for this._

* * *

Lexa walked to her throne room, dreading every step she took. The previous evening with Clarke had completely drained her and she had no energy to deal with what would be happening next. Nia had sent word that she would be collecting her reward from the duel, and Lexa spent all of the morning preparing the provisions. _So much food,_ she thought. _Hopefully there will be enough for those still here come winter._ She least of all looked forward to the gloating that Nia would be doing. The trap had been set and Lexa fell for it, and she paid the price.

Opening the doors, she immediately saw Nia standing at the base of her throne. By her side stood a teenage girl, not too much older than herself when she went through the Conclave. Taking a deep breath in, she walked forward with as much confidence as she could muster. She walked past Nia wordlessly, and only when she was seated on her throne did she speak. "Nia, your provisions have been prepared and are ready for your return to Azgeda territory," Lexa said putting as much authority behind her voice as she could.

"Excellent," Nia replied, giving a respectful nod. "I have also moved my army safely away from Polis and punished the commander who brought them there."

Lexa knew that the words coming from Nia's mouth were false. The lies were written across the woman's face. She didn't care, though. Lexa now had an excuse to go to war with Azgeda the next time she tried to pull this stunt. "Do not let it happen again," Lexa warned. "Now, if there is not anything else, others require my attention."

Nia grinned and placed her hands on the girl next to her. "There is just one more matter of business," she said. "One of my scouts brought to my attention something disturbing. This is Ontari. She had been living in a remote part of our territory in secret. I've brought her to Polis as this is where she belongs."

Lexa looked the girl over and didn't see anything remarkable about her. She had a diamond shaped scar on her forehead, and various other scars on her cheeks. _I wonder how she got those_ , Lexa wondered. They weren't the usual Azgeda markings. "Why does this girl belong in Polis?"

"Because she is a nightblood," Nia replied. "It is law that she come here for training."

The room fell silent as Lexa stared the girl down. Ontari's eyes were staring at the floor, hands clasped together in front of her. Lexa rose slowly from her throne and descended down to Ontari. Nia backed off and Lexa stood before the girl. _She's so timid,_ was the first thing that came to her mind. "I will have to cut you to prove you a nightblood," Lexa said. The girl nodded and held out her hand. Drawing her knife, Lexa gripped the girls hand and made a small cut on the girl's hand. She was surprised when Ontari didn't even flinch, and even more so when black blood flowed from the wound. "So you tell the truth, Nia."

"I would not lie on this," Nia said, stepping forward to Ontari's side.

Lexa looked around the room, and to Titus who stood idle nearby. He nodded to her and she knew what to say. "She will be allowed and trained here. In the event of my death, Ontari kom Azgeda will not fight in the Conclave, and will be eligible for the next."

Titus voiced his approval, as did other ambassadors in the room. Nia looked less than happy, though not as much as Lexa thought she would. "Titus, please escort Ontari to her new room. Nia, your provisions are at the main gate. Anything else?" She prayed the Ice Queen would drop dead then and there, though she knew it would go unanswered.

Nia shook her head and bowed. "It is always good to see you, Heda. I thank you for the provisions, as do my people. You have made a lot of people happy."

Lexa scowled, but bowed her head in approval. _At least someone benefits from her scheming that isn't her._ The throne room doors opened once again and Nia filed out behind Titus and Ontari. Others followed, though she could still see the line of people wanting to bring issues to her attention. Begrudgingly, she let out a sigh and motioned for the first person to come in _,_ though her mind still focused on Nia. _What is her play?_ She didn't believe for a moment that she just happened upon a nightblood, and she intended to get to the bottom of it. _Whatever it is, I have to be prepared. Nia is only going to escalate from here._ Lexa eased herself back into her throne and prepared for a long day ahead of her, silently wondering how Clarke was doing elsewhere in the tower.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay between chapters! Life has gotten busy and I just hadn't had time to sit down and really give Roses some time. I should be at a bit more of a regular schedule now, so expect a chapter early next week. Hope you enjoy, and don't be afraid to ask questions! I'm an open book, so long as it won't spoil anything.

Nervous chatter filled the air in the mess hall as everyone filed in. Earlier that day Pike made an announcement that there would be a meeting to discuss the future of Arkadia. Raven gingerly limped past a couple of people whispering amongst themselves. Many had spent the day worrying about exactly what Pike was thinking, and Raven found herself doing the same. Whatever their Chancellor had in store, she knew it would be big.

Ever since the attack in Mount Weather, something about Pike had seemed off to her. She hadn't been able to place it and Pike had done a good job of hiding it. Part of her wanted to attribute it to his time in Azgeda territory, fighting for his life, but her gut screamed at her differently. She knew Pike on the Ark. The man was educated, calm, and able to do what needed to be done. _Let's just see what he thinks._

Chairs were placed out for everyone to sit, with most of them already occupied. Raven caught glimpse of a few chairs open in a far corner and made her way over. Walking still felt painful to her, but Abby assured her that was to be expected. _All I have to do is rehab,_ she thought to herself. She picked the farthest chair from the center and eased herself down into it, letting out a small groan and rubbing her bandaged hip in the process. Just as she relaxed into her chair, the crowd hushed as Pike walked by. The man looked cold, calm, and collected as he marched to the podium setup at the front of the room. The whispers died out and everyone took their seats.

"Thank you all for joining me," Pike began. "Since you elected me Chancellor, all my focus has been to keep our people safe." Raven watched him scan over the crowd, briefly locking eyes with him before he continued. "Recent events have shown me that I have failed in that regard." He clasped his hands behind his back and stepped forward in front of the podium. "As you may or may not know, several days ago Mount Weather was attacked by Grounder forces. Eight people were killed. Abby Griffin and Raven Reyes would have been on that list too, had they not been quick enough to lock themselves in the infirmary."

The crowd looked around and found Abby, but most missed Raven. She was thankful for that fact, wanting to forget about that whole ordeal. _I still jump a little anytime I hear someone banging on metal._ A couple people noticed her and gave some sympathetic nods in her direction. Raven simply smiled and returned her focus to Pike.

"Three days ago, Octavia and Lincoln were attacked outside of the camp on a picnic," he continued after everyone returned their focus to him. "They lived, but Octavia was severely injured." Pike lowered his head and let out a long sigh. "Only a few of you know this and I appreciate your silence on the matter, but after the attack on Mount Weather I was informed that Clarke Griffin is being held captive in Polis."

The crowd stirred at that statement, hollering and chattering amongst themselves. Shouts of anger erupted sporadically. Raven herself already knew this information, but it still stung. Clarke had helped most of those here, and some owed more than others. She had been the one to push so hard to get all the kids trapped by the Mountain Men out.

"Alright, I know. I know," Pike said, raising his hands to quiet the crowd. It took several minutes, but finally the cries died down and order returned. "Many of you owe your lives or those of your families to her. The kids she helped save were my students back on the Ark, and for that I am eternally grateful." There was a quick pause and Raven saw a drastic change on Pike's face, his features becoming stone like. "She is a brave girl and we will not stop until we get her back. Which brings me to why we are gathered here."

Pike stepped down from the miniature stage he stood on and walked into the middle of the room, everyone turning to look at him. "For too long, all we have focused on was survival. Getting through the next day." His voice boomed and Raven straightened up in her seat. There was an emotion in his voice that she did not expect. _He sounds pained when he talks,_ she thought. "Months ago the Council told me the Ark was failing and to buy time we would send down one hundred of our kids who had been arrested. We had no idea if they would live or die, but the Exodus Charter mandated we do everything possible to survive." Pike sucked in a quick breath and looked out over the crowd. "As it turns out, they lived. The ground was survivable, and there was hope."

Pike took a long pause, staring at the ground. Raven swore she saw a couple of tears on his face, but from her view it was hard to tell. He took a couple of quick breaths and composed himself again. "That was until the Grounders came and started to kill those kids. Our kids." Pike's voice had a heat to it, an ember catching flame in the grass. "It seemed like every day another attack happened. It has only gotten worse from there. We have been attacked without provocation several times, and we _still_ have tried to work with them! No more!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, a growl taking over his usual calm tone.

Much of the crowd nodded their heads in approval, a couple yelling out with Pike. Raven had every reason to cheer with them. The Grounders had executed Finn, even if it had been Clarke who dealt the killing blow. She had to kill three hundred warriors with hydrazine and rocket fuel just for landing on the ground. However, part of her felt reserved. She didn't want to demonize the Grounders. _When we came down, they had no way of knowing who we were. Their only experience with outsiders were the Mountain Men, who kidnapped and tortured their people for years._ She couldn't condemn them all for the actions of others. It wasn't who she was.

"Fuck the Grounders!" Someone shouted from the other side of the room. Others echoed and the phrase infected the air. "We've suffered long enough! Let's wipe them out like they tried to do to us!"

Pike spun and faced the direction the last shout came from.. "No," he replied curtly. "We will not think like that. We are better than that, better than them. However, we are all in agreement that we've suffered long enough. It's time for a change." Pike walked back to the front of the room, taking his place by the podium. "I've sent word demanding a meeting with the Grounder Commander. We will be expanding Arkadia territory. Food is one of our biggest concerns and our scouts have identified some plots of land perfect for agriculture. We will be taking those, with or without their consent."

Raven shot a glance over to Abby, and saw the doctor looking back at her with the same worried expression. Most in the room were nodding their heads in approval and sitting on the edge of their seats. _Pike has them at the palm of his hand,_ Raven thought. She knew the idea was good, and the Ark did need more food. However, the method he suggested had dangers attached to it. "What if they don't agree?" Raven spoke up, figuring nobody else would.

Pike turned to face her and smiled. "Excellent question, Raven," Pike replied. "I'm told the Grounders have a code that they live by: blood must have blood. They've spilled a lot of ours recently." The smile faded from Pike's face and he turned his attention back to the masses. "The options for the Grounders are simple. Cooperate and they have nothing to fear from us. We are capable of existing in peace. Resist, and they will be greeted with death! The suffering of our people ends today!"

Pike raised his fist and the rest of the crowd roared in approval, storming to their feet shouting his name. Raven looked at the madness around her and slowly rose from her chair. Quietly, she exited the mess hall as fast as she could. _This is not okay_ , she thought. _We've been at war since we landed, we don't need more of it._ Sadly, she knew that there was nothing she could do to stop it from happening.

Raven crossed the empty courtyard, making her way back to her work area. The surgery had kept her away from work for too long. She could still hear the shouts from her desk, cluttered with various parts and gadgets. Sitting down in her swivel chair, Raven let out a sigh and grabbed a few items to inspect them. A hand grabbed her shoulder and she let out a yell, nearly falling out of her chair. "What the hell?!" she yelled out. The mysterious figure helped her keep balance, and when she finally settled she looked behind her. "Kane?" she asked, in shock.

"Raven, sorry to scare you," Kane replied, moving to the entrance of her workspace. "Something isn't right, and I'm not sure who I can trust. You're the first person I went to, and I'm hoping it isn't a mistake. I've been playing this close to the chest since Mount Weather was attacked."

Raven let her heart calm down and steadied herself on the chair. She felt honored that Kane trusted her, but the way he was acting worried her. "Kane, you can trust me. What's going on?"

Kane shook his head. "I'm still not entirely sure," he said. "Something isn't right about Charles. I can't figure it out, but I don't trust him." Raven could see the rest of Arkadia filing out of the mess hall, and Kane walked over to her. "We'll talk more later, just don't trust him."

Before she could get another word in, Kane turned heel and walked out of the room, leaving Raven baffled. She looked back to the mess hall just in time to catch Pike walking out. _So it isn't just me._ She stared at the Chancellor until he was out of sight, then turned back to her workbench. _If Kane needs help finding answers, perhaps I can build something_. Inspired, Raven grabbed several parts and assembled them near her, diving into her work. _His secrets can't hide from me forever_.

* * *

Lexa sat solemnly against a rock at the top of a hill, overlooking a grassy plain below. She could make out the figures of all the nightbloods training with Titus in the clearing. Usually she took a hands on approach with the young ones, but today was for Titus and his teachings. Still, she always watched over them on these days. She cared for each and every one of them, regardless if their very existence proved a constant reminder of her mortality.

She did her best to give equal attention to all of them, though recently only one had been catching her eye. Ontari had assimilated into the group as much as she could, though the girl had at least four years on the oldest. Ever since the strange girl had been brought to her by Nia, Lexa watched her like a hawk. Day and night, she did everything in her power to monitor the newest nightblood. _Nia is up to something with her,_ she thought. _I don't trust for one instant she was found in some remote village_. _Does Nia think I am that stupid?_

For all her efforts, Lexa had yet to find anything suspicious about Ontari. The girl kept to herself mostly, did as she was told, and listened intently during lessons. _She'd be the perfect student, if she wasn't part of Nia's plan somehow_. From the initial combat lessons, Lexa could tell Ontari was much more skilled than she let on. _Is that your plan? Wait until I let my guard down around her, then she'll kill me?_

Lexa picked up a handful of pebbles and flung them in the nearest direction, then lowered her head into her hands. No matter what she did, she felt the world crashing down on her. It was her duty to lead her people, to help them thrive. Since the day she killed the last member of her Conclave, Lexa did everything in her power to move toward that goal. _And Nia would see that all crumble to my feet while she cuts my throat._

Every day Lexa saw the simplest solution to her problems, and every day it became harder to ignore. Commanders of the past would not have cared about the politics of situations or what the people would think. If they saw a threat, they eliminated it. She aspired to be a revolutionary, as Clarke had once described it, to change the way things were done. Titus encouraged that in her from a young age. _He neglected to tell me the price I would pay for it_. Instead of just whipping the Azgeda back into submission, she had to maneuver around plots that didn't make sense until they were happening. _Not to mention I have to deal with Skaikru as well._ "Why, Spirits? Why did you choose me?"

Below, the students dispersed as the lesson ended and Lexa rose up from her resting place. The evening sun shone brightly over the lands. The nightbloods had all left the field, save for Ontari. The girl, from the best that Lexa could tell, was knelt down on the ground. From this distance, it looked like the girl was in prayer, but she couldn't be sure. Before she could get a closer look, Ontari rose and took off jogging to catch up with the others. _What do you have to pray for?_

Lexa shook her head as she headed back to her tower. _I need to draw out what Nia has planned for this girl,_ Lexa decided. The suspense and guessing game slowly had been draining energy from her the past few days. _The girl has more combat skills than she lets on. I'll train her myself tomorrow._ While her plan might not work on Nia, this girl was much younger and not as disciplined. If Lexa feigned a weakness, Ontari might try to take advantage. It would give her the excuse she needed to rid herself of Ontari.

She stopped mid stride and stared down at her hands, clenching them. _What has Nia made me? Have I fallen so far that I am plotting to kill a girl who is no older than me when I became Heda, whose very purpose may be just to intimidate me?_ Yet again, the stresses of being a revolutionary weighed heavily on her. _It has to be done,_ she reasoned with herself. _I have to know._ Lexa unclenched her fists and took up walking again, much faster than before. Her entire mood was ruined by the time she reached the tower.

Exhausted by the time she reached her tower, Lexa closed the doors to her private room before her guards had the chance. Kicking off her shoes, she padded over to the window and plopped down on a chair facing the open landscape. Though the sun had yet to set, exhaustion drifted over her. She did not fall asleep for quite some time, however, as she stared out over her city. The prospects of what tomorrow would bring kept her up a little while longer. Eventually her body gave out and Lexa drifted off to sleep, slumping in her chair and dreading the rise of the sun.

* * *

Vinam pulled back on the reins of his horse, bringing it to a stop. Ahead, Skaikru's home loomed monstrously big. He heard talk of its size, but nothing in his mind compared to what he saw. _It looks bigger than the tower in Polis_ , he thought. A horse pulled up to his side and he looked over to his companion. "Let's be quick about this, Tho," he said, tightening his grip on the reins. "Let's find out what the Skaikru want so we can be out of here." He didn't like the strange metallic structure. It brought up memories of the Mountain Men and their technology, even though Skaikru helped defeat them.

"After you," Tho replied, extending a hand.

Vinam rolled his eyes and gave a slight kick to his horse. The gates weren't that far and that's as far as he wanted to go. _Heda said find out what they want, I'll do that._ The trust of Skaikru just wasn't there for him. All of his people had seen what technology is capable of. Few among them believed that Skaikru wouldn't turn against them eventually. As they closed the distance to the gate he hardened his face.

Just before reaching the outer wall a few Skaikru walked out through the gates. At their front he assumed was their leader. "Good," he muttered to Tho. "We don't have to go inside."

"We still have to use their tongue," Tho replied bitterly.

Vinam only laughed. He knew Tho hated to use English. Ever since they learned when they were both children playing in a village, his friend hated speaking the language. He took a moment to shake his head and focus himself, then dismounted from his horse. Tho followed his lead and the two walked towards the group of Skaikru. He took mental note of the Skaikru holding guns and shot a glance at Tho. Tho saw the same and returned the glance. _Be ready for a fight_ , is what that meant. Vinam flexed his sword hand slightly before speaking up. "Skaikru! We are here on behalf of our Heda," he called out. "Who among you is the leader of your clan?"

A tall, dark man stepped forward, raising his hand slightly. "That would be me," the guy called out. _He doesn't look like much of a warrior_ , he thought to himself. _None of them do_. "Where is your Commander? She's not here?" More Skaikru walked out of the gate to stand behind him, and more popped up at the top of their wall.

"The Heda is not summoned," Tho shot back quickly. "She decides if she wants to see you or not."

He patted Tho's shoulder to calm him down and stepped in front of his hot-headed friend. "What my friend meant to say is that the Heda cannot leave Polis currently. You can deliver your message through us, or come see her personally." He watched a couple Skaikru in the background whispering among themselves. _They look... nervous?_ He couldn't place it. _We have no weapons drawn, what are they scared of?_

Skaikru's commander stepped to the side to look at the horses. "Those are some fine animals," he commented. "May I?" he asked, extending a hand to Tho's horse. Tho reluctantly nodded and the man ran his hands over the horse.

"May I ask what your decision is?" Vinam asked, wanting to leave this place. Something felt off to him. The Skaikru felt too nervous and the hairs on his neck were standing up ever so slightly.

The Skaikru commander ran his hands up and down the horse's neck a few more times before looking back at them. "You'll do just fine."

_Finally,_ he thought. _Just have to get the message and be gone_. "As you wish. What is your message for the Heda?"

The man took a few more steps away and looked back at his camp. "No, I don't think you understand," he said, raising his hand. "You _are_ the message."

Vinam turned to Tho as the Skaikru commander dropped his hand. Several sharp bangs rang out in the air. He turned to Tho, only to see a spray of red erupting from his head. Turning back to face the Skaikru, filled with rage, he let out a war cry. _They will pay for that._ He reached for his sword and drew it out of his sheath. The last thing he heard was a loud crack retorting through the air before all went black.

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Clarke roamed the streets of Polis, enjoying the little freedom she had. Being _Wanheda_ practically made her a prisoner in all but name. She could only go so far from the tower, and never without her constant shadows. To this day she still didn't know her guards names. _I never even though to ask,_ she thought. Somehow she doubted the two would tell her.

Rounding a corner to the market, a rush of sweet and spicy flavors filled the air. Her mouth watered and she began looking over the various vendors to see what she wanted to eat. Normally food was bartered for, though with Clarke it was much different. Everyone wanted to be on _Wanheda's_ good side and she was regularly offered free food and trinkets. The whole concept made her extremely uncomfortable and anxious. Getting free food for being a murderer didn't seem right to her. Instead, she gathered whatever she could from the room to trade. It wasn't much, but it made all the difference in the world to her.

She passed through the various stalls and vendors, savoring all the tastes. Young children ran through the street in front of her, laughing and playing with each other. Their energy brought a smile to her face. Just to see people so innocent playing without a care in the world fascinated her. The children wove around the people in traffic and nearly tripped in some cases. It almost looked like a game within a game to Clarke. It looked to her like they were playing tag from the way they were all running away from a little boy. One of the girls tripped and fell, and the boy chasing her wasted no time in tagging her. He took off running through the crowd and the girl sprinted right after him, skirting through the masses.

A droplet of water hit her hand and Clarke looked to the sky. She expected to see rainclouds forming and the beginnings of a storm. Instead she saw a clear sky above her. More water hit her arm and Clarke raised her hand to her cheek. _I'm crying_ , she realized. _Why? Watching children play shouldn't make me cry._ She stood there in the middle of the crowd, miffed, staring down at the glistening water on her hands. She just witnessed something so pure and she should couldn't explain why she wouldn't be happy about it.

"Wanheda?"

Clarke took a second to realize someone was talking to her. Even with everyone in Polis referring to her with the title, she still was not used to it. Turning around, she saw Orion standing in front of her. Her eyes narrowed as she swept away the remaining tears from her eyes. _He's on Nia's side and made Lexa look like a fool... made me look like a fool too_. After he tried to rescue her from Roan, and again when they met before the duel, she believed him to be an ally. _Instead, he's just another person who betrays me._ "What are _you_ doing here?" she asked bitterly.

"Must have a home," Orion replied, spreading his arms out wide. "Where better a place? Living out in the wilderness takes its toll on a man. That it does." The look on his face softened slightly and Clarke figured he must have seen her watery eyes. "Tell me, why are you crying?"

"Shouldn't you be back in Azgeda territory?" Clarke asked, changing the subject and rubbing at her eye. "You did help them win that duel, after all."

"I did, yes. I did." Orion stepped out of the way from an oncoming caravan and moved to Clarke's side. "It was not intended, Wanheda,, but I could not refuse my Queen's offer. Niylah." He broke out in a smile the second he said her name. "I am currently banished and cannot see her. A simple duel to get in good graces with the Queen? A man cannot refuse such an offer. Now, I have told my secret. Will you share yours?"

It was good to hear Niylah's name. It had been a while since Clarke had thought about her. _I hope she's doing well._ "To be honest, I don't know," Clarke replied. She stared back out to the crowds filling the street. "I was just watching a group of children play. They made me smile, then the next thing I know I'm crying." _Why am I even telling him this? He's half-insane and working for Nia._ She thought about walking away but quickly decided against it. She only had so much time left before she had to return to the tower and she didn't like the idea of walking back towards it just yet.

"It is the grief of the soul," Orion replied, patting over his heart. "If the stories are true, you have experienced much death for a girl your age. Very much." Clarke scowled and turned slightly, though she still listened. "There it is. That is why you cry, Wanheda."

"Don't call me that!" She had been fine with the title until then. She mostly heard it once from a vendor then was on her way. With him repeatedly using it, she despised the title. Months had passed with her trying to forget all the killing she had done. Now, she was had to endure having a title for it.

"Very well. Very well," Orion placated, lowering his hands slowly. "You have grown so accustomed to death. So familiar. Happiness now seems like a stranger to you, though you do not realize." Orion moved closer to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. "Grief like this can drive one insane, Clarke. I know. I live it."

"That's why you left the Azgeda," Clarke muttered. Suddenly, things were starting to click. "The Mountain Men crushed you and you couldn't take it." Clarke turned toward him, tears flowing from her eyes. She didn't want to end up like Orion. He seemed like a decent man, but his mental sanity was definitely in question. _Is that my fate? What I've been through is much worse than him._ "How do I beat this?" For too long Clarke had been lying to herself, trying to believe she was handling her pain. Seeing those children playing had broken her. Orion was right, she had forgotten what happiness looked like.

"You do not run," Orion stated, his voice smooth and firm. "Never run. That only weakens you and enhances the pain. Instead you fight it head on." Orion pounded his fist over his heart multiple times. "Have courage to face it. Find what you love and hold it dear to you. That is how you survive."

"But you had Niylah," Clarke remembered. She had seen the pain on Niylah's face when the woman finally talked to her about Orion. "Why did you leave her?"

Orion stilled and lowered his head. "I..." He raised a hand to hide his face from Clarke. "I was weak," he admitted. Clarke heard him take a few ragged breaths and for a moment thought he was going to cry, but his hand dropped and he met her gaze. "But no longer. The Mountain is dead and it is time for me to face my pain."

"That's why you fought for Nia." It all made sense to her now. Being banished away from the Azgeda meant no access to Niylah. _At least not now,_ she thought. Clarke had a feeling Niylah wouldn't be leaving Azgeda territory anytime soon after helping her escape.

"Exactly right," Orion replied, a smile on his face. "I return home soon, I hope. Queen Nia said she would send word when I am allowed back." He patted Clarke's shoulder and gave a laugh. "You know what I love now. Tell me, what does Clarke love?"

The question caught Clarke so off-guard she almost staggered backwards a few steps. Her body went rigid and her face tensed up. _What do I love?_ She asked herself. "I..."

"Think, Clarke," Orion urged. "It is not a hard question to answer. Close your eyes. Think of love. What comes to your mind?"

 _I hardly know him,_ she thought to herself. It felt strange to think about love around someone she had only met a few times. She knew he was trying to help her, and she couldn't deny she needed it. Happiness had been gone from her life for too long and she wanted it back. "Okay," she said, exhaling. Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. _Love, think love,_ she told herself. The phrase repeated itself as she tried to focus only on her thoughts. As she repeated the phrase to herself, a picture started to form. Dark brunette hair flowed with sunshine reflecting off its locks. Deep emerald eyes came to view, holding the weight of the world in their gaze. A smooth, slender face...

"I don't know!" Clarke shouted out, opening her eyes. She couldn't, wouldn't, let that picture finish forming. Instead, she thought of other things she had loved. Her mom and dad, Wells, and Finn. "What if everything I love hurts me?" she blurted out.

"It hurts you because you miss it," Orion replied softly. "It would not be love otherwise." Orion stepped away and gave a quick bow. "I have taken enough of your time. Keep in mind what we talked about. Good day Clarke."

Clarke merely nodded and watched as Orion walked away. She did not move from her spot, standing in the middle of the crowd. _It hurts you because you miss it,_ she repeated in her thoughts. Clarke rubbed her wrist, wishing she still had her father's watch. It, among other things, was one of the few possessions she left behind at Camp Jaha. She wished she had it now more than ever. _I wish my mom were here_. While she didn't always get along with her mother, sometimes she was the only person Clarke could talk to about things. Instead, she stood alone in the middle of a city she didn't belong in.

Clarke let out a deep sigh, then continued on her way. The street vendors no longer held her interest, so she made for the tower. She didn't have the faintest idea of how to use the advice Orion gave her, but knew it was something that had to happen. Running away from her problems had failed her already. It was time to face them head on. Looking up, Clarke saw a lone crow circling high above the city. _It must be nice to fly up that high whenever you want,_ _away from all the world's problems,_ she thought. For now, she lowered her gaze and kept on going, brown hair and green eyes on her mind.

* * *

Lexa stormed through the streets of Polis toward the main gate. Various people stared as she blew past them but she paid them no mind. Above her a lone crow flew, circling over the city. _Perhaps they'll have a meal once I am done._ When Titus informed her that Skaikru were at the gates of Polis she thought nothing of it. Her assumption was that they had been there for Clarke and she would explain why it would not be a good idea. _How wrong I was_. Instead, she learned that they showed up to Polis with their weakling guns.

Lexa clenched her fists as she wove her way through the crowds of people. _Word must have spread_. The people looked scared and panicked. They clung to their loved ones and huddled together around building entrances. For months her people had been walking worry free since the death of the last Mountain Men. To see them returned to such a state of uncertainty lit a fire in her heart. She had been too lenient with Skaikru for too long. Clarke's influence had caused her forgiveness but that ended today. _I'm sorry, Clarke. But I can only be pushed so far._

After she reached the main gate, Lexa climbed up one of the adjacent guard towers. From the way Titus talked she expected a whole army. Instead, once she reached the top she found herself looking down at just four, with a small wagon covered by a canvas behind them Before she spoke, she pressed herself up against one of the lesser exposed areas, not wanting to give an easier target for the Skaikru. "Skaikru! You trespass on our capitol and bring weapons of war. Your ignorance of our ways will not save you this time. Back away now, or die!" _Please, just go_ , she thought to herself. She knew that if she gave the order all of the Skaikru before her would die. More than one of her own would die in the process and not everyone in Polis was a warrior. That was a price she did not want to pay.

Her fears came true when they did not back away. Instead, one of the Skaikru walked forward, a middle-aged woman. The rest of the Skaikru raised their weapons and for an instant Lexa thought a war was about to erupt right before her. Several tense moments passed and no attack came, and Lexa released the breath she didn't realize she was holding. She re-focused on the woman standing in front of the wagon as she spoke.

"My name is Hannah Green," the woman began. "We come to bring a message. We will take no more. Arkadia is _ours_! The attacks on our people will not be tolerated anymore." The woman wrung her hands and even from her elevated position, Lexa could see the veins protruding from her neck. "Our people helped yours get rid of an enemy, and instead you betray us. No more. As reparations for these attacks, we will be expanding Arkadia's territory. There is a farming village not far from our home. In three days we will take it, by force if we have to."

 _Is this woman out of her mind?_ Lexa thought. Everyone had a baffled look on their face as they looked to her. "That will not happen, Hannah," Lexa called back. "I have been understanding of your situation and gifted you the land you have now. If you attack that village, I will not hesitate to wipe out _every single one_ of your people. Remember, you live by _my_ will." Lexa let her voice fill with rage and anger, unable to contain it. She had been taken advantage of too much lately. Skaikru were not part of her Coalition, and knew most of her people were itching to rid themselves of the foreigners.

"That is most unfortunate," Hannah replied, a smile on her face.

Lexa scowled at the arrogance of this woman. Though she did not like many of the Skaikru she had met, this one took the prize for her least favorite. Looking around them, she did not see the messengers she sent to the Skaikru. "Where are Vinam and Tho? I sent them to you to get your message."

"They did what you sent them to do," Hannah replied. The Skaikru then began backing up, leaving the wagon they brought back behind. They kept their guns raised until they were out of sight. Soon, Lexa heard the loud rumbling of their machines and knew they had retreated.

Lexa climbed down the guard tower once she knew it was safe and hopped down to the ground. The main gate began opening and Lexa tapped her foot in impatience while she waited. Once the opening was big enough she skirted through the opening and rushed to the wagon. She threw off the canvas to see Vinam and Tho laying there, dead and riddled with bullet holes. Revolted, she dropped the bit of canvas she held in her hands and turned to one of the gate guards. "Send word. I summon the chiefs of the twelve clans. It is time Skaikru be taught a lesson." _I'm sorry, Clarke._

* * *

Ontari rose from her prayer and made her way over to the only window in the room. The nightblood quarters were not so bad, much better than she had for all of her life. Her heart was pounding as she looked out over the city below. A few hours earlier, she watched the Skaikru arrive outside the gate and knew the signal had been sent. _You've trained your whole life for this_ , she reminded herself. Gently she rubbed the small of her back, fingers gingerly tracing the many scars from the constant whipping her Queen subjected her to.

 _"One day, you will be Heda, Ontari,"_ Nia had told her. _"You must be prepared. You cannot be weak as Heda. Not like Lexa."_

 _I am not weak,_ Ontari had told herself. She had made the most of her time in Polis, learning all she could. Titus had been a big help in teaching her. It honestly took her more effort to hide her skills than to learn new ones from him. She took a quick glance across the rest of the room and the other nightbloods were scattered about, talking and playing with each other. Ontari didn't even know their names. However, she knew the lean, blonde boy was the strongest of the group. The rest of them didn't come close to him.

The whole situation was surreal to her. Ever since that day where she went to her mother, scared that her blood was black, she had been building to what was about to happen. The rigorous training and torture her Queen subjected her to, everything. _Soon, you will be Heda,_ she told herself. Something in her knew that it would all be worth it. It had to be. She couldn't mess this up.

A faint scream from the hallway sent shivers down her spine. _It's time,_ she realized. Her hands trembled slightly as she positioned herself near the back of the room. Another scream rang out and the rest of the room looked towards the door. The room was silent for several tense seconds and Ontari silently pulled out the sword she had stowed away in her bunk. Someone started crashing against the door and a couple of the younger nightbloods screamed out. "Everyone get behind me," Ontari called out, moving to the front of the room. She was relieved when they complied.

The door banged several more times, the wood splintering little by little each time. Finally the door burst open and three men armed with bloodied swords stormed into the room. Ontari stood her ground while the rest of the room backed away from the attackers.

"Are you ready?" one of the attackers asked, looking straight at Ontari.

 _Portray confidence. Show no weakness._ Ontari relaxed her pose and turned to face the rest of the room. This was her destiny, and she was going to take it. She would have to kill two of the men with her, and they both knew it. Even still, they stood by her to finish their mission. She admired that. "Ready," she replied, taking up her fighting stance. The nightbloods all backed together and tried to muster up the best defensive positions they could, but it didn't matter. _This is my Conclave, and I won't fail my Queen._ She gave a nod to the men behind her and she charged forward to her purpose.


	22. Chapter 22

Silence consumed the tower as Lexa strode through the corridors. Four guards flanked her on either side, wielding swords and pole arms. Her own swords were sheathed across her back. Twitches shot through her fingers when she stepped into the elevator. An attack inside the tower had never happened in her people's history. Not only that, but on the nightblood's floor. _Please let them be okay_. The ground beneath her dipped and Lexa steeled herself. Whoever walked those halls that wasn't a guard or nightblood was dead to her. Lexa had been pushed far enough.

The ride down seemed to take an eternity. Each floor they dropped past seemed to move by at a crawl. Lexa clenched her fists together and lowered her head. Now was not the time for her to be impatient. For all she knew, the nightbloods were fighting for their lives below and they needed her at her best. The guards to her side stood solemnly, each gripping their weapons tight. Titus advised her to take more with her, but Lexa declined. Whatever fighting force had made its way into the tower undetected could only be small. _And they will wish they hadn't ever come here when I am done._

At long last, the elevator jolted to a halt. Lexa's guards moved to open the doors and she drew her swords in one, swift motion. Slowly, she stepped out into the long hallway before her. Almost immediately her heart sunk. Blood soaked the floor with the guards that were normally posted there. Their bodies lay limp against the walls, heads slumped to the side. Each of them had their swords by their side, stained with blood. Whose, she could not tell. _Please... no..._ she thought to herself. All of her being prayed for the nightbloods to be okay.

Further down the hall she heard the all too familiar _clang_ of sword fighting and her heart sank. Not bothering with the rest of the rooms in the hall, Lexa ran straight for the nightblood rooms. With each step the fighting only intensified and she broke out into a sprint. Her guards behind her called out for her to slow down, but she disregarded them. Most of those nightbloods in there she had trained since they were knee-high to her. She personally looked at them as her responsibility and loved every single one of them.

Lexa reached the door at the end of the hall and burst through it. Immediately her focus was drawn by a man dressed in cloth covered armor. He fought in the center of the room, battling what Lexa assumed was a nightblood. She didn't hesitate a moment later and lunged forward to attack the man. The assassin noticed her lunge too late and Lexa's sword pierced through his back.

A gargled cry of pain erupted from the man as he fell to his knees. It didn't matter to Lexa. This traitor had brought weapons into Polis, attacked her tower, and threatened her nightbloods. In one swift motion, Lexa withdrew the sword from his back and kicked him to the ground. _Let him bleed_.

Lexa looked back to her guards for a moment, and all were standing at the door, mouths agape. In that moment her heart felt like it had an anchor dragging it downwards. She knew what would be behind her when she turned around. Steeling herself, Lexa spun to look at the rest of the room and her heart shattered. Inky blood lay splattered across the floor and walls. All of the nightbloods lay dead before her, many crowded together in a failed attempt to save each other. _I failed them..._

Lexa's knees buckled and she fell hard to the ground. Any pain she would have felt didn't register at all. The only thing she could focus on were all the dead children before her. Mixed in with the nightbloods were the bodies of the assassins, swords by their side. The children never stood a chance. Weapons were forbidden in the nightblood quarters, though at present she wished that law had never been made. Tears streamed down from her eyes and her hands went limp, her swords slipping out of them to the floor.

Across the room she caught glimpse of Aiden's face and her tears only worsened. From the moment he arrived in Polis she knew that he would have been the next Heda. _And now... he's gone._ Lexa tried to clamp down on her emotions but it was too much, seeing him dead like that. "I failed you all," she cried. Oblivious to anything else in the room, she half-crawled over to Aiden's body and brought his head to her lap. She knew that she was showing vulnerability in front of her guards. She didn't care. Her hands gently swept away the hair on Aiden's face and a few of her tears dropped onto his forehead. "I swear to you," Lexa whispered, drawing him close. "Jus drein, jus daun. Someone will pay dearly for this."

"Heda...?"

Lexa snapped her attention behind her, eyes still watery, to see Ontari still standing there. In her grief and disbelief, Lexa must have forgotten about her standing there. The girl looked exhausted, was barely standing, and loosely held a sword in her hands. _At least one survived,_ Lexa thought, relieved. She gently lowered Aiden's body back down to the ground and rose to her feet. "You were fighting these assassins when I came in," Lexa recalled. "Are you hurt?"

Ontari shook her head from side to side. "I... I did the best I could," the girl cried, lowering her gaze to the floor. "I tried to protect them, but we were unarmed."

"It's okay," Lexa consoled. While she did not like Ontari at all and had her suspicions about the girl, she was the only nightblood left. Regardless of Nia's plans with the girl, their culture required Ontari to be kept safe. "Tell me what happened."

Ontari was quiet for a long time. It didn't surprise Lexa given the circumstances. She figured the girl wasn't any older than thirteen or fourteen. Having to face down a massacre like that would shake anyone, including herself. Lexa opened her mouth to let her know that it was okay, and they could talk about it later, when Ontari spoke.

"It happened so fast," she began. "Everyone was relaxing while waiting until it was time to sleep. We heard some noises outside the door and a couple of screams." Ontari paused and pointed towards the door. "They started banging on the door... and it was so loud."

The nightblood started to cry and Lexa moved closer, though she refrained from offering a comforting hand. There was still a limit to the kindness she could openly show the nightbloods, even at moments like this. "Go on," Lexa encouraged.

Ontari took a couple of steadying breaths before she continued. "They burst through the door and everything seemed like a blur. They just started... attacking." She pointed to the bodies closest to the door. "A couple of them tried to fight right away, but... they didn't... stand a chance. One of the attackers lost his balance during an attack and he lost his sword." Ontari motioned to the sword in her hand. "But it was too late," she sobbed. "They all tried to fight so hard but they were unarmed. I killed the man who fell but it was still two swords against one. The few of us left tried to fight. I don't remember much after that. At some point it just dwindled to me and I..."

Lexa held up her hand to stop Ontari. She had heard brought her some measure of comfort to know that the nightbloods went out fighting. She lowered her head to offer a quick prayer and the sword Ontari held caught her eye. _There's no blood on it_ , she realized. "How did you kill the man you took that sword from?" she asked. Something wasn't right. Lexa remembered seeing the bodies of the assassins. They all had their swords.

"I... stabbed him through the heart, Heda," Ontari replied.

_Liar._ Lexa walked over to her swords, picking them up. While bending over to pick them up, she looked over the room again. All three bodies still had their swords next to them. All of the blades were soaked in blood, except the one Ontari held.

"I'm sorry, Heda."

Lexa knelt down on one knee and started breathing heavily, hands tightening on her swords. She finally understood Nia's plans. This whole time, she had been worried Ontari had been sent to kill her. Looking around the room, it was now clear exactly why Ontari had been brought to Polis. _This is all my fault_ , she realized with horror. It had been her decision to allow Ontari to be around the other nightbloods.

All of the dead nightblood faces stared straight at Lexa. Their cold, dead eyes judging her for failing them. Her grip on her sword hilts tightened until her knuckles were completely white. Nia had finally gone too far, and Lexa had the reason she needed to obliterate her. She hated war and the lives that would be lost, but she had no other choice. _I will no longer stand by and be insulted. Nia is going to die._

"Heda, are you okay?"

Lexa sprang to her feet whirling around and thrusting her sword straight at Ontari's heart. Her attack landed right on target, a gasp escaping from Ontari. The guards in the room stared at her in awe, though she ignored them. Rage filled her bones. "You should have ran while you had the chance, girl," Lexa seethed. Ontari raised her head to lock eyes and Lexa pushed the sword deeper into the girl's chest. "I am going to conquer the Azgeda, and this time I will leave with your Queen's head."

The only expression on Ontari's face was one of pure shock. Lexa had no doubt the girl thought she would get away with her lies. _She almost did. If she hadn't cleaned her sword I wouldn't have known_. Black blood dripped from Ontari's mouth and she watched the girl slowly dying before her. She had no doubt the Commanders of old would be proud of her in this moment. Ontari finally went limp and Lexa kicked her to the ground, sheathing both of her swords after the girl collapsed.

Lexa's guards hadn't moved from their positions, all staring at her. "Ontari was part of the group sent to assassinate the nightbloods," she stated. "They were on orders from Queen Nia. The Azgeda are no longer part of this Coalition, and there will be war." She moved to leave the room, and after a few moments her guards followed. "I am going to the throne room. Send word to the ambassadors. There will be a gathering in one hour." They all stepped back into the elevator and Lexa took one last look down the hallway. _Nia is going to suffer for this_. The doors shut and Lexa closed her eyes, trying to calm the raging storm within her.

* * *

 

Lexa stood at the foot of her throne, watching as the various ambassadors and people filed in. Not a hint of emotion showed on her face. She also donned her usual face paint to hide any evidence she had been crying. Now was a time to send a message and tears would take away from it. Once again, she had to throw on the guise of the Commander and hide her inner turmoil.

The ambassadors all took their respective seats when they entered the room. All were present, but Lexa's eyes never left the Azgeda ambassador. She wondered if he was involved in Nia's plot. Her mind kept traveling to several floors below with Aiden and the rest of the nightbloods. Emotion briefly cracked through her resolve and her hand clenched slightly. That was all she allowed before she clamped back down. The time to be angry would be soon, and she would unleash her fury.

The last of the ambassadors took their seats and Lexa stepped forward. "Ambassadors, I have summoned you here because there has been attacks on the Conclave," Lexa began, staring down the Azgedan ambassador. He looked slightly uncomfortable under her stare, and she took a small pleasure in that. _He will have to wait, for now_ , she thought. "Skaikru today threatened our people. They will try to steal a village from us. That will not happen."

Even though Lexa herself was from Trikru, she could not speak for them. Instead, she had Indra there to speak for their people. "This is a farming village. They have some warriors, but not enough to stand against Skaikru guns."

The Plains Riders ambassador shifted forward in his seat. "What is your command, Heda?"

Lexa motioned to Indra. "Indra will take three hundred warriors to defend the village. I have been generous to Skaikru. No more." Lexa looked each ambassador in the eyes before she continued. "Should Skaikru fight for the village, we will advance on their city. After discussions with Indra, I do not believe all of Skaikru want this war. We will starve them out until they give up their leader."

There was much chattering between the ambassadors. She already knew which ones would object. Blockading the Skaikru would not be popular amongst the more violent clans, though she had a plan for that. After some discussion, all were nodding in agreement with her plan, except the Azgedan ambassador.

"You summoned the armies of the twelve clans to have them sit and do nothing?" The Azgedan ambassador spoke up, rising from his chair. "You did the same at the Mountain. Wanheda stepped up to do what you failed to."

The whole room went silent and all eyes stared at Lexa. The nerve of the Azgeda to question her like that only fed the flames within her. At least she now knew where the ambassador stood in terms of Nia's planning. _Time to throw a wrench in your plans_. Indra made a move to stand from her chair but Lexa raised her hand, staying her. She would remind them all of who conquered them to begin with. "I did summon the army of the twelve clans. They will not be sent home, however. Just before I called you all here, there was an attack in the tower."

The dynamic in the room swayed suddenly, everyone in the room whispering and looking at each other. Attacks in Polis were extremely rare, and unheard of in the tower. "Silence!" Lexa yelled out. Her grip on her emotions was waning and seeing the smug look on the Azgedan ambassador's face only further inflamed her. The room fell silent and she took a few more steps to stand in the middle of the room.

The next part was going to be hard for her to say. She steeled herself as best she could to break the news. "Four assassins, including the newest nightblood girl, Ontari, infiltrated the tower. They murdered several guards and... all... of the nightbloods." The room was so silent Lexa could drop a piece of cloth and it would be the only thing that could be heard. "They are all dead now, the last two by my hand. Before they died, I managed to pry out of them who gave the orders."

The smug look was gone from the Azgedan's face and Lexa could not contain herself any longer. Grabbing a spear from a nearby guard she tossed it as hard as she could at the Azgedan. Her toss connected and plunged through the mans chest, making it halfway before finally coming to a rest. "Queen Nia gave the orders to murder all of the nightbloods!" she roared out.

The room roared to life as everyone sprang from their feet. Most stood, yelling at the dying man. A few took it upon themselves to pick up the Azgedan chair, ambassador still in it, and carry it past Lexa's throne. In one smooth motion, they tossed it out of the window with a yell. _I am coming for you, Nia._ "Azgeda is now an enemy of the Coalition. I call upon the armies of the eleven clans. When they arrive in Polis, we go to war."

The roars from the crowd grew even fiercer and Lexa nodded. She gave Indra a look and then made her way to the exit. Before the events of the next couple of days, there was something she needed to take care of. Perhaps her last chance before going to war, Lexa made for her room and prayed that everything would be okay.

* * *

 

Clarke sat in a chair by the window, enjoying the cool night breeze. Various fires burned throughout the landscape, like small beacons of hope. It was a soothing sight for Clarke to look at. She still wondered what happened earlier in the day when she had been forced to return to the tower. Whenever the guards would come in she would ask them, though they refused to answer. From her room she had seen some commotion happening and could hear yelling throughout the tower, but that was as much as she knew.

She was easing back into her chair when she heard the door to her room opening. Jumping from her seat, she saw Lexa entering her room, alone. The Commander wore a simple black dress with her trademarked war paint on her face. She hadn't seen Lexa dressed like this before, and she was shocked. Lexa looked more like a human and less like a warrior.

It was only after a few seconds that Clarke realized Lexa was carrying a bundle of cloth in her arms. Taking another look at her face, there was also a sadness in Lexa's eyes that Clarke wondered about. Moving from behind her chair, Clarke moved towards Lexa. "What's going on? Is everything okay?" she asked, trying to get answers for questions she had all day.

"No," Lexa answered softly. The Commander tilted her head slightly as she spoke. "Your people brought back the bodies of two messengers. They killed them."

Clarke stood in shock. That must have been why she had been forced back to the tower. If they had come to Polis to do something like that, they were definitely armed. _But why would they do that?_ "That doesn't make any sense," Clarke responded. "My mother would never let them do that."

"It was your leader, Pike," Lexa replied curtly. "He was here. They gave us their bodies and then threatened us with war." Clarke could see the fury in Lexa's eyes as she talked. "Tomorrow they will try to take a village by force. I've sent an army to stop them."

_Why are they doing this?_ She had worked so hard to get a tentative alliance with the Grounders before the Mountain. Everything she had heard from her time in the refugee camp and Polis had told her that the peace had been holding. "And what happens if your army loses?" Clarke forced herself to ask. She already knew the answer.

"I will form a blockade and starve your people out until they give me this Pike," Lexa seethed. Clarke was honestly surprised with the answer. She expected total annihilation. "You have had more influence on me than you know, Clarke. Interacting with you and others from your kind has shown me that not all of you want war. I will give them the chance to avoid that."

Clarke was stunned. She knew what was expected of the Heda in Grounder culture. War would be expected, especially if blood were shed. To avoid that as the first option, Lexa would come under major heat. "I... didn't expect that," Clarke said. She knew right then what she needed to do. "If there's still time, I want to go back. Perhaps I can talk them out of it."

Lexa shook her head. "Indra is already on her way to the village. If you want to return, it will be when she does." Lexa moved to sit on the nearby bed and Clarke followed. "She has been in contact with some of your people, which also helped my decision. I will let you know more when the time comes."

Lexa looked down at the ground and Clarke could tell there was something more going on. "What aren't you telling me? What else happened? I heard shouting through the tower today."

"There was an attack." Lexa's words were so soft that Clarke could barely hear them. "The nightbloods... Nia... sent assassins. They're all dead."

Clarke's jaw dropped. She had watched a few of the training sessions from her tower window. All of them were children, and very important to Grounder culture. Lexa had always seemed at ease when coming back from training them. "I'm so sorry," Clarke said, placing a hand on Lexa's shoulder. She felt relieved she had gotten over most of her anger towards the Heda. Nia's plans had gone too far and she would never have endorsed the murder of children.

"They will be avenged, though, which is why I am here," Lexa said, turning to Clarke. "There will be war. I have thrown the Azgeda out of the Coalition and will march on them when the armies arrive." Lexa's hands shifted to lay on top of the cloth bundle in her lap. "I don't know what will happen to your people throughout this. I can't promise you it won't come to war."

Lexa raised her head and looked Clarke straight in the eyes. "I have hurt you, Clarke. I never wanted that." Lexa unfolded the cloth bundle and gripped onto something underneath. "You earned this before and I think it is time for you to have it back. I cannot swear fealty to you, but I can make your needs my needs. Consider this my promise to you." Lexa pulled out a sword from beneath the cloth and Clarke instantly recognized it.

"My sword..." Clarke muttered. She gently took it into her hands and held it dearly. It instantly felt so familiar in her hand and she didn't realize how much she missed it. "Thank you," she whispered to Lexa, looking back up at her. "I accept. If you betray me again, Lexa-"

"I won't," Lexa cut her off. "You have my word, Clarke kom Skaikru."

Clarke unsheathed the sword slightly to look at the blade. She was surprised by the sharp glimmer coming off of the steel. It looked like it had been reworked, though she didn't have to ask who did it. "I wanted to kill you for so long," she opened up. "I almost did, back at the refugee camp when you came to look for me. I'm glad I didn't." Clarke sheathed her sword and laid it across her lap. The only thing missing now was the other weapon Lexa had of hers. "What about my dagger?" Clarke asked.

Lexa tensed for a moment, clutching at the cloth for a moment. Her gaze never wavered from Clarke's though, and it didn't take long for her to speak. "When you want it," Lexa replied, a tenderness in her voice.

Clarke nodded, understanding what Lexa really meant. _When you want me_. At one point she wanted to be in a place to feel that way. Now, she hoped again to feel that way. "Okay," Clarke replied in an equally soft voice.

Lexa stood and gathered up the cloth on her lap. "I can't stay, but thank you for listening, Clarke."

Clarke gave a small smile and nodded. Lexa turned to walk out the next moment and she watched her until the doors were closed again. All alone, she gripped the sword tight to her body. She had survived so much to this point, and now another war was right on the cusp of happening. For the first time in a while, though, she had hope. She would be ready for when Indra returned. It was time for her to step back into the spotlight. Clarke Griffin didn't need to hide anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for reading, and sorry for the long delay between chapters! A question I have for you all is this: would you be interested in watching me write a chapter live? I was thinking of setting up a Google Doc that you all can view while I write for maybe an hour or so. Would that interest anyone? Message me/drop a comment and if enough people seem interested, I'll set a date. Thanks again for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

Dawn had barely broken when Clarke found herself being whisked away from her room. She had nearly attacked her personal guards when they entered, her groggy brain not processing who they were at first. After a brief moment of explanation, she now headed for the main gates of Polis. Thick, stifling energy filled the air as she walked through the streets. These were no longer the alleys and markets she had walked through days before. No sweet aromas of food being prepared for breakfast filled the air. Stalls remained empty, most of the wares gone save for a few trinkets littering the floor. Tension strangled her all around and she knew immediately what had happened. Her and the rest of the one hundred delinquents sent down to Earth had experienced this before. War has come.

Lexa stood up ahead, surrounded by several of her guards. Even at this distance, Clarke could feel the fire coming from the Commander. Gone were any hints of the vulnerability and calmness Lexa exhibited to her last night. As she got closer, Clarke could tell that Lexa's body was tense and coiled. The Commander paced side to side relentlessly shouting out orders to those around her. She paused for a moment to take a deep breath, then closed the rest of the distance.

"Commander," Clarke greeted politely. Despite whatever closeness she had with Lexa, this was not the time to be informal. Observing the crowd with a closer eye, she found a very irritated looking Indra scowling at the edges. "What happened?" She could already guess that Pike had attacked. It was plastered all over Indra's face. Her only hope was that the damage wasn't severe. _We'd be right back to where we started, before the Mountain Men united us_.

"Pike has taken the village," Lexa responded coolly. Clarke looked around and all eyes were on her, even though the Commander was speaking. _They must hate me right now_. "Before that, another of your people convinced Indra to leave."

Clarke felt a small wave of relief wash over her. _This is good. Nobody has died yet._ The fact that Pike disobeyed the Commander and took the village still remained, but all wasn't lost. "Who was it? My mother?" She couldn't imagine her mother being a supporter of Pike's actions. Her mother had proven before that she would take matters into her own hands when needed, and this smelled of her doing.

Instead of Lexa answering, Indra stepped forward from the crowd. "No," she responded, reaching into a small bag on her side. "It was Kane. He warned us your people were attacking early." Indra pulled a black object out of her bag and Clarke instantly recognized it as a walkie-talkie. "He said to give it to you, or the Commander if she demands."

Clarke looked to Lexa, who simply nodded. She reached out and took the walkie from Indra's outstretched hand. _It's much too far to use it here, but it could come in handy._ "Is that all he said? Why give this to you?" It couldn't have been easy to smuggle something like this out of the camp. When they were in orbit around the Earth, resources were heavily monitored and controlled. Being on the ground in the ruins of their ship most likely doubled the monitoring.

It was Lexa who spoke up this time. "To give us information." Clarke heard grumbling through the idea of working with and trusting Skaikru seemed to be not very well liked by others. "The village was evacuated and none of my soldiers were killed. I _warned_ them of the consequences, and they ignored them. Many here would have me wipe them out to the last man... including you."

Clarke felt the hesitation and unease in saying the last part from Lexa. She knew the Commander was in a rough spot, but knew that the woman was capable of being ruthless. "Please... you don't have to do that!" Clarke begged. She held up the walkie for all of them to see. "There are people inside that do not agree with what Pike is doing. Enough so that they risked being killed to get this to me." Clarke turned to Lexa and fell to her knees. If she had to beg, so be it. Her friends were still in that camp. "Let me go back and help sort this out."

"That is why you are here," Lexa responded. "You are lucky I need to deal with that traitor Nia. Bring me Pike, surrender the village, and all will be forgiven." More grumbles, albeit muffled, came from the crowd around them. Many of them would rather fight. Peaceful solutions were not something they were used to. "You have until I've annihilated Nia. After that... I will come to fulfill my promise."

Clarke rose to her feet, clasping her hands together in thanks. "That won't be necessary," Clarke responded. Once again, Clarke had the opportunity to save her people. She would do it right this time. No more unnecessary deaths. "When can I leave?" Clarke knew she was on a tight schedule. Lexa had conquered all of the clans before. She didn't know how long it would take her to wipe out the Azgeda and wanted to get started as soon as possible.

"Now," Lexa said, motioning to the gate. "I have a horse prepared for you. Come." Lexa turned from the group and started walking to the towering doors.

Clarke followed soon after, though none of the others made any attempt to move. Lexa rose her hand and the doors parted just enough for them to slip through to the other side. A beautiful horse stood waiting at a nearby tree, its mane flowing and dark brown hair finely brushed. The animal honestly looked like it had been grabbed straight from a history book.

Lexa walked up to the horse and patted its side a couple times, running her hand over its muzzle. "This is my personal horse," she explained, turning to Clarke. "He is fast and loyal. He will serve you well."

Clarke stepped forward, delicately reaching out to pet the horse. It was as soft as it looked, her hand gliding over its body. "He is gorgeous," she commented. "I will take good care of him." She turned to face Lexa again and bowed slightly. "Thank you for giving me this chance. You will have Pike after you kill that bitch." It brought some small measure of joy to Clarke knowing that horrible woman would soon meet her demise.

"I don't doubt it," Lexa responded, a soft smile adorning her face. "Bring me Hannah, too. I cannot let disrespect like that go unpunished. Now, let's get you on your way."

Clarke nodded. Hannah made sense too. Many in Polis had seen and talked about the arrogance of the woman to challenge the Commander like that. She had sealed her own fate the second she spoke. "I will try," she answered truthfully.

Lexa untied the horse and held out the reins for Clarke to take. She took the ends of the rope and gripped them tight, looking at Lexa. Memories of their conversation the previous night bubbled up. The reality of what was about to happen hit Clarke. _She is going to war, and could never come back._ Even though it hadn't happened, just the thought of it caused her heart to sink. She knew then and there that her feelings for the slender Commander couldn't be ignored any longer, though she still had a long way to go to open up to them. Clarke closed the distance between them and gently cupped Lexa's left cheek in her hand. Leaning in further, she placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and felt the Commander melt ever so slightly into her hand. "May we meet again," Clarke whispered.

"May we... meet again," Lexa responded, standing still as a rock.

Clarke let her hand linger for a moment longer, then forced herself to drop her hand. Turning, she swiftly hopped up onto the horse and steered it towards the road. With a gentle kick, the horse jumped to a gallop and left the Commander standing still behind her. Clarke felt freedom and power flow through her as the winds rushed past her. She was finally heading to the one place she had avoided for so long: home.

* * *

Night had fallen upon Polis by the time the rest of Lexa's generals arrived. The smaller clans had their armies with them, while the larger ones would have their forces ready by morning. All throughout the day she struggled to keep focus on the war. Her mind kept drifting to Clarke riding away and her farewell. The spot Clarke kissed felt warm for hours afterwards, remembering the the intimacy of it. Questions raced through her mind since then. What did Clarke mean by it? Why at that moment, where they could easily be seen? Was it just some Skaikru farewell she wasn't familiar with? She growled at the lack of answers.

Two sharp knocks on her door snapped her out of her own mind. The generals were finally assembled. Lexa let out a small breath and steeled her face. Clarke's mysteries would have to wait. She had a war that needed planning.

The short walk from her personal room to the throne was long enough for her to slip into the familiar visage of the Commander. Everyone in that room knew why they were summoned. The other clans had all at some point experienced the brutality of the Azgeda. She wouldn't need to provide much motivation to get their war cries going. Internally, she hated what she was forced to do. Nia had given her enough cause to wish the bitch dead multiple times over and she looked forward to driving a blade through her chest. _I just wish so many wouldn't have to die to get that_.

Lexa reached the doors to the throne room and sealed away those thoughts. She had called the war council. No signs of weakness could be showed. Chatter inside the room was already loud enough to hear through the doors when Lexa swung them open. All sound was sucked out of the room the second she stepped in, all the generals raising to their feet. She paused in the middle of the room. Surrounding her throne were twelve wooden chairs, each meant for the generals of the clans. _One too many_ , she thought, brow furrowing.

All eyes followed her as she moved to the one closest to the throne. She hoisted up the chair in one swift motion and carried it with her to the balcony. With a rough grunt, she launched the chair off the edge with as much force as she could muster, taking a moment to watch it plummet to the ground below. _And so it begins_.

Lexa turned heel and walked back into view of the generals, who all stood at their seats. She eased herself onto her throne and motioned the others to sit. "Warriors of the _eleven_ clans, thank you for coming," she began. "You all know why you are here. Azgeda have been cast out as traitors and as such I condemn Nia and all who defend her to die. I trust there are no issues with this?" Her question was answered when none moved to speak. "Good. Then let us talk strategy."

The Shallow Valley general, Timet, was the first to rise up. "Heda," he began respectfully with a bow. "Invading Azgeda territory will not be easy. Many of the clans are not used to the conditions and terrain." The man waved his hand ain an arc towards the other generals. "The cold and snow will be a factor if this turns out to be a long fight."

It was an unfortunate truth. Clans from the warmer climates would struggle in the sometimes harsh Azgedan mountains. Polis had some provisions to counter this, but not enough for their whole army. "Polis will provide furs and rations to as many warriors as we can afford. What do you propose for the rest?" She could provide all the answers, but then having the gathering of generals would be pointless, and her advisors always had valuable input. Timet especially.

"I had anticipated this when you summoned us, Heda," Timet replied. "Shallow Valley brought all the furs and small amounts of food we could spare. My father taught me to never count on anything being short," he said with a smirk on his face. "His words have served me well."

"Your father was a wise man, and your supplies appreciated," Lexa replied, nodding. The extra supplies were a much welcome surprise. She hoped to not need them.

Indra was the next to speak. "Heda, I would advise to only march with the soldiers you have supplies for," she spoke, raising to her feet. Lexa shifted in her chair slightly to face the Trikru general. She greatly respected Indra's words and always made a point to listen intently. "All of us would love to take revenge on the Ice Nation for all they've done to our clans, but that is foolish. Polis will still need to be guarded."

Lexa and the other generals nodded, though she knew each was hoping they wouldn't be the ones left behind. All of them saw the truth in Indra's words, though. "Supplies will be divided as evenly as possible between the clans. The rest will remain here to guard our people and serve as reinforcements."

Rhett, the large, burly general from the Plains Riders was the next to stand. "Now that we've got the boring part out of the way, lets talk about the fight!" _He never changes_ , Lexa thought to herself. The general motioned behind him and two of his guard brought forth a table and map. "Even though Azgeda have a large army, they will be scared dogs hiding in the hills."

"A scared dog is more likely to kill," Indra responded back to him, stepping up to the map. She scanned the page for a few moments before pointing to a ring of mountainous terrain. "They will most likely hide here. It has natural defenses and rough terrain."

Lexa rose to her feet to join Indra at the map. The rest of the generals followed moments later. She remembered back to when she first conquered the Azgeda. They were not ones to run and hide from a fight. "The Azgeda do not abandon their home easily," she replied. "They tend to focus their defenses around their capitol, here," she stated tapping on a location East of the mountains. "We will cut them off from the mountains and crush them until they are at their very doorstep." She paused while the others played the strategies out in their heads and a few long moments later all were in agreement on the plan.

"We move at first light. Any soldiers not ready to march will be left to defend Polis. Dismissed," Lexa commanded. Her generals all bowed, then turned to leave to prepare their armies. Energy started to flow through the halls of her tower. The first major war since the formation of the Coalition was formed, and there would be no last second retreat this time. _Jus drein, jus daun_. Nia and her little pet had drawn first blood, but she would end it, just as she had Ontari.

No sooner than the last general had left, Lexa's mind already drifted back to Clarke. She hoped the blonde made it back to her people safely. The other generals most likely had questions on their mind on what to do with Skaikru. She was thankful they decided to focus on the matter at hand. Clarke held Skaikru's fate at this point. Lexa only hoped the woman she cared for could meet the demands she placed on her. Now weary from all the stress from the day, Lexa headed back towards her room for sleep. She doubted much would come. Tomorrow she would be at war, to finish what she wished she did several years ago. _You will suffer, Nia, just like you made Costia suffer._ She just hoped, like the others, that it would be over with soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry for the long wait between chapters! Life has a way of getting in the way of writing. I promise you that this story will be finished. We are now fully in the action, and I think there will be about 4-5 more chapters of content left before the story is done. Thank you to all of you who continue to support the story. It means a great deal to me! Enjoy!


	24. Chapter 24

The orange hue of the twilight sky reflected off the trees surrounding Clarke as she tugged the reins of her horse. The animal came to a halt happily after several hours of riding. She had taken a couple of stops to not only rest the horse, but herself as well. Each time she dismounted the horse got a little more difficult. Her thighs, unused to the abuse of riding a horse, were chaffed and sore. The familiar sound of roaring water filled the air around her, bringing back a sense of nostalgia for her. The road away from home brought her here. She thought it only fitting that she at least stop there on her return.

Clarke stretched her stiff legs as gingerly as she could. The movement was painful, but also brought a bit of relief after she released the tension. Somewhat relieved, Clarke gripped the reins and walked toward the shoreline. This place reminded her so much of all the pain she endured when she first found it. Only looking at it with healed eyes could she appreciate the beauty before her. Densely packed tree filled the area. Their leaves bristled in the wind, adding to the gentle roar of the waterfall to provide a blissful song of nature. _It truly is wonderful here,_ she admired.

She found a tree close enough to the water and tied the rope to some low hanging branches. The horse happily drank from the river and Clarke joined soon after. Her eyes glanced in the direction of the waterfall. Behind the rushing water had been her temporary home, her safety. Clarke took a glance at the dimming sky and sighed. It would have to house her for one more night still, at least until it was light enough for her to travel again.

Clarke rose from her knees and gently trekked her way over to the waterfall. As she got closer the outlines of the hidden alcove behind it became slightly clearer. She paused for a single moment at the bank of the stream, readying herself for the cold, then plunged in. A small gasp escaped her lips at the bite of the cold water. The feeling only lasted for a second and soon a wave of relief passed over her. The frigidness of the water soothed her aching thighs. Clarke waded over to the edge of the waterfall, holding her hands up to protect her eyes from the plummeting water next to her. She reached her left hand out and felt the edge of the hideout and grasped it tightly. She pulled herself towards the ledge, and once flush up against it, hoisted herself up onto the flat slab above.

Water dripped off of her and fell to the cold, hard surface below. _I was such a fool,_ she thought. Rumbles emerged from her stomach just from the memory of the hunger she experienced while here. Leaving camp on her own hadn't been her smartest move. Her gaze fell to the floor as a sad smile crept onto her face. For the first time she thought of all the others back home and how the had it hard too. Monte and Bellamy had helped her destroy the Mountain Men, yet she left them in the dust out of selfishness. _Bellamy didn't even seem angry when we saw each other._ She knew that there would be much to make up for when she returned.

Clarke gazed through the water falling before her and could barely make out the dying rays of daytime. Going on further wouldn't be the smartest move at the moment. The ride from Polis had also drained her of energy, and even now Clarke felt herself easing into a resting position. She briefly entertained the idea of pulling out the radio in her pack to test it out. It only took a second of contemplation to talk herself out of it. Trying to contact anyone on it was too dangerous. She didn't know the frequencies that were being used. If someone wanted to try and contact her, they would. For now, she needed to get some sleep.

Clarke slung her pack off her shoulders and dropped it to the floor. _Not the comfiest, but it will have to do._ She eased herself gently down and lay her head on the makeshift pillow. As she got comfortable, her eyes fell on a small pile of twigs and ashes that had once been her fire. The spot where the boar had sliced her leg open itched slightly at the thought. She gently rubbed the area and closed her eyes. One last night on her own. Tomorrow, she would finally be home, in whatever state it was in.

* * *

 

The rushing sound of water stirred Clarke awake. Rays of sunshine broke through the various gaps in the falling mists in front of her. Clarke sat up gently, stretching her stiff back. What her hideout provided in safety it lacked in comfort. A few twists from side to side produced some satisfying pops from her joints and she felt some measure of relief. From the small amount of sun she could see, Clarke guessed it was early morning. A slight chill was in the air and Clarke tossed up her hood to keep warm.

Ready to move, Clarke slid off the ledge and into the water below. Instantly any last remnants of sleep were thrust out of her by the rushing cold water. _I'll never get used to that,_ she thought as she made her way towards the embankment. She was relieved to find her horse still tied to the tree, patiently waiting. The animal seemed to perk up a bit at the sight of her. She hoped everyone else would be as happy to see her. A short walk had her at the horse and Clarke ran her fingers over its soft hide. "I'm sorry I had to leave you tied up all night, buddy," she whispered, patting the horse gently. "We'll find you a nice stable when we get back to camp."

It only then hit her that she didn't know what to expect when she returned. When Clarke had left Camp Jaha, Arkadia now, it was still a camp just getting its footing. Who knows what changes her long absence had brought about. Clarke reached for the reigns and started to untie her knot. "Ok, let's be on our way." The horse jumped back when she reached for the ropes and Clarke backed away slowly. "Shhhh, it's okay. I'm just going to untie you. You're okay."

_Crack!_ Branches behind her snapped. _Shit!_ Clarke screamed internally. She reached for her sword until she heard a loud thud to her right. Glancing over, an arrow sat lodged into the tree right next to her. She eased away her hand from the sword hilt, raising both above her head. Careless, too worried about getting home. She had forgotten that she still held the title of Wanheda, and people would want her.

"Do not move," a male voice boomed behind her.

Clarke stood frozen where she stood. Acting rashly would not help her in this situation. She had the best chance to survive if she just played it cool. If the man behind her wanted her dead, he would have done it already. At least, until he found out who she was. Then she would have to act quickly. Leaves rustled and Clarke could hear the man circling around her. She lowered her head slightly, using the hood to mask her face. With any luck she wouldn't be recognized and the man just wanted the horse. Better to walk home than ride on its back, dead.

The man was at her side now, and she could see the tip of his spear. His hands were strong and tightly wrapped around it. She dare not look any more. Every instinct in her body told her to run. After all of that time in hiding and captivity, she did not want it to all end on a chance encounter in the woods. Luckily for her, the Grounder didn't circle around to see her face.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

Even with the hostility in the man's voice, Clarke felt something... familiar. She couldn't place it. Perhaps she had finally gotten used to someone threatening her, sad as it may be. Clarke pursed her lips and dipped her head down further. She honestly didn't know if she should answer. Any Grounder being this close to Mount Weather didn't make sense to her. Not unless they were hunting something. _Or someone._

"Answer me, now," the man seethed. Out of the corner of her eye, Clarke could see the spear raise slightly. "Who are you and why are you here?" He inched a few steps closer and Clarke tensed up even more. "That horse looks like it is from Polis. Fine enough to be one of the Heda's. This is the last time I ask. Who are you?"

Clarke's eyes widened. _That voice..._ She paused for a heartbeat, scared that she might be wrong. _No, it has to be him._ Clarke raised her head and turned to the man before her, confirming her suspicions. "Lincoln," she sighed as she let her hood fall from her head.

Lincoln stood there with his mouth slightly agape. "Clarke... how... what are you doing here?"

She watched Lincoln lower the spear and she stepped forward. Even though she had seen him somewhat recently, it still felt good to see a familiar face. Her arms raised and drew him into a tight hug. "It's so good to see you," she sighed. After a second, she stepped back and looked at the man she had quickly developed history with. "As for what I'm doing here, well, it's a long story," she began. "Lexa is furious. Pike shouldn't have taken that village."

Lincoln's face instantly drop and Clarke knew he understood. "How long do we have?" he asked gingerly, as if already bracing for the answer.

"That's why I'm here," she replied. Just thinking about everything she needed to explain made her head hurt. So much had changed and yet here she was, still trying to save everyone. "Nia sent an assassin, a nightblood named Ontari, into Polis. All of the nightbloods are dead."

"All... of them?" Lincoln's mouth dropped. "B.. how? How did this happen? Why..." Lincoln stopped for a second. Clarke could see the realization come to his eyes as they widened. His hand loosened and the spear he had been grasping fell to the ground. "She means to take over. Take away all the nightbloods before killing Lexa, and tradition would force the only nightblood left to be Heda." Lincoln bent down and snatched up his spear, sending leaves flying with his swift motion. "Slaying children for selfish ambition. I knew Nia was cruel, but this is low. Even for her. Where is the Commander?"

"You know where," Clarke stated. "She summoned all the armies and marched yesterday." She could only wonder how far Lexa had made it since then. Grounders had proven to move extremely fast, but marching an entire army was another deal entirely. "I'm going to guess you know what Pike did at Polis."

"Yes," Lincoln replied. His face weighed heavily and Clarke felt for him. "We've been monitoring Pike for the past few weeks. Where's the radio that Kane gave Indra?"

Clarke reached behind her and pulled it out of her pack. "She gave it to me before she marched with Lexa," she replied, handing it over to Lincoln. "I was going to use it when I got closer to camp. I didn't know who was listening."

Lincoln took the walkie and gave a small smile. "It's good I found you, then. We think something big is about to happen, but haven't been able to pinpoint what exactly. Pike has been more on edge recently."

Clarke couldn't help but agree. Nia's plan was in full motion. Ontari dying had to be a huge dent to the Ice Queen's plans, however she would be a fool to believe that there weren't contingencies. "Who all is working with you? What leads do you have?" Whatever was about to happen, Clarke knew she couldn't let it happen. Nia wasn't playing games and people were going to get hurt.

"We'll talk more when we get back," Lincoln offered. He brought the walkie up to his face and clicked the button. "Hey guys, found some great food. Looks like we'll be eating well today. Bringing it back now."

_"Roger that. See you soon, Lincoln. We're starving."_

"Kane?" Clarke guessed. She figured it would be him since he was the one who gave the walkie out.

Lincoln nodded his head as he clipped the walkie onto his waistband. "He's the one organizing everything. Pike never should have been made leader." He motioned to the horse and started walking. "We should get going. Don't want to hang around in the open for too long."

"Where are we going?" Clarke asked, following Lincoln's lead.

Lincoln smiled. "Pike's been using Mount Weather and getting it back up to shape. He views it as some sort of safe place. Where better to plot against him?" He reached up and untied the horses reins and leapt up onto the animal. Once he got a good position, he reached out his hand for Clarke. "Let's get moving."

Clarke took his hand and almost yelped with how swiftly Lincoln pulled her up. While going back into the Mountain was something she didn't look forward to, it made perfect sense. She wrapped her hands around Lincoln's waist and waited to be reunited with her people once again.

* * *

 

Clarke timidly walked through the halls of the Mountain. The last time she had been here, she was on the run from Grounders and tumbled into a pile of all the innocent lives she had extinguished. The place looked cleaner, but she could still feel the death filling up the air. She needed to be brave in this moment, however, for her people and for Lexa. Beneath all those feelings she felt some excitement. Outside of a brief rescue attempt that had been cut short, Clarke had not seen many of her friends and family for months. She just hoped that they would forgive her for running out on them.

"We're almost there," Lincoln said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Is this your first time being back here?"

Clarke shook her head. "No," she stated. Shivers ran throughout her spine as she recalled feeling the dead bodies all around her. "Before I went to the refugee camp, I was being chased by some Grounders. I escaped through the tunnels and stumbled down into here. The bodies... weren't..." A few tears escaped from her eyes and she quickly wiped them away.

"I understand," Lincoln said, interrupting her. "You don't need to say any more." Besides, we're here." Lincoln stopped outside of a door and knocked a couple of times. A few seconds passed, then Clarke heard a latch unlocking and the door swung open.

Clarke's mouth dropped. Standing before her was her mother. She couldn't muster any words, so she just rushed forward and threw her arms around her mom. Sobs began escaping as she collapsed into the embrace. Droplets of water were hitting her hair and Clarke knew that her mom was crying as well.

Abby was the first to speak. "Clarke..." she muttered, pecking kisses onto her head. "I'm so glad you're safe." A few more kisses were given then her mom cupped her face. "Come here, let me look at you. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's okay, mom," Clarke replied back, holding her hands over her mother's. "I needed to leave. It was something I had to go through on my own." She thought back to everything that had happened since she left and couldn't help but laugh. "I could have used without some of the detours. And I was crazy for a little while. I'm still not sure I'm not crazy, but I feel better."

"You're here now, and that's all that matters to me." Her mom brought her in for another tight hug before she stood up straight. "Come inside. I'm sure the others will be happy to see you."

Clarke nodded, and together they both stepped into the room. Sitting there, waiting, were all of her friends. Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, Monte, and Kane. All of them stood up when she entered the room.

Raven was the first to react. "Clarke!" she exclaimed, shoving her seat out of the way and shimmying over. Raven wrapped her arms around her and squeezed tight. "I've missed you."

"We all have," Bellamy chimed in. All of them were gathered around her now, in one group hug.

Clarke's cheeks blushed a little bit. It all felt so cheesy to her. Still, it _did_ feel nice to be back. She felt happier than she had in weeks. "I've missed you all too," she said as everyone backed up to give her space. "I'm sorry that I left. I just... had some things I needed to work out."

"We're still a bit pissed at you, but we understand," Octavia said, moving to Lincoln's side. "Where'd you find her?"

"Underneath a waterfall not far from here," Lincoln replied as he wrapped an arm around Octavia's shoulders.

"Is that where you were hiding?" Kane asked. "We looked everywhere for you. We couldn't find a trace."

"For a while," Clarke replied. She felt a pang of guilt, knowing that everyone had been out looking for her for a long time. "It's not any of your fault you didn't find me. I didn't want to be found." That whole first day had been terror for her. Getting caught would have been crushing for her. "You almost did find me. On the first day, right when you decided to call off the search."

"In the woods?" her mother replied. "Where? I swore I could feel you close by. I just... Kane was right. If we couldn't have found you soon, we would have been out way past dark."

"I was actually right underneath you," Clarke replied, hanging her head. "There was a small gap in the root system that I fit into. I was so scared you would walk another couple feet and see me." Clarke could see her mother's face drop and her heart sank slightly. "Please, don't beat yourself up. Like I said, I needed to not be found." Her mother paused for a bit, but finally nodded. Clarke knew she would need to talk to her mother more later, but for now she needed to get caught up on everything. "So, what do we have on Pike?"

"Not much," Monte replied. He started walking over to a computer bank and everyone followed him. "There are some radios missing, other than the ones we've taken, that aren't accounted for." Monte pulled up some logs from the system and displayed them on the screen. "He's definitely been in the systems here. Checking the status of the life support systems, floorplan, missile systems, radio communications, and pretty much everything else."

"Wait, he's been accessing the missile system?" Clarke asked. If that was true, it spelled bad news for everyone. The last time one of those had been used, it leveled TonDC and nearly killed several of her friends.

"Yes," Monte said uneasily. "We can't tell for what. All I can say is he's been checking on the system's capabilities."

"I've been working on finding a way to shut it down, but found nothing yet," Raven replied. "I tried to tamper with the guidance systems but I can't say for sure if it did anything."

"Whatever Pike is planning, we need to stop it," Clarke stated firmly. "That is why I'm here. Taking that village was a very stupid move by Pike." Several heads in the room nodded and Octavia kicked a nearby locker. "If Lexa wasn't marching on the Azgeda right now, we would have a war on our hands. I convinced her that Pike does not represent all of our people and we can cast him out." She moved next to Monte to face everyone. "She gave me the chance to put a stop to him. Let me be clear, though. If we do not stop whatever it is that he's planning, Lexa is marching straight here after she's done with Nia."

"Then we'll keep working," Bellamy said. He walked up to Clarke's side and rested his hand on her shoulder. "We're all with you on this. Pike has to go." The rest of the group nodded, voicing similar opinions.

Clarke nodded back to all of them. "How are all of you even gathering here?" she wondered. She had to figure if Pike was on edge, he'd want everyone where he could keep an eye on them. _And away from Mount Weather_ , she thought.

"A few of us volunteered to maintain and clean up the place," Kane chimed in. "Specifically Bellamy and Monte. Pike assigned me to oversee them, seeing as I have history and 'rapport' with them." That drew a few laughs from Bellamy and Monte. "Thankfully Pike isn't an all knowing mastermind. Octavia and Lincoln generally come and go as they please. I think Pike likes not having them in camp. Lucky us."

Clarke couldn't help but shake her head. "What about Raven and my mom?"

"That's the easy one," her mother replied. "This place has some of the best medical equipment I've seen. I'm also a doctor and Raven happens to be my patient. Free visits for us anytime I deem it necessary to have a 'checkup' on Raven's spine."

"Which is fine by the way," Raven mumbled with a smirk.

"At least Pike isn't as cunning as Nia," Clarke remarked. It really was fortunate. With this much freedom, they could really put a dent in Pike's plans. She just hoped it would stay that way. "Whatever is about to happen, it's going to happen soon. Let's get to work and make sure there isn't any more tragedy in our lives." The whole group solemnly nodded and gave Clarke a quick shake before wandering off to do their work. Despite the seriousness of their situation, Clarke couldn't stop smiling. She was finally home, and it felt right. Now all she had to do was keep it safe, hopefully for the last time.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please trust me.

Lexa stood atop a hill looking over the rest of her makeshift camp. They had made great progress the previous night. She pushed them as hard as she dared, eventually letting them catch their breath and rest. Every ounce of her body had wanted to keep going but the others were not as motivated as she was. None of them had seen what Nia's butcher did to those children. This was the second time the ice bitch had taken something she loved. There would not be a third time. With another hard march, they would reach the heart of Azgeda territory by midday.

Behind her, scouts made their way up the hill. She had sent them ahead right before they settled down for camp. It felt like an eternity passed as she waited for them to reach her, tapping her right foot ever so slightly. "What news?" Lexa asked, barely able to keep her voice in a calm level. A small part in her begged that they had found Nia so she could run off and kill her on her own. She could only wish.

"We found.. her army... Heda.." the scout replied in between breaths. Lexa paused shortly to let the man regain his breath. "At least.. part of it. In the mountains."

Excellent. "Where?" She asked, pulling out her map and laying it flat on the ground. She had used the mountains before when she conquered the Azgeda the last time. Using them again would be easy.

The scouts took a second to scan the map over, then the silent one pointed to a smaller section of the mountains. "Here," he said. "We were able to see several camps, mostly up in the mountains." The scout pointed out a few locations on different peaks. "I've seen the Azgedan army before. It looked to be about half of them."

"No doubt waiting somewhere just out of sight," Indra commented, walking up behind Lexa. Lexa stood and gave the woman a nod as she approached. "The easiest path to their damned city is through those mountains. Smart of them to take the high ground."

Lexa knelt back down to study the map. She remembered the lay of the land well. After she received her love's head in a box, Lexa studied every inch of that map. A smile crept onto her face when she saw the geography. "Here," she pointed to a flat part of the mountain. "A natural flatland. If they want to stay high up on their mountains, let them. We'll go straight past them."

"They won't just let us walk to their city undefended, Heda," Indra commented, kneeling down next to her. The warrior general dragged her finger across the mountaintops to a point on the far end of the flatland. "We need to go through that passage. The second they see us they have a clear path to block us."

"You forget one thing, Indra," Lexa commented to her general. "To block us in they will have to come off their precious high ground." She gazed off in the direction they would soon be heading, and felt her blood start to boil. "If we are fast enough, they won't have time to block us. Nia is who I want. I don't want to waste time and warriors fighting a meaningless battle." She looked up at the two scouts who still stood next to her, waiting patiently, and waved them off. They had served her well. She would see them rewarded when she had Nia's head.

"As you say, Heda," Indra replied, shades of doubt coating her voice. "What happens when we are not fast enough?" The woman faced towards Lexa and raised her eyebrows slightly, waiting patiently for the answer she already knew.

Lexa lowered her gaze. Her general knew her well enough. Even through her outrage at Nia's actions, bloodshed was not Lexa's preference. Other Commanders would have no problem cutting through any resistance. She personally was tired of her people killing each other. "I will... do what is necessary, Indra." With a slight sigh she stood up while snatching the map from the ground, crumpling it slightly in her hands.

"Will you?" Indra asked, laying a hand on Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa's nostrils flared slightly and she stared Indra directly in the eyes. From anyone else, she would have issued severe punishment for daring to openly question her in such a manner. From Indra, however, she would tolerate it. The warrior had earned her trust. "They rebel against the Coalition, they know the price," Lexa said, clenching her fist. "They may only be acting on orders, but they will kill us without second thoughts. I need to do the same."

Indra nodded her head and placed her other hand on Lexa's remaining shoulder. "Then I look forward to following you into battle. When do we move out?"

"Now," Lexa replied, lowering her forehead to rest against Indra's. "And let us hope that we are fast enough."

* * *

Clarke stood at the entrance of the medium sized room herself and all her friends and family were working. Each of them doing their own work, but still striving towards the same goal. Stopping whatever plot Pike had going. The sight of them all working together again, as a whole group, brought a smile back to her face. It had been a long time and she had much catching up to do with each of them. She spotted Raven working in a corner and walked over to her. "Hey," she said, taking a seat next to her friend.

"Hey yourself," Raven replied back, setting down the tools she had in her hands and spinning to face Clarke. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail quickly before settling her hands in her lap. "What's up?"

"Just came to check on you," Clarke said. "My mom told me what she did for you. How does it feel?" She had been ecstatic at the news when she heard it. Raven had done so much for the group and sacrificed so much. To learn that she would not be permanently disabled was a huge relief to her.

Raven smiled and rubbed her hip. "Much better than it was," she admitted. "The pain was unbearable at times. Now its more of a minor annoyance." Clarke loved seeing Raven smile. Despite their rocky start, she had grown quite close with the woman. "I heard I'm not the only one with some wicked scars," Raven said, reaching over and patting Clarke's thigh. "Did you really cauterize the wound?"

Clarke's leg jumped at the mere thought of the incident. "Unfortunately," she replied. "I tried to hunt down a boar." She dipped her head in shame, still pissed that she missed out on the meal. "It was an even fight." Part of her hoped that boar made it. It put up one hell of a battle and it deserved to live. "That wasn't even the worst of it, though."

"It must have been rough out there, all alone," Raven commented. Clarke watched her get up and shift her seat so they were facing each other. "Wanna talk about it?"

Clarke stared off to her right, to the monitors behind Raven. It showed the front gate of Mount Weather, where they had fought to get in not too long ago. Rain was pouring down outside. Lightning strikes lit up the camera view every few seconds. Each one made her think of Lexa and her army. She wondered where they were now and if they were safe. Her head shook slightly and she looked down. "I hated her, so much," Clarke spoke. "She betrayed us and left all of you to die. I did what I had to and got everyone out alive, but I payed the price. Bellamy and Monty too. But she was the cause and I blamed her for it."

"Lexa?" Raven replied softly.

Clarke nodded. "At first I just ran," she began, recalling her whole journey. "Away from home, away from all of you, away from _everything_." She still remembered how out of breath she had been when she finally stopped to think. "I reached my limit, and I broke. I couldn't handle it anymore." Her eyes felt watery and she took a few breaths to steady herself. "Every piece of me hated her. That type of rage changes you. I went insane for a while." The memories of her delusion at the drop-ship still haunted her dreams at night and she couldn't fight the shudder that went down her spine.

"You've had to make some incredibly hard choices, Clarke," Raven said, scooting closer and laying a hand over Clarke's. "We all have, but you most of all. All of us just process them differently." Raven shook her head slightly. "You're here now, and that's what matters." Raven reached over and wiped a single tear that had formed on Clarke's cheek. "Do you still hate her?"

Clarke shook her head and let out a small, defeated laugh. "That's the thing, though," she replied. "I never did. I blamed her for everything I had done, because it was easy." She reached behind her and unsheathed Lexa's sword, holding it in her two hands. "I tried to kill her," Clarke admitted. "Not with this, but with the dagger she gave me before we attacked the Mountain Men."

"What happened?" Raven asked, staring down at the sword's blade.

"I couldn't do it," Clarke blurted out, louder than she intended. "That's when I knew."

"That you didn't hate her?"

Clarke shook her head, letting her hands collapse into her lap. "No. That's when I knew I had... still have feelings for her. And it broke me." Clarke looked up to see Raven staring at her in disbelief. "It started before we attacked the Mountain. She... we kissed the day before the attack. I wasn't ready for it, not so soon after Finn, but I _wanted_ to be."

"And then she betrayed you," Raven finished for her. "Jesus, Clarke, its a wonder you're standing here. You're the toughest, or most stubborn, person I know." Raven sent a soft punch to Clarke's shoulder and she laughed.

"Funny," Clarke laughed. "I think the same about you. Whenever I felt like giving up out there, I thought of you and how you would fight, and I kept going."

"Aren't we the sappiest people left on the whole Earth," Raven joked, bowing her head. "So, you and the Commander, huh?" she whispered.

"Not yet," Clarke replied seriously, shaking her head. "I'm still not sure it can work between us. I don't even know if I _want_ it to. But its there and I'll deal with it when the time is right, if she doesn't kill us all for not giving her Pike."

"Right," Raven's smile dropped. "Back to saving everything. Not a dull moment on Earth." Clarke watched her get up and walk over to her desk, grab a medium sized black box, and return back. "Speaking of Pike, I made this handy radio scanner to try and find out his plans."

Clarke took the box into her hands with wonder. "Seriously?!" she exclaimed. "Is there anything you can't do?" She turned the box over in her hands and was amazed that Raven got it working. "What have you found out?"

"Not much, unfortunately," Raven said, reaching out and taking back the scanner. "It's really hit or miss. They have to be on the radio's while we're listening, and we have to be on the right frequency. I'll give him this, Pike is smart and rotates which frequencies he uses." She grabbed a nearby notepad with some notes jotted down on it. "From the small info we've been able to gather, it's mostly just talk about the village and what to do with it. Talks about Polis and someone named Niylah, but that's about it."

Clarke's eyes shot open. _Niylah_. She had completely forgotten about the woman who had helped her so much. Her name being on Pike's radio could mean anything, though most of what she could think of weren't pleasant. "What about her? Is she okay?"

"She mean something to you?" Raven replied, flipping through the pages.

"She helped me out... brought me back from the brink of death," Clarke replied. "I owe her my life." Clarke rubbed the back of her head and dipped it slightly. "I also... slept with her."

Raven raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Instead she kept looking through the pages of her notes. Eventually stopping on a line. "Here," she replied, pointing to a briefly jotted note. "All we've got is they said 'Niylah won't be leaving the castle ever again' and something else I couldn't make out."

Clarke's heart sank slightly. Niylah had risked so much to free Clarke and help her out. Now, she was a prisoner in her own home. Her only hope was that Lexa would free her when she attacked the Azgedan capital. "Thank you," Clarke replied.

Raven nodded and had begun setting the notepad down when a crackling noise filled the room. Everyone stopped and looked over towards Raven. The crackling continued and Clarke watched Raven almost leap for the scanner she had built. "Monte, get over here!" she exclaimed, instantly going to work on the various knobs on the device.

Monte was already at her side before she finished the sentence, grabbing the pad and working with Raven on the scanner.

Clarke stood up and walked up behind them. The crackling became static, and slowly but surely voices started to be made out.

"Almost there," Raven said, carefully and slowly turning a few knobs. After a few clicks, the voices became clear, and it was Pike.

 _"Are you sure these are correct?"_ Pike's voice came through. _"The maps show it in the middle of nowhere. Can we even trust that they know how to give coordinates?"_

 _"That's what they gave us._ " The second voice replied, a woman. Clarke looked around and Monte sat there, frozen, and she knew then who was the other voice. _Hannah,_ Clarke thought. She still hadn't told Monte the full story of why she was there. Asking him to hand over his mother for a death sentence was not something she looked forward to.

 _"So be it,"_ Pike replied. _"They wanna blow each other up, fine by me. Less of them to deal with when this is all over. We're pulling up now. Let them know it'll happen soon."_

 _Blow each other up?_ Clarke thought to herself. The blood drained from her face when she realized, and it seemed like the others arrived at the same conclusion she did. "The missile system..." she muttered in disbelief. "They're going to use it to..." Clarke trailed off as she saw two trucks pull up and a dozen men armed with rifles pile out. "Lexa... We have to stop them!" she exclaimed, already making for the door. Strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her back.

"We can't go out there, Clarke," Bellamy's voice sounded off behind her. "We don't have any guns here. Pike isn't fucking around with things he considers treason. He'll shoot us if he has to."

Clarke struggled against Bellamy's strong grasp, desperately prying at his arms. "Let... go...!" she screamed. "They're going to kill her!" _I can't let this happen._ "Please, you don't understand!"

"Raven made changes to the guidance system. Relax, Clarke," Octavia said, laying a hand on her shoulder.

Clarke stopped struggling and turned around to face Raven. "Will it work?" she asked, tears streaming down her cheeks. If it didn't, she was about to watch another person she cared about be killed. She was met with utter silence from Raven. "Raven!" she yelled, more tears coming out. "Tell me it will work!"

"I... don't know, Clarke," Raven replied honestly. "I'm smart, but I can't figure out a whole missile guidance system from scratch." She walked forward and placed her hands on Clarke's face. "I know what you're feeling right now. That helplessness. Pike's using a system he's never used before, and who knows where he got the coordinates from."

Clarke heard what she was saying, but it still didn't matter. She felt in her gut what was about to happen. Bellamy's grip around her loosened for just a second and she was about to make a dash for the door when she took another look at the monitor. All of the men Pike brought with him were inside. She was too late. Clarke sank to the floor, Lincoln beside her. They both knew they were about to watch the Heda die, and there was absolutely nothing they could do. _Please, not like this_ , Clarke thought. _I love her,_ was the last thought she had before the whole building began to shake around her.

* * *

Lexa stood in the center of the clearing they had planned to enter, her entire army standing behind her. Heavy rain poured down around them, hammering their soaked clothes. Nia's scouts must have been farther out than Lexa anticipated. The entrance they had counted on getting through swiftly was now blocked by the Azgedans. She would have to fight her way through them to get to Nia. _I didn't want this,_ she thought to herself.

Through the rain and cloudy sky, most of the mountains around here were shrouded in shadows. The force before her was quite large and she had no idea of knowing how many flanked her. _So many lives are going to be lost today_ , she lamented. She hated the bloodshed and war that their culture loved to engage in. Only one person, Nia, needed to die to see justice be done in her eyes. However, her people would see that as weakness, and she could not afford that. So here she stood, on the precipice of a battle she never wanted, about to slaughter several people and going against all of her ideals.

Footsteps approached her from behind and she didn't even need to know whom they belonged to. "Indra," Lexa commented.

"The armies are ready," her general replied. "As best we can tell, most of their army is in front of us. Scouts spotted smaller forces at our flanks, but nothing to do serious damage." Indra pulled out a small ribbon and handed it to her. "This was found by one of the scouts. They're using birds to send messages."

"Thank you, Indra," Lexa replied, staring straight at the sea of torches on the other side of the plain. "Is that all?"

Her general shook her head. "Something is not right, Heda," Indra began. "Even accounting for the flanks, the numbers do not add up. Where is the rest of their army?"

Lexa lowered her head. "No doubt waiting until we are tired and weak from fighting those in front of us," she said. "Nia has no regard for her people. She will throw them away to serve whatever purpose she deems worthy." _This is all so pointless,_ Lexa thought, even though it was herself that brought them all here. Her rage was only towards Nia. These people didn't need to die for that, yet here they stood. _Stupid_ , she thought as a few tears escaped her eyes, thankful that the rain covered it up.

"Should I sound the attack, Heda?"

Lexa nodded. "Save those who you can, but show no mercy to those who try to fight until the end," she commanded. "We will regroup wh-"

Lexa was interrupted by a deafening roar coming from behind them. The whole army turned in unison to the direction of the noise. At first they did not see anything, until Lexa cast her gaze upwards. Streaking through the sky was another one of the missiles Skaikru had used to destroy TonDc. Lexa collapsed to her knees and knew right then and there she had failed. Clarke had failed. Nia had played her right into a trap. _I failed them all,_ she thought as her army screamed around her. All she could do was close her eyes and wait for the inevitable to happen. _I'm sorry, Clarke._


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry for the long wait between chapters. I really have no excuses. I've known for a while what is going to happen for the ending. It was only recently that I worked out the how of it, and even more recently where I got past my writers block. We're building up to the finale. All I ask is that you continue to trust me. I reckon there will be two to four more chapters, depending on what my muse decides needs written. Hang in there, we're almost done! Thanks to all of you who have continued to support this story, it means a lot to me. With that, enjoy!

_"Who the hell knows if it hit the right spot or if that Lexi or whoever died. I hope it did, and blew her and that army to hell and back. Less opposition for us. We'll know soon enough, I guess. If anyone back at camp asks, this was a training exercise to see how much control we have over the missile defense system."_

Pike's voice rang through the radio, piercing the silence that filled the room Clark and her friends occupied. Nothing came to Clarke. No sobs, no angry outburst, not even a single flinch from her. She felt her face chill from the air brushing against the trail of tears on her cheeks. It didn't matter to her. In one, single, agonizing moment she had finally figured out what she wanted. She also learned the lesson that it only takes one moment to rip someone apart.

The more she thought on it, the further her heart sank. It didn't matter what Pike said on the radio. She knew that Lexa was dead, and their only chance at having lasting peace with her. Losing Finn had hurt her deeply, but she had time to accept it. There was no saving him. This, however, cut her to the bone. Did her hatred and willingness to kill Lexa contribute to her death? She had told the Grounders to stop calling her Wanheda after she found out what it meant. Perhaps they were right.

"Clarke?" A gentle hand placed itself on her shoulders. She didn't have to turn to see who it was. "Honey, you're shaking," her mom stated, moving around to face her.

Clarke snapped out of her daze and looked down at her trembling hands, white knuckled and digging into her thighs. Slowly, she eased off the tension in her hands. Pike wasn't to blame for this. She knew damned well who gave him the order. After all, it shouldn't have come to a surprise to her. Nia wanted Clarke to be Plan A.

"We should all get back to Arkadia," Abby said, gently giving Clarke's shoulder a squeeze. "My cover for checkups won't last long and I'm sure everyone back home is worried."

Clarke tore from her mother's grasp and rose to her feet. "I am _not_ going back there," she said vehemently. The mere thought made her hands clench and heart rate elevate. No, going back wouldn't bring her any peace. She knew exactly where she needed to go.

"Clarke, we understand," Monte said, easing closer to her. "You're going through a lot right now, and you just got back. You don't need to leave."

Clarke shook her head. She doubted any of them really understood what she went through. What she's _still_ going through. "I can't stay, Monte." Everyone in the room had faced their own trials, but in her eyes nothing came close to what she had dealt with.

"Clarke you just got here," Abby pleaded. "If you leave now, when will I see you again? I spent months worrying whether you were alive or dead. Then we found out you were in Azgeda territory." Her mother moved to stand right in front of her, both hands resting on her shoulders. "People risked their lives to get you back, only for you to be taken somewhere else. You finally get back to us, and want to leave to do god knows what."

"I know what she wants," Lincoln chimed in. Clarke turned her head and could see the understanding in his eyes. He wanted the same thing. _Revenge_. "I'll go with her, keep her safe."

"We both will," Octavia chimed in, walking up next to Lincoln. Clarke couldn't complain. Octavia had become more of a Grounder than any of them. They were her family now. No doubts entered Clarke's mind that she was suffering too.

She nodded to both of them. Anger and grief flowed through her, but even through all of that she knew that allies only made her job easier. If she ever needed to ditch them later, she could. "Thank you, both of you," she whispered softly. She didn't need to ask if they knew what was going to happen when they reached Polis. Their eyes said they were ready to die for this.

"Clarke, please..." Abby pleaded. "You are all I have left in this world. Your father wouldn't want this for you."

The pain in her mother's voice tore at her heart. Almost enough for her to stay. However, while her friends and family scratched at the surface, Lexa's death ripped her to shreds. There was no way she wasn't leaving. "I'm sorry, Mom. I have to do this." Somewhere deep down she felt her mother was wrong as well. Her father would want her to stand up for something she believed and cared about. It's how he died as well. "I love you," she said, cupping her mother's face. "We will meet again." She hoped the gesture would ease her mother's concerns. Keeping that promise, though, was something Clarke wasn't sure she could keep.

"We're holding you to that, Clarke," Bellamy said, standing in the corner. The rest of the group inside nodded in agreement. "We've lost so many people already getting to this point. Don't add your name to that list. Or theirs."

"I'll look out for them," Clarke promised. She knew it would end up being the other way around, but Bellamy needed to hear those words. "Like it or not, we all need to get moving. Keeping our people safe and creating peace is what we need right now. Stop Pike, and I'll handle the Grounders. Maybe then... we'll finally have a chance for a life." Clarke barely tried to keep the despondence in her voice hidden. She was _tired._ Hopefully this would be the last fight she had to do. There wasn't much left in her beyond that.

The others nodded in agreement and gathered up their stuff. Her mother and Monte were the first to leave, and Clarke could feel the disapproval as her mother stormed out. Kane and Bellamy were the next to leave. Bellamy turned right before leaving and mouthed _'may we meet again'_ before rounding the corner out of sight.

Raven was the final one to leave. She walked towards the door gingerly, pausing a moment at the opening, her hand resting on the wall beside it. "Clarke..." she said. "Come back in one piece... or don't come back at all. She may still be out there, or she may still be gone. Just... if you're going to be a repeat of Finn, don't come back." Clarke could hear a small sniffle coming from Raven and knew her friend was crying. "We don't need to see that happen. Not to you." With that, her friend rounded the corner and was gone.

"Understood," Clarke whispered to herself. Octavia and Lincoln stared at her indignantly, like she had just been insulted. In truth, it was the opposite. Raven had given her some small hope, and also let her know it would be okay if she never came back at the same time. _Come back as yourself, or not at all_. She turned to Lincoln and Octavia, suppresing tears she could feel boiling up. "You know what we're doing. Pike may have pulled the trigger, but Nia pointed the gun. I'm still not familiar with your ways, Lincoln, but I know enough that what she did was _not_ okay. I'm going to kill her, with my bare hands if I can. This is your last chance to back out." Lincoln stood solemnly, while Octavia looked like Clarke had personally offended her by offering a way out. "Good, then let's get out of this pit of death and kill that god damned Queen."

* * *

Cold rain soaked through her clothes as Clarke trotted along atop her horse. Lincoln and Octavia were up front leading the way. Judging by the time of day, she knew they would stop soon. Riding through the night would only make her tired and sloppy. No matter how badly she wanted to end Nia, being reckless was not the way to go. To make matters more complicated, she had no idea where exactly Nia would be. Her gut told her she was sitting smugly in her castle, reveling in her victory. Or perhaps that was her heart begging for a direction to go.

Movement up in front of her brought Clarke back to attention. Lincoln and Octavia were dismounting their horses. She strolled up beside them and slid down off of her own horse. The area looked instantly familiar. _Lincoln's cave,_ she thought.

"We stop here for the night," Lincoln said, descending down into the small cave below. Small flickers of light shone through the crevices and Clarke made her way down as well. When she entered the main room, Lincoln was already sitting. "Where are we going, Clarke?" There was a sternness in his voice that was not there before. His expression was blank as he sat awaiting a response.

"To be honest, I'm only guessing here," Clarke admitted. She hadn't thought her plan through that far. All that mattered to her was finding Nia by any means. What came after that was already figured out the instant she heard that missile launched. "Our best bet is to head into Azgeda territory, back to her castle. You were able to sneak in there to rescue me once before. We can do it again to kill her."

"That wasn't easy to do, Clarke," Octavia chimed in, taking her place by Lincoln's side. "It wasn't just an easy stroll through the woods. We killed several guards on the way in, and were nearly caught several times. If the Heda is truly dead, its going to be even harder than before."

"Harper also lost her hand," Lincoln commented. Clarke cringed as she remembered the screams from the girl directly after. Lincoln grabbed a nearby rucksack and pulled out a piece of parchment. He carefully unfolded it, then laid it on the ground. By the crude markings and lines, Clarke could tell it was a map, though none like she had seen before. "If we're going to do this, we must be smart. Nia is out for blood now. We won't make it out if we are caught."

Clarke nodded, kneeling down to look at the map. "Okay, you know the land best. How do we get to her?" The mere thought of crossing Azgeda territory again made her blood boil. If she hadn't been so caught up in her hatred and self loathing, she could have seen all this coming and stopped it.

Lincoln reached out a hand and pointed to a long, jagged line near the top of the map. "That is the border for Azgeda territory. We go there, scout as much as we can, then use that information to not get ourselves killed." The Grounder rose up from his seat and walked over to the far corner of the room and rummaged around the stuff that lay sitting there. After a few moments, he held up a long fur blanket in his hands. "I don't have any mattresses for you, but this should keep you warm tonight. Get some sleep, we have a long journey ahead of us."

Clarke nodded, taking the blanket from Lincoln. The material was surprisingly soft to the touch, almost gliding through her fingers. It was better than any blanket she had ever owned hands down. She stood up and wrapped herself in the furs and sat back down, eyes glued to the map. _I am coming for you, Nia_ , she swore to herself. _By whatever gods you believe in, I will live up to the name your people gave me._ She wondered if Nia even had an inkling that Wanheda would be coming after her. It didn't matter, in the end. When the time came, she would plunge Lexa's sword through Nia's heart, or die trying. Comforted by the smoldering rage built up inside her, waiting to be released, Clarke lowered her head to the stone floor. Sleep came quick and sudden, and before long Clarke passed out, the calm pattering of the rain washing the day away.

* * *

The afternoon sun blazed overhead, beating down on Clarke as she trotted along on her horses. Leaving at the crack of dawn allowed them to get close to Azgeda territory with several hours of daylight left. She could feel her horses exhaustion from the strain. They couldn't be too far now, she figured. Maybe another hour at their current pace. _You'll be able to rest then,_ she thought, rubbing a hand gently on the horses neck.

Clarke noticed a white flash up above her and snapped her focus in that direction. Flying high above them was a white bird rapidly cutting its way through the air. It was a peaceful break from all the crows she had been seeing. "Lincoln, Octavia, you seeing this?" Clarke asked. The bird was almost out of sight, just a faint speck of white in a cloudless sky.

"A messenger bird," Lincoln said, keeping his eyes forward. "Heading to Polis. The Azgeda use them frequently."

"We're close," Octavia said, getting his meaning. Clarke could see the rigidity in Octavia's body. She portrayed the strong warrior, but in reality she was not the seasoned fighter that Lincoln was. He sat atop his horse calm and stoic, eyes always scanning the horizon.

Clarke contemplated making a comment about shooting it down. Whatever messages coming of out this area couldn't be good. She again looked in the direction of the bird, who now was completely out of sight. _Next one_ , Clarke thought to herself. For now, the birds would soar free.

Lincoln all the sudden yanked up on his reigns and nearly dove off of his horse, landing awkwardly on the ground. He sank down into a crouch and guided his horse behind a nearby tree. "Movement," he whispered.

Clarke and Octavia soon followed his lead, dismounting quickly and guiding their horses out of sight. Clarke scanned in the direction Lincoln was facing but nothing showed up. Perhaps he had seen some branches blown by the wind. _No,_ she thought. Lincoln had been trained his whole life to be a warrior and blend in with the wilderness. A simple branch would not send him into alert. "What do you see?" she whispered back.

Octavia reached over and slapped her shoulder. Clarke looked up and saw Octavia holding one finger over her lips, the other pointing to her ear. _Shut up and listen_.

At first, Clarke didn't hear anything besides the rustling of leaves in the wind. Her eyes darted in every direction. Why couldn't she see what the others so clearly could? Both of them were very tense at this point, and she got a trembling in her stomach. A spec of dark grey flashed far away through the trees. Then, she finally saw. An army off in the distance. An _Azgedan_ army by the looks of it. "Fuck," Clarke whispered.

"This is bad, Lincoln," Octavia stated. "If I had to bet, Nia is right there." Octavia pointed her finger straight into the heart of the army marching by. "There's no way that we can get to her. We need to get out of here, before they see us."

"Agreed," Lincoln said, tightening the grip on his horses reigns. From best they could tell at their location, the army was quite massive. Several carts were being pulled by them as well. Most likely supplies for the battle to come. One in particular had several blankets and quilts hanging off the side of it. _These guys are prepared for everything._ It was hard to tell from the distance, but the soldiers' uniforms looked rather ragged and damaged. They all seemed to be covered in black scorch marks and have several rips in them. _Perhaps the missile hit both armies, and they managed to make it out_.

Clarke watched Lincoln look at the army, then at the direction they were marching, and back at the army. Leaves then sprang up as he punched the ground beneath him. "They're marching on Polis," he said with grave realization. "Nia is going to take the Coalition by force." Lincoln began walking backwards, slowly taking his horse with him. "We leave right now. The civilians won't know what is coming."

Clarke followed with Octavia behind her. She attempted to keep as low as possible, but horses walking through the forest could only be hidden so much. Looking at the army passing by in the distance, she couldn't help but feel defeated again. If Lexa and her army were truly dead, she doubted they had enough numbers to stop the Azgeda from taking whatever they wanted. Guns wouldn't matter against sheer numbers.

After they were a safe distance away, Lincoln signaled for them to mount horses. "We can move faster than an army," he said, not wasting time as he began to trot off. "There are some shortcuts we can take. Maybe enough time to get word to Polis of what is coming and prepare some defenses." Clarke could hear the lack of hope in his words. They all knew against that army they would only be buying time for civilians to be evacuated.

"Guys, look," Octavia said, pointing to smoke off in the distance. Red smoke.

"The Heda... is dead," Lincoln said solemnly, bringing his horse to a stop. "The messenger bird. It must have had news of her death on it."

Clarke's heart sank. Some small part of her had held out hope that Lexa would still be alive. Now, she was truly gone. It only angered her further. "I am going to kill that bitch," Clarke said, seething. She didn't care if the other two were listening. Looking off into the distance, the army seemed to have stopped moving momentarily too, even for just a moment. Suddenly, a blaring horn sounded out through the air. _That has to be miles away_ , Clarke thought. "Lincoln, what was that?"

"Polis," he replied. His voice was shaking. The horn sounded off again and Lincoln kicked at the side of his horses heels. The animal bolted and sped off in the direction of the smoke. "Lincoln, wait!" she called out in unison with Octavia, who was hot on his heels. Clarke gave a shake of the reigns and a genle kick and her horse spurred up to speed. The army also seemed to be moving again, though faster than before. It seemed to be a race to Polis.

Eventually she was able to pull up along side of Lincoln. The speed of the horse was bouncing her around slightly, but she ignored it and tensed up her thigh muscles to stay in place. "Lincoln, what is going on?!" she shouted out.

"The attack!" Lincoln exclaimed, not even turning to face her. "Polis is under siege!" Clarke's blood chilled slightly. All of those civilians, merchants, and cooks in the streets. They wouldn't stand a change against an army.

Clarke looked in the direction of Polis. Black smoke now joined the red. Polis was burning. _Others will see it_ , she assured herself. Those that may not have been in the army Lexa took with her to kill Nia. There was a small reserve of warriors still there. Perhaps they could hold on long enough. The three of them wouldn't count for much, but none of them were going to let this go easily. Lexa would have fought to save Polis to the death. She intended to do the same. And so they rode on, praying that Polis' forces could hold out, just for a while longer. Everyone would be a soldier this night.


	27. Chapter 27

Blood splattering in all directions. Clashing steel and wails of pain deafening the air.  _Don't die._ Never attack, only defend. Follow Lincoln.  _Where is he?_  Keep eyes on him. Octavia wouldn't be far either. Two attacks come Clarke's way. Quick roll out of the way and disappear into the mob of warriors. Always be moving. Lincoln's words rang through her head, a repeating mantra.  _Keep moving. We cannot afford to be caught. We need to get within the walls. You stop... you die._ Clear fields appeared before her. Lincoln and Octavia stood several feet in front of her.  _They made it,_ she quickly noted, heading straight for them.

Her arms and legs felt like jelly, but she pushed on. This was war, no time for rest. Her non-sword hand jittered from the adrenaline. More yelling and war cries. The slow and steady  _twang_  from bows firing arrows.  _This is real war_ , Clarke thought, rasping for air as she moved. The main host clashed up against the walls. Spears flew both directions as the Azgeda tried to set up ladders and hooks to scale the barriers. For now, the Grounders in Polis seemed to be holding. Two bodies fell from the battlements. A stray arrow whizzed dangerously close to her head.  _This... this is too much_.

"Clarke!" Lincoln's voice rang out. She snapped to and focused on his voice. Lincoln ran over to her and grabbed her by the shoulder. "We have to go!"

Clarke nodded and willed her feet to run. Stay on the outside. Keep moving. Her feet were heavy as stone.  _Survive_. That is what she had to do. As long as Polis had walls, they would survive. Her chest pounded as they made their way to a treeline on the outskirts, close enough to the walls. Lincoln dropped to a knee and surveyed the field. The ground came up to meet her as she wasted no time collapsing to the ground, gasping for air. She had fought before, but not like this. The song of swords meeting and warriors yelling rang through the air as she caught her breath.

"Hey," a hand reached down and touched her shoulder and Clarke looked up to see Octavia standing above her. "You okay? You look like you're gonna be sick."

"I might be," Clarke said in all honesty. The world teetered in several directions and her stomach felt like a rolling barrel, sloshing everything around inside. So many of the months she had been away were spent staying clear of death and destruction. Yet here she found herself, right in one of the bloodiest acts humans could partake in. "How much further... until... we're at the secret entrance?"  _I can't even talk right_ , she thought.  _Get a hold of yourself_.

Lincoln's hand pointed to a far section of the wall, maybe three hundred yards out. "There," he replied. "There's not much cover, but all the soldiers should be focused at the gate. If we're lucky, there won't be anyone."

"And if we're not?" Clarke asked. The answer was already known to her, she just hoped he had a different one.

"We kill them," Octavia answered. The girl who's entire world and existence was in a small crawlspace was now the bravest of them all. Clarke admired that about her. She just wished that she could steal some of that courage now.

"Let's hope it does not come to that," Lincoln replied. He rose to his feet and crept to the edge of the treeline. Clarke's legs begrudgingly complied. "On my signal, we run."

"What if there's archers?" Clarke asked. The way she saw it, there was no cover between there and the entrance. They also didn't have the luxury of guns, courtesy of Pike. They would be completely exposed.

Lincoln leaned down and stretched out his legs. "Hope they have bad aim," he replied frankly. Not much else could be said, Clarke supposed, but it didn't make the idea any easier. "Get ready," Lincoln warned.

Clarke's heart drummed against her chest. Her left hand shook violently, even when she clenched it into a fist. A quick glance over at the main host of the Azgedan army showed them all focused on the wall.  _We might just make it,_ she thought to herself.

"Now!" Lincoln shouted, bolting off towards the secret entrance. Octavia didn't take long to follow her lover. Now, it was Clarke's turn.

The world narrowed and Clarke rushed out as fast as her weakened legs would take her. Nothing existed outside of what she saw in front. A small opening marring a vast wall. Less than a two minute's sprint away. In war, two minutes was a lifetime.  _Breathe and run_. Air parted way in front of her, a gentle  _whir_  whispering into her ear.  _Breathe and run_. The door appeared much closer now.  _Breathe and run_. The sound of a bird rang out and a black blur rushed down in front of her.  _What the..._  Right in front of her, a crow landed, an arrow protruding through its small frame. Clarke stopped dead in her tracks.  _Oh no..._  She turned to face Polis' walls, just in time to see three arrows fall mere feet short of her.  _They've seen me!_

"Keep running, Clarke!" Lincoln shouted out to her, not even breaking stride.

Clarke had mere seconds to react until another volley of arrows streaked into the sky. Blood rushed from Clarke's face as she clumsily attempted to sprint away. There were so many coming. Each miss landing with a resounding  _thwung,_ taunting her. Each shot closer and closer to its target.  _Breathe and run! BREATHE AND RUN!_  All sense of direction had disappeared. Grass turned into splotches of green, spinning all around her. She no longer saw Octavia and Lincoln.  _I just saw them._ "Lincoln!" she called out, but no answer came. "Octavia!" The arrows were close now. Two feet, then one. Six inches from her face. The door finally came into view. She was going to make it!  _Octavia and Lincoln are there, just a little fur- THWUNG._

The ground rushed up to meet Clarke as she crashed down into the grass and rocks. "Arrgghhh!" She tumbled a few times and heard a deafening  _snap_  below her. The world spun as she tumbled, until her momentum stopped and the clouds came into view.  _I've been hit_ , were her first thoughts. Slowly looking down at her body confirmed it. Her hand shook as she saw a long arrow shaft, partly broken, sticking out of her stomach. Blood already had begun to soak everywhere. Clarke's heart raced as she tried to think of what to do. This was bad, extremely bad. Gut shots were some of the worst injuries. She had picked that up from her mother.

There was no respite given to her, as another volley of arrows streaked into the sky. They were going to hit her, she had no doubt. Her mouth opened to scream, but nothing came out. Just the hollow whispers of a dying girl. As the arrows began their descent, Clarke felt strong hands grab her under her shoulders and start dragging. Mere seconds later, the ground where she lay was peppered with arrows. She felt herself being lifted, and saw the face of her savior. "Lincoln?"

"Keep moving," Lincoln urged, wrapping an arm around Clarke and ushering her to safety.

Clarke could see the door up ahead, Octavia standing at the entrance, waving to them. The last few feet to their destination flew by and soon the three of them were inside, alive and safe. Lincoln set her down gently and went to check on Octavia.

"What happened, Clarke?" Octavia asked, brushing off Lincoln.

"What happened?!" Clarke spat back. She pointed to her bleeding stomach. "I got hit by an arrow. Didn't you see?!"

"Clarke..." Lincoln began, a strange look on his face as he approached her. "What are you talking about? I didn't see anyone shooting arrows."

_Is he serious?_  There wasn't any way that he had missed the arrows coming down. "Look at my stomach!" she exclaimed, groaning in pain. "God, it hurts so much." Neither Octavia nor Lincoln moved an inch to help her. "What are you doing?! Help me! I need to get pressure on this to get it stable!" The two lovers looked at each other, weird expressions on their faces that Clarke couldn't make out.  _What the hell is their problem?_ She didn't have time for this. Blood was now rapidly pouring out of her wound and at this rate she wouldn't be conscious for long. Frantic, and with jittering hands, she started ripping at her pants.  _Need to stabilize the wound_.

"Clarke... stop," Lincoln commanded, kneeling down next to her. His face looked concerned, but there was something off about it. That wasn't the concern of someone dying. It was almost like he was uncertain. She didn't have the time to figure it out.

"Either help me or don't touch me," Clarke snapped back, laying back and pressing the cloth down around the wound. Her stomach curled as a wave of searing pain radiated outwards from the wound. A little vomit caught in the back of her throat and forced her to take a deep breath, hissing in pain when she exhaled. The arrow was going to be a pain to take out, especially with a war going on around them. She opened her eyes and Octavia and Lincoln were just standing over her, staring. Her blood boiled a little bit. While she lay bleeding on the floor, her supposed friends did nothing but watch. "What the  _fuck_  is wrong with you two?!" she screamed. Regret filled her as the yelling aggravated her injury more.

"Clarke... there's no arrow..." Octavia said, gently moving to her side.

_No arrow?!_ No wonder they had been giving her weird looks. The two of them had lost their minds. "I'm pretty damn sure there's an arrow," Clarke hissed, pointing to her stomach. "Cut the shit out and  _ **help me**_!"

"Clarke. There. Is. No. Arrow." Lincoln firmly hissed. "Close your eyes, I will show you."

_He's fucking crazy_ , Clarke realized. The two of them were just going to sit there and let her die from blood loss. She relented, however, and closed her eyes. After this did not work, perhaps they would stop doubting and actually helping. After everything they had been through, they wanted to call her a liar. It just didn't make sense to her.

"Open your eyes now, Clarke." Lincoln's voice was different, calmer.

Clarke did as she was told, and slowly opened her eyes.  _This is all a big waste of time._ Nothing was going to change. All she had to do was look down at her stomach, and the arrow would be there. Her eyes drifted downwards and... "No, that's not possible." She didn't believe her eyes. This had to be some trick. The pain, bleeding, and physical feeling of it... had all been there. Her eyes though told a different store. Where an arrow had been, Lincoln's hand lay instead. No blood, no pain, nothing but smooth skin. "What did you do?!" she screamed. Tears crept their way out of her eyes and she backed up into a wall.

Octavia moved next to her and slid down to a seated position. "You're okay now, Clarke," Octavia whispered, wrapping an arm around Clarke's shoulder. Octavia didn't say anything after that and just sat there, holding her. Clarke's whole body trembled, her breathing sharp and rapid. All Octavia did was sit, listen, and hum gently.

_I'm right back to where I was in the forest,_  she realized.  _The hallucinations are back. The arrow wasn't real_. Clarke's breathing slowed and the tremors subsided. Being spotted, the arrows, getting shot. None of it had been real. She lowered her head into her hands. "I thought I was done with this!" she cried out. Niylah had helped her get over them, or so she thought. It had been so long since a hallucination occurred. Now, it felt like she was back to square one.

"Clarke, it's fine..." Lincoln commented, kneeling in front of her. "I just need to know we can trust you from here on out. We're in a war zone. There is still time for you to slip away unnoticed," he said, looking over his shoulder to where they came from. "I cannot have you risking our lives if this is going to happen again."

Clarke took a couple of breaths and wiped off the tears from her cheeks. Her cheeks felt on fire and a deep, deep pit in her stomach formed. Before, when she had been on her own, the hallucinations only affected herself. She had never endangered anyone with them. Now, though, Lincoln was completely right. "I understand," she stated, regaining some form of composure. "I can't promise it won't happen again, but now I know that they aren't completely gone... I'll deal with it." She wanted... no,  _needed_  to finish this. Lexa's death wouldn't go unpunished, and she intended on being there to bring this all to an end.

"Clarke..." Octavia began.

"I'm fine," Clarke snapped back. She swept the few remaining tears off of her face and sprang up to her feet. "We need to move. I already wasted too much time. I'm with you guys."

Octavia shot an uncertain look towards Lincoln, but he just nodded. "Then let's figure out where we're going to go."

Lincoln started down the tunnel, hugging the wall as he went. "For now, we can join the fight at the wall. The walls are sturdy, and should hold." They came to the end of their hiding place that opened to the main courtyard in Polis. On the far end, she could see the main walls and the fighting happening there. Yells and screams filled the air, with a swift melody of arrows and spears being shot back and forth. Lincoln pointed towards a set of stairs not too far from them, on the closest wall. "There. Bows and arrows should be at the foot of those stairs. Grab what you can carry, hurry!"

The three of them sprinted towards the stairs. The smell of smoke intensified and Clarke could see sections of the walls were starting to be engulfed in flames. If they didn't hurry, she figured those sections wouldn't hold out much longer. Then nothing would be keeping out the main host of the army.

Lincoln was the first to reach the foot of the stairway. Just as he predicted, barrels holding bows and arrows were right next to it. He grabbed weapons and ammo for each of them and they all stormed up the steps, racing to get to the fight. They didn't have long before they found the main battlements. Waves of dead bodies littered the walkways and ground outside the walls. It was only then that Clarke saw the sheer amount of numbers they were up against. What seemed like thousands of soldiers in cover behind makeshift walls and trees.  _Jesus_.

Some Polis guards saw them coming and initially shifted their aim towards them, but they quickly understood what was going on and waved the three of them over. Clarke ducked down behind the ramparts and readied her bow. "How many of you are left?" she asked one of the guards.

"Not enough!" He yelled back, firing off a few arrows into the host below. "We hold until we die."

"What about the other clans? Will they come?" Clarke knew Lexa did not take all of her warriors with her. She was sure each clan kept a reserve ready, in case anything happened. She didn't have time for an answer as an arrow pierced through the heart of the guard she was talking to. Somehow, she didn't think help was coming.

Looking around her, most of the walls were now burning. "This isn't going to hold much longer!" She popped out of her cover and fired a few arrows, down below, ducking when she saw the enemy prepare to return fire. One of her arrows had gotten lucky and struck true.  _One bucket of water scooped out of a sinking ship_.

"We take out as many as we can before the walls fall!" Lincoln yelled, taking down a couple of enemies before ducking back down. Octavia followed her lovers lead. Arrows whizzed over their heads in what seemed like never ending salvos.  _This is never going to end_.

Clarke took shots in the brief moments where her position wasn't being peppered with fire. She couldn't help but watch as ladders were carried up to the edge of the wall and hoisted up. "Lincoln, the ladders!" They couldn't afford to let anyone up the ladders. Once that started, they were basically done for. Clarke positioned herself next to the closest ladder and started firing downwards. A few Azgedan soldiers were already making their way up. The first screamed as her arrow pierced his chest, falling off and knocking down the others that were with him.

More charged for the ladder while other threw up hooks to try and pull sections of the wall down. Clarke reached behind her for some arrows and came up empty.  _Shit!_  Her eyes darted everywhere, looking for some arrows. The guard who died next to her not too long ago had a few and she scrambled over for them. She fit as many as she could hold in her hands and rushed back over to her spot, immediately knocking one to defend herself. She fired off round after round, desperately trying to stop the inevitable from happening. Soon, she found herself out again.

"I'm out!" she shouted towards Lincoln. Looking over towards them, she saw they were in the same situation.

"We are done here!" Lincoln shouted. More hooks landed above the walls, and shouts from below bellowed out. "Follow me, to the Heda's tower!"

Clarke looked over in the direction of the mega structure and figured that would be their best plan. Solid walls, tall, and narrow corridors. As good a place as any to make a final stand. She followed Lincoln as he ran off, and she wondered how much longer she had to live.  _Perhaps I'll be joining Lexa soon_. At least they would meet again, though she would be breaking her promise to her mother.

Others must have overheard the plan and they too abandoned the wall and fled towards the tower. More chants and grunts came from the other side of the wall as the Azgedan army tore at the walls.  _Not much longer,_ she thought. It wasn't long before they reached the base of the tower. Lincoln and Octavia were ushering in the remaining fighters in Polis. She paused right outside the entrance, looking back towards where they just came from, and took in the sights of the city for possibly the last time.

"Clarke, we have to go!" Lincoln shouted, grabbing her by the coat and dragging her in. The last few soldiers trickled their way in after them, and Octavia barred the door behind them.  _That would hold them for a while._

Finally, the inevitable happened. The telltale sound of wood snapping sounded off in the distance, followed by a loud cheer. The walls of Polis had finally fallen. Inside the tower, dejected looks painted the faces of all inside. For them, this type of thing had been unthinkable. First, the Heda being killed, and now Polis falling.  _I could have stopped all of this_.

"We're moving higher up, for a better look," Octavia stated to her. Clarke could tell the fatigue that was on her friend's face. She felt it as well. They were not soldiers, not really. Despite all the training she did, actual combat was much different. Her legs trembled, her lungs hungered for air, and her mind as running a thousand miles a minute. Things were only about to get worse too.

Clarke nodded and followed her up the many flights of stairs. Up and up they climbed, through these endless steps until they were high enough to be out of arrow range. Just mere days ago, she had been here, with Lexa. Now, it seemed to be a lifetime ago. Stepping out on a balcony, they truly saw the predicament they were in. Thousands of soldiers were running, surrounding the building. Looking down at them, they all appeared to be making some type of motion, and chanting.  _They're taunting us_ , she realized.

"How long is that door going to hold against them?" Octavia asked Lincoln, sitting down on the balcony to catch her breath. Clarke did the same, her legs thanking her as she slid down. This moment of reprieve was much needed.

"I don't know," Lincoln replied. "They seem to be in no hurry to attack it."

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked. She just saw that they were completely surrounded. Why wouldn't the Azgedan army attack them? They had the numbers, and everyone was trapped in this tower. Other armies could show up if they waited long enough, so why not attack now? "They have every reason to attack."

Almost as if to answer their questions, a giant, chilling horn sounded in the distance. Long, whaling blows from the instruments pierced far and all stopped moving. Clarke slowly peaked over the side of the balcony, and her heart dropped. "It's the second army..." Clarke muttered. The army they had encountered in the woods on their way here. They finally caught up. "This is really it..." she thought. The rest of the Azgedan army cheered and roared, thrusting their weapons in the sky. This is how the rest of Polis would fall, with them trapped like rats in a tower.

"Look, they're backing off," Lincoln pointed out. Clarke looked again, and he was right. The army was retreating, though not far. "They're waiting for dawn, and their Queen." Looking up, it had gotten much later than she had realized.

"They wouldn't attack in the dark, especially not in these close quarters," Clarke concurred. For the night, at least, they would be safe. However, they would have to watch their killers while they slept, refueled, and readied for another attack.  _I'm sorry, Lexa_ , she silently thought to herself. For now, all they could do is watch and wait.  _May we meet again_.


End file.
